WWF Judgment Day (May 2001)

From Sacramento, California; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Paul Heyman

Opening Match: William Regal v Rikishi: Rikishi hammers away to setup a quick Stinkface, but Regal blows him low to block - hopefully not as retaliation for anything Rikishi blew his way. Regal takes over with some European uppercuts, but he takes too long showboating and runs into... Rikishi's ass, basically. Into the corner for the Stinkface, and Regal's reaction is priceless - as is the crowds. Hopefully nothing got in the hair. He's somehow busted open from it, too. Superkick, but an avalanche misses, and Regal snaps off a neckbreaker for the pin at 3:57. Short and to the point - as it should have been, since it was a one note match. ¼*

Olympic Gold Medal 2/3 Falls Match: Kurt Angle v Chris Benoit: First fall is pinfalls only, second is submissions only, and if it goes to a third, it's a Ladder Match. Kurt attacks before the bell, and snaps off the three-alarm rolling German suplexes within the first minute. He figures that's enough to allow him to try a high risk maneuver, but a flying headbutt misses, and Benoit responds in kind with his own version of the Olympic Slam for the pin at 1:05. Benoit immediately goes for the kill with the Crossface, but Kurt's in the ropes, and he bails. Chris is on his tail with some chops, and bounces his head off the ringpost for shits and giggles, but then ends up shitting his pants when Angle retaliates by crotching him on said post in vicious fashion. Inside, Angle goes for the Anklelock, but Benoit's in the ropes. Try try again, but Chris reverses, and as Angle escapes, Benoit shifts into the Crossface, but Kurt is in the ropes. He snap and belly-to-belly suplexes Benoit, but a second belly-to-belly is countered into the Crossface - Kurt scrambling for the ropes before Chris can get it locked on. Chris nearly takes his head off with a clothesline, but Kurt shoots at the leg, so Chris grabs the ropes. Weird bit as Kurt tries a rollup, and Benoit promptly punishes him with a snap suplex, and he slaps on an elevated Boston crab in a nice bit of foreshadowing for later in the show. Kurt quickly escapes, so Chris slaps on a figure four, but Kurt fights for the ropes to break. Chris keeps after the leg with a kneebreaker and a legwhip, but he can't slap on a submission without Angle grabbing the ropes. Frustrated, Benoit tries decking him, but Kurt takes advantage of the frustration, and backdrops him over the top. Inside, Angle with the Olympic Slam, and the Anklelock ties the score at 13:25. They go out to the floor immediately as the referee hangs the medals overhead, and Kurt reaches under the ring to grab a ladder (when the official one is standing only feet away), but it's a tiny ladder, and he can't reach the medals. Weird bit there - no clue what that was about, and it was really out of character. Benoit pushes him over regardless, and grabs the appropriate ladder, but Kurt knocks him off. He tries charging Benoit with the ladder, but ends up getting backdropped over the top as he does, and Chris follows to beat him with it. He climbs, but Kurt blows him low to stop the effort, and props the ladder up in the corner - only to get reversed into it. Benoit snaps off a German suplex, but ends up getting reversed into the ladder, and Kurt overhead suplexes him onto it. Kurt with a spear into the corner, but Benoit manages to slap on the Crossface. Kurt taps, but it's meaningless. Chris keeps wrenching it on to try and pass him out, but out run Edge and Christian - attacking Benoit and allowing Angle to climb at 23:58. Another good match in their series, but it fell apart a bit during the second fall, and never really clicked the way their earlier matches did. Still, these two together are like The Beatles - even the lesser stuff is still good. *** ¼

WWF Hardcore Title Triple Threat Match: Rhyno v Big Show v Test: The Hardcore Title was still a thing? And a quick check shows the belt actually lasted until the end of the next summer. Really? You'd think that, with all the WCW Titles, they'd have scrapped it way before then. Not to mention that the concept had become stale ages before. Usual Hardcore match, as they brawl into the crowd and backstage for a bit. Into the ring, Rhyno Gores Show to retain at 9:13. DUD

WWF Women's Title Match: Chyna v Lita: Chyna throws her around with ease, but a press-slam is countered into a sunset flip for two. Chyna fires back with a small package for two (possibly a hint?), and kicks the crap out of Lita like she's a jobber. Lita knocks Chyna out of her top with a flying clothesline, and those things just won't stay down - popping out at will for the rest of the match. Thankfully, they blur it on the Network, because God knows we don't need to see Chyna naked again. Boobichka with a neckbreaker and a powerslam, then a press-slam for two when she breaks her own count. No wonder everyone was making Ultimate Warrior comparisons around this time. Lita tries a cross armbreaker, but looks ridiculous doing it due to the size difference, and Chyna counters into a headscissors. Lita tries a rana to stop the Powerbomb, but Chyna just casually does it anyway to retain at 6:31. This is actually Chyna's final appearance, as she was told to go out and job to Lita, but refused, so they took her off TV right after this, and she would officially leave the promotion a few months later. DUD

WWF Intercontinental Title Chain Match: Triple H v Kane: A Chain Match, really? HHH attacks right away, and goes after Kane's heavily bandaged arm. Out to the floor, HHH abuses him with a chair, but loses a slugfest on the way back in, and Kane whips him with the chain. Low blow stops that effort, and Hunter comes off the top with a chain-assisted flying axehandle for two, then out to the floor for more chain-assisted arm work. Pretty boring stuff, too, but at least we get some nice closeups of Stephanie to keep us into things. Hunter grabs the chair again, but gets it kicked into his face, and he's busted open! Kane goes ballistic on him with the chain, and back in, he tries choking the champ out with it. Kane goes up, but HHH uses the chain to pull him down, and they spill out of the ring, and do a brief bit in the crowd. I should note that this is really slow and boring thus far. Back in, HHH counters a backdrop with a kneeling facebuster, but the Pedigree is stopped with a chain shot to the balls. Well, that'll certainly do it. Flying chain shot sets up the chokeslam, so Steve Austin runs in. Kane quickly dispatches of him, so he comes back with a chair - only to accidentally hit HHH for Kane to pin at 12:28. Had some token psychology that never really went anywhere, and was really slow, plodding, and boring. DUD

Tag Team Turmoil Match: The Acolytes v Dean Malenko and Saturn: Brawl right away, and Faarooq gets double-teamed, but quickly puts Saturn down with a spinebuster at 1:32. Moving right along. DUD

Tag Team Turmoil Match: The Acolytes v The Dudley Boyz: Why do I suddenly feel like opening a box of Oreos? The Boyz actually (stupidly) try to make a full entrance instead of just running down, and get their asses kicked for it. Faarooq powerslams D-Von for two, but Bradshaw walks into a sidewalk slam from Bubba for two, but comes back with a blockbuster on D-Von. Big boot gets two to trigger a four-way brawl, and Faarooq takes the Wassup Drop in the chaos, but Hardcore and Crash Holly run-in, and Bubba takes the Clothesline from Hell at 4:56. Not really a match. ¼*

Tag Team Turmoil Match: The Acolytes v X-Factor: X-Pac takes it right to Faarooq with a spinkick, but a corner whip gets reversed, and Faarooq powerslams him for two. Tag to Bradshaw for a vertical suplex and a side suplex for two, but he telegraphs a backdrop, and X-Pac tags. Justin Credible gets destroyed, however, so Albert fires off a cheapshot. Bradshaw promptly ignores it and powerslams Credible anyway, then passes to Faarooq to finish. Slams happen, but Albert interferes again, and X-Pac pins Bradshaw at 3:43. Had a lot more flow than the Dudley's match, but four minutes isn't a whole lot of time for a competitive tag team match. ¼*

Tag Team Turmoil Match: X-Factor v The Hardy Boyz: The Boyz whip them into each other right away, and go to work on Justin with tandem stuff, but X-Pac pulls down the top rope to send Jeff crashing out of the ring, and Albert posts him out there, then press-slams him back in. Bronco buster, but Jeff dropkicks both guys to dodge a double-team, and tags. Matt is a house of arson to trigger the four-way brawl, but Albert breaks up the finish, and as Jeff dives out of the ring to deal with him, Justin superkicks Matt for X-Pac to pin at 3:13. This would have really benefitted from a few more minutes. ¼*

Tag Team Turmoil Match: X-Factor v Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit: Benoit is Jericho's mystery partner, though I have to question the wisdom of choosing the guy who's already wrestled a half hour earlier. They still destroy X-Factor with ease (yeah, but, it's X-FACTOR, so...), but Albert rears his ugly head again, and they cut the ring in half on Benoit. See, that's why I hate these stupid Tag Team Turmoil things. This could have been a decent match, but because of the ridiculous time constraints, they just go straight into a half-assed heat segment, and it no matter what they do, it just feels underwhelming. Bronco buster misses to allow the tag to Jericho, and he hits a quick missile dropkick for two. X-Factor cheat to take control again, but Benoit cuts off a spike piledriver, and Jericho uses a slingshot to knock X-Pac from the top rope to the floor. Albert runs in, but they get rid of him in short order, and slap on simultaneous Crossfaces and Walls to finish at 5:15. ¾*

Tag Team Turmoil #1 Contenders Match: Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit v Edge & Christian: E&C charge in for a brawl, and Jericho drops Edge on his head with a brainbuster. Christian helps him turn things around by assisting through a stungun, and they cut the ring in half on Jericho. Again, these stupid immediate heat segments are just killing this for me. Nice sequence as Edge misses a dropkick to allow Jericho to try the lionsault, but Edge lifts the knees. The spots weren't outrageous there, but the execution and fluidness was outstanding. Tag to Benoit anyway, and he nearly kills Christian with a snap suplex, then German suplexes him for two. Edge saves to setup a superplex, but Jericho breaks that up, and they drop Christian with an electric chair/missile dropkick combo for two. E&C desperately try the Conchairto to save things, but the Chris' are ready with stereo baseball slides. They try their own Conchairto, but Christian ducks, and schoolboys Benoit for two. E&C go for it again, but this time Benoit counters by slapping the Crossface on Christian for the submission at 7:10. This would have probably been four stars given fifteen minutes (and minus the Turmoil bullshit), but as is, it's just a decent, TV level tag match. *

Main Event: WWF Title No Holds Barred Match: Steve Austin v The Undertaker: Brawl in the aisle to start, then around ringside. Sorry, not going to do play-by-play for this brawl shit like it's 1998. Especially when it goes on for a really long fucking time like this one is. Austin manages to work the knee out there, and inside, he goes to work. Leglock, but Undertaker escapes, and we're back on the floor - where 'Taker chokeslams him through the announce table. More brawling around ringside. More brawling in the ring. Austin tries a sleeper, but gets side suplexed, so he whacks 'Taker with a chair instead. 'Taker gives him the finger, so Steve Stuns him... for two. Steve decides to punish him with the chair, but 'Taker chokeslams him, and goes ballistic with the chair. Man, they just kept trotting that stupid spot out at every pay per view in 2001, didn't they? And with diminishing results each time, I'd add. That draws Triple H out, but he gets clobbered with the chair as well. Vince McMahon runs in, but 'Taker kills him, and it's Last Ride for Austin, but HHH whacks 'Taker with his sledgehammer, and Stone Cold retains at 23:06. Outside of a few exceptions, I hate these brawl filled main events as a rule, and this was certainly not an exception. DUD

BUExperience: The only good match is Angle/Benoit, and it’s one of the lesser of their long series. The only other thing notable is Chyna’s last appearance, but who gives a shit about Chyna anyway?

DUD