WWE Battleground (July 2015)

Original Airdate: July 19, 2015

From St. Louis, Missouri; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, and Jerry Lawler

Opening Match: Randy Orton v Sheamus: I'm not sure I've ever reviewed an Orton/Sheamus match before, but these two are so cookie cutter and predictable that I feel like I've already seen them wrestle a dozen times. Sheamus takes him down with an armbar, but gets knocked to the floor with a shoulderblock, and whipped into the rail out there. Sheamus tries to run, but Orton is on him with a clothesline, and they trade uppercuts on the way back in - controlled by Randy. Sheamus looks blown up. I'd also like to note that a super sweaty pale white guy with a spiked ginger mohawk is a really unnerving visual. Chinlock time, but for the first time in known human history, Randy Orton doesn't want to play, and they slug it out on their knees instead. Brogue Kick is countered into a powerslam for two. Elevated DDT, but Sheamus blocks, and delivers a rolling fireman's carry slam to setup a front-powerslam for two. Brogue Kick, but Orton counters to the RKO, so Sheamus counters into a cloverleaf, but Randy blocks, so Sheamus delivers White Noise instead. Good sequence there, but Sheamus is left sucking wind again - veins dramatically jutting out of the side of his head. It's called cardio, pal. Look into it. Sheamus goes up, but gets brought down with a superplex for two, and Randy adds the elevated DDT to setup the RKO, but Sheamus schoolboys him for two, then finally blasts him with the Brogue Kick. Cloverleaf, but Orton's in the ropes. Sheamus scoops him up to finish the job, but gets dropped with an RKO out of nowhere for the pin at 16:50. This was fine, but did it really warrant seventeen minutes? * ¼

WWE Tag Team Title Match: The Prime Time Players v The New Day: Darren Young starts with Kofi Kingston, and they take a page out of the RVD/Lynn book through a reversal. Young takes control with a swinging neckbreaker and a nice northern lights suplex for two, then passes over to Titus O'Neil for a tandem shoulderblock. O'Neil tries a slam, but Kofi slips free, so Titus punishes him with some chops - as Xavier Woods begs him to stop. Kingston is finally able to escape, and he tags out to Big E. He tries to overpower O'Neil, but ends up taking a bodyslam and a legdrop. Tag to Young, and O'Neil forward-suplexes him onto Big E, but Darren gets reversed into the corner, and goes flying out to the floor. New Day abuse him out there, and inside Kingston gets a two count out of it, as the challengers begin cutting the ring in half. Young manages an enzuigiri to allow him to tag out, and O'Neil is a house of fire, but he runs into a cheap shot from Woods, and Kingston DDTs him for two. Four-way brawl breaks out from there, and O'Neil is able to put Big E away with the Clash of the Titus to retain at 8:49. Paint by numbers, but they were using the right colors. * ¼

Roman Reigns v Bray Wyatt: They do a long stalemate over the initial lockup, and trade power stuff for a bit as we get going. That comes off awkwardly, as Wyatt shouldn't be matching Reigns for power. Roman eventually gets the best of it, and uses a punch to put Wyatt on the outside, but gets jabbed as he tries following, and Bray unloads on him inside. We're only a few minutes into this, and already this match isn't working and is falling apart. Bray doesn't help matters by plodding along with punch-kick stuff, but walks into a short-clothesline from Reigns, followed by a mistimed Samoan drop. Wyatt bails, but again Reigns following proves to be a mistake - this time Roman knocking himself out on the steps off of a missed spear. Back in, more punchy-kicky from Wyatt, and he delivers a DDT onto the apron, but Reigns beats the count back in. Bray is ready with a snap suplex to setup a senton splash for two - perhaps the first combination of moves that weren't of the 'punch' or 'kick' variety thus far in the match. Chinlock time goes on for entirely too long until Reigns finally escapes with a side suplex, and he starts throwing clotheslines and slams. Drive-By, but Wyatt blocks, and delivers another senton out on the floor. Back in, it gets two. Superplex is blocked by Reigns via a headbutt, and he delivers a sitout powerbomb for two. Superman Punch gets blocked with a pair of elbows, and they spill to the outside yet again, where Reigns is able to catch him with the Drive-By. This match is starting to remind me of that Triple H/Rock 2/3 falls match from 1998, where they had no idea how to fill the half hour allotted to them, and just kept brawling on the floor to kill time. Inside, Bray hits a uranage for two, but Reigns counters Sister Abigail with a schoolboy for two, then follows with the Superman Punch for two. Spear, but Wyatt blocks with a big boot for two, and busts out the crab-walk, but Reigns blocks Abigail with a series of headbutts and clotheslines. Samoan drop, but Luke Harper shows up with a cheap shot, and Abigail finishes Roman at 22:25. Wow, well that sucked. There was a shit-ton wrong with this match, most glaringly the length - stretching out a ten minute match to twenty two dull minutes. And, unlike in most cases, this one was dull right from the onset, was dull through the middle, and had a bad ending (for the length booked) to boot. I mean, if it's a ten minute match, fine whatever, but if you're forcing your audience to get invested in over twenty minutes that ending is utter bullshit. ½*

Triple Threat Match: Brie Bella v Sasha Banks v Charlotte: Looking at Charlotte, I have the same 'problem' with her as I do with Hogan's daughter, in that she's attractive, but every time I look at her I see her father. Both gals immediately gang up on Charlotte, but turn on each other within seconds. Sasha takes control and works both over, but makes the mistake of mocking Charlotte's strut, and gets cradled for two. She manages to whip Charlotte into the corner and drop a double-knee for two, when Brie breaks up the pin. That leads to a slugfest between the two, with Charlotte breaking it up with a double-clothesline and neckbreakers all around. Big boot gets two on Sasha, but Brie is back to double-bulldog both - getting a two count off both. She unloads kicks, but Charlotte spears her down - only to get victory cradled by Banks for two. Sasha with a neckbreaker of her own for two, and here's Brie with a missile dropkick onto both. That leads to a dog pile sequence on the floor (an unfortunate term, to be sure) between all three girls and their entourages - which Charlotte gets the best of. Back in, Charlotte gets caught in the Bank Statement, but Brie saves, and posts Sasha to get her out of way. She tries to finish off Charlotte with a sitout facebuster, but gets countered with a powerbomb into the Figure Eight at 11:30. Give Brie credit, she's totally outclassed by the other two girls, but worked hard, and kept up. Fun match too, in a spotty sort of way. *

WWE United States Title Match: John Cena v Kevin Owens: They do some power-stalemate stuff in the early going, until Owens wins a criss cross with a Greco-Roman fist to the face. He shows John that there's a bunch more where that came from, then punctuates it with a dropkick. Pair of cross corner whips setup an spin-out fireman's carry neckbreaker for two, but Cena catches him with a jumping shoulderblock during another criss cross, so Owens cuts off the comeback with a slam to setup a senton splash for two. John holds him off with a dropkick, and manages to follow-up with a swinging facebuster for two. Flying rocker dropper is worth two, but the FU is countered into a DDT for two. The frequency of the replays here is becoming borderline ridiculous, but at least they're replaying good stuff, so I can't complain too much. Cena throws more shoulderblocks to setup the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Kevin bails, and tries a swanton bomb, but Cena lifts his knees to block. FU, but Owens slips free, and mocks Cena's comeback sequence to setup his own Shuffle. FU, but Cena counters with an electric facebuster into the STF, in a nice sequence. Kevin powers free and delivers a modified backbreaker for two, so John tries the springboard stunner, but Kevin counters with a release German suplex, immediately followed by a somersault bodyblock in the corner for two. Another well timed, well worked sequence. Cena punches his way into an unbelievably crisp Canadian destroyer for two, proving that while the character may be stale, the wrestler is still bringing the goods. Another flying rocker dropper, but this time Owens catches him in a sitout powerbomb for two. Cena with the FU out of nowhere for two, but an attempt to superplex his challenger is countered with a fisherman's superplex for two. I'm honestly surprised neither guy has a broken neck yet with this series. Pop-Up Powerbomb is countered with a rana, but Owens reverses the FU to setup an STF of his own. John gets the ropes and drops him with a tornado DDT for two, then manages the springboard stunner, so Owens blasts him with a lariat on instinct to save himself. Fisherman's buster is worth two, but John counters the Pop-Up Powerbomb into the FU for two. Frustrated, he steamrolls Owens with a lariat, but runs into the Pop-Up Powerbomb for two. Swanton looks to finish, but Cena brings him down with an FU off the top rope for a dramatic two. Yeah, I kinda figured that for the finish, as did everyone in the crowd. Cena doesn't know what else to do to him at this point, and Owens capitalizes by surprising him with a small package for two. Good effort, but it only serves to piss Cena off, and he slaps on the STF as punishment - Owens tapping at 22:10. The usual awesome, dramatic, high impact match between these two, and a worthy conclusion to their excellent summer series. **** ¼

Main Event: WWE World Heavyweight Title Match: Seth Rollins v Brock Lesnar: Brock obliterates him in the corner to start, but Seth is able to bail ahead of taking the dreaded German suplex. He lures Lesnar into a chase to try and attack from the high ground, but Brock shrugs the assault off and goes for the F5, but Seth manages to escape to the apron. He tries a flying axehandle, but Lesnar moves, and delivers a nice release German suplex. And so it begins. Seth's end of that is perfect, and makes Lesnar look like a monster. Not that he needs any help in that department, but still. Brock gives him four more for good measure, so Rollins tries hightailing it into the crowd, but Brock drags him back. Another German, but Seth back flips onto his feet to avoid a seventh, and is (nearly) able to take Brock down with a series of superkicks, but the Pedigree is countered to the F5. Rollins manages to slip free and knock his challenger to the floor for a pair of topes, but Brock cuts off a third with a release overhead suplex. Three-alarm rolling German suplex follows, and then another pair of release versions for shits and giggles. F5, but the lights die as Brock covers, and Undertaker appears. Brock is scared (Why? He looks like Bryan Cranston, and plus you've already beaten him), and Undertaker kicks him in the balls for the disqualification at 8:58. See, but at least it didn't take twenty two minutes to get to that finish, like Reigns/Wyatt. Look, Brock suplexing the shit out of someone is always fun, and Seth was game to take the abuse, but this was certainly not a highlight of either man's career, or anything. * ½

BUExperience: Earlier, I compared the Reigns/Wyatt match to the Rock/HHH 2/3 falls time limit draw from Fully Loaded in 1998, and interestingly, this whole show is quite comparable to that one. Both are essentially filler shows primarily used to promote the next months SummerSlam event, with very little in the way of angle resolution or match stakes. Still, with a Cena/Owens match on the card, it can’t be all bad.

**