WWF WrestleMania 2 (Version II)

Original Airdate: April 7, 1986

Part I: From Uniondale, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Susan St. James

Opening Match: Paul Orndorff v Don Muraco: Fight over the initial lockup goes to a stalemate, so they trade bodyslams instead. Another lockup goes Muraco's way in the corner, but a cross corner whip is reversed, and Orndorff backdrops him on the rebound, then grabs an armbar. Muraco tries an armdrag to escape, but Paul reverses, and keeps him grounded in a wristlock. Muraco escape with a Samoan drop, and manages a pair of turnbuckle smashes, as a view of the arena's in-house clock shows that this show started very promptly at eight o'clock that day, because we're thirteen minutes into the show, and the time displayed is eight thirteen. The more you know! Slugfest ends in both guys spilling out over the top, and we have a double-countout at 4:33. TV match with a TV ending, but then, in those days, that was still acceptable booking. The crowd still gives them a loud 'bullshit' chant anyway, though. ¾* (Original rating: ¼*)

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Randy Savage v George Steele: Lots of stalling at the bell, as Savage runs away. He lures Steele into a chase to try and take the high ground, but gets caught, and George tries eating his leg. Inside, Steele tosses him around a bit, but gets distracted by Elizabeth, and tied up in the ropes. Savage with an ugly flying bodypress (Steele was out of position) for two, and George tosses him out of the ring. I don't think he quite understands the finer points, that one. His attention is drawn to Liz again, however, and Randy is able to sneak attack with a high knee. More biting from the challenger turns the tide, and he beats Savage with a bouquet of flowers. ECW, ECW, ECW! Steele rips into a turnbuckle and beats Macho with the stuffing... which somehow works. No sillier than a bouquet of flowers, I guess. On the floor, Steele gets distracted by Liz again, which allows Savage a flying axehandle, and he bodyslams him on the way back in. Flying Elbowdrop hits, but only gets two. Who is he, the Ultimate Warrior? Steele mounts a comeback, but gets suckered into the corner, and Randy cradles him with two feet on the ropes for leverage to retain at 7:08. I know this feud did good business, and it's entertaining from a character standpoint, but man, the matches were always the shits. DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Jake Roberts v George Wells: Wells blitzes him at the bell, and catches him with a backdrop, but gets tossed to the outside in short order. Back in, Jake tries to criss cross with him, but gets blasted with a jumping shoulderblock, and Wells cross corner whips him a couple of times. Headscissor takedown and a kneelift leave Jake flopping around the ring, and a powerslam is worth two. Roberts rakes the eyes and bails to the floor to catch a breather, but Wells goes after him - allowing Jake to steal the high ground and catch him with a kneelift. DDT finishes at 3:06. Gotta love Wells' 'foaming at the mouth' sell of Damien afterwards, which always freaked me out as a kid. ¾* (Original rating: ½*)

Boxing Match: Roddy Piper v Mr. T: Three minute rounds here. This acts as the main event of the New York portion - with Joan Rivers as the guest ring announcer, Burger King's 'Herb' as the time keeper, and special judges G. Gordon Liddy, Cab Calloway, and Darryl Dawkins at ringside. T also brings Joe Frazier as his corner man, while Piper has Lou Duva.
ROUND ONE: Do I really HAVE TO cover this one again? I mean, I know it worked as an angle, but man, even as a kid I hated sitting through this match. And I had a lot more patience for this crap when I was a kid, believe me. Nothing much to the first round, as they putter around for the bulk of the duration, until getting caught up in the corner with about thirty seconds left, and stay there until time expires.
ROUND TWO: Lots of sizing each other up here, until Piper starts throwing haymakers, but gets dodged by T. Piper gets a knock down with about a minute left, but T beats the count. Piper stays on him, and gets another knock down as the round ends.
ROUND THREE: T comes out hot, and knocks Piper down in the corner in short order, but Roddy beats the count. I can't believe that, even well into the 90s, people actually thought this might have been a shoot. Even at the wide angle, it looks completely phony. T with a big jab to knock Piper out of the ring, but he beats the count in, and manages to fight T off until the round ends.
ROUND FOUR: Piper throws a stool at him as the round starts (as in, the thing they sit on with their butts, not the stuff that comes out of their butts, to be clear), and both guys trade big shots - T controlling. T corners him, so Piper resorts to a bodyslam, and that's a disqualification at 10:17. While I appreciate the angle, and I appreciate the spectacle they were going for, this one just doesn't do it for me. Never has and never will. DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Part II: From Chicago, Illinois; Your Hosts are Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, and Cathy Lee Crosby

WWF Women's Title Match: Fabulous Moolah v Velvet McIntyre: Moolah blitzes her with a series of snapmares at the bell, but Velvet manages to win a sloppy criss cross with an equally sloppy pair of dropkicks. Bodyslam sets up a 2^nd rope splash, but Moolah dodges and gets the pin at 0:59 - despite Velvet having her foot on the ropes. DUD (Original rating: ¼*)

Flag Match: Corporal Kirchner v Nikolai Volkoff: Winner gets to wave his countries flag. Volkoff controls with knees, and he tosses Kirchner to the floor for a ram into the post. What's up with the weird red floor mats tonight? Back in, Kirchner manages to steal Freddie Blassie's cane, and he cracks Volkoff with it for the pin at 1:36. Wow, we're just moving right along here in Chicago, aren't we? DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Wrestling v Football 20-Man Battle Royal: Dick Butkus and Ed Jones are the guest referees, and Wendy's spokesperson Clara Peller is the time keeper (who misses her cue entirely, which is a bad sign for a time keeper). Ernie Ladd provides guest commentary - as he had been successful as both a pro-football player, and pro-wrestler. We've got: Ted Arcidi, Tony Atlas, The Killer Bees, Andre the Giant, Hillbilly Jim, The Hart Foundation, the Iron Sheik, King Tonga, Pedro Morales, Bruno Sammartino, Danny Spivey, Big John Studd, Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin, and William Perry. If you've seen one battle royal you've seen 'em all, and this one is no different: the usual punch-kick affair inside of the crowded ring. William Perry is the big star of this, of course, and he makes it until the final six guys in the ring before getting dumped by Studd - then getting his heat back by pulling John out from the floor. So that's where Hogan got it from. That leaves Andre, Francis, and the Hart Foundation as the final four. The Foundation manage to tie Andre up in the ropes to have their way with (and eliminate) Francis, then turn their attention back to the Giant. They hammer him, but an attempt at lifting him over the top fails, and Jim Neidhart is a goner. Bret Hart stupidly tries to go to the top rope at attack Andre from there, but quickly gets slammed to the outside from there by Andre at 9:03. Like the boxing match, this was more about the novelty and the spectacle than anything else, and it worked in that respect. ¼* (Original rating: ¼*)

WWF Tag Team Title Match: The Dream Team v The British Bulldogs: The Bulldogs have Ozzy Osbourne with them for morale support/pills, and this acts as the main event for Chicago - though it was sort of on equal footing with the Battle Royal. Greg Valentine starts with Davey Boy Smith, and the Bulldog controls a slugfest, so Valentine hides in the corner. He suckers Davey into a double-leg takedown, but Smith fights him off into a wristlock. Greg counters with a hiptoss, but misses a fistdrop, and Davey tags out to Dynamite Kid. Kid turnbuckle smashes the champion for two, and wins a crisp criss cross with a shoulderblock, the follows with an equally crisp snap suplex. Tag back to Smith with a hanging vertical suplex for two, and Valentine bails to the floor. He milks the count before climbing back in, and manages to clobber Davey on a backdrop attempt, then tag out to Brutus Beefcake. Beefcake works a wristlock, but Smith press-slams his way out, and tags. Kid with a big clothesline for two, and an inside cradle gets two. Tag back to Davey with a fisherman's suplex for two, and he grabs a front-facelock, but Beefcake is able to make the tag while in the hold - Valentine coming in with a flying axehandle. He follows with a vertical suplex for two, then grounds Smith with a chinlock. Davey manages to escape and tag, and Kid controls a slugfest with the Hammer. The Bulldogs deliver a tandem shoulderblock for two, and Greg is in trouble - waving Beefcake in for some interference. Kid still manages a sunset flip for two, and a backbreaker for two - Beefcake breaking up the count. Kneedrop gets two, as poor Greg is just taking a proper shitkicking here. Valentine manages to forward piledrive Kid for two to finally halt the onslaught, but ends up getting kneed in the nads, then slammed off the top rope for two - Smith stopping Beefcake's interference this time, and forcing Greg to work for the kickout. Kid bodyslams Valentine, then Davey tries press-slamming Kid onto him, but Greg bails. Smith responds by hitting the Running Powerslam for two, and a snap suplex is worth two, but a whip into the corner gets reversed. Greg goes right after the shoulder before tagging Beefcake in with a 2^nd rope axehandle to the shoulder. Hammerlock-slam by Brutus, and the Dream Team cut the ring in half while working the shoulder. Valentine with a shoulderbreaker to finish, but he gets cocky, and pulls Davey up at two, then gets reversed into the corner (right into a headbutt from Kid, which knocks both out), and Smith scores the fall at 12:03. Never realized how that ending built on the finish from the Saturday Night's Main Event match that set it up before. One more reason I switched to doing these chronologically now. Like the SNME match, this was a really crisp, peppy match (the TV match was actually a bit peppier, even), and while it’s been eclipsed by more modern matches since, it’s still one of my personal favorite tag bouts. *** ½ (Original rating: *** ¼)

Part III: From Los Angeles, California; Your Hosts are Lord Alfred Hayes, Jesse Ventura, and Elvira. When Hayes is only the second worst person on a broadcast team, you’re in big trouble.

Ricky Steamboat v Hercules: Hercules jumps him from behind and unloads with knees and forearms - Steamboat selling it like death. Hercules with a turnbuckle smash, but a criss cross goes the Dragon's way with a big knife-edge chops, and a pair of armdrags setup a wristlock. Hercules' fro is out of control here. He's like early Seinfeld era Elaine. Another criss cross goes Ricky's way with an armdrag into an armbar, and another one is won with a backelbow. Ricky with a vertical suplex between armbars, but he gets rammed into the turnbuckle this time, and Hercules is able to follow it up with a clothesline. Stungun and a bodypress get two, followed by a series of turnbuckle smashes from the pale one. Backelbow and a pair of elbowdrops get two, but Steamboat starts throwing chops, so Hercules clobbers him with a clothesline for two. Pair of press-slams setup a flying kneedrop, but Ricky lifts his own knees to block, then hits a flying bodypress for the pin at 7:34. This was okay, but I'd still love to have seen what Steamboat would have done with Bret Hart here instead, as was originally planned for this show. * (Original rating: ¾*)

Adrian Adonis v Uncle Elmer: Adonis hides out on the floor as we get underway, and who could blame him? If you were a cross dresser, would YOU want to get into the ring with an overweight, overall wearing farmer who wants to make you squeal like a piggy? Eh, I'm sure there's a niche for it. Elmer destroys him (hilariously falling on his ass after misjudging a clothesline), and rips off Adrian's dress, while making fun of his mannerisms. See what I mean? It's basically a hate crime! Lots of punch-kick stuff here, until Elmer misses a legdrop, and Adonis delivers a flying fistdrop for the pin at 3:04. Good for him! Terrible match though, which probably would have hit negative stars if it went on any longer. DUD (Original rating: ¼*)

Tito Santana and Junkyard Dog v Terry Funk and Hoss Funk: Dog starts with Hoss, but things immediately turns into a four-way brawl. Things settle down with Tito and Terry, and Funk cracks him with chops, but ends up getting clotheslined out over the top. No floor mats out there, either. Did they only have one set of floor mats at this point, or something? like, the official set used in New York, they rented those weird red ones in Chicago, and were over budget by the time they got to LA? My my, how times have changed... now, literally every episode of every show looks so stiflingly monochromatic. Tito with the diving forearm on Hoss for two, so Terry throws a cheap shot from the apron during a criss cross, and the Funk's dump Santana to the outside for a beat down on the floor. Even little Jimmy Hart gets his licks in. Inside, the Funk's cut the ring in half on Tito, but he manages to dodge a legdrop from Terry, and get the tag. JYD is a doghouse of fire to ignite a four-way brawl, but he runs into a shot from Jimmy Hart's megaphone, and Terry pins him at 11:43. Kinda surprised this got as much time as it did, considering rushed most everything has been on this card thus far. I know people tend to rate this one quite highly, but I've never really seen what the fuss was about. I mean, it's perfectly decent and fine, but certainly nothing special. Great bumping from Terry Funk throughout, however. * (Original rating: * ¼)

Main Event: WWF Title Cage Match: Hulk Hogan v King Kong Bundy: Tommy LaSorda acts as guest ring announcer, Robert Conrad is the guest referee, and Ricky Schroder is the time keeper. This is also the debut of the 'blue bar' style steel cage that lasted the next decade, or so, and is still my favorite version. Hulk blitzes him right away, and delivers a cross corner clothesline, followed by a flurry of chops. Running forearm smash dazes Bundy, but a ram into the cage gets reversed, and Bundy takes a swipe at Hulk's taped up ribs. King Kong with a bodyslam, and he goes for the door, but Hogan is able to stop him. Bundy punishes him by ramming him ribs-first into the cage, but Hulk stops another escape attempt. Pissed, Bundy tears off the rib tape to choke Hogan with, but Hulk stops the escape attempt again. This time, he manages to follow-up with a cross corner backelbow before Bundy can punish him, and he adds a toss into the cage to bust Bundy open. Good thing Frazier was on the opposite coast. Bobby Heenan, ever the perfect manager, even tries to help Bundy cover up while he blades. Now that's a guy who earns his ten percent. Hulk keeps tossing him into the cage to his hearts content, but his back gives out on a slam attempt. King Kong goes for the door again, but Hulk stops him by using the rib tape as a garrote. Bundy rakes the eyes to stop the effort, and delivers the Avalanche. Splash follows, but Hulk starts no-selling as Bundy crawls for the door, and stops him again. Another Avalanche, but Hogan is in full HULK UP!! mode now. Bodyslam! Legdrop! Escape! 10:18! Nothing special as far as WrestleMania main events go (from a workrate or spectacle perspective), but expectations were different in 1986 (not to mention, 'WrestleMania,' as a brand, wasn't really established yet), and it worked for the time by delivering a well paced Hogan-formula bout. * ¼ (Original rating: *)

BUExperience: WrestleMania 2 is nobody’s favorite show (it’s frequently cited as one of the worst WrestleMania’s, actually), but it does hold up to some degree today. Even though there is really only one good match in the traditional sense, the show was always watchable.

Make no mistake, it’s still on the short-list for ‘worst WrestleMania’ (though, I’d rather rewatch this than sit through WrestleMania IV, for example), but as strictly a nostalgic show from the period, it works.

**