WWE Extreme Rules (April 2015)

From Chicago, Illinois; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, and Jerry Lawler

Opening Chicago Street Fight: Dean Ambrose v Luke Harper: Real ring aprons again tonight, yay! Ambrose attacks him in the aisle during the entrances, and brings it in for a bodypress. Luke bails, so Dean dives at him with a tope, then whips his ass into the steps. He grabs a kendo stick and goes to work on Harper, but a vertical suplex onto an unfolded chair seat is reversed. The replay reveals that he (thankfully) took that spot in a very safe way, but it still looks awesome, and that's what counts. Harper whoops him with the kendo stick for a bit, and drops him onto a chair with a snake-eyes for two. Bodyslam onto a chair gets reversed, however, and Ambrose follows with a tornado DDT. Nice snap to that one. Dropkick sets up a flying elbowsmash for two - though Harper sold that one a bit too early. Dirty Deeds, but Harper counters with a big boot - only to have his powerbomb attempt blocked. To the outside again, Dean tries another tope, but Luke catches him, to Ambrose starts beating him with a kendo stick instead. They fight backstage, and use various weapons they find along the way, until Harper dives into an SUV, and Dean hangs onto it as it speeds off at 8:17. So, to be continued then, I guess.

Kiss Me Arse Match: Sheamus v Dolph Ziggler: Sheamus taunts him at the bell, so Dolph blitzes him in the corner, and dropkicks him out of the ring. Ziggler follows with a flying DDT on the outside, but gets kicked in the face on the way back in, and Sheamus blasts him with a kneelift. He grounds Ziggler with a chinlock, so Dolph tries a rana, but gets countered with a sitout powerbomb for two. Sheamus with a pair of short-clotheslines, and he goes back to the chinlock, but Dolph slugs free, and corner splashes him. Zig Zag, but Sheamus counters into a Texas cloverleaf, so Dolph counters back into an inside cradle for two, then superkicks him for two. Fameasser (famearser?), but Sheamus counters with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two, and powerbombs him. Brogue Kick, but Dolph counters with a schoolboy for two - only to walk into a tilt-a-whirl powerslam. Sheamus tries a vertical suplex, but Ziggler counters into another inside cradle, and this time gets the pin at 9:20. However, Sheamus refuses to payoff the stipulation, and forces Dolph to do it instead. Well, what's the point of the (dull, aimless) match, then? ¾*

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Tyson Kidd and Cesaro v The New Day: Remember when everyone was talking about how Big E was a pet project of Vince's, and was destined for the world title? Yeah. Kidd starts with Kofi Kingston, and they trade off on the mat for a bit - controlled by Kofi. Kidd manages a cool counter to a hammerlock where he gets Kingston into the ropes and forces him to tie himself up, and both guys tag. Power-showdown goes Big E's way, but Cesaro manages a powerslam, and a masterful double stomp for two. Really well executed spot there. Everyone ends up on the floor for a dog pile sequence, but Kidd gets the worst of it, and New Day cut the ring in half. Big E misses a splash to allow the tag back to Cesaro, and he's a brass ring of fire! Cool sequence where Cesaro tries a slingshot, but Kofi counters into a flying bodypress - only to get caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. That one really has to be seen to full appreciate the brilliance of the timing, and execution. Four-way brawl, and the champs hit the giant swing/dropkick combo, but Big E saves, and Kofi schoolboys Cesaro to win the title at 9:45. Tremendously fun match, as Kidd and Cesaro work wonderfully as a team, and are well matched against New Day. *** ¼

Chicago Street Fight: Dean Ambrose v Luke Harper: Backstage, the SUV shows up, and both guys spill out, continuing to brawl. Ambrose dives at him with a flying elbowsmash off of the SUV, and they fight back out to the ring. Harper manages a superkick on the way in, but Dean rebounds with a lariat, and both guys retreat to the floor to find weapons. They settle for lobbing a bunch of chairs into the ring like they're working an ECW show in 1995, and Harper capitalizes first - delivering a sitout powerbomb onto a chair for two. He buries Dean in a pile of chairs, but ends up getting slammed onto them before he can dive off the top rope, and Ambrose Dirty Deeds him onto a chair for the pin at 3:40 (or 11:57 total). Apparently someone was watching WrestleMania XII recently, and thought we needed to rehash the Hollywood Backlot Brawl for a new audience. Thankfully, this one featured at least 30% fewer OJ references. Call the whole thing * ½

WWE United States Title Russian Chain Match: John Cena v Rusev: Tug-of-war to start, and Rusev corner splashes him, then touches two corners before Cena stops him with a bodyslam. Cena gets three corners, but Rusev cuts him off with an axehandle, and stomps him down. That's worth two corners, so Rusev tosses him over the top rope, and strings him up for some free kicks to the ribs. Vertical suplex back in is worth two corners, but Cena uses the chain to stop him. FU, but the ribs act up, and Rusev slugs him down again. Spinheel kick sets up a whipping with the chain that would make Piper and Valentine piss their pants laughing, but John ducks out to the floor to anchor himself, and prevent Rusev from hitting a fourth corner. Rusev responds by going to the top rope, but Cena uses the chain to pull him down, and gets two corners before getting caught in a fallaway slam. Rusev gets distracted by the crowds infatuation with Lana, however, and Cena is able to hit the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but gets caught in a whiplash. Accolade, so John counters into an STF, but Rusev gets the ropes. Cena still gets two corners off of it, but really, what was he going for there? If they guy had the strength and presence of mind to grab the ropes, he's probably going to block you from getting four corners, dummy. And, indeed, Rusev superkicks him, and slaps on the Accolade. Cena falls back into the corner to break, but ends up giving Rusev two corners in the process, and the challenger gets a third before walking into the FU. Good sequence there. Both guys crawl for corners, and get to three apiece. Tug-of-war over the fourth, and John manages to lasso him with the chain for another FU, and he taps the fourth corner to retain at 13:35. This one was really hurt not so much by anything the wrestlers did or didn't do, but rather by simply the length of the chain - as the drama of these matches relies on trying to drag your opponent around, but the overlong chain allowed them tons of free mobility, and hurt the match. *

WWE Divas Title Match: Nikki Bella v Naomi: Naomi controls the initial lockup, but gets snapmared over, and Nikki starts working the arm, but Naomi gets the ropes to block a cross armbreaker, then snap suplexes the champion for two. Chinlock gives us a look at Brie Bella's weird flannel fetish on the floor. I get that she spends a lot of time in Aberdeen, but it's not 1992 anymore, woman. Naomi with a front-facelock, but Nikki escapes into an inside cradle for two, so Naomi bulldogs her onto the middle turnbuckle for two. Rear View, but Nikki stops short to block, so Naomi kicks her down instead for two. Naomi's glowing boots are awesome, and are totally something someone should have started doing a long time ago. Randy Savage with glowing boots would have been badass. Nikki whiplashes her for two, as we get a ticker with some comments from Twitter. 'This Russian Chain match is brutal,' says @guido505. Wow, glad we got that bit of in-depth commentary on record. Naomi misses a split-legged moonsault, and Bella hits a kneeling facebuster for two, but Naomi counters the Rack Attack into a full-nelson bomb for two. She keeps coming, so Brie takes a cheap shot from the floor, and Nikki retains with the Rack Attack at 7:18. Far better than I expected, though I eagerly await @guido505's analysis. * ¼

Last Man Standing Match: Roman Reigns v Big Show: Show tosses him around to start, but Reigns overcomes, and clotheslines him over the top. He goes for a table out there, but really, one clothesline probably wouldn't be enough to daze me - let alone a man with hands the size of frying pans - and Show easily stops him. Show breaks the table himself so that Reigns can't use it on him later, but really, wouldn't it have been a better use of his energy to put Reigns through it, rather than standing there and hitting it until it breaks, while Reigns takes a breather on the floor. Show then ups the ante by grabbing a kendo stick - and promptly breaking it rather than using it. I guess we don't have to see his brain in person to appreciate how small it is. Also, is it me, or does Show look more and more like Rick from Pawn Stars as each day passes? Reigns manages to snap his throat across the top rope, and goes to work with a chair - DDTing Show onto it. He grabs another table, but runs into a closed fist from Show, and is down for an eight count. Show tries a Chokeslam through a table, but Reigns counters with a Samoan drop through it, and both men take the count. Reigns tries the Spear, but Show reverses, and gets an eight count out of the deal. Headbutt sets up a pump-splash, but Reigns beats the count again, so Show goes to the top rope, but gets crotched up there. Give it to him, his facial expressions to sell it are absolutely amazing. Reigns slams him down off of the top, but Show beats the count, so Reigns blasts him with two Superman Punches - only to have a third blocked, and Show Chokelams him out of the ring, and through two waiting tables. That's worth a nine count, but Show makes the mistake of mocking the Superman Punch, and crashes through a corner mounted table. Reigns capitalizes with the Spear, then takes it out to the floor - Spearing Show through a gimmicked piece of the guardrail. Another Spear through the announce table, but Show still beats the count, so Reigns tips the other announce table over onto him, then stands on top of it to pin him down for the win at 19:46. Twenty minutes is a lot of Big Show to handle in one sitting, but this actually wasn't bad, with Reigns doing a good job of building sympathy by timing his comebacks well, and milking a lot of drama out of the counts. * ½

Main Event: WWE World Heavyweight Title Cage Match: Seth Rollins v Randy Orton: Kane acts as the doorman for this one, and the RKO is banned. The idiots lock the cage door before Seth surrenders the title belt, and are forced to try and shove it through the gap between the door frame to get it out of the ring. Morons. Rollins immediately climbs, but Orton pulls him down, and starts hammering. Slingshot into the corner backfires when Seth catches the mesh and starts climbing upon impact, but Orton stops him again, so Seth delivers the running powerbomb into the corner for two. He goes for the door, but much like in the Chain Match earlier, if the guy just kicked out, do you really think he won't be able to stop you from walking out? Seth tosses him into the cage a couple of times, and they trade headbutts on the top rope - Seth knocking him down for a flying high knee for two. Seth climbs (again, without so much as even a token stomp after Orton had just kicked out), but Randy follows, and they slug it out to the top of the cage. Seth gets the best of it, and dives at him with a flying bodypress, but Rand catches him in a powerslam for two. Spike DDT, but Rollins counters into a schoolboy for two, then superkicks him for two. The amount of replays thus far in this match is really annoying, and they need to fucking tone it down a bit. Not literally every spot needs a replay. At this rate, by 2019, we'll be getting instant replays of headlocks. Seth climbs, but gets superplexed down for two, so Seth's goons try interfering, but Randy dispatches them, and delivers a head-and-arm suplex for Rollins. Spike DDT, but Seth again blocks - this time by backdropping his challenger into the cage. He climbs, but ends up getting crotched on the top rope, and Orton finally hits the spike DDT. Pedigree gets two, as the crowd starts a 'YES' chant for that midget wrestler they like. Orton looks to finish with the Punt, but Rollins dodges, and gets halfway out the door before Randy stops him with an inverted headlock backbreaker. He goes for the door, but Kane refuses to open it, so Randy stands around arguing with him like a moron, instead of climbing. Seth attacks with a dropkick, but Orton ducks, and Rollins takes Kane out by accident. Both Rollins and Orton exchange downright hilarious glances before fighting for the now unguarded door, but Kane slams it back into both of their faces. He's not going to earn a tip with that kind of behavior! Kane climbs in, and chokeslams them both, but puts Seth on top for two. Now angry, Kane decides to Tombstone Randy, but gets countered into the RKO - allowing Seth to sneak up with one of his own on Orton, and get out the door at 21:02. Slow and dull, especially compared to the hot WrestleMania match, and really overstayed its welcome. *

BUExperience: An okay show, but only one match stands out as being particularly good, and the main event is a real sleeper. Had the tag match been really, really great, or if there were any historical significance at all to the show, then maybe, but as is, don’t bother.

*