Monday, February 22, 2016

WWE Fastlane (February 2016)



Original Airdate: February 21, 2016

From Cleveland, Ohio; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and John Bradshaw Layfield

Opening Match: Team B.A.D. v Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch: Naomi jumps them while Sasha and Becky argue over hair-dye expenses, but Tamina gets caught in a double-team, and Becky drops a series of legs for two. Naomi walks into a leg-and-arm suplex, and the Team B.A.D. takes a tandem baseball slide on the floor, but Becky gets clobbered out there, and left to die for a countout. She beats it back in, but Naomi is ready with a whooping, as Team B.A.D. cut the ring in half. Sasha's outfit nicely matches the show logos here, which shows why she's the star. Becky fights of Tamina long enough to lunge for the tag, but Naomi pulls Banks off the apron to prevent a tag, and Tamina tosses Becky to the floor to cut her off again. Well, that's just not very nice. She manages to backdrop Naomi over the top to get the tag for reals, and Sasha is a salon of fire! Bank Statement looks to finish Naomi, but Tamina pulls her off, and Sasha runs into the Rear View during the resulting chase. Funny bit, as Naomi misses a charge in the corner, so Tamina tags in by slapping her ass. She makes do, you gotta give her that. Superkick takes Sasha's head off for two when Becky saves, and the brawl is on - Bank Statement finishing Tamina at 9:50. My brother (who is a non-fan that attended a RAW with me last month) noted that, when he sees the women work, they just don't look as realistically as the men do. That was certainly the case for a good portion of this match (the choreography is really obvious), but they worked hard, and it was really well paced. * ¼

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Kevin Owens v Dolph Ziggler: I actually saw this match at the RAW I attended, and it was pretty good, so lets see how this goes. Dolph with cornrows is... interesting. I guess we all have our own individual, personal ways of celebrating Black History Month. Owens attacks at the bell, and pounds him down for a side-headlock. Dolph tries countering, but Kevin holds the headlock firm, and shoulderblocks him down for two, before switching to a front-facelock. Owens gives Ziggler a HARD whip into the corner, one that would make even Bret Hart cringe, and Dolph is understandably a bit loopy after that one. Kevin responds by standing on his chest and delivering a senton for two, since he's such a humanitarian. Chinlock, but Dolph escapes, and a stinger splash sets up a swinging neckbreaker - only for an elbowdrop to miss, and Owens to squash him with another senton, this one across the back. Nice sequence there, but it only gets two, and the champ goes back to the chinlock. Charge in the corner misses, however, and Dolph gives him another stinger splash - this time making it a double feature before adding the neckbreaker, then delivering FOUR elbowdrops for two. Wow, talk about overcompensating. Fameasser, but Owens dodges, and a weird miscommunication during a criss cross ends in Ziggler getting crotched on the ropes. That sequence was ugly. Owens with a somersault bodyblock in the corner for two, but Ziggler fires back with a DDT for two. Superplex, but Owens counters with a fisherman's superplex - only to walk into a superkick on the floor. In for the Zig Zag, but Owens hangs onto the top rope to block, and they trade superkicks to send them back out to the floor. Kevin tries a powerbomb out there, but Dolph counters with a rana into the steps, and he brings him in for the Fameasser for two. Superkick, but Owens dodges, and delivers the Pop-Up Powerbomb to retain at 15:10. Man, I love me some Kevin Owens. His style is so hard-hitting and realistic, and though it nearly killed him a couple of times, Ziggler did a good job of keeping up with him for the most part. They appeared to be having some major communication issues here though, and the match suffered from poor flow between the sequences. **

Six-Man Tag Team Match: The Wyatt Family v Ryback, Big Show, and Kane: Ryback's new gear makes him look even more like a bootleg Goldberg - which is probably the intent. He starts with Erick Rowan, and quickly delivers a 2nd rope dropkick for two - called a 'high elbow' by the crack announce team. Tag to Show, as the faces make Rowan their collective bitch, but Ryback runs into a backelbow, and Luke Harper tags in with a dropkick. Over to Braun Strowman, as the Wyatt's cut the ring in half on Goldback. Actually, if he ever DID return, that would be a good team name for them. Better than Ryberg, anyway. Ryback fights them off long enough to tag to Kane - who stupidly decides to go after all the Wyatt's in their own corner, and gets clobbered. Kinda hard to feel bad for him, given the circumstances. Strowman misses a big boot in the corner to allow the tag to Ryback, and he's a GNC of fire! It's like a going out of business sale for clotheslines and bodyslams! Shell Shock finishes Harper at 10:40. Not much here, but it was energetic. ¾*

WWE Divas Title Match: Charlotte v Brie Bella: Seeing the male referee's hold up the Divas title in such dramatic fashion is always funny. Brie's new hairy boots are interesting, and make sense given that she's a hippy chick. Charlotte tries to taunt her vis-à-vis Daniel Bryan, but Brie doesn't take it well, and grabs a wristlock. Charlotte counters with a headscissors, so Brie just straight up starts punching her in the face to escape. Ah, just like at the Olympics. Sloppy sequence ends in Brie armdragging her over, and mocking Ric Flair. Hey, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, as Gorilla Monsoon might say. Brie starts firing off kicks, but Charlotte uses a headscissors to send her to the floor. Inside, Charlotte tries a whiplash, but Brie counters with a sunset flip for two, so Charlotte clotheslines her back down for two. Both girls are suddenly covered in random spots of blood as this goes on, and the referee responds by busting out a pair of latex gloves. There's a good period/gynecologist joke in there, but I'm way too classy to make it. I'll leave it you, the reader, to come up with one yourself. That way I don't have to, because while I may be classy, I'm also really lazy. But then, I'm also all about efficiency, and this checks all three boxes. You know, just like the box the referee put those latex gloves on to check. Um, anyway, Charlotte grabs a bow-and-arrow, but it goes nowhere, and Brie hooks a crucifix cradle for two. Sleeper, but Charlotte escapes, and gives her the figure four headscissors. Big boot misses, however, and Brie drop-toeholds her down for a running kneesmash. Forearm gets two, as Brie stops to cry? I think we have officially solved the mystery of the phantom blood, guys. Sweetheart Charlotte responds by kicking her in the face, but the Figure Four gets blocked, and Bella dropkicks her out of the ring to setup a baseball slide. That whole sequence looked horribly phony, and choreographed. Brie with a missile dropkick on the way back in, and a series of kicks setup a sitout facebuster for two. Charlotte tries for the Figure Four again, but Brie counters with a Yes-Lock, so Ric tries to drag his baby into the ropes, but Bella is ready by shifting into a half-crab. Charlotte escapes, however, and the Figure Eight finishes at 12:27. Good effort, but not a particularly good match. *

AJ Styles v Chris Jericho: This is another match I saw at RAW last month, and I'm looking forward to this rematch. They trade hammerlocks to start, and Styles hooks a quick victory cradle for two. Criss cross goes Jericho's way with a schoolboy into the Walls, but AJ blocks, and another reversal sequence ends in Styles trying for the Calf Crusher, but Jericho's in the ropes. AJ takes a breather on the floor as the crowd chants for both guys, then back in, Jericho tries for the Walls again, but Styles counters with a rana. Kneedrop gets two, and they trade chops - ending in Jericho hitting a flying axehandle, but then running into a dropkick. AJ with a snap suplex, but he runs into a backdrop, and this time Jericho is able to string together a follow-up by clotheslining him over the top for a baseball slide. Whip into the rail out there before heading back in for a flying bodypress for two, and Chris grounds him with a chinlock. Chris takes a bump to the floor off a missed corner charge, and AJ is right on him with a plancha - only for Jericho to dropkick him out of the air! The replay shows how crazy well timed that spot way. Chris hurts his knee doing it, however, but still manages a slingshot splash for two on the way back in. Styles starts throwing clotheslines, and a snapmare sets up a seated diving forearm. He tries the Phenomenon, but mistimes it, and ends up hitting a kinda-Russian legsweep for two instead. That did not look good. Clash, but Jericho counters into the Walls - blocked by AJ. Chris responds with an enzuigiri for two, but he runs into a wheelbarrow facebuster for two - called a 'bulldog' by the announcers. Don't they have Joey Styles on the payroll still? Can't he help these goofs? And can't we just fire them while we're at it? Jericho dodges a dropkick and executes the Lionsault for two, but Styles escapes a superplex - in another awkward looking spot. Man, the wide shots reveal that they are using an obnoxious number of 'Fastlane' logos throughout the building tonight. Sometimes, less is more. Battle of the springboards, as Styles tries a springboard, but gets countered with a springboard dropkick for two. That was cute. Jericho tries a vertical suplex, but gets countered with the Pele Kick. AJ tries capitalizing with a rana off the top, but gets countered into the Walls on the way down - making the ropes. Chris punishes him with a swing into the rail, and he decides to slap on the Liontamer out there. With the referee's count growing, Chris releases, and rolls in to leave AJ to eat the countout, but Styles beats it in. Frustrated, Jericho resorts to slapping him around, but AJ counters a double-underhook powerbomb with a rana, and wins a reversal sequence with the Clash - for two! Man, I thought that was the finish for sure. Calf Crusher finishes for real at 16:23. Lots of awkward sequences before they found their groove, but strong overall, with good use of in-ring storytelling. ***

R-Truth v Curtis Axel: Truth fights off all the Social Outcasts at the bell, but gets overwhelmed, and pounded down. Goldust responds by tripping up Axel, but he schoolboys Truth anyway at 2:17. Why was this on pay per view? DUD

Main Event: #1 Contender's Triple Threat Match: Roman Reigns v Brock Lesnar v Dean Ambrose: First fall wins it. The former Shield try to gang up, but Brock barely even breaks a sweat fighting them both off. Can't fault them for trying, but come on. Brock puts little Dean in a timeout on the floor so he can properly suplex the shit out of Roman Reigns, but Ambrose keeps trying to save. He stupidly tries to German suplex the beast, and eats an overhead suplex for being an idiot. I can see trying to double-up on him as a good strategy, but there's nothing wise about pissing him off by trying suplexes. Brock continues suplexing everything that moves, as they try to build (non existent) sympathy for Reigns by having him take the majority of the punishment. Not a bad strategy, but the crowd just isn't having it. They just love Brock for being dominant, and who can blame them? F5 on Reigns looks to finish, but Dean makes the save. Ambrose tries talking his way out of the resulting beating, but Brock is in no mood. Dean takes a series of German suplexes, but Reigns saves him from the F5 with a Spear for two. Superman Punch knocks Brock to the outside, and Roman goes after him with another one out there, but gets caught with an attempted F5 on an announce table - Dean saving by blowing him low. Reigns and Ambrose work together to tandem-powerbomb Lesnar through a table, and with Brock finally down, they're left to fight each other. Dean blitzes him on the way back in, and executes a bulldog to setup a flying elbowsmash for two. Neckbreaker, but Reigns blocks and big boots him - only for Dean to rebound back with a lariat! Meanwhile, Brock is pulling himself out of wreckage, and Ambrose wisely suggests that they stop wearing each other down and go deal with that problem first. That's some awesome psychology, that's too often lost during Triple Threat matches. Like, usually Brock would just run in and start destroying them again, rather than them voluntarily taking a break to nip the Lesnar issue in the bud. Shield tandem-powerbomb him through another announce table, and this time bury him in the wreckage for good measure. Ha, I love it! Okay, back to fighting each other now, and this time Reigns is the aggressor - blitzing Dean with clotheslines in the corner. Ambrose tries going up, but Reigns blocks an elbowsmash with the Superman. Spear, but Ambrose blocks with a big boot, and the Dirty Deeds gets two. Man, the crowd really wanted that to be the finish. Maybe because Ambrose actually does a good job of building sympathy? You guys should look into that. Deeds again, but Reigns counters with a Samoan drop - only for Lesnar to run in, and grab Roman in a release German suplex WHILE he's dropping Ambrose like a Samoan. That was fucking awesome, and the crowd loved it! Reigns recovers first with the Spear, but Brock is able to grab the kimura-lock before he can cover! Reigns starts to power out, but here's Dean with a chair to beat both guys down. Again, the crowd is fully behind Ambrose getting it done here - so, of course, Reigns Spears him out of nowhere for the pin at 16:27. We're reaching 1988 NWA levels of FUCK YOU booking here. Look, Brock Lesnar suplexing shit for fifteen minutes is always entertaining, and when that 'shit' in question is Roman Reigns, well, all the better. Fun match, with the former Shield working together against the Terminator-like Lesnar, though Reigns is still not near over at the level they need him to be, with one month to go until WrestleMania. *** ½  

BUExperience: The main event is definitely worth checking out, and Styles/Jericho is good (if flawed), but overall I wouldn’t bother with this show. Unless you’re a really big Roman Reigns mark, of course! Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

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