WWE Judgment Day (May 2003)

From Charlotte, North Carolina; Your Hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, and Tazz

Opening Six-Man Tag Team Match: John Cena and The Full Blooded Italians v Chris Benoit, Rhyno, and Spanky: Spanky dives out onto the opposing team with a somersault plancha right away, and the resulting brawl settles on Cena kicking his ass. Spanky quickly comes back with an enzuigiri, but quickly gets cutoff by the Italians, as I guess we're going right into the heat segment. He manages to escape a triple-team in the heel corner to tag Benoit, and we have a six-way brawl - Spanky taking the Kiss of Death from the Italians at 3:57. This would have been on the short side for TV, let alone PPV. ¼*

La Resistance v Scott Steiner and Test: La Resistance are dressed like The Rock 'n' Roll Express here, which is kinda neat. Rene Dupree starts with Test, and gets destroyed after pissing him off with a slap. Test backdrops him and passes to Steiner, as I get a good look at the ridiculous entrance set. Why put up a big screen, and then cover it over with other pieces of the set design? A cheap shot turns the tide for La Resistance, and they cut the ring in half on Steiner. Given how prone Big Poppa is to getting gassed at this point, I question the wisdom of having him take the heat segment, instead of hanging out on the apron. Not that it matters a whole lot, because this is a pretty short match, but still. Scott manages to overhead suplex Dupree to allow the tag to Test, and he's a house of arson to trigger a four-way brawl. Test and Steiner control, but a miscommunication results in Scott taking the Flapjack at 6:21. There was effort, but the match was a mess, with Steiner looking terrible, and the young guys not experienced enough to work around it. ¼*

WWE Tag Team Title Ladder Match: Team Angle v Eddie Guerrero and Tajiri: The champs take Eddie out in the aisle right away, and double-up on Tajiri in the ring. They head out to grab a ladder, but Tajiri is on them with a plancha. Eddie follows with a dive of his own, but ends up splatting, and the champs get the ladder in. They set it up, but Tajiri handspring elbows into the ladder to knock them off. Neat spot. The challengers use a baseball slide with the ladder to take out Shelton Benjamin, then add one for Charlie Haas - right to the nuts. His sell of that is fantastic. Eddie sandwiches Haas between two ladders to setup a slingshot somersault senton, but it ends up taking as much out of him as it does Charlie. Tajiri is still good though, and he climbs, but Shelton pulls him down. He climbs, but Eddie dropkicks him off, so Benjamin powerslams him onto a ladder. He whips Eddie into a corner mounted ladder next, but Tajiri stops the assault by dropkicking the ladder into Shelton's face. Buzzsaw kicks for both champions, and Haas gets hooked in the Tarantula - saved by a ladder wielding Benjamin. Eddie manages to monkeyflip Benjamin into Haas, then hits Shelton with a Frogsplash off of the ladder! Haas climbs, but Eddie meets him at the top for a slugfest - bringing Charlie down with a sunset bomb! Guerrero is carrying this whole match right now. He climbs, but a battered Benjamin hooks his ankle, so Tajiri shows up with some well timed mist, and we have new champions at 14:17. Not as good as a straight tag match between them would have been, as the flow was really poor, and it didn't really have the insane bumps fans had become accustomed to in tag ladder matches by that point. Awesome work from Guerrero, though, as he was basically carrying the entire match - especially in guiding Haas and Benjamin through their inexperience. * ¾

WWE Intercontinental Title 9-Man Battle Royal: So, just seven months after unifying the belt with the World Heavyweight Title, they decide to bring it back again. Honestly, I'd have been fine with just having two tags and two world titles (one for each brand), and being done with it, since it made the champions feel more prestigious. Once they started adding in all the extra belts, it wasn't long before the titles became devalued to the point where they are today. We've got: Chris Jericho, Val Venis, Lance Storm, Christian, Test, Rob Van Dam, Booker T, and Kane. Things quickly settle into basically a tag match between Goldust/Booker and Jericho/Christian after everyone else goes flying out at slam-bang pace, and we get down to Booker and Christian. Booker tosses him to win, but somehow the referee is down in a fucking battle royal, and Christian sneaks up to steal the victory at 11:43. Whatever. ¼*

Mr. America v Roddy Piper: The idea here is that Hulk Hogan was made to sit out his contract by Vince McMahon, so Hogan returned as the mysterious masked Mr. America to get one over on him. Piper and Sean O'Haire attack as America slides in, and wow, does Piper look out of shape. He looks like someone's deranged grandfather out there. Hogan actually looks positively young in comparison. He almost loses the mask during a ten-punch, so O'Haire runs interference again, and Piper gets America's weight belt. Shots are traded, and Roddy slaps on a poor executed Sleeper. For a move the guy uses as his finish, the execution here is embarrassing. Doesn't matter anyway, we've got a RED WHITE AND BLUE UP!! Fists of Fury! Big Boot! Legdrop! 4:56! If a match is making you long for the glory days of their youthful WCW series, something is very, very wrong. –* ½

World Heavyweight Title Match: Triple H v Kevin Nash: Triple H's pyro is pretty out of control tonight. Nash attacks him in the aisle to start, and pounds him down to ringside for a whip into the steps. Hunter tries running away, but Nash takes him into for some knees in the corner, and a backdrop. HHH runs again (was he late for his Darkwing Duck audition, or something?), but Nash is right on him for more abuse on the floor, then a big boot on the way back in. Bodyslam and a series of elbowdrops follow, so HHH rakes the eyes, and hits a swinging neckbreaker. That leaves both guys down for the count (at five minutes in?), and Nash controls with a corner clothesline as they rise. Mounted punches, so HHH runs away again, and ends up bumping the referee in the process. He kicks Kevin in the balls, but ends up taking a sidewalk slam, and Nash unloads elbowsmashes in the corner. Big boot, and he calls for the Powerbomb, but the crowd is too busy sleeping to notice. He goes for a snake-eyes first, but Hunter shoves him into an exposed buckle to block, and hits a Pedigree for two. Another Pedigree, but Nash backdrops him out of the ring to block, so HHH finds his conveniently placed sledgehammer, and we have a disqualification at 7:49. This was embarrassingly bad, as Triple H's overselling for Nash was ridiculously transparent, and the match was slow and lumbering. DUD

WWE Women's Title Fatal Four-Way Match: Jazz v Trish Stratus v Victoria v Jacqueline: Big brawl to start, with Trish pairing off with Victoria and Jacqueline with Jazz. Jazz and Victoria get knocked out of the ring, and Trish trades headlocks with Jacqueline, until Victoria breaks it up. Jazz tries attacking Jacqueline from behind, but gets powerslammed, but that allows Victoria to sneak in and sidewalk slam Jacqueline. Everyone trades off spots, until Jazz catches Jacqueline with a DDT to retain at 4:49. Zero flow, just kind of a collection of spots until the finish. ¼*

Main Event: WWE Title Stretcher Match: Brock Lesnar v Big Show: The idea here is to put the other guy on a stretcher, and wheel him past a yellow line near the entrance way to win. Show tries attacking with the stretcher at the bell, but it backfires, and Brock knocks him out of the ring with it. Lesnar follows to the outside for a brawl, then back in, Show hits a well executed Chokeslam. He adds a visually impressive legdrop, and puts Brock on the stretcher, but can't wheel him past the line before Brock starts fighting back. They trade more shots with the stretcher on the floor, and Brock chokes him with an electrical cable. Tug-of-war over the stretcher goes Show's way, but he ends up getting knocked off the apron, and crashes down onto the stretcher. Brock then randomly walks out of the match, and goes backstage, as everyone awkwardly stands around. Did he have to take an emergency shit, or something? Because that's how this is coming off, anyway. While Brock drops the kids off at the pool, Rey Mysterio decides to run in (complete with his music, and video), but that doesn't go well for him. Meanwhile, Lesnar returns driving a forklift, and does a pretty cool spot where he dives off the top of it, and into the ring with a clothesline for Show. That got some serious distance. Vertical suplex and an F5 allow Brock to put Show on the forklift, and move him past the line to retain at 15:28. Total punch-kick fest before the cool finish, but one neat bit after twelve minutes of boring crap does not a good main event make. ¼*

BUExperience: Terrible show, with not a single good match, or even a single redeeming quality. Just crap from start to finish.

DUD