WWE The Great American Bash (June 2004)

From Norfolk, Virginia; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz

Opening WWE United States Title Four-Way Elimination Match: John Cena v Rob Van Dam v Booker T v Rene Dupree: The red, white, and blue ring ropes are a nice old school touch. Booker gets in everyone’s face to start a four-way slugfest, with Cena pairing off against Dupree, while Booker goes with RVD on the floor. Dupree dominates Cena and tosses him, so Booker rolls a downed RVD in for Dupree to work over while Booker watches from the floor. Hey, it's elimination rules. No reason for him to do anything until he has to. Jesse Ventura would have been proud. Sure, Dupree is controlling the match, but even if he manages to eliminate both Van Dam and Cena, then he's got to contend with a totally fresh, more experienced Booker T. Cena employs the same strategy as Rob makes a comeback, and sends Dupree over the top with a slingshot. John tries rolling him back in for Rob to finish, but Van Dam is on them both with a somersault plancha, as Booker hangs back. RVD rolls Cena in to get a two count off of it, and adds an Oklahoma roll for two. John with an inside cradle for two, so Rob slides out of the ring, and forces Booker in instead. Cena schoolboys him for two, and adds a backelbow for two. Bodyslam gets two, but John decides he's done enough work, and forces Dupree in. Dupree manages to powerslam Booker, but gets cocky, and walks into a spinebuster - leaving both men down. Van Dam capitalizes with a Five Star Frogsplash on Dupree, then one on Booker as well for good measure. Unfortunately for him, Cena sneaks up and schoolboys him for the elimination at 8:17. Love the psychology of this so far. So now, Cena's alone with two guys who just took a finisher, but Booker and Rene decide to work together to take the champ out first. They work him over with tandem stuff, but stupidly start fighting over who gets to pin him. That allows Cena to make a comeback on both men, and he manages to FU Dupree, but Booker clips him with an axekick, and pins Dupree himself at 11:15. He immediately rolls over to cover Cena, but only gets two. Sidewalk slam gets two, and a savate kick is worth two. Chinlock, but Cena escapes, and hits a sidewalk slam to setup the Five Knuckle Shuffle for two. FU, but Booker counters into a sunset flip for two - only to miss the axekick, and eat an FU at 15:51. These things tend to be a mess, but this one actually avoided all the usual pitfalls of four-ways with some nice psychology, and a fast pace. ** ¼

Charlie Haas v Luther Reigns: Different Reigns, obviously. And this is his debut, as a hired gun by Kurt Angle. Haas tries hooking the ankle right away, but Reigns is in the ropes. Waistlock, but Reigns grabs the ropes again to block a takedown. Schoolboy manages to get two, but he walks into an elbow from Reigns, and Luther adds a big boot to take over. Backbreaker gets two, so Haas starts throwing dropkicks, but gets tossed out of the ring. Back in, Reigns works a chinlock, and press-slams him for two. Half-crab goes nowhere, so Reigns levels him with a lariat for two. Even Angle is tapping his watch at ringside already. Reigns misses a charge in the corner, allowing Haas a head-and-arm suplex, and an Oklahoma roll for two. Bridging German suplex gets two, but Haas misses a corner charge of his own, and the Reign of Terror finishes at 7:11. Too long for what they were going for, this would have been better served at no longer than five minutes. Instead of impressive, this just came off as dull. ¼*

WWE Cruiserweight Title Match: Rey Mysterio v Chavo Guerrero: Chavo takes him down in a waistlock to start, but loses a reversal sequence, and gets cradled a couple of times for two. Another reversal sequence goes Chavo's way with a sunset flip for two, and they trade armbars next - Rey controlling. Mysterio tries going to the top, but Chavo springboard dropkicks him all the way down to the floor to block, and Rey lands on his knee. In, Guerrero works the knee, as the crowd gets a bit restless waiting for them to start flying around. Rey escapes a crab with a wheelbarrow bulldog, but the knee is shattered, and he can't follow-up. Chavo dropkicks the knee and hits a vertical suplex for two, then goes for the submission again with a modified leglock, but Rey escapes. He manages a rana this time, but the knee slows him down during a criss cross, and Chavo hangs him in a tree of woe. Charge in the corner misses, however, and the challenger goes flying out of the ring – Rey right on him with a nice flying seated senton. Mysterio with a facebuster off the top rope on the way back in, but it hurts him as well, and Chavo covers first, getting two. Guerrero with a slingshot, but Rey lands on the middle rope, and dives back at him with a 2^nd rope dropkick. Mysterio with a springboard bodypress and a Russian legsweep for two, and a springboard seated senton gets two - Rey fighting through the knee pain throughout. Rana, but Chavo counters into the Gory Bomb for two, then stomps the shit out of the bad wheel. He goes for the kill, but Rey manages an enzuigiri to setup the 619. West Coast Pop, but Chavo counters into an elevated half-crab, and the crowd is totally buying it all. Rey manages to get the ropes, so Chavo decides to punish him with another Gory Bomb, but this time Rey counters into a sunset bomb to retain at 19:45. These guys always have chemistry, and given time - as they were here - they net good results. Unfortunately, these two were basically the entire 'division' at this point, so there was nowhere to go from here, really. ** ¼

Billy Gunn v Kenzo Suzuki: Slow start, as Suzuki threatens him with stuff that vaguely resembles martial arts, and Billy threatens him with his crotch. Suzuki misses a kneedrop to allow Billy a fisherman's suplex for two, and a sloppy swinging neckbreaker is worth two. Suzuki comes back with a Rising Sun (a clawhold STO) to put Billy down for a nervehold, as Suzuki obviously grew up watching Yokozuna, and hopes to bring the title back to his homeland of Japan - though, unlike Yokozuna, he's actually Japanese this time. The crowd is just gone for this. Gunn counters a kneelift with a schoolboy for two, but walks into a chop, and Suzuki adds a kneedrop. He looks really awkward and unsure of himself, and Gunn is doing nothing to help matters. Vertical suplex gets two, and he slaps on a mat-based abdominal stretch. Billy escapes and wins a slugfest, then hits a Stinger splash, but Suzuki blocks the Fameasser with a kick, and adds a shining wizard for two. If ever there was a move with a cool name that needed a better spot to go with it, that is it. Billy manages a well executed tilt-a-whirl slam, but gets suckered into a throat chop in the corner, and Suzuki finishes him with an inverted facelock backbreaker at 8:06. Not surprisingly, Suzuki would be out of the promotion within a year. DUD

Torrie Wilson v Sable: Torrie's star spangled outfit makes me proud to be an American. Sable mocks her and gets chased out of the ring, then pummeled on the way back in. Sable unloads forearms and kicks in the corner, then snapmares her to setup a kick to the lower back. Somersault necksnap follows, so Torrie throws an ugly sunset flip for two, but gets choked on the ropes for her efforts. Sable slaps on a straightjacket, but Wilson escapes, and hooks a sloppy floatover suplex for two. That was just nasty. They both end up down after another ugly spot in a double-knockout out of the corner, but Sable starts overselling it, and the referee backs Torrie off to check on her - allowing Sable to sneak up with a schoolgirl for the pin at 6:06. I know these are meant as strictly T&A shows, so I usually don't take them too seriously, but this one was actually offensively bad, with both girls blowing stuff left and right, and looking bush-league. And yes, I realize that I just used 'blowing' and 'bush' in a negative connotation while describing Sable and Torrie, and for that, I apologize. –½*

Mordecai v Hardcore Holly: Slugfest to start, controlled by Holly. Awesome sign in the crowd: 'Michael Cole fears puberty!' Ha! Hardcore ties him up in the ropes for some abuse, so Mordecai bails, but manages to sucker Holly after him, and lays him out on the floor. Back in, Mordecai drops a series of axehandles on him, and bootchokes him in the corner. Big boot gets two, and Mordecai goes to a chinlock. Slugfest goes Holly's way with a stungun, as the crowd walks around in search of food or toilet. Holly with a pair of clotheslines and a flying version for two, followed by an inverted DDT for two. Dropkick gets two, but the Alabama Slam is countered into the Crucifix to finish at 6:21. Three shitty matches in a row, this show is getting ugly. ¼*

WWE Title Texas Bullrope Match: Eddie Guerrero v John Bradshaw Layfield: Both guys are connected at the wrist by a bullrope, and the match is won by touching all four corners. They've also installed a cool lighting system on the turnbuckles, to help keep track of the corner count - though the timing on them is really delayed. They should've hired the dude who did the Inferno match from 1998, because that guys timing was insane. Tug-of-war to start, which Eddie can't win, so he dropkicks the knee, then chokes Bradshaw down with the rope. Hey, you do what you can. Bradshaw responds in kind, and drags him to two corners, but Eddie stops the effort with a backdrop, and gets two of his own corners before the challenger hooks the ring ropes to avoid a third. Bradshaw whacks him with the cowbell attached to the rope to turn the tide, and uses the ropes to put him in a hangman. Tree of woe allows for more choking, and Bradshaw tries JBL Bombing him through a table on the outside, but Eddie uses the rope to block. Eddie uses the rope to pull Bradshaw into the post a few times, then whacks him with a chair to draw blood. Dig the symmetry there. Of course, Bradshaw's bladejob is nowhere near Eddie's from the month before - and thank God. Inside, Eddie whacks him again, and gets three corners, but Layfield latches onto the bottom rope to avoid the fourth. Guerrero responds by dropkicking him, and trying again, but still only gets three. Slugfest goes Bradshaw's way with a DDT, but Eddie uses the rope to crotch him, and avoid being dragged. Guerrero with the three-alarm rolling vertical suplexes to setup the Frogsplash, but he only gets three, as Bradshaw anchors himself by falling out of the ring. Good strategy. The champion tries dragging him back in over the top, but Bradshaw anchors himself again, and uses the rope to throw Guerrero from the ring onto the announce table - which doesn't break. Man, their announce tables were being really uncooperative in 2004. JBL Bomb manages to break it, and drags the champion back in for three corners. He punishes Guerrero with the cowbell, but still only gets three corners when Eddie blows him low with said cowbell. I don't think that is that items intended use. Eddie whips him with the rope, and starts dragging, but Bradshaw touches each corner behind him along the way - though the idiot in charge of the lights keeps messing it up. They fight over the final corner, until Eddie avalanches him into it for the win at 21:11. However, since Guerrero knocked Bradshaw into the corner, technically Bradshaw touched it first, and the referee reverses the decision after being alerted to that fact by General Manager Kurt Angle - Bradshaw winning the title. And, BOY, was that shocking at the time. I wasn't following the WWE regularly anymore in 2004, and when I read that fucking BRADSHAW was the WWE Champion, I thought it was a joke. Not that he was a bad champion after all, but in my mind he was still half of the APA. I've never been a fan of Bullrope matches, and this is no exception. While it wasn't bad, and built good drama, the gimmick worked against them, and limited what they could do out there - not to mention that the finishes are always really predictable. Still, better than the Judgment Day match. * ½

Main Event: Concrete Crypt Handicap Match: The Dudley Boyz v The Undertaker: If the Undertaker loses Paul Bearer (at this point aligned with Undertaker, for those Bearer-tracking) will be entombed in a crypt of cement, live here, on pay per view. You know the expression 'a main event anywhere in the country?' This match is the inverse of it. Paul Heyman offers Undertaker a deal that if he lays down, Bearer won't get buried, but when Bubba Dudley goes for the cover, Undertaker changes his mind, and grabs him in a choke. The Boyz attack and double-team, but both get tossed to the floor for a brawl. Inside, he goes for the ropewalk forearm on D-Von Dudley, but gets distracted by Heyman's attempts to bury Bearer again, and the Boyz jump him. Undertaker shrugs them off like jobbers, and goes after Heyman, but gets jumped again. Why would they save this for the main event? Like I said, I wasn't watching regularly in 2004, was there some kind of crazy demand for concrete themed gimmick matches I missed out on? Based on the crowd reaction to this, I'm going to say 'no.' The Boyz beat up Undertaker on the outside for a while, then tandem suplex him on the way back in. They continue to cut the ring in half, until Undertaker gets bored, and arbitrarily decides it's time for a comeback. Tombstone finishes D-Von at 14:38. Afterwards, Undertaker decides to bury Bearer anyway. How was this the main event? I guess they figured implied murder was too tame for the midcard? Fittingly, this was WCW level stupid. –½*

BUExperience: The 2004 Draft, coupled with Kurt Angle’s legit injuries, really killed Smackdown as a show around this time period, leaving us with terrible shows like this one, in front of increasingly disinterested crowds.

DUD