WWF Superstars of Wrestling (January 23, 1988)

 

Original Airdate: January 23, 1988 (taped January 5)

From Huntsville, Alabama; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino, and Jesse Ventura

Randy Savage v Barry Horowitz: Premium jobber for the Macho Man this week, and Barry’s gear looks like something out of Randy’s own closet. Jesse chides Vince for ogling Miss Elizabeth, and suggests that he ‘go get a Playboy.’ Meanwhile, Peggy Sue split screens in to cut a promo on Elizabeth, apparently worried that Liz will try to steal Honky Tonk Man away from her. And she’s not even trying to disguise her voice here. Jesse also chides Sammartino for having a blood feud with Savage not long ago, and now acting as a cheerleader for him, while Ventura was on his side from day one. Macho with the flying elbowdrop at 2:30. DUD

Craig DeGeorge is in the studio for Update, with a look at the Matilda saga. The latest: Matilda has been found and is recovering in the hospital. It must not be too serious, because they don’t even call it a ‘medical center.’ The British Bulldogs are glad that she’s back, but she’s ‘not the same,’ and they’re coming for revenge on Bobby Heenan and the Islanders. Are we sure that no one pulled a Greg Focker with a can of paint, or something? Maybe she isn’t the same dog

Butch Reed and One Man Gang v Rick Hunter and WG Wellington: Jesse suggests that Bruno try some of Slick’s dance moves, and poor Sammartino sounds like he’s legitimately afraid that he’ll have to try. Ventura then switches over to mocking the ‘Get Well Matilda’ card drive, correctly noting that dogs can’t read. If it even is the same dog, anyway. Don Muraco split screens in, noting that he’s not impressed with Reed and Gang. Gang with a gourdbuster at 2:56. Vince gets very upset that Slick wants to dance after the win, which seems like a weird thing to get triggered by for him. DUD

Gene Okerlund catches up with Bam Bam Bigelow, and though Gene has finally mastered the name ‘Royal Rumble,’ Oliver Humperdink has found a new variation: ‘Wrestle Rumble.’ This show is literally the most confusing thing the promotion has ever rolled out. Guys had an easier time with the WWF to WWE switch, and that was in the live TV era!

Ken Patera and Billy Jack Haynes v Iron Mike Sharpe and Joe Mirto: Demolition split screen in here, promising to finish the job on Patera and Haynes. Haynes with the full nelson at 3:04. DUD

Okerlund catches up with Don Muraco, who is still wrapping his mind around the unique rules of a Royal Rumble match. It’s hard to imagine a time when a Royal Rumble was a novel idea

Six-Man Tag Team Match: Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, and Danny Davis v Sam Houston, Rex King, and Van Van Horne: Jesse calls Houston a ‘Texas Q-tip,’ which draws Bruno into trying to defend Sam with actual facts and logic. Sammartino would have been amazing in a rap battle. For many reasons. Sam gets to do a fired up babyface run, but the Foundation clobber him with a cheap shot, and let Davis score the pinfall at 2:47. The Foundation could sleepwalk through a tag team psychology course. ¼*

DeGeorge brings Andre the Giant and Ted DiBiase out, and Hulk Hogan should have taken the money, because now he’s going to end up without the gold or the cash

Jim Duggan v Steve Lombardi: Duggan is super annoying, even in small doses. Jim with the three-point stance at 2:02. DUD

Bad News Brown is coming

Six-Man Tag Team Match: Rick Rude, Harley Race, and Hercules v Lanny Poffo, Scott Casey, and Jerry Allen: Jesse goes for the throat here, noting that if they had a ‘Vince the Body’ Slammy award, it would go to Sam Houston. Oh man, I’m surprised McMahon would even speak to him after that shot. Hercules gets to score the submission here, putting Allen in a torture rack at 2:20. DUD

Okerlund catches up with Harley Race to discuss the Rumble

BUExperience: I really enjoyed things this week. We have a lot cooking, which makes these parades of squashes much easier to watch than when they are aimless.