WWE WrestleMania 23 (April 2007)

Original Airdate: April 1, 2007

From Detroit, Michigan; Your Hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles, and Tazz

Opening Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Booker T v Mr. Kennedy v Edge v Randy Orton v Jeff Hardy v Matt Hardy v Finlay v CM Punk: You know, simple openers to warm up the crowd are really a lost art form in the modern era WrestleMania's. Everyone goes out for the ladder right away, so Finlay dives onto the dog pile with a flying bodypress. This allows Edge to have the ring to himself, and he climbs, but Matt Hardy pulls him down, and they spill to the outside. In comes Orton and Finlay for a foot race up the ladder, but a slugfest at the top ends in both men going down. Jeff Hardy climbs next, but Kennedy tips the ladder over, and now THEY slug it out. Kennedy looks a shit ton like Hardcore Holly in the wide angle shots. Punk starts wildly swinging a ladder on the outside, so Edge throws one at his head to stifle him (yeah, that'll generally do it), but a vertical suplex on the floor is reversed. Inside, Booker hits all comers with spinebusters, but the Hardy's team up to sandwich him with a ladder. Matt hits Edge with a Side Effect, but an attempt to use the ladders in a seesaw fashion is interrupted by Finlay, and Edge vertical suplexes Matt through a ladder. Kennedy capitalizes with a Kenton Bomb on a ladder, but Matt rolls out of the way, and Kennedy hits steel - punctuated by Jeff with the Swanton Bomb! The Hardy's use a ladder to hold the high ground, but this isn't a tag match, and they realize that when both brothers climb, and reach the top at the same time. They slug it out, but Finlay helps them settle it by simply tipping both off of the ladder. Edge starts passing out spears like candy, but misses one on Punk, and knocks himself silly on the turnbuckle. Punk grabs a ladder and starts airplane spinning with it, but Edge manages to go low with a spear to stop that party - taking out Orton and Finlay in the process. Edge brings in a super sized ladder, and he climbs, but Randy tips it over - Edge bumping all the way to the floor. His own fault - why bother bringing in another ladder, when there are already several perfectly good ones in the ring? Edge ends up on a ladder that is planked between the ring and the barricade, and Jeff comes off the top of the super ladder with a flying legdrop to put the Rated R-Superstar through it! Wild! The match grinds to a halt as EMTs come to wheel Edge away, before picking up with Orton hitting all comers with RKOs in the ring. He climbs, but Punk comes in with another ladder to knock him off. CM climbs, but Orton is following up an adjacent ladder, and he brings Punk down with an RKO off the top! Orton tries the same trick on Booker, but gets countered with a Book End off the ladder, and Booker climbs. He's nearly there, but then stops when he sees Matt going after Sharmell, and ends up eating a cutter. Matt climbs, but Finlay tips the ladder over - and ouch, it looks like Finlay has somehow managed to get busted open from the top of his damn cranium! Finlay punishes Hardy with a Samoan drop onto the ladder, but he's too battered to climb, so Hornswoggle shows up, and does it for him. He gets to the top, but it met up there by Kennedy, and takes an absolutely insane rolling fireman's carry slam from the top of the ladder! It's a legit miracle he didn't end up in a wheelchair after that one. Unfortunately for him, Finlay swats him with the ladder before he can climb, and he makes his own slow climb attempt - only for Punk to dropkick him off. Punk climbs, but Kennedy uses another ladder to knock him off, and he gets the case at 19:10. As wild and crazy as you'd expect, though again, a little too much too soon for an opener, and the finish was kind of bland. I'd bump it up to four-stars with a better finish, but as is, I think this falls just shy of that mark. *** ¾

Kane v Great Khali: Something about the staging here is making this legit huge building/crowd look a lot less impressive than it should. Which is kinda funny, considering they used to be so good at doing the exact opposite in the 90s, when they'd run small buildings, and make them look huge on TV. They match power to start, with Khali dominating, and sending Kane to the outside. Kane tries snapping his throat across the top rope on the way back in, but Khali basically no-sells it, and clobbers him with a clothesline. Bodyslam leads to a nervehold, then some choking in the corner, but Kane gets some traction with some right hands. Flying clothesline leaves Khali tied up in the ropes, so Kane brings a tow chain into the ring, but Khali slugs him off before he can use it. I'm assuming the tow chain made sense in the context of the build for this match, otherwise that's gotta be the most random weapon ever. Kane uses the chain to crotch the giant, and a bodyslam gets two. Near falls off of bodyslams? Did we time travel back to 1975, or something? Chokeslam, but Khali reverses, and we're done at 5:32. Total junk, but at least it was over quickly enough. DUD

WWE United States Title Match: Chris Benoit v Montel Vontavious Porter: Feeling out process to start, with Porter doing his best to outwrestle the champion. He manages to block both a German suplex and the Crippler Crossface, but that's just managed to piss Benoit off. Chris goes for the Sharpshooter, but Porter manages to block that as well, so and he controls a reversal sequence, but has a headlock countered into the Crossface - MVP using the ropes to save himself before Chris can get it applied. Chris tries a superplex, but Porter manages to block that as well, and Benoit crashes to the mat on his arm. MVP works the part, but a roundhouse kick is countered into a three-alarm rolling German suplex, and Chris goes up - only to get crotched. MVP brings him down with a vertical superplex, so Benoit thinks fast, and actually counters it into a cradle for two upon landing! That was really cool, and probably should have been saved for a finish instead of a throwaway two count. Porter cuts him off by throwing him arm-first into the corner, and a side suplex is worth two. Porter keeps the hurt on the arm, and a big boot gets him two. Bodyslam, but Benoit counters to the Crossface - Porter able to block by slugging at the bad arm. Another try at the bodyslam is more successful, and an elbowdrop follows for two. Yeah dude, unless you're the Rock, no one is buying an elbowdrop as a near fall, sorry. Big boot in the corner, but Chris ducks, and starts hitting rolling Germans again. Flying headbutt looks to finish, and what do you know, it does at 9:21. I was really expecting a kick out there. The match was good, but watching Benoit in 2007 is depressing now. It's funny, because I've watched hundreds of Benoit matches in recent years, and usually I don't think about 'it,' but now that we're getting closer to the end, it's definitely much more uncomfortable. ***

World Heavyweight Title Match: Batista v Undertaker: Batista goes right at him with a spear, and he unloads with rights in the corner, but Undertaker turns the tables on him. Batista keeps coming with a cross corner whip and a clothesline over the top, but 'Taker lands on his feet, and pulls the champion out after him for a brawl. It backfires when Batista ends up whipping him into the steps out there, and the Animal delivers a flying shoulderblock for two on the way back in. Undertaker tries fighting back with a big boot, but Batista simply rebounds at him with a clothesline for two. These two are hossing it up out there tonight. Batista with a bodyslam, but 'Taker starts fighting back from his knees, and a slugfest ends in the challenger hitting a pair of corner clotheslines. Snake-eyes sets up a big boot, and a legdrop follows for two. Undertaker with a ropewalk forearm, but Batista blocks a chokeslam, so 'Taker regroups with a botched jumping clothesline for two. Looked like Batista was out of position on that one, but it didn't look terrible, at least. They spill back to the outside, where 'Taker rams the champ's face into the steps, and delivers a pretty wicked guillotine legdrop on the apron. Undertaker follows with a tope suicida, but a whip into the timekeeper's table gets reversed, and poor Lilian Garcia nearly takes a bump. They fight up onto the announce tables next, where Batista puts his challenger through one with a running powerslam, and he hustles 'Taker in to cover for two. The champion with mounted punches for two, but 'Taker blocks the Batista Bomb, so he uses a belly-to-belly suplex on his challenger instead for two. Ten-punch count, but 'Taker counters with the Last Ride for two. After more than half a decade of that spot, you'd think guys would have it scouted by now. Frankly, it's a major point deduction at this stage, because it makes zero sense. Batista with a spinebuster, but Undertaker chokeslams him for two before he can follow-up. Tombstone, but Batista counters with a spear, and he lands the Batista Bomb for two. Back to the Bomb a second time, but this one is countered with a backdrop, so Batista tries to save face with a tombstone - but gets reversed for the pin at 15:48. Good power match here, with both guys going out of their way to try and steal the show, and keeping a great pace. *** ½ (Original rating: ** ¾)

Eight-Man Tag Team Match: The ECW Originals v The New Breed: Sabu starts with Matt Striker, and hits a few springboard moves right away. Over to Sandman for a flying guillotine legdrop for two, but Matt gets the tag to Elijah Burke. Tommy Dreamer comes in for a tandem backelbow, but he runs into a cheap shot from Marcus Cor Von, and Marcus tags in to hit him with a butterfly suplex. Back to Burke for a tandem backdrop, as the New Breed work Tommy over. Dreamer manages a double-neckbreaker on Burke and Cor Von to allow the tag to Rob Van Dam, and he comes in hot on Striker. Five Star Frogsplash looks to finish, but Kevin Thorn cuts him off, and Roseanne Barr the door! Rob hits Rolling Thunder on Striker, but gets pulled to the outside by Cor Von, so Sabu dives onto both with a plancha. Everyone ends up in a dog pile on the outside, so Rob uses the time to sneak in and Frogsplash Striker at 6:28. Reminded me of the eight-man from WrestleMania VIII - short, peppy, and inoffensive, but basically a bathroom break. ½*

Hair v Hair Match: Umaga v Bobby Lashley: The hair on the line belongs to Vince McMahon and Donald Trump, represented by Umaga and Lashley, respectively. Lashley is the ECW World Champion and Umaga is the WWE Intercontinental Champion, but neither title is up for grabs. Also, Steve Austin acts as the special guest referee for this. Slugfest goes Lashley's way to start, but he gets too aggressive, and Austin has to step in. Bobby with a 2^nd rope flying shoulderblock, but Armando Alejandro Estrada puts his mans foot on the ropes at two. Seems like he probably should have saved that card for later. I mean, if you can't kick out of a shoulderblock two minutes into a match, you have no business headlining a WrestleMania. Lashley kicks the shit out of Estrada, which allows Umaga to recover and charge, but Bobby sidesteps, and Umaga takes a wild over the top bump to the outside! Umaga basically no-sells it, and heads right back in, so Lashley tries a spear - only for Umaga to sidestep this time, and Bobby to take an equally wild bump to the outside. Man, they're not phoning it in, that much is for sure. Umaga rolls him in to hit with a splash for two, but he gets too overzealous with some choking, and incurs the wrath of Stone Cold. Umaga with a few seated senton splashes, and a Samoan drop connects. Lashley tries a bodyslam, but Umaga is able to topple him for two - prompting McMahon to complain about the count. Bobby takes him out, but eats a reverse STO before he can do anything else. Umaga goes up, but Bobby manages to slam him off the top rope, and he's able to add a clothesline - both men left down, and taking the count. Steve reaches ten, but refuses to call it a draw, since he may be from Texas, but his name ain't 'Dusty.' Umaga gets him pounded down in the corner, but Austin gets involved again, so Shane McMahon hops onto the apron to protest. That allows Umaga to take Steve out, and Shane comes in to work Bobby over a bit to set up the Wrecking Ball. Shane finds a garbage can to set Lashley up for the Coast to Coast, and the younger McMahon sticks the landing! He tears off his shirt to reveal a referee's outfit underneath, and he instructs Umaga to finish up. Umaga comes off the top with a flying splash, but as Shane is making the count, Austin pulls him out at two, and sends him into the steps. Unfortunately for Austin, he runs into abuse from Umaga on the way back into the ring, and Vince decides to get involved again, so this time Donald comes over to tackle McMahon down - in a clip that would receive all sorts of mainstream attention ten years after the fact. With both McMahon's down, Austin is able to hit Umaga with the Stunner, and Lashley adds a spear for the pin at 13:04! Overbooked like crazy, but that's all part of the fun here. And, of course, Vince gets his head shaved afterwards. I don't think he ever grew it all the way out again, either. The match itself was fine before all the overbooking took over, and while it's hardly a mat classic, it absolutely delivered what it was supposed to, and drew crazy amounts of money in the process, so you can't really fault it. * ¾

WWE Women's Title Lumberjill Match: Melina v Ashley: It's a regular booty buffet at ringside. Ashley spears her down right away, so the champ tries to bail, but runs into the Lumberjills. Inside, Ashley tries a schoolgirl for two, and they trade bootchokes in the corner. Melina with a giant swing for two, and she works Ashley over with the bow-and-arrow. Tilt-a-whirl slam, but Ashley counters with a headscissors, and she corner whips the champion to set up a monkeyflip. 2^nd rope flying elbowdrop follows, but Melina dodges, and hooks the leg for two. Ashley with a rollup, but Melina reverses, and retains at 3:14. The Lumberjills did almost nothing, other than serve as eye candy. Until after the bell, that is, when it turns into a giant brawl with all the ladies going at it. DUD

Main Event: WWE Title Match: John Cena v Shawn Michaels: Cena and Michaels are co-holders of the World Tag Team Title at this point. It's kind of funny that angry-serious-90s Shawn would have practically killed to go on last at a WrestleMania with a crowd and buyrate like this, but it's shoulder-shrug-2000s Shawn that finally gets to do it. Feeling out process to start, with the veteran Michaels dominating. Matching power with Cena doesn't end as well, however, so Shawn sticks and moves instead - slamming Cena over the top to take things to the outside. Shawn with a leg-feed enzuigiri out there, and a springboard moonsault press follows. Inside, HBK cracks him with chops, and he starts targeting John's leg. Shawn tenaciously works the part (though in rather dull fashion, if we're being honest), but John stays in the fight until Michaels makes a mistake - missing a charge in the corner, and busting himself open in the process. Cena capitalizes with a clothesline, and he beats on his challenger with mounted punches. John-boy starts mounting his usual comeback, and the Five Knuckle Shuffle sets up the FU, but Shawn escapes. Superkick, but Cena ducks, and the referee eats it instead - taking him out. That distraction allows Cena to try the FU again, but Shawn counters with a DDT, and he takes John to the outside for a piledriver on the steps - busting Cena open from the top of the head. That nicely bookends Finlay's blood from the opener. Michaels uses all of his strength to lug Cena into the ring for the pin, and another referee sprints down to make the count, but he only gets two! Michaels keeps coming with a jumping forearm to set up a flying elbowdrop, but the Superkick is countered with a clothesline, and both men stagger up for a slugfest. Cena manages to turn it into the FU, but Shawn counters with a sunset cradle for two. Criss cross ends in John actually sticking the FU for a dramatic two count, but an attempt at one off the top rope is blocked by the challenger. Shawn dives with a flying bodypress, but Cena rolls thorough, and up to his feet for another FU - Michaels countering with the Superkick, but getting blocked. John tries taking him down for the STFU, but Shawn counters with a small package for two. Leg-feed enzuigiri, but Cena ducks it this time, and shifts down into the STFU! He has it well applied, but Shawn gets the ropes, and plows him with the Superkick upon the break, for a dramatic two count. Both guys stagger up, and Cena tries the FU again, but Michaels is immediately ready with a block - only for John to anticipate exactly that, and shift his weight into the STFU instead at 28:22. Sign of Cena's popularity: the crowd runs for the exits to beat traffic the moment the bell sounds, instead of staying for the victory celebration. As for the match... meh. Like, that's it? After all the hype over the least decade, I was honestly expecting a lot more. Instead, it was basically just business as usual for both guys, with what was effectively little more than an extended version of their standard formula matches. Besides, Shawn working heel has always been much more entertaining from a character perspective than what he brings in the ring. ***

BUExperience: It’s okay. Far from the worst, far from the best – this would certainly fall firmly in the middle of the pack in terms of WrestleMania rankings. It’s a long show, but it’s also a well formatted one, and doesn’t drag. Overall, you’ve got a strong opener, a shitty but short second match, a good, solid US title bout, a really good World title bout, a bit of filler, an entertaining exercise in overbooking, some T&A filler, and a good (if somewhat disappointing) closer. That pretty much adds up to a winner. Add in some legitimate historical significance, including the biggest buyrate in company history, and it’s a thumbs up – though not an especially enthusiastic one.

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