WWE The Great American Bash (July 2005)

Original Airdate: July 24, 2005

From Buffalo, New York; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz

Opening WWE Tag Team Title Match: MNM v The Legion of Doom: Heidenreich could have at least worn the face paint and the pads for this. And Animal probably could have added a shirt as well. Joey Mercury starts with Heidenreich, and gets knocked to the floor in short order, then flapjacked as he tries a front-facelock on the way back in. Tag to Animal for a tandem shoulderblock, but a cross corner charge misses, and Johnny Nitro tags in. MNM try a tandem vertical suplex, but get reversed, and Animal backdrops Nitro. Tag back to Heidenreich for a chokeslam, but Mercury sneaks in with a clip to the knee to save, and the champs cut the ring in half while working Heidenreich's leg. So, Heidenreich is seriously taking the heat segment, and not forty five year old Animal? Really? I like that they brought back the classic red-white-and-blue ring ropes for this show. Heidenreich manages to fight them off long enough to tag, and Animal is a retirement home of fire! MNM try whacking him with one of the tag belts, but it only gets two, and Mercury takes the Doomsday Device at 6:44. Does it really count as a nostalgia trip when half of the original team is dead? Animal looked terrible here too, and while I'm a fan, and respect him as a legend, this was certainly a questionable booking decision. I guess they figured, no one cares about the tag title anyway, so might as well have some fun with it. ¾*

Christian v Booker T: Christian stalls on the floor to start, but walks into a backelbow as Booker chases him, and Booker adds a side suplex. Slingshot into the corner sets up a schoolboy for two, but Booker gets suckered into the corner, and posted. Christian with a tornado inverted DDT for two, and a single-arm DDT gets two. Chinlock shifts into an overhead wristlock, but Booker's in the ropes to break. Booker shakes him off with a sidewalk slam, but the Harlem sidekick misses, so Sharmell steps in to slap Christian - allowing Booker to recover with the Bookend for two. Booker mounts a comeback with a few clotheslines and a vertical suplex for two, but Christian reverses a sunset cradle for two. Booker keeps control with a spinebuster and a flapjack, but the axekick misses. Christian capitalizes with a powerbomb for two, but gets his throat snapped across the top rope, and Booker plants a missile dropkick on him for two. Christian with a well placed thumb to the eye to dump Booker to the floor, but he stupidly follows instead of taking the countout, and gets reversed into the post. Back in, a 2^nd rope axekick finishes the job at 11:32. Decent, but instantly forgettable. * ½

WWE United States Title Match: Orlando Jordan v Chris Benoit: Jordan tries shooting at the leg, and actually manages to control a blocking Benoit into the corner. Chris wins the neck lockup with a series of knees, however, and he clobbers the champ with a knife-edge chop out of the ropes. More chops in the corner, and a corkscrew legwhip puts Jordan on the outside. Chris follows with a baseball slide, but Orlando sidesteps, and posts his challenger. He wastes time trying to expose the top turnbuckle, however, and Benoit drills him with a German suplex ahead of some more chop goodness. Northern lights suplex gets two, but Jordan manages to whip him into the corner, and catch him with a clothesline on the rebound. Single-arm DDT sets up a wristlock that Jordan turns into a couple of near falls, before shifting into an armbar. Dropkick and a poorly executed magistral cradle gets two, so Benoit sweeps him for a sharpshooter, but Jordan is able to block. Slugfest goes Jordan's way, and we're back to the armbar. Glad to see he's picking a part and working it tenaciously, but does it have to be in the least exciting manner possible? Swinging neckbreaker gets two, and a snapmare is worth two. Backelbow gets two, and Jordan tries a bow-and-arrow - Benoit's selling giving us a look at his terrible dental work. Thanks for that, guys. Jordan with a bodyslam, but a trip to the top rope is countered by Benoit with a superplex. Chris with a backdrop, but Orlando blocks the sharpshooter again, so Benoit punishes him with the three-alarm rolling German suplex. Flying headbutt looks to finish, but Jordan kicks out at two, then rams Benoit into the exposed buckle to retain at 14:21. Solid stuff, though Jordan's focus on restholds during the heat segment dragged, and the arm work ultimately led nowhere. * ¾

#1 Contender's Match: The Undertaker v Muhammad Hassan: Hassan literally brings a group of ski-masked terrorists with him to ringside, which is... something. Too bad Undertaker didn't counter by bringing back the druids for the occasion. Hassan tries evading, but gets trapped in the corner, and hammered. Undertaker with a big boot for two, and the ropewalk forearm sets up a reverse STO for two. Interference from the terrorists leaves Undertaker in a heap on the outside, and Hassan takes over. DDT gets him two, but Undertaker gets sick of selling, so the terrorists attack him again - this time using some piano wire as a garrote. This entire thing is in such ridiculously poor taste. Hassan slaps on the Camel Clutch to finish, but Undertaker uses an electric chair to escape, and corner clotheslines him. Snake-eyes triggers a series of run-ins from the terrorists, but Undertaker dispatches them all with ease this time. This is turning into a parody of 1995 Hulk Hogan, or something. Chokeslam finishes at 8:03. At least it was on the short side. ¼*

Six-Man Tag Team Match: The Mexicools v The Blue World Order: Apparently trying to one-up themselves from the previous match, the Mexicools ride out on lawn mowers, since they're Hispanic. How the hell did a publicly traded company get away with this shit on such a blatant and regular basis? That's quite the honker on Super Crazy. Juventud starts with Hollywood Nova, and they play the initial lockup for laughs. Sloppy reversal sequence ends in the bWo cleaning house, but a cheap shot from the Mexicools leaves Nova in a heat segment. They cut the ring in half on Nova, and even manage to cutoff his Hulk Up. Oh dear. Nova manages a big boot on Juventud to allow the tag to Big Stevie Cool, and he's a bingo hall of fire! Brawl breaks out, and Psicosis hits Stevie with a flying legdrop to win it at 4:42. Just time filler. ¼*

Eddie Guerrero v Rey Mysterio: If Guerrero wins, he must reveal the secret he has been hiding from the public that neither Mysterio's nor Guerrero's families wanted revealed. If Mysterio wins, Guerrero would not reveal the secret. And, since that is a fucking stupid stipulation, I'll just come out with the secret: Eddie is Rey's son's father. Ooooooh. They could have at least given this match a goofy name, like WCW would have done. Like 'secret to my heart match' or 'revelations match,' or something. Rey's kid Dominick is at ringside for this, but cries at the thought of them fighting, so they hug it out. Rey breaks the truce, but misses a springboard bodypress, and Guerrero stomps him down. Side suplex, but Mysterio counters with a cradle for two, then adds a backslide for two. Wheelbarrow bulldog gets two, and Rey unloads a ten-punch, but Eddie breaks out with an inverted atomic drop. He goes to the top to follow-up, but Mysterio crotches him, and brings him down with a rana for two. Rey goes up, but Eddie is ready with his own crotching, and he tries a crucifix powerbomb, but Mysterio counters with the 619 into a springboard seated senton for two. Eddie bails and hides behind little Dominick on the floor, putting the breaks on the action for a little community theater interlude. Inside, Guerrero delivers a well executed tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and a side suplex across the knee follows for two. Eddie goes back to the floor to continue his community theater project, as little Dominick out acts them all. If he's acting, that is. Maybe they were kayfabing the poor kid. Back in, Eddie counters another wheelbarrow bulldog with a release German suplex for two, and it's theater time again. Eddie tries another tilt-a-whirl, but Mysterio counters with a bodypress for two, so Eddie locks on the gory special. Mysterio escapes, so Guerrero launches him to the floor with a slingshot, and you can guess what else goes on out there. Back in, Rey manages a dropkick to the knee for two, but a springboard moonsault is countered with a snake-eyes - countered back by Mysterio with a tornado DDT for two. Rey with a springboard dropkick to the back of the head to setup another 619, but the Dime misses, and Guerrero delivers a three-alarm rolling vertical suplex. That sets up the Frogsplash, but Rey stirs, so Eddie wisely changes his mind and hops down. Another two alarms of vertical suplexing fun, and Rey is a corpse. Guerrero locks eyes with Dominick as he delivers a brainbuster, and keeps staring the poor kid down through the Frogsplash - allowing Mysterio to capitalize on his lapse in attention with a cradle for the pin at 15:38. You'd think they'd be due a classic after so many lackluster outings in this series, but nope. This one had really bad flow issues (among other things), as they interrupted the flow to stop and mess with the kid after every two or three moves, and it really hurt the match. **

Bra & Panties Match: Torrie Wilson v Melina: Candice Michelle acts as the special guest referee for this one. Given that we've seen both women in their underwear many times before, and that Melina was parading around in what was effectively her bra and panties during the opener, I don't really get the stakes here. Hell, Torrie was already in Playboy twice by 2005. Melina wins the initial lockup, but gets cocky, and Torrie smacks her down, then schoolgirls her to try for the pants. Abdominal stretch allows Torrie to tear her top off, but she fails to pants her, and gets dumped to the floor. Back in, Melina gets her top off to even the score, but also fails to pants her. Torrie comes back with a series of clotheslines and a dropkick, followed by a floatover suplex, but she can't get the pants off. Maybe try a little romance next time, Wilson. Melina fights her off with a stungun, and Torrie loses her pants at 3:51. Not a good match, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it. DUD

Main Event: World Heavyweight Title Match: Batista v John Bradshaw Layfield: Loved him in Spectre, even if the overall movie itself was a bit below my expectations. Casino Royale still stands as the best Craig entry - perhaps even the best entry in the series, period. And I've seen just about all of them. The World Heavyweight Title is now officially the Smackdown belt, and the WWE Title has moved to RAW. Surprised it took them that long, to be honest. Feeling out process to start, with Batista controlling with a power exhibition. Batista with a sidewalk slam for two, and a bootchoke follows. Backdrop sets up a clothesline over the top, but Bradshaw manages to snap the champ's throat across the top rope. He tries a clothesline off the apron, but Batista catches him, and drops him on the apron instead. Back in, Batista keeps hammering away, but gets suckered into the corner, and knocked to the floor with a big boot. Bradshaw follows with a lariat on the outside, and an axehandle off of the announce table. Back in, all that gets two. Slingshot across the middle rope and another big boot set up a series of three elbowdrops for two, and Bradshaw tries a sleeper. Batista escapes with a side suplex, so Bradshaw dumps him to the floor in a desperation move to avoid the comeback. He rams the champ into the steps out there, but gets reversed into the post, and they spill into the crowd for a quick brawl. Some asshole in the crowd has a replica belt, which he's been holding up nearly non stop for the entire show. I'm sure the guy behind him really appreciated that. Not to mention, what the fuck is he trying to achieve? Was he hoping people would see it, assume the real champion was out in the crowd, and turn their attention away? Well, he's right, because here we are talking about him, and totally ignoring Batista's comeback. Batista Bomb, but Orlando Jordan shows up with a chair to save, and JBL big boots the champ down. He gets a visual pinfall out of it, but the referee is down. Jordan tosses the official back in, but the delay allows Batista to get the shoulder up at two. Clothesline from Wall Street gets another visual pin, but a second one is countered with a spinebuster. Front-powerslam brings Jordan back into things, so Batista blasts him with a chair, and gives Bradshaw a taste as well - only for the referee to catch it, and disqualify Batista in the process at 19:52. Oh, come on. No need for that - this should have been Batista destroying him, and picking up whatever small rub Bradshaw had to give at that point. * ¼

BUExperience: Not the worst show of all time or anything, but a forgettable nothing of a card whose two big issue matches were both given the ‘this isn’t over’ booking treatment in an effort to extend the feuds for SummerSlam

DUD