WWF Saturday Night's Main Event XIX (Version II)

Original Airdate: January 7, 1989

From Tampa, Florida; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura

We take a look back at the Brutus Beefcake/Ron Bass angle from back over the summer - complete with the infamous giant red X to censor the blood after Bass gouged Beefcake with his spurs. They should bring that back. Beefcake's bladejob was completely tame, but as a kid, seeing that giant red X made me think it was something horrible and gruesome. Like, if they felt the need to censor it, it must be REALLY bad. Sometimes it's better to let the audiences imagination fill in the blanks

Backstage, Ron Bass prepares to play 50 Shades of Pink with Brutus Beefcake. Meanwhile, Beefcake just, like, wants to cut some hair, man

Hair v Hair Match: Brutus Beefcake v Ron Bass: Beefcake's looking pudgy as fuck here. Bass attacks him with the bullwhip on the way in, but Brutus fights him off, and Ron bails before Beefcake can lash him with it. Guess the 50 Shades role play game is back on! Brutus nails him with a high knee to send him back to the floor again, and then unloads with mounted punches when Bass climbs back in. Ten-punch, but Bass counters with an inverted atomic drop, then follows with a stomachbreaker. Ron with a piledriver, but he decides to stop the count to add more punishment. Uh-oh. He drops Brutus throat-first across the top rope, but again lets off the count. He goes for Beefcake's sheers instead, but, of course, gets caught in the Sleeper at 7:40. Beefcake's hip gyrations while applying the Sleeper are making me really uncomfortable. And not because of the gay overtones, but because he's actively trying to put Bass to sleep against his will, while slamming his dick against his ass. That's just not cool. The match was fine, though Beefcake as a worker still hadn't really gotten to the point where he could carry his end of these types of bouts, and his initial blitz/comeback were pretty lackluster. Luckily he was booked as a babyface, because he did a good job of selling the heat segment, though. * (Original rating: ¼*)

Backstage, Big Boss Man, Akeem, and Slick set civil rights back about forty years. Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan is ready to standup for racial injustice everywhere, brother

Hulk Hogan v Akeem: Akeem tries a sneak attack, but Hogan (somehow, some way) dodges the charging fat man, and takes him down for two. That reminded me of that scene from the first Austin Powers, where the steamroller is coming at the guard at a snail-like pace. Like, seriously, how do you NOT dodge Akeem? Anyway, the Hulkster unloads on him, and even stops to go after Big Boss Man and Slick on the outside. That allows Akeem to recover enough to use the full faculty of his belly to block a bodyslam, but makes the mistake of trying a charge again, and you can guess how that goes. Hulk unloads turnbuckle smashes and clotheslines, as Akeem tries to offend as wide an audience as possible with his selling. Can you even imagine them trying a character like Akeem today, in their ultra-PC environment? Hulk keeps destroying both Akeem and Boss Man with ease, and give it to the big man, he's selling like a mofo for Hogan here - pinballing all around the ring. A ref bump allows Boss Man to come in with the nightstick to turn the tide, however, and the Twin Towers unload on the Hulkster. As this beating goes on, we see that Randy Savage is watching on a monitor backstage, but he doesn't seem to be in any rush to go out there and help. With Hulk getting wrecked, Elizabeth finally dashes up the aisle to go get Savage, but the backstage cameras reveal that he still refuses to help. The lighting of the backstage scenes is rather masterful, making Savage look like one of the witches surrounding the cauldron, plotting something, like in Macbeth. Though, he's ultimately proven correct, as out in the ring, Hulk starts no-selling, and beats up all the heels by himself. Backstage, Savage is all 'I told you so!' but his gloating proves premature, as the referee wakes up in time to see Boss Man crack Hulk with the nightstick ahead of the Legdrop - getting Akeem disqualified at 8:00. The Towers proceed to beat Hogan down again after the bell, but when they set their sights on Elizabeth, THAT shit brings Macho out in a hurry. The match was nothing, but the angle (and all its nuances) was solid gold, brother! * (Original rating: DUD)

Backstage, Honky Tonk Man works to tune up his guitar. I think he might be missing some of the finer points of this whole 'wrestling' thing, quite frankly. Meanwhile, the Ultimate Warrior gives Beefcake a run for his thrusting money

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Ultimate Warrior v Honky Tonk Man: Honky tries running away, but Warrior drags him back down the aisle to take his medicine. Again, I don't think this Honky fella quite understands the finer points. It's one thing when he was the champion, quite another as the challenger. Warrior press-slams him into the ring and actually uses a leapfrog (!) during a criss cross - beating Honky all around the ring. Honky takes a cheap shot with Jimmy Hart's megaphone to turn the tide, but Warrior gets bored, and starts no-selling. Series of turnbuckle smashes setup a splash, but Honky lifts his knees to block, and covers for two. Warrior quickly gets bored again, however, and a jumping shoulderblock finishes at 5:07. Kinda figured he'd kill the Shake Rattle 'n' Roll there, but I guess not. Just shows how well booked to their strengths the SummerSlam 'match' was. ½* (Original rating: ¼*)

Backstage, the Twin Towers and Slick are in a jovial mood. Well, as a fortune cookie once told me, 'happiness is a full belly'

Also backstage, Bobby Heenan feels Red Rooster kinda sucks - despite being his manager. They don't call him 'the Brain' for nothing

Tito Santana v Red Rooster: They trade off in the early going, and Tito dropkicks him down for a splash for two. Bobby Heenan is so frustrated with his charge, that he seeks George Steinbrenner's advice, since big George is at ringside tonight. That's kinda amazing, actually. Rooster fires back with a chincrusher, but can't string a follow-up together, and Tito sweeps him down for some mounted punches. Rooster tries a sunset flip, but Santana blocks, and delivers a hellacious earringer! Bobby flipping out on the floor is a thing of beauty! Backdrop sets up the Figure Four, but Rooster grabs a handful of hair (in full view of the referee) to block, and Heenan snaps! He pulls Rooster to the floor to berate him (cheating's fine, but IN FULL VIEW OF THE REFEREE?!?!?!), and it's just fucking hilarious. 'He's treating you like he owns you!' Bobby dresses him down, but makes the mistake of getting physical, and Rooster is not pleased. Santana vertical suplexes him back in for two, but gets kicked in the face as he tries a backdrop, and Rooster follows up with a kneedrop for two. Backbreaker gets two, but Tito counters a vertical suplex with an inside cradle for two. Rooster tries to keep control, but runs into a backslide for two. Rooster plants him with a well executed piledriver for two, but mistimes a stungun (he drops him on the middle rope - which still works, so it's not a botch), but Tito blocks a sharpshooter, and clotheslines Rooster over the top. A frustrated Heenan rolls him back in before he's ready, however, and Santana schoolboys him at 7:27. Afterwards, Heenan continues to run him down and publically embarrass him, and Rooster has had ENOUGH! Watching Bobby go from abuse to cowering in the span of about five seconds is phenomenal. Not exactly the Mega Powers breakup here, as far as angles go, but it was a well done midcard angle. For those of you confused, back then they actually wrote angles specifically for the midcard guys too, and it got over, and everything! Solid match, too. ** ½ (Original rating: **)

Backstage, Mr. Perfect feels naked

Mr. Perfect v Koko B. Ware: Koko doesn't even get a pre-match interview, so you can guess how this is going to go. Ware fights off the pre-match blitz and sends Perfect to the floor with a dropkick, then controls with an armdrag on the way back in. Big (well executed) criss cross ends in Koko hitting another armdrag, so Perfect swipes at the face, and tries a turnbuckle smashes. Does he not know better? Did they not have black guys in the AWA? When that (predictably) doesn't work, Perfect tries a standing dropkick, but Koko throws a headbutt, followed by a clothesline. Corner charge misses, however, and the Perfect-Plex finishes at 3:10. More competitive than I expected it to be. ¾* (Original rating: ¼*)

Backstage, Hulk Hogan gives himself a breast exam. BUT WHAT ABOUT ELIZABETH?!?! Verdict: the Hulkatitties are a-ok, just as is the friendship of the Mega Powers! By spell check wants to turn ‘Hulkatitties’ into ‘hilarities,’ but don’t worry, because I stood up to our computer overlords, as there’s NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT HULK HOGAN’S NIPS, DAMMIT!

BUExperience: A fun episode for the most part – particularly the Mega Powers/Twin Towers and Heenan/Rooster angles. I'm kinda surprised how little (as in, practically zero) buildup there was for the following weeks Royal Rumble pay per view on this show, but then, this episode was taped nearly a month before it came to air, so perhaps that has something to do with it