WWE Armageddon (December 2003)

From Orlando, Florida; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler

Opening Match: Booker T v Mark Henry: Booker controls a slugfest at the bell, but gets caught with a lariat, and Henry bodyslams him. Clothesline sends Booker over the top, where Henry whips him into the steps. Booker manages a baseball slide and a plancha to turn the tide, and a missile dropkick on the way back in is worth two. Teddy Long runs a distraction to allow Henry a cheapshot, and he hits a forward-backbreaker for two, then ties Booker up on the mat in a modified surfboard. He nearly kills poor Booker with a straddling ropechoke that gets two, and the resting continues with a chinlock. Booker escapes, but Mark is DETERMINED to rest, and hugs him like a bear. Booker escapes again, so Henry clotheslines him down, but misses a legdrop. Booker comes back with a savate kick, but the axekick is only worth two. Henry spinebusters him for two (weird kickout there, as Booker kicks out, but Mark doesn't budge at all, as if he wasn't expecting a kickout), and an avalanche follows. Sloppy legdrop gets two, and an even sloppier powerbomb is worth two. This is getting ugly, but luckily it's over, because Mark misses another avalanche, and Booker hits another axekick for the pin at 9:22. Decent when they were moving in the early going, but once it got into the heat segment all Henry had in his bag of tricks was resthold after resthold, before the match completely fell apart at the end. ½*

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Rob Van Dam v Randy Orton: Mick Foley acts as the special guest referee for this. Randy tries taking a cheapshot as Rob does the thumb point taunt, but gets swept off of his feet, and bails. Back in, Orton tries a headlock, but the resulting reversal sequence ends in a stalemate. Criss cross goes Rob's way with a spinkick, and he plants a dropkick in Randy's gut to setup a flying bodypress for two. Another spinkick puts Randy on the outside, and Rob follows with a somersault plancha. Van Dam with a slingshot legdrop on the way back in for two, but an attempt at a springboard backfires when Randy shoves him off the top, and RVD goes crashing out into the rail. Randy adds a standing dropkick out there, which gets two on the way back in. Rob does some goofy selling on a ropechoke that makes him look like he's trying to hail a cab while ripping a nasty fart more than anything else, and tries a bodypress to comeback, but Orton quickly cuts him off with a lariat, and arrogantly covers him for two. Snapmare sets up a seated dropkick for two, and he slaps on a chinlock. Rob escapes, and schoolboys him for two, then adds a slingshot moonsault for two. Orton cuts him off with an overhead backbreaker into a neckbreaker for two (neat spot, though the execution was awkward), and then back to the chinlock. Slugfest as Rob escapes, and Van Dam pops off a spinkick, then follows with a monkeyflip out of the corner. Springboard sidekick follows, and a well executed northern lights suplex is worth two. Randy bails, but Rob is right on him with a forward suplex across the rail to setup a helicopter legdrop off the apron - only to get caught with a nasty spike DDT on the way back in for two. Kneedrop misses, and Rob capitalizes with a cradle for two, and adds a seated dropkick to setup a sloppy rolling thunder. Ric Flair interferes to allow Randy a crucifix cradle for two, but Rob cuts off the comeback with another spinkick to setup the Five Star Frogsplash - only for Randy to dropkick him off, and hit the RKO for the belt at 17:59. Foley was a complete non-factor here. While Orton was still kind of green, and became a better overall wrestler later on, he hasn't shown this kind of fire in forever, and looked hungry out there. That's a good look for him. **

Inter-gender Tag Team Match: Chris Jericho and Christian v Trish Stratus and Lita: Here's one you'd never see today. And not just 'cause three quarters of them are basically retired. Jericho starts with Trish, and he tries to sweet talk her, but she slaps the taste out of her mouth, so he paints her back porch red. Trish keeps coming with a headscissors takedown and a pair of dropkicks, so Chris tags out, and Christian shoves little Trish hard into her corner, then demands she tag out to Lita. A brief chase ends in Lita hammering him in the corner, and she monkeyflips him, then adds a headscissors takedown for two. Cheapshot from Jericho puts her down, however, and Christian quickly capitalizes with a bodyslam as they cut the ring in half. Lita blows Christian low to get the tag back to Trish, and she's a house of arson. Four-way brawl breaks out, and Christian schoolgirls Trish for the pin at 6:38. Objectively not terrible, but the girls really couldn't keep up with the guys here (particularly Lita), so both Jericho and Christian had to dumb down their stuff significantly here. Also, frankly, watching two guys take turns beating on a woman for an extended period of time during the heat segment is awkward and uncomfortable. ¾*

Shawn Michaels v Batista: Batista powers him into the corner off of the initial lockup, but Shawn sticks and moves. Shawn leads a chase on the floor, but Ric Flair knows that routine all too well, and stops Batista from getting suckered. Back in, Batista muscles him into the corner again, and this time manages to keep him there for some abuse. Shawn tries speeding things up again, but a criss cross ends in Batista taking his head off with a clothesline for two, and he adds a hanging vertical suplex for two. Side superplex, but Shawn elbows him down to block, and 'hits' a moonsault press for two. That's a weird spot for Shawn, as when he hits it, it's gorgeous, but when he mistimes it (which he tends to do quite often), it looks horribly phony. Diving double-ax, but Batista is up from it first, and levels him with a lariat, then tosses HBK to the outside. Batista follows for a whip into the steps, which gets two on the way back in. Backbreaker is worth two, and a second backbreaker is held into a backbreaker submission. Shawn escapes, and actually manages to win a slugfest, leading to another diving double-ax. Inverted atomic drop and a single-arm DDT setup a flying elbowdrop, but Batista counters the Superkick with a spinebuster. He adds another for good measure, but Shawn counters the Batista Bomb into the Superkick for the pin at 12:21. Nothing special, but fine stuff in the classic David and Goliath style. * ¾

Matt Hardy v Maven: Oh wait, no, as Hardy attacks Maven on the floor before the bout, and he runs into a still fuming Batista, and gets destroyed with a Batista Bomb, so no match. Well, no one's ever went broke by not promoting Maven matches, I guess

Tag Team Turmoil Match: La Resistance v The Hurricane and Rosey: Rene Dupree starts with Rosey, and gets destroyed. Tag to Hurricane, and Rosey spinebusters him to setup a 2^nd rope legdrop from Hurricane, but Hurricane quickly runs into a double-team, and the French takeover. That's another thing I hate about these stupid Turmoil matches, as out have to be out and done so quickly, that trying to work the standard tag formula comes off horribly. Like, seriously, a heat segment after thirty seconds? Not to mention that the whole 'segment' lasts all of a minute before Hurricane gets the tag back to Rosey, and he destroys everyone - finishing Robert Conway at 3:16 before anyone even breaks a sweat. ¼*

Tag Team Turmoil Match: The Hurricane and Rosey v Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade: Jindrak and Cade sneak in from the crowd, and schoolboy Hurricane for an immediate pin at 0:18. DUD

Tag Team Turmoil Match: Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade v Val Venis and Lance Storm: Jindrak starts with Venis, as I stop to ponder how the hell Venis has managed to keep this porn star gimmick going this far removed from the Attitude Era. You'd think the shelf life for that gimmick would have been a year or two tops, but here he is over five years later. Though, it doesn't really work without the stringy, wet hair. Cade and Storm work a nice wrestling sequence on the mat, but Lance walks into a cheapshot, and Jindrak grounds him with a bow-and-arrow. Tag to Venis triggers a four-way brawl, and Val gets caught in a double-team during a suplex attempt, and pinned at 3:40. This looked like it probably could have been decent if given some time, actually. *

Tag Team Turmoil Match: Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade v The Dudley Boyz: The Dudley's are the World Tag Team Champions here, but they're only on the line in the final Turmoil round. Slugfest to start, and the Boyz double up on Cade until the dust settles on Cade and Bubba Dudley. Bubba hammers him in a tree of woe, but D-Von Dudley allows the tag to Jindrak, and they cut the ring in half on him. Cade misses a flying elbowdrop to allow the tag back to Bubba, and he's a house of arson. Four-way brawl, and the Death Drop finishes Jindrak at 4:12. Yawn. ¼*

World Tag Team Title Tag Team Turmoil Match: The Dudley Boyz v Scott Steiner and Test: Didn't these two just spend the bulk of the year in an endless feud? Scott's so cool that he starts the match wearing a pair of shades, and Bubba is so blinded by his awesomeness that they immediately go to the (slow, dull) heat segment. Not surprisingly, putting Test and Steiner together didn't make them any more watchable than apart. At least when they were feuding, we'd get to see Stacy Keibler bouncing around. Test goes for a superplex, but gets shoved down and hit with a 2^nd rope senton splash, and D-Von gets the tag. Four-way brawl, and Test accidentally plants a big boot on Scott, and takes a Bubba Bomb at 5:00. The match sucked, they sucked - it all sucked. Okay, but at least it's over. Oh, but here's Eric Bischoff, and he decides that now Batista and Ric Flair are in the match, so one more round. ¼*

World Tag Team Title Tag Team Turmoil Match: The Dudley Boyz v Batista and Ric Flair: If you can't see what's coming here, why are you reading this, you're clearly not a wrestling fan. Brawl to start, with the fresh Evolution easily controlling. Figure Four for Bubba, Batista Bomb for D-Von, new champions at 0:45. Thankfully, it's over. What a show stopping train wreck this whole thing was. DUD

WWE Women's Title Match: Molly Holly v Ivory: Ivory kicks her down to start, and a dropkick sets up a schoolgirl for two. Flying bodypress gets two, and Ivory sends her over the top with a slingshot. She follows with a somersault bodyblock off the apron, but takes a baseball slide from the champion while trying to bring it back in. Inside, Molly hits a northern lights suplex for two, and grounds her challenger with an overhead wristlock. Snap suplex gets two, and a handspring elbow is worth two. Frustrated, Molly pulls off a turnbuckle pad, but gets reversed going into it, and rolled up for two - only for Molly to reverse the cradle to retain at 4:24. This was a total throwaway nothing match on the December show, but was still better than anything the main roster Divas have done this year. * ¼

Main Event: World Heavyweight Title Triple Threat Match: Goldberg v Triple H v Kane: Kane goes after Goldberg to start, and HHH is glad to lend an assist. And I guess it worked, because over eleven years later, they're still teaming up to fuck over the babyfaces. Most marriages don't even last that long! Goldberg fights back, and dumps HHH to the outside, but Kane cross corner clotheslines him for two before he can go after Hunter on the floor. Vertical suplex, but Goldberg counters into a neckbreaker, so HHH runs back in - only to get slammed. He slams Kane off the top, and press-powerslams HHH, but Kane manages to block the spear with a big boot, and he chokes the champ. HHH and Kane tandem suplex Goldberg, and Kane adds a running powerslam to give HHH two. They keep working him over, but Kane ends up accidentally knocking HHH out of the ring, and gets whacked with a chair for it. I guess it was a rocky partnership at the start. Goldberg grabs the chair and takes a page out of another bald world champion's book, but Kane saves Hunter. Reunited, and it feeeeelss soooo gooood! To the outside, Kane chokeslams Goldberg onto a stubborn table, so HHH finishes the job with an elbowdrop off the rail - giving us the hilarious visual of HHH using some random confused fans head for balance along the way. The look on the guys face is just priceless. Kane and HHH have another spat, however, and Kane hits him with a big boot. Why people break up, oh, turn around and make up, I just can't see, you'd never do that to me (would you baby)? Kane chokeslams him, but walks into a spear from Goldberg before he can finish him off. That gets two when Hunter saves, and they engage in a three-way slugfest - Goldberg controlling. He takes both challengers down with a double jumping clothesline, and Kane eats a spear. One for HHH, but here comes Evolution. Goldberg's seen that trick before, however, and takes them out. Bring a cattle prod next time, assholes! Another spear for HHH, but Kane's back, and he gets into a goofy Star Wars chokedown with Goldberg. Kane wins with a chokeslam, but Evolution pull him out, and Hunter covers to win the title back at 19:30. I liked the booking with Goldberg essentially working a Handicap Match for a while, but it overstayed its welcome, and turned into a finish right out of late 90s WCW. *

BUExperience: Honestly, this show was fine for the most part, but Tag Team Turmoil was a twenty minute plus show stopping train wreck of a booking clusterfuck, and ruined any goodwill I had going – especially since the rest was decent, but completely unspectacular anyway.

DUD