WWE Judgment Day (May 2004)

From Los Angeles, California; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz

Opening Match: The Dudley Boyz v Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio: D-Von Dudley throws a cheap shot at RVD right away, allowing the Boyz to double-team him, but Bubba Dudley ends up walking into a spinheel kick, and Rob cleans house. Everyone dog piles on the floor, and back in, Rob hits a sloppy spinheel on D-Von, but runs into a cheap shot from Bubba. He manages a tag to Rey, and Mysterio springboards at both Boyz, sticking a moving. Dropkick sets up the 619 on Bubba, but D-Von hooks his ankle from the floor to stop it, and Bubba kills him with a stungun. The Boyz cut the ring in half, but Rey manages a springboard wheelbarrow bulldog on D-Von, but Bubba cuts off the tag. This leads to a cool sequence where Bubba hangs Rey in a tree of woe, but when he goes over to stomp him, Mysterio manages to grab him and execute a stunner - all while still hung upside down! Fucking awesome! He adds a moonsault press for two, and finally gets the tag. Rob is a crackhouse of fire to ignite an extended four-way brawl, and Rey executes a 619 on both Boyz simultaneously to setup the Five Star Frogsplash from Van Dam to finish at 15:20. This reminded me a lot of old school ECW, not only because it featured a lot of the same guys, but because it was sloppy, and went on for too long. Even still, everyone is experienced enough to make it watchable. * ½

Torrie Wilson v Dawn Marie: If Torrie loses, she's fired - a stipulation just added by Commissioner Kurt Angle, just 'cause. I'd also like to note that Torrie's ass is insane at this point, just 'cause. She takes Dawn down for a somersault necksnap and a seated dropkick for two, then hooks a sloppy sunset cradle for two. Flying bodypress misses, however, and Dawn stomps her down. For a long time. Like, seriously, she did more stomping here than Seth Rollins does in a year. Baseball slide sets up set more stomps, but that has her all tuckered out, so she hooks a chinlock next. Torrie escapes and hits a swinging neckbreaker for two, followed by a sunset flip for two. Schoolgirl gets two, but she hooks it so hard that she ends up tearing Dawn's tights off. Dawn responds with a sitout facebuster, but gets caught up dealing with her lack of pants, and Torrie hooks a backslide for the pin at 6:16. Well, a stomp aficionado would love it, I guess. DUD

Scotty 2 Hotty v Mordecai: This is Mordecai's debut. And he looks like a cross between Mugatu and Jeff Jarrett in 1995. Scotty tries a headlock at the bell, but Mordecai quickly escapes, and pounds him in the corner. Much choking follows, as the match completely dies, and the crowds already limited interest fades. Scotty comes back with a superkick and a bulldog to setup the Worm, but Mordecai stomps him down to block. Short-clothesline and the Crucifix finish at 3:02. This must have been quite the case of déjà vu for Scotty, as he got squashed just like he did on RAW every week in the mid-90s here. This gimmick was dropped all of two months later, so this was less than historically significant, as far as debuts go. DUD

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Charlie Haas and Rico v Hardcore Holly and Billy Gunn: I think it's kind of funny that they have Billy Gunn programmed as a homophobe here, less than two years after Billy & Chuck. After much debate, Haas starts with Holly, and dominates on the mat. Holly's tights look like a prototype for the WrestleMania XXX logo. Tag to Rico, but he gets cute during a waistlock spot, and Holly bails to Billy. Look, forget about the past in Billy & Chuck, if you're going to go around calling yourself 'Mr. Ass,' and wearing tights with lips all over your ass and crotch, you really can't complain when it draws that kind of attention. Rico dominates him in the corner, but gets frisky again - this time rubbing Billy's ass, then shoving his cock in his face. Well, that's inappropriate, I don't care who you are. Neither Gunn nor Holly want to wrestle him anymore, so Haas stupidly tags back in, and they take out their anger on him - thus giving us the first ever case of gay bashing by proxy. Meanwhile, some brain surgeon in the crowd proves every ECW hater ever right by holding up an 'ECW' sign upside-down for an extended period. 'MCE! MCE! MCE!' - I can hear it now! Holly misses a flying splash to allow the tag back to Rico, and he's a pride parade of fire to ignite a four-way brawl - Rico planting a superkick on Holly to allow Haas to finish with a sunset flip at 10:27. This match was a hate crime against wrestling fans. *

WWE Cruiserweight Title Match: Jacqueline v Chavo Guerrero: Yay, my favorite booking concept, women holding male titles! And yes, I totally mistyped that as 'women holding male titties' three times. Chavo is also wrestling with one arm tied behind his back, since why not. Though, really, if she's already the champion, I don't think she need a handicap. Chavo knees her into the corner, and manages a three-alarm no-release backbreaker. That's kind of impressive, given he was doing it with the use of only one arm. He keeps pounding her, but Jacqueline manages a headscissors in the corner, and she slaps on a sleeper. Series of kicks get two, and a mulekick sets up a sunset flip for two. Chavo bails to undo the arm tie, and back in, he blitzes the champ behind the referee's back, and hits the Gory Bomb for the title at 4:50. DUD

WWE United States Title Match: John Cena v Rene Dupree: Dupree tries overpowering him in the initial lockup, but Cena responds with a flurry of fists, and a Thesz press. Cross corner whip sets up a backdrop, but they badly botch a clothesline over the top, and Dupree lamely just kinda flops out of the ring. Eh, well, it happens, and they did their best to cover it up. Cena follows, but eats post, and Rene takes over as they head back in. Backbreaker gets two, and he hugs the champ like a bear. John uses a chincrusher to escape, and wins a slugfest, then executes a sidewalk slam to setup the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Dupree dodges. He capitalizes with a spinebuster, but his own shuffle misses. He still manages a DDT and a neckbreaker for two, but Cena backdrops out of a powerbomb, and backslides him for two. FU retains at 9:56. The formula was fine, but Dupree just didn't have anything to bring to the table as far as the heat segment went, and it really fell flat overall. ¾*

The Undertaker v Booker T: Undertaker's longer hair combined with guyliner is a really weird look for him. He looks like CM Punk auditioning for a role in Green Day. Undertaker tosses Booker around to start, but Booker blocks the ropewalk forearm with a savate kick. Undertaker still manages a sidewalk slam anyway, and adds a legdrop for two. Booker fires back with a missile dropkick for two, but loses a slugfest, and Undertaker adds a jumping clothesline. Ropewalk forearm follows, and a reverse STO sets up the Last Ride, but Booker blocks, and throws a handful of ashes into 'Taker's eyes. 'Taker no-sells that as well, however, and corner clotheslines him - only for a big boot to miss. Booker goes after the leg, and hits a leg lariat for two. Front-facelock, but Undertaker escapes, so Booker puts him down with the axekick for two. Undertaker sits up, however, and the chokeslam sets up the Tombstone at 11:28. The usual Undertaker snooze-fest here. The guy was becoming a chore to watch before becoming a part-timer, and focusing all of his efforts on putting on a great show once a year at WrestleMania. DUD

Main Event: WWE Title Match: Eddie Guerrero v John Bradshaw Layfield: Eddie blitzes him at the bell, and immediately takes him to the outside for tosses into the rail, steps, post, and announce table. Well, he's thorough. The beating continues into the aisle, but Eddie's attempt to buy his challenger another round backfires, and Guerrero gets reversed into the steps. Bradshaw gives him the post and announce table for good measure (but what of the rail?!?!?), and hits a big boot on the way back in for two. Cross corner whip sets up a mat-based side-headlock, but Eddie escapes with a pair of armdrags to put his challenger on the outside. He follows with a plancha, but Bradshaw catches him in a fallaway slam, and a backdrop onto the announce table. This match is dragging, and really needs something to pep it up. Back in, JBL hits a swinging neckbreaker for two, followed by a weird looking backdrop (with Eddie landing on his belly) for two. Bearhug, but Eddie slugs free, and dropkicks him. Three-alarm rolling vertical suplex follows, but Bradshaw blocks the third alarm with a knee. He goes for the JBL Bomb, but Eddie blocks, and backdrops his challenger out of the ring - bumping the referee in the process. Eddie's also bleeding from the hand here, so I'm guessing his blade got loose, and punctured something. Guerrero follows, but gets blasted with a chair as he goes after him - triggering the only thing anyone remembers about this match today: Eddie's terrifyingly nasty, gushing bladejob. Like, seriously, he blades, and it's not even five seconds later and he's completely covered in blood to the point where he's leaving puddles of it everywhere he goes. Even the announcers are left speechless. Bradshaw goes right after him with the steps, then rolls him in for the Clothesline from Wall Street. The referee is still down, however, so no count. Another referee runs in to count, but the delay allows Guerrero to kick out at two. Another Clothesline from Wall Street takes out the new referee when Eddie ducks, so Bradshaw delivers a JBL Bomb instead, but it still only gets two. Sleeper, and Eddie's bladejob is somehow getting worse - the mat now covered in puddles. He manages a side suplex to break the hold, so Bradshaw goes for another fallaway slam, but Guerrero counters into a hurricane DDT. He forgoes a cover in order to hustle to the top rope as fast as he can, but he's too battered, and the Frogsplash misses. JBL grabs the title belt, but Eddie kicks it away from him, and uses it for a disqualification at 23:11. Man, if there was ever an instance where 'stoppage due to blood loss' would be an appropriate finish, this is it. Why they chose such a lame DQ ending is beyond me. The match was junk as well, and totally forgettable outside of the epic bladejob that people still talk about today. ¾*

BUExperience: Outside of Eddie Guerrero’s disgusting bladejob, no one remembers a thing about this show today, and rightly so, as it was pretty terrible. With RAW getting a lot of Smackdown’s best workers in the 2004 Draft, and Smackdown getting some of RAWs garbage, shows like this make clear the growing pains – though they wouldn’t really become the bitch brand until the next year, when John Cena jumped to RAW, and there was no looking back.

DUD