WWE SummerSlam (August 2015)

Original Airdate: August 23, 2015

From Brooklyn, New York; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, and Jerry Lawler

Opening Match: Randy Orton v Sheamus: Sheamus starts by grabbing the microphone, and telling everyone in the crowd that they look stupid. Hey, look, I'm as sensitive to cultural differences as anyone, but that's no way to make friends in America, pal. Orton attacks and brings him in for a dropkick, but quickly ends up getting hammered, and hit with a flying elbowdrop for two. Sheamus with a pair of uranage's across his knee, and he slaps on a chinlock. If you get blown up every time you do that spot, maybe it's time to rethink its place in your repertoire. Sheamus with a kneelift and a kneedrop (I guess he really is buddy-buddy with Triple H), but another knee is blocked with a clothesline. RKO, but Sheamus blocks, so Orton deliver an inverted headlock backbreaker instead. Elevated DDT, but Sheamus counters to White Noise, so Orton counters by head-and-arm suplexing him over the top to the floor. Nice spot there. Right back in for a ten-punch in the corner, but Sheamus escapes with a stungun to the top turnbuckle (busting Orton open in the process), then adds a front-powerslam for two. Modified sharpshooter looks to finish, but Randy gets the ropes. Cloverleaf, but Randy blocks, so Sheamus tries the Brogue Kick, but gets countered into a powerslam for two. Elevated DDT hits, but Sheamus escapes to the apron to avoid the RKO. He snaps Randy's throat across the top rope, and tries diving at him with a slingshot shoulderblock - only to get caught in the RKO! That was nice! He wisely rolls to the floor before Orton can cover (love it when guys do that), so Randy drags him back in for a Punt, but Sheamus counters with White Noise for a dramatic two. Brogue is countered to the RKO, but back to the Brogue for the pin at 12:14. If you're booking a four hour show, a strong opener is an essential, and this did not deliver. A couple of nice sequences, and both are experienced enough to put a watchable match together in their sleep, but it was really cookie cutter. * ¼

WWE Tag Team Title Fatal Four-Way Match: The Prime Time Players v The New Day v The Lucha Dragons v Los Matadores: First fall wins it. Titus O'Neil starts with Big E, but they quickly trade off to Kofi Kingston and Sin Cara. Kingston controls with a headscissors for two, and a rolling fireman's carry slam sets up a splash form Kalisto for two. Kofi tags out to Big E, and E tries smacking him around, but runs into the handspring backelbow. Tag to Darren Young and Kofi, and Young kills him with a lariat. Tag to Kalisto for a slingshot somersault senton on Young for you, as they is just all over the place so far, with zero reason or psychology. As if on cue, the heat segment starts, with everyone takes turns pounding Young, until Kofi misses a dive, and Titus gets the tag. He destroys everyone else in the match with ease (who does he think he is, 1995 Hulk Hogan?), leading to a dog pile sequence on the floor. Clash of the Titus on Kalisto looks to finish, but Kofi pulls him off, and makes the pin himself at 11:23. I didn't like Fatal Four-Way matches when they were all the rage in the 90s, and I don't care for them now either. Glad to see New Day get the belts back, at least, since they're the best team in this shitty division right now. ¾*

Rusev v Dolph Ziggler: Dolph tries brawling, but that predictably fails, so he throws a dropkick. He stupidly tries to turn it into a brawl again and gets dumped into the turnbuckle, then clobbered with a series of three elbowdrops for two. Lana in stone washed jeans is not a bad look, exactly, but the problem is that she was at her absolute best in his heel spokeswoman outfit, and everything else seems like a letdown in comparison. On the other side of the that coin, Summer would look better in something trashier, than she does trying to fill Lana's shoes (and dress, and bra). Rusev hugs him like a bear, but Ziggler gets feisty, so Rusev plants him with a swinging scrapbuster for two. Press-slam, but Ziggler counters into a DDT, then dodges a dazed Rusev in the corner. That allows Dolph a cross corner splash and a swinging neckbreaker for two, with both guys selling like they've been out there for a half hour already. Gotta love that. Fameasser is countered with a spinheel kick for two, but Rusev is slow in getting to the top rope, and Dolph brings him down with a pop-up sitout facebuster. Cool beans. Fameasser, but Rusev again counters - this time with a side suplex to setup a somersault senton splash for two. That was actually a pretty crazy move, as it looked like he was going for a standard senton, then changed his mind in mid fucking air and decided 'what the hell, let's somersault first!' Superkick, but Dolph counters with a sunset flip for two, then grabs a sleeper. Rusev escapes, but misses a charge in the corner, and Ziggler capitalizes with the elusive fameasser for two. Back to the sleeper, but Rusev counters with a flapjack this time, and quickly adds a bicycle kick. Accolade, but Rusev gets distracted by Lana, and releases - Ziggler bailing to the floor. That leads to a catfight between Lana and Summer on the outside, as Dolph manages to superkick Rusev, and both men are counted out at 11:50. They gave an effort and it was entertaining, but nothing to tell mama about. * ¼

Stardust and King Barrett v Neville and Stephen Amell: If you didn't tell me Amell was an actor, I'd have assumed he's just some NXT guy, because I've never heard of him. Also, 'cause he looks like an NXT guy. Barrett starts with Neville, and gets blitzed. Tag to Stardust, but he wants Amell, and Neville is happy to oblige. Stardust shoves him over and does the Triple H bow from 1995, but Amell kips back up, and shoves him right back. He actually manages to dominate Stardust for a bit, so Stardust passes back to Barrett, and Amell promptly gets destroyed. As the heels cut the ring in half on Amell, I'd like to take the time to stop and note just how fucking much I hate these digital ring aprons. I mean, I get that it's 2015, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Stardust gets cocky and takes an enzuigiri to allow the tag to Neville, and he's a performance center of fire. Four-way brawl breaks out, and everyone dog piles on the floor - including a nice flying bodypress to the outside by Amell. Back inside, Neville finishes off Barrett with the Red Arrow at 7:36. Give it to Amell here, he's not the next Bret Hart or anything, but he showed a crazy amount of real, honest effort here, and as a fan, he inherently 'gets it' better than most celebrities who lace up a pair of boots. ¾*

WWE Intercontinental Title Triple Threat Match: Ryback v Big Show v The Miz: First fall wins. Wouldn't it be cool if Ryback changed his name to Rybread? I know I'd like him better, anyway. Miz wisely hides out on the floor as Ryback slugs it out with Show, but makes the mistake of taking a cheap shot at Ryback, and gets brought into the fray. Show vertical suplexes both men, then spends an eternity getting to the middle rope to hit Ryback with what was supposed to be a 2^nd rope somersault senton, but what was actually just a logroll. Points for effort though, I guess. Show Chokeslam's Ryback onto Miz for two, then tries the KO Punch on Ryback, but gets countered with a spinebuster. Meat Hook, but Show counters with the Chokeslam, so Ryback counters back with the Shell Shocked - Miz breaking the cover up. He delivers a Skull Crushing Finale to Ryback for two, then bounces back and forth making unless pin attempts on both opponents for a while. Ryback responds by Shell Shocking him, but Show saves with a KO Punch on the champ - Miz breaking up the cover. Show punishes him with a KO Punch to call his own, but Ryback dumps the big man over the top before he can cover, then pins Miz himself at 5:32 to retain. Short and inoffensive - AKA kind of the polar opposite of what Intercontinental Title matches at SummerSlam were known for back in the day. ¼*

Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose v Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper: Ambrose starts with Harper, and they get right into a big criss cross - win by Luke with a clothesline, and followed with a bulldog. That draws Wyatt in, but Reigns knocks him to the floor, and Dean hits Harper with a tope. Everyone brawls on the outside, then back in, Dean hits Luke with a flying elbowdrop for two. Thing quickly break down with another four-way brawl on the outside, but this time Dean takes the worst of it. Inside, they cut the ring in half on Ambrose, until Wyatt misses a charge in the corner, and Reigns gets the tag. Four-way brawl sees everyone throw various finishers - Reigns capping it off with a Spear on Wyatt at 10:57. Well paced and engaging, but these guys (and the whole promotion, really, though these guys were particularly bad offenders tonight) are so overly choreographed these days, that this might as well have been figure skating. All the realism is gone. But, maybe it's just a generational thing. I mean, I'll bet there were old school fans who grew up on Lou Thesz or Bruno Sammartino who watched SummerSlam twenty years ago and thought the ladder match was an embarrassment. * ¼

WWE World Heavyweight Title v WWE United States Title Match: Seth Rollins v John Cena: Cool alternate all-white gear for Rollins tonight. Cena is less impressed with Rollins' fashion choices, however, and grounds him with a headlock. Seth escapes with a hiptoss and follows with a dropkick, but walks into a belly-to-belly suplex, and ends up trapped in a chinlock. I'm not digging the slow start here, because it feels very forced. They get into a goofy boxing match next, until Cena misses a charge, and takes a blockbuster. High knee puts him on the outside for Seth to nail with a pair of topes, followed by a nice somersault tope suicida. Back in, Cena fights back with a pair of diving shoulderblocks, but the side suplex is blocked with a headlock takedown, and Rollins adds a hangman's clothesline for two. Springboard elbowsmash follows, but John catches him in an anklelock on the way down, then quickly pulls him up for a side suplex, but Seth avoids the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Pedigree, but Cena backdrops him, and delivers the springboard stunner to setup the Shuffle. FU, but Seth escapes, and hits a 2^nd rope flying high knee to setup a running shooting star press for two. Rollins ties him in a tree of woe to setup a beautiful flying double-stomp, but that also only gets two. The timing needed on that spot is just insane. He takes too long following up, however, and gets caught in the FU for two. Slugfest won by Rollins, but Cena counters the Pedigree with a slingshot. Seth lands on the middle rope, however, so John thinks on his feet, and brings him down with an electric facebuster for two. Flying rocker dropper is worth two, but Samoan drop off the top is countered with a running powerbomb into the turnbuckles. Awkward spot there, but they covered the botch up nicely and professionally. Seth adds a great flying frogsplash for two, but Cena impressively kicks out and immediately dead lifts him up into the FU - only for Rollins to counter with an enzuigiri for two. Cena throws a bodypress, but Rollins rolls through, and does his own dead lift into his own FU for two. These guys are bringing it hard tonight. Seth tries the phoenix splash, but Cena rolls out of the way, so Rollins impressively shifts to land on his feet - only to get trapped in the STF anyway. The sheer amount of coordination needed for that sequence is phenomenal. FU is countered to the Pedigree, but Cena counters to a figure four. Seth reverses, and then delivers another insane sequence in a floatover superplex that's immediately rolled into a falcon arrow for two. The crowd is in awe, and rightly so. Back to the phoenix, but this time Cena waits until the last second to move, and Rollins wipes out. FU hits, but the referee gets bumped in the process, and there's no count. Cue Jon Stewart with a chair, but he turns on Cena, and Seth delivers a Pedigree onto the chair to win both titles at 19:25. After a slightly awkward start, this turned into one hell of a match once it got properly going, with hard work from both guys, and some brilliantly timed eye popping spots. One of the better matches I've seen this year, actually, but I doubt history will remember it that way due to the tainted finish. Still, **** ¼

Nine-Woman Triple Threat Match: Team Bella v Team BAD v PCB: Losing a fall eliminates the team, and there are only two girls in at a time. Brie Bella starts with Becky Lynch, and beats her down, but walks into a superkick from Tamina that nearly triggers a riot. Team BAD work Becky over in their corner, but she manages to cradle Sasha Banks for two, so Tamina punishes her on the outside. That draws Charlotte over with a spear, triggering a dog (cat?) pile sequence. Watching Nikki Bella nearly knock Naomi out with her enhanced boobs during a tope was pretty funny. Back in, Brie catches Tamina with a tornado DDT to eliminate Team BAD at 6:07. Nikki looks to finish a still battered Becky off with the Rack Attack, but PC save her. Paige gets the tag, and Thesz presses Nikki down, then hits a series of knees in the corner. Fallaway slam hits, but Nikki wisely rolls to the floor to avoid getting pinned, so Paige goes after her with a baseball slide - only to get countered with a whiplash on the outside. Ouch! Paige beats the count, so Nikki delivers a bodyslam for two, then tags Brie in for a tandem flapjack for two. Team Bella continue cutting the ring in half on Paige, but she manages to fight off Alicia Fox long enough to tag Charlotte. Many chops result. Figure Eight on Fox, but Nikki saves, and a double-big boot leaves both ladies down. Tags to Brie and Becky, and Bella misses a missile dropkick, allowing Lynch to pumphandle-slam her for the pin at 15:18. A little on the long side, but this was actually surprisingly quite good. It would have benefited from trimming a few minutes off of the heat segment, though. **

Kevin Owens v Cesaro: The unfortunate placing of the stripes on Cesaro's new tights make him look like he's wearing undies. Quick start, as they trade blows, and Owens delivers a somersault plancha on the outside, but takes too long showboating, and gets hit with a corkscrew plancha by Cesaro. Cesaro with a flying bodypress on the way back in for two, but Owens blocks a Boston crab, so Cesaro hits a double-stomp instead for two. Kevin bails, so Cesaro chases after him, but ends up getting tossed into the rail, and Kevin follows up with a somersault bodyblock against it. Back in, that gets two. Short-clothesline sets up a pair of senton splashes for two, and Owens grabs a chinlock. Cesaro slugs free, but misses a corner charge, and Owens delivers a spin-out fireman's carry neckbreaker for two. Somersault legdrop is worth two, and he reapplies the chinlock, but gets cocky, and Cesaro is able to fire off a series of European uppercuts. Gutwrench superplex gets two, but the Neutralizer is countered with a backdrop, and Owens adds a springboard tornado DDT for two. Springboard moonsault follows, but Cesaro dodges, so Owens settles for superkicking him instead for two. Cesaro fires back with a springboard corkscrew backelbow for two, then chases a bailing Owens to the outside for a big uppercut. Inside, an extended giant swing sets up a sharpshooter, but Owens gets the ropes. Superplex, but Owens counters with a fisherman's superplex - only for Cesaro to counter with an impressive standing dropkick (that hits Owens all the way on the top), but Kevin still manages to counter another superplex with a fisherman's superplex. Pop-Up Powerbomb finishes at 14:17. Technically fine, but it felt like it never really got off the ground the way they wanted it to. ** ¾

Main Event: The Undertaker v Brock Lesnar: I'm not sure who the babyface is supposed to be here. Brock blitzes him before the bell, but Undertaker manages to fight him off with a big boot, and a clothesline puts Lesnar on the floor. Back in, more brawling controlled by Undertaker, and I think he hits the ropewalk forearm in there, but I was distracted by uncontrollable fits of laughter at the thought of Undertaker dominating a brawl with Brock Lesnar, so excuse me if I miss anything. Brock takes over and takes him to suplex city, but a German is countered with a drop into the turnbuckle. Undertaker adds a snake-eyes to setup a big boot, and Lesnar is busted open. Wow, twice in one show. Undertaker with a guillotine legdrop, and he looks to be spent - lumbering around between moves like he just finished running a marathon. Slugfest goes Undertaker's way (again, sorry if I miss anything between laughs), but a chokeslam is countered with a release German suplex. Brock adds a few more, then takes it to the outside for an FU through the announce table. Wow... blood, broken tables, Brooklyn... all we need now is an 'ECW' chant to complete the experience. Come on, Paul! Undertaker beats the count in, so Brock decides to chokeslam him, but that gets reversed with a thud. It's like his gavel for wrestler's court! Tombstone, but Brock kicks out at two. He's a brave man letting Undertaker try that move on him when it looks like he's having trouble lifting his lungs to breath, let alone not cripple guys with dangerous piledrivers. Undertaker controls another slugfest, but gets cornered with a kimura lock - Brock having to release due to being in the ropes. The release allows Undertaker to Last Ride him for two. That was a much more believable and organic sequence than the standard 'try and ten-punch, get powerbombed' one, so kudos to them for that. Brock with the F5 for two, and another F5 gets two. Meanwhile, Brock's cut has dried up completely, as I guess even the man's own blood is afraid to annoy him. Brock looks for more, but gets caught in Hell's Gate as he tries picking Undertaker back up. Brock counters to another kimura, and we get a stupid sequence where the bell rings, but the referee decides it wasn't a fall - allowing Undertaker to sneak up with a low blow and reapply Hells Gate for the submission at 17:12. Wow, that was like someone thought up the worst ending imaginable, and then broke it down to simplest form, or something. A marquee match, but honestly, once a year is too much Undertaker as it is these days. *

BUExperience: The major and fatal flaw of this show is the extra hour runtime, as most everything on the card is solid and watchable (along with a standout great match in Cena/Rollins), but it all just goes on for too long and overstays its welcome – falling flat overall. Four hours is just too much for a non-WrestleMania show.

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