WWF WrestleMania 13

If Vince McMahon has nightmares, I bet a lot of them still revolve around booking WrestleMania 13. Between the multiple booking changes, shrinking profits, and stiff competition from WCW (now in the thick of the nWo angle), this became one of the most ill-fated WrestleManias before it even went on the air.

The original booking saw WWF Champion Shawn Michaels facing off with Bret Hart in an anticipated rematch from the year before. However, a month before the show, Shawn forfeited the WWF Title (citing a knee injury – and triggering a series of events that would lead to Bret Hart leaving the WWF in the fall, and then years of real life animosity with Michaels), and WWF quickly scrambled to rebook the card – passing the title to Sid. What they ended up with was one of the dullest WrestleMania cards presented (the promotion and atmosphere comparable to an In Your House show), with very little in the way of intrigue – the only real exception being the epic feud between Hart and Steve Austin – the two set to clash on the undercard.

From Chicago, Illinois; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler.


Free for All: Flash Funk v Billy Gunn: Though Funk has the high ground, Gunn charges down the aisle and in to get things going - but Funk somersaults onto his feet out of a backdrop, and superkicks him. Savate kick and a dropkick put Billy on the outside, but Gunn nails him on the way back in, and hits a side-superplex for two. Into the ropes, but Funk counters with a sloppy 2^nd rope sunset flip, so Gunn starts stomping him. He wastes time playing to the crowd, however, and Funk schoolboys him for two - but can't sway the momentum, and gets hooked in a chinlock. Gunn with a flying legdrop, but Flash rolls out of the way, and FUNKS UP!! - but runs into a Fameasser out of the ropes for two. Criss cross again allows Funk a spinheel kick, and a gorgeous super-sunset flip gets two. Flying moonsault hits the knees, however, and Gunn hits a tornado DDT for the pin at 7:05. House show stuff - just getting the crowd going with some of Funk's flashy offense. *

Opening #1 Contender's Four-Way Elimination Match: The Godwinns v The Headbangers v The New Blackjacks v Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon: Eight-way brawl to start, until they settle on Henry Godwinn and Blackjack Bradshaw to start. Godwinn quickly takes his head off with a clothesline, and tags out to Thrasher - only for him to get caught with a big boot. Pump-handle slam, and Bradshaw passes to Phineas Godwinn - decking him on the way in for good measure. He backdrops Thrasher, then tags Mosh to pit the 'Bangers against each other - though even the Headbangers realize all they have to do is tag since this is elimination, not 'first fall wins.' Not as easy: outwrestling Phil LaFon, and Mosh quickly gets suplexed, and bailed to Blackjack Windham. He gets suplexed too, however, and Furnas gives him a rana for two. It sends up spilling to the floor, and the Blackjacks get disqualified for shoving the referee at 4:45 - and in turn getting Furnas and LaFon counted out in the chaos. Back inside, Phineas hits Thrasher with a hanging vertical suplex for two, as they cut the ring in half with power offense. Thrasher with a simple eye rake to turn the tide, and Mosh nails Henry with a springboard bodypress - Thrasher following up with a flying version of his own. Flying moonsault misses, however, and Phineas is an outhouse of fire! Slop Drop for Mosh triggers a four-way brawl, and Mosh pins Phineas with a flying cannonball at 10:39. No real flow, or psychology, just lots of 'hit a spot, tag, hit a spot' sequences before getting down to the last two teams - which was mostly punch-kick, outside of a few nice spots from the 'Bangers. As for The Headbangers didn't win the titles the next night on RAW, but did end up getting them that fall. ½*

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Rocky Maivia v The Sultan: Rocky was still less than six months into his run, and had already captured the Intercontinental title - triggering a wave of backlash from fans that would eventually lead to his heel turn, and metamorphosis into The Rock later in the year. Opening slugfest goes Rocky's way, and he catches Sultan with a pair of dropkicks to put him on the outside. Maivia follows, but misses a clothesline against the post - bashing his arm in the process. Inside, Sultan goes after it, and hooks a nervehold. Backbreaker, and a flying kneedrop gets two. Belly-to-belly suplex for two, and Sultan works a chinlock. Rocky powers up into a double knockout spot, and he's ROCKING UP!! Fists of Fury! Dropkick! Belly-to-Belly Suplex! DDT! Flying Bodypress! - but Sultan manager Iron Sheik distracts the referee to prevent the count, and Sultan blasts him with a savate kick for two. Piledriver gets two, but Rocky gets a fluke schoolboy to retain at 9:48. Afterwards, the heels attack him with the title belt, until dad Rocky Johnson pops out of the crowd to make the save - a desperate, transparent attempt to manufacture a 'WrestleMania Moment.' Sultan (a repackaged Headshrinker Fatu) was a total non-contender (I didn't buy him at twelve years old, and neither did anyone else watching), and his performance didn't do much to engage the disinterested crowd. ½*

Goldust v Hunter Hearst Helmsley: Goldust goes right after him, cornering him with a ten-punch, and an inverted atomic drop allows him to clothesline HHH to the floor. Helmsley gets tied up in the ropes on the way back in, and Goldust takes the opportunity to fire off a series of closed fists before the referee can free him. Inside, he goes for a backdrop, but HHH counters with a kneelift - only to get powerslammed as he tries to follow-up. To the top, but HHH catches him, and shoves him all the way to the floor as they scuffle on the turnbuckle. Back in, Hunter with a flying clothesline for two, and he stomps a mud hole for good measure. Swinging neckbreaker gets two, and he hooks a rope-assisted abdominal stretch - but gets quickly caught by the referee, and hiptossed. He can't sway the momentum, however, and HHH hits a high knee for two. Snap suplex and a kneedrop get two, followed by a DDT. Criss cross allows Goldust a backslide for two, and a cradle for another two. Bodypress gets two, and they work a criss cross into a double knockout. Hunter up first with a flying axehandle, but Goldust blocks with his ass (like, literally - he uses his bottom to knock HHH out of the air), and a backdrop hits. Hunter Flair Flips his way into a bulldog for two, and it's CurtainCall time - but Hunter's new valet Chyna (in her debut angle) is going after Marlena on the floor to break it up. Of course, the distraction allows HHH to sneak up with a Pedigree for the pin at 14:00. Goldust's character had been drastically toned down by this point, and his work as a face was similar to his style in WCW - while Hunter was still in his 'poor man's Ric Flair' phase. Really slow, dull stuff - though competent. *

WWF Tag Team Title Match: Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith v Vader and Mankind: Owen starts with Vader, and the big man immediately maneuvers him into the corner for a barrage of body shots. Criss cross allows Owen a spinheel kick to take Vader off of his feet - but he gets slammed on a bodypress attempt. He tries a rana, but Vader counters that, too - powerbombing him. Vaderbomb, but Davey Boy knocks him off the ropes to break it up - triggering a four-way brawl. The dust settles on Davey and Mankind, and Smith stomps him in the corner before giving him a hanging vertical suplex. Vader gets one of his own for good measure, and that tuckers Davey out enough for chinlock time - suplexing Vader the wrestling equivalent of warm milk. A cheap shot from Vader allows them to start cutting the ring in half, but Vader gets powerslammed as he tries a 2^nd rope splash, and Owen tags in with a missile dropkick. Flying bodypress gets two, but Vader simply smashes into him as he tries to criss cross. Mankind tags in to terrorize Hart in front of his parents (sitting in the first row), but badly botches Owen's chest-first cross corner bump (following him in with a cross corner clothesline - and getting a bumping Owen flying into his jaw), and Hart belly-to-belly suplexes him on the floor. Enzuigiri allows him to tag Smith for a four-way brawl, which spills to the floor for a double countout at 16:07. Awkward match - lots of hard hitting stuff, but too long, and no real flow, or drama. To my dying day, I will stand by my previous statement that Furnas and LaFon should have gotten a rematch here from their disqualification win over Hart and Smith at the previous pay per view - especially because a heel/heel showdown with Vader and Mankind wasn't exactly more intriguing. * ¼

Submission Match: Bret Hart v Steve Austin: Though Hart had defeated Austin cleanly in their first blowoff at Survivor Series, Austin kept antagonizing Hart (including costing him both the Royal Rumble and the WWF Title) to set up a rematch - Ken Shamrock as the special referee to properly handle these two. Bret marches right in to center ring to stare Austin down, but instead of meeting him, Steve lunges out of the corner with a spear, and they quickly spill to the floor for an epic slugfest - Austin flying into the ringpost. Bret tries to suplex him into the first row, but ends up getting crotched on the guardrail, and Austin clotheslines him into the crowd. They brawl around the arena, and Austin tries a piledriver onto the steps going up the stands - only for Hart to backdrop him onto them. Bret beats him back to ringside, but gets reversed going into the ring steps - crashing them a good three feet with his bump. Austin follows up with a diving clothesline off of the apron, and posts him for good measure. Into the ring, Austin starts stomping his fingers, but gets caught with a swinging neckbreaker out of the ropes, and Hart blasts him with the 2^nd rope elbowdrop to the back of the neck. Bret starts going after the knee, but misses a dive onto it, and Austin pops off a quick Stunner. He can't capitalize, however - hobbling on one leg - and Hart quickly takes advantage of it by sweeping him, and locking the ringpost-figure four. Bret grabs the ring bell and a chair - starting by wrapping the chair around his leg to dive onto - but Austin whacks him with it on the way down, and suplexes him. FU elbowdrop, and a Russian legsweep leave Hart tied up in a bow-and-arrow - but Bret won't quit. Boston crab has Bret reaching for the ropes, so Austin tries the Sharpshooter - only to get his eyes raked to break it up. Blind charge sends Hart flying through the ropes to the floor, but he reverses an Irish whip - Austin crashing into the timekeeper's table. Shot into the rail busts Austin open - and it's a doozie, quickly staining the floor mats. Bret capitalizes by ramming him into both the steps and post, then back inside viciously stomps the gushing gash. Backbreaker sets up the 2^nd rope elbowdrop, and he goes back to the knee - Austin now weakened enough for Bret to beat with the chair. Sharpshooter, but Austin returns the favor with an eye rake of his own, and blows him low to slow the Hitman down. Chest first corner bump leaves Hart on his back, but Austin doesn't give him a breath before pulling him up, and stomping a mud hole. Superplex, and he tries to choke Bret out with some electrical cable, but Hart reaches for the ring bell, and bops him with it to break it up. The dazed Austin can't counter the Sharpshooter this time, and Bret has him screaming on the mat. Austin tries to power out (giving us the iconic image of blood streaming down his face as he does), and nearly manages to reverse - but Bret just won't let off. Refusing to quit, Austin keeps fighting the hold, but eventually passes out from the pain and blood loss - Hart leaving him face down in a pool of his own blood at 22:03. Afterwards, Bret isn't satisfied - going after the unconscious Austin's leg until Ken Shamrock breaks it up - throwing him across the ring, and running Bret out of the ring. Austin, meanwhile, struggles to his feet on his own - taking out any official who tries to help - and stumbles to the locker room a bloody mess, the crowd now chanting his name. Fantastic, game-changing, era-defining match - not only for the match itself (which is great) - but for perfectly executing a difficult double-turn. Fans had already started cheering Austin for months, and this was exactly what they needed to justify their cheers - flawlessly delivered here. Brilliant finish, with Austin refusing to quit until he passes out - the perfect way to build sympathy (Hart's brilliant, filmmaker mind coming up with it – drawing on the famous scene in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest where Jack Nicholson's McMurphy strains in failure to lift that giant sink out of the showers, but builds sympathy because of his determination, as opposed to his success of failure) - with Hart's post match attack putting the exclamation point on it. What's great about this match is that these two already had a classic at Survivor Series, and managed to follow it up with a completely different, original match - no small feat. It was also different than most submission matches in that neither man really tried many submission holds - both intent on beating the other into submission - which made for an intense bout. Hard work, great execution, and good psychology from both, it’s one of the most influential matches in WWE history, it set the template for many Attitude Era brawls to come, and turned Austin into the biggest star in the promotion - a anti-hero jaded fans got behind. As a kid, I didn't like any of this - I took Bret's side from day one - in total agreement that Austin was a degenerate, and the fans stupid for cheering him. **** ½

Chicago Street Fight: The Nation of Domination v Ahmed Johnson and The Legion of Doom: Ahmed - in the midst of his endless feud with Faarooq and the Nation - recruited the returning LOD to stand shoulder to shoulder with him in a street fight. Faarooq shoots first by stupidly trying to attack all three on his own, and not surprisingly, gets cleared out of the ring in short order. Hawk and Ahmed brawl up the aisle with Savio Vega and Crush - Faarooq getting beat by Animal with a trashcan at ringside. Everyone trades weapon shots in and out of the ring, until the LOD take the Nation out with fire extinguishers, and kill Crush with the Doomsday Device at 10:45. Basic ECW-style brawl that literally brought everything and the kitchen sink (in a nice touch) - but no amount of insanity was going to follow the intensity of the previous match. ½*

Main Event: No Disqualification WWF Title Match: Sid v The Undertaker: This was less a feud or an angle than the WWF announcing Undertaker as number one contender, and whomever happened to have the title at WrestleMania would face him. Bret Hart comes down during the obligatory staredown to insult everybody (including Shawn Michaels on guest commentary – coming off of a recently injured smile), but Sid gets sick of him, and gives him a powerbomb. Underway, Undertaker jumps Sid, and a bodyslam gets two. Because it wouldn’t be the first two minutes of a 90s Undertaker match without it - the ropewalk forearm follows. Blind charge misses, however, and Sid grabs a bearhug way, way, way too early into the bout. It goes on for a long while, too. ‘Taker finally breaks it, and they go to the floor, where Sid drops him on the rail a couple of times. Slam on (but not through) the Spanish announce table, and into the post for good measure. So much of this feels like I could just copy-and-paste from the Diesel match the year before – which is both good, and bad. Back inside, Sid hooks a camel clutch, because, why not? Sid with a sloppy looking powerslam for a series of two counts (a spot I love), and he the leaping legdrop for another series of twos. Choke, choke, choke – but with a Sid variation – BITING! ‘Taker comes back with the jumping clothesline, but misses his leaping elbowdrop, and Sid grabs a chinlock, because, again, why not? It’s just the WrestleMania main event, don’t go out of your way, or anything. It gets so dull, there’s a guy in the front row literally falling asleep! ‘Taker comes back with a gorgeous powerslam for two, and applies a nervehold he must have learned from his classic series with Yokozuna in 1994. Double big boot spot, as I again wonder if I can just copy-and-paste a bunch of this from WrestleMania XII. Maybe ‘Taker will try a backdrop next? Sid actually makes it up first, and hammers away with a flying axehandle. 2^nd rope flying clothesline (in the loosest sense of the word, as it barely connected) gets two, and a slam. Sid goes all the way up, but ‘Taker crotches him on the ropes, and slams him off. ‘Taker with a flying clothesline for two, and he looks to finish with the Tombstone, but Sid reverses for two. Bret Hart runs in again, and nails Sid with a chair during a slugfest - allowing ‘Taker a chokeslam for two. Criss cross, but ‘Taker misses the jumping clothesline, and Sid goes for the powerbomb - but here’s Bret Hart yet again, and that’s enough for Undertaker to Tombstone his way to the WWF Title at 23:54. A few nice spots, certainly, but far too long, badly booked, and worst of all: made new champion Undertaker look horribly weak, as he needed Bret Hart to win the title. This was all supposed to lead to Hart/Sid at In Your House the next month, but Sid flaked, and it never happened.  ½*

BUExperience: Not surprisingly, this show bombed, drawing what is still the worst WrestleMania buyrate ever, and doing even smaller numbers than the more commercially successful SummerSlam in August – generally considered only the WWF’s second biggest show of the year. Not at all worthy of the WrestleMania name, it still easily ranks as one of the worst editions – saved from total irrelevance only by the brilliant Hart/Austin match, and its ramifications.

The WWF was morphing into what would become the hugely successful, adult-oriented Attitude Era – the iconic image of Austin trying to counter the Sharpshooter with blood gushing down his face becoming its emblem – but this was still the awkward, developmental stage; ‘13’ the most appropriate of numbers, as the WWF was growing up, and becoming a foul-mouthed, angry young man. *