WWE SummerSlam (August 2005)

Original Airdate: August 21, 2005

From Washington, D.C.; Your Hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman, Michael Cole, and Tazz

Opening WWE United States Title Match: Orlando Jordan v Chris Benoit: Benoit controls through the initial lockup, so Jordan throws a closed fist, but that only pisses Chris off. He grabs the champ in the rolling German suplex, but then changes gears after the first alarm - shifting to the Crippler Crossface for a quick win at 0:25. Well, THAT was to the point. Not much of a match, of course, but a good way to start the show with an 'anything can happen' vibe. DUD

Edge v Matt Hardy: Lita is looking fantastic here, and totally worth fighting over. Edge attack him in the aisle before the bell, but Matt fights him off, and beats him all the way into the ring. He tries choking Edge down, but Edge makes the ropes, and bails. Matt is right on him, and continues destroying Edge with punch after punch, but a ten-punch count backfires when Edge delivers a stungun onto the post, busting Hardy open. Edge works the cut for a bit, until the referee stops the match due to blood loss at 4:47. Who is he, Joe Frazier? Lame ending, though I'm using 'ending' kind of liberally here, as this wasn't really a match so much as an angle. I should also note that we're now twenty five minutes into the show, with a sum total of about five minutes of wrestling. Did they bring Russo back to book tonight? DUD

Custody of Dominick Ladder Match: Eddie Guerrero v Rey Mysterio: And speaking of Russo, no belt on the line here, as the winner gets custody of Dominick. And, unfortunately, the little shit is at ringside again, which means we're probably going to get another hour of community theater tonight. Eddie attacks at the bell, and is quick to deliver a well executed side suplex, but runs into a monkeyflip as they criss cross, and ends up out on the floor. Rey follows, but gets revered into the steps, then tossed into the ladder. Guerrero leaves him for dead in the aisle and drags the ladder into the ring, but he takes his sweet ass time in doing so, and Mysterio springboard dropkicks him off the ladder. That whole sequence looked terribly phony. Rey knocks the ladder into his with a baseball slide on the floor, and he dives after him with springboard seated senton. Mysterio climbs, but Guerrero follows, and they slug it out atop the ladder - Eddie winning with a badly botched sunsetbomb off the ladder. That was ugly. And the A/V idiots actually replay it! Eddie dropkicks the ladder in Mysterio's face, then bodyslams him onto it. That wears Rey down enough for Eddie to sandwich him between a pair of ladders and hit a slingshot somersault senton - though that hurts Eddie as much as it does Rey. Eddie climbs, but Mysterio follows and backdrops him off onto another ladder - the first ladder collapsing during the sequence, and both guys taking a nasty bump in the wreckage. Rey climbs, but Eddie dropkicks the ladder to knock him down, then alley-oops him onto it. They're trying too hard here, and it's really transparent. Guerrero climbs, so little Dominick decides to hop the rail, and tries shaking the ladder to stop the effort. He doesn't knock Eddie off, but he does manage to piss him off - Mysterio able to save the kid from a beating at the last second. Rey hits a ladder-assisted 619, then Drops the Dime. He climbs, but Eddie follows with an electric chair off the ladder, but Mysterio counters with a proper sunsetbomb. Rey climbs again, but Eddie kicks the ladder out from under him - leaving him dangling from the contract. As Mysterio falls, Guerrero helpfully catches him with a powerbomb, but a climb attempt is thwarted when Rey pulls the ladder away. That gives Eddie a turn to dangle, and Rey brings him back down to earth. Guerrero cuts off the comeback with a three-alarm rolling vertical suplex onto the ladder, and he climbs, but now Vickie Guerrero shows up, and tips the ladder over. As Vickie wrestles Eddie down to the mat, Rey makes the climb, and he wins custody at 20:19. I know the WWE fancy themselves as a live action soap opera, and at it's best wrestling is essentially that, but this had way too much focus on that aspect. **

Olympic Gold Medal Match: Kurt Angle v Eugene: Kurt marches right up and punches him in the face, then proceeds to unload on him. Eugene manages to dodge a clothesline and hit a spinebuster, but he goofs off, and runs into a clothesline anyway. Kurt delivers a two-alarm rolling German suplex and a release German suplex for two, but Eugene starts no-selling as Angle unloads turnbuckle smashes. Uranage gets two, but Angle counters a stunner with the Olympic Slam - countered back to the stunner by Eugene for two. I get that he's emulating his heroes, but this is stupid. Eugene tries for an anklelock next, but that just serves to piss Kurt off, and he Olympic Slams him. Anklelock finishes at 4:31. Wasn't really feeling this one. ¼*

The Undertaker v Randy Orton: Orton frustrates the Dead Man with some stall tactics in the early going, but gets slapped across the face. Randy sticks and moves his way to a standing side-headlock, but Undertaker escapes with a shoulderblock for two, and applies his own headlock. Criss cross allows Orton a hiptoss and a clothesline, but he runs into a big boot for two. Undertaker works a wristlock, but gets slammed off the top while trying the ropewalk forearm to give Orton two. He tries to capitalize in the corner, but runs into another boot for two, as the announcers blow Undertaker on commentary. Calm down guys, it was just a fucking big boot. Jumping clothesline gets him two, and a high knee leads to some elbowsmashes in the corner, but a cross corner big boot misses. Haha, fuck you! Randy catches him with a DDT for two, and he goes to work on the leg to capitalize on the missed boot. Randy with a kneedrop for two, and he keeps after the leg in the corner, with Undertaker actually fucking selling! And, like, doing a good job of it, even! Orton with a powerslam for two, and he tries a spinning-toehold, but Undertaker escapes, so Randy clips him and grabs a leglock. Undertaker escapes and manages a guillotine legdrop on the apron, followed by the ropewalk forearm. That move seems needlessly high risk when the ultimate payoff is basically just a forearm shot. It's okay for squashes, but why risk it in big match situations? Reverse STO gets two, and the snake-eyes sets up another jumping clothesline, but Randy blocks with a dropkick. RKO, but Undertaker blocks. Tombstone, but Orton reverses. Undertaker reverses back, but Orton counters with an inverted headlock backbreaker for a dramatic two. Flying bodypress, but Undertaker counters with a chokeslam. Cue Bob Orton (disguised as a fan) for a distraction, allowing Randy to execute the RKO at 17:17. Ugh, would it have killed them to have the leg factor into the (shitty) finish? The WrestleMania match was three minutes shorter, and made about the same point. Less Undertaker is more Undertaker. *

WWE Title Match: John Cena v Chris Jericho: Jericho grabs a standing side-headlock out of the initial lockup, and wins a criss cross with a shoulderblock. Cena doesn't take that well, and slugs at him, but Jericho gets the best of it, and vertical suplexes the champ. Spinheel kick knocks John-boy to the apron, but Jericho's attempt to capitalize with a springboard bodypress is dodged, and they spill to the floor. John tackles him against the announce table out there, then hits a cross corner elbowsmash on the way back in. Another try is blocked with a dropkick, however, and Jericho unloads with a series of mounted punches. Hanging vertical suplex gets the challenger two, and a dropkick sets up a chinlock. Chris gives up on that and tosses John-boy to the outside for dropkick off the apron, and he chokes him down with some electrical cable. Back in, Chris plants him with a superplex for two, but a corner charge hits boot, and Cena backdrops him. Pair of clotheslines follow, but the jumping shoulderblock misses, and Chris bulldogs him. Lionsault is dodged, but Jericho manages to counter the FU into the Walls - only for Cena to block, and deliver a flying legdrop to the back of the head for two. FU, but Chris counters with a DDT for two, then adds a backbreaker to setup a series of three elbowdrops. Jericho chokes him down as the crowd rallies for the champ, and he satisfies them with a lariat. Slugfest goes Cena's way, and he makes his usual comeback - only to have the Five Knuckle Shuffle countered to the Walls. Cena makes the ropes, so Jericho stomps the crap out of his head (in a visually impressive bit that was perfectly safe), then side superplexes him for two. Bulldog, but Cena counters with the FU at 14:49 to retain. Too much of the finisher-reversal-finisher stuff that's became the norm around this period (which continues to this day, though now we have to deal with it at all levels of the card, as opposed to just the top stuff), but fine. **

World Heavyweight Title No Holds Barred Match: Batista v John Bradshaw Layfield: JBL tries a sneak attack through a veil of pyro while Batista makes his entrance, but gets clobbered. Hey, at least he tried. They brawl around the entrance area for a bit, then into the crowd, where Bradshaw grabs a chair - only to get speared by Batista through the guardrail. Now at ringside, Bradshaw manages to post the champ, and he hits a short-clothesline on the way into the ring for the first time. Bradshaw grabs a belt and whips the champ for a bit, then chokes him with it for an extended period. Batista escapes with a side suplex, and gets some revenge with the strap. Charge in the corner misses, however, and Bradshaw catches him with the Clothesline from Wall Street, but only for two. Desperate, Bradshaw brings the steps into the ring, and sets up a JBL Bomb off of them, but Batista counters with a backdrop. Batista with a spinebuster and the Batista Bomb, but he opts not to cover. Instead, he decides to deliver another Bomb onto the steps, and we're done at 9:05. Basically the same deal as the Cena/Bradshaw stuff from earlier in the year, though not quite as good. And, with that, we pretty much mark the end of Bradshaw's time as a main event level player. *

Main Event: Hulk Hogan v Shawn Michaels: This is the first match between the two legends, and both are undefeated in singles matches at SummerSlam going in. Though, to be fair, Hogan had only wrestled in a sum total of one singles match at SummerSlam prior to this - this his first match at the event since all the way back in 1991. Always seemed like he was at more of them. Hulk controls the first few lockups with power - Shawn pinballing around off of the shoves, setting a precedent. Michaels manages a standing hammerlock into a headlock, but Hulk is both taller and stronger, and easily escapes. Shawn way oversells the resulting shoulderblock with a double back flip out of the ring, then gets whipped into the corner on the way back in - overselling like Curt Hennig doing speedballs with Marty Jannetty. Shawn rakes the eyes to slow the Hulkster down, but runs into a backdrop, and gets clotheslined over the top - doing another crazy oversell in the process. Slingshot brings him back in, and Hogan sends him flying with a clothesline. Another backdrop, but Michaels manages to block, and he unloads some chops in the corner - triggering Hogan's patented Bozo the Clown hairdo. No wonder he doesn't like to sell. Cross corner whip gets reversed to send Shawn flying to the outside, and Hulk follows with a slam onto the announce table. Hulk gets reversed into the post, however, and Michaels kindly gives him a second trip into it for free. What a guy! Back in, Shawn unloads a long series of punches to bust the Hulkster open - now giving him the coloring of a clown to match the hair. Sleeper gives me a chance to ponder how odd it is that Shawn today, in 2015, is still two years younger than Hogan was during this match. And, yet, Hulk is the one who still wants to wrestle. Hogan fades, but escapes via a side suplex, so Shawn keeps him down with a diving forearm before he can recover. That sets up a flying elbowdrop, but Hulk rolls out of the way. He starts to comeback, but Shawn counters the big boot with another diving forearm - taking out the referee in the process. That's enough to allow him the flying elbow, but he changes his mind halfway up the ropes - responding to the crowds taunting by hopping down, and slapping a sharpshooter on Hogan, all while wearing an evil little smirk. Hulk gets the ropes to escape, which seems kind of ridiculous given how poorly executed the hold was, and how tiny Shawn is. Also kinda ridiculous that they stopped the Edge/Hardy match on account of Matt's minor bladejob, yet Hogan is bleeding proverbial buckets here, and no one seems to care. Michaels throws a low blow to thwart another comeback effort, and whacks Hulk with a chair to setup a flying elbowdrop. He's seen WrestleMania V, however, so no cover. Superkick looks to finish, but we have a HULK UP!! Fists of Fury! Big Boot (triggering a crazy, exposing sell job from Michaels)! Legdrop! 21:24! I wasn't following the WWE almost at all at this point, but even I had to rent SummerSlam on DVD at Blockbuster when it came out, just to see this one. And while it’s not really a great match (Hogan was never the best wrestler to begin with, but he was really limited by 2005), it was certainly entertaining – though Shawn’s obnoxious oversell jobs were a bit distracting at points, and I never really bought him as a threat. *

BUExperience: This past summer, Aaron George did a scientific ranking of all the SummerSlam events over at PTBN, and ranked the 2005 show as the greatest SummerSlam of all time (and the 1992 edition as the worst). When I read it, I remember thinking that claiming 2005 as the greatest SummerSlam sounded dubious, but since I had never seen the complete show, I couldn’t really feel too strongly about it one way or the other. Now that I have? It’s fucking insane! I mean, I respect any fans opinion and I admire the process he used to formulate his rankings, but come on!

DUD