WWF WrestleMania (Version II)

From New York, New York; Your Hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura. Gene Okerlund starts us off with his rendition of the National Anthem

Opening Match: Tito Santana v The Executioner: Executioner is Buddy Rose under a mask. Big criss cross to start, won by Tito with a backdrop, and followed by a dropkick to put Executioner on the floor. Back in, Tito grabs a side-headlock, but Executioner slugs free, and puts him in the corner with a turnbuckle smash. And, holy fuck, those ring ropes are loose tonight. A stiff wind would do a Warrior job on them. Too bad, I heard Mr. T was expected to bust out a springboard rana, too. Executioner goes for a spinning-toehold, but Tito blocks, and cross corner whips him. Piledriver, but Executioner counters with a backdrop, and manages to add a bodyslam, but gets slammed off of the top rope as he tries to follow-up. Splash, but Executioner lifts his knees to block, and goes after the leg again - only to get shoved out of the ring by Tito. Santana vertical suplexes him back in, and a diving forearm sets up the Figure Four at 4:49. Fine opener. Not a classic, but Santana was one of the WWF's most popular acts in those days, and this was very energetic - the perfect way to warm up the crowd. * (Original rating: ½*)

King Kong Bundy v SD Jones: Jones charges him, but bounces off, and gets trapped in the corner - Bundy immediately hitting the Avalanche, and punctuating it with a splash for the pin at 0:24. They announce it as a 'record' 'nine' seconds, and I remember them actually still pushing that lie almost ten years later, when I started watching in 1994. Fake it 'til you make it, I guess. DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Ricky Steamboat v Matt Borne: We're moving right along here. Under twenty minutes into the show, and it's already bell time for the third match. Steamboat, of course, is one of four guys tonight who worked both the first WrestleMania and the first Starrcade. In fact, this is very early into Steamboat's run, as he'd just appeared in a very prominent match at the second Starrcade only four months before. Criss cross goes Steamboat's way with a big chop, and he snapmares Borne over for a headlock, so Matt tries a side suplex, but Ricky back flips onto his feet, and hits an atomic drop. Borne hits an inverted atomic drop of his own, but Ricky manages a 2^nd rope tomahawk chop, and grabs another side-headlock. Matt uses a pair of knees in the corner to break, and he puts him down with a belly-to-belly suplex, then adds a snap suplex for two. Slugfest ends in Steamboat using the chops to take him down, and he side suplexes him. Swinging neckbreaker sets up a kneedrop for two, so Borne rakes the eyes - only to lose a criss cross, and get caught with a flying bodypress at 4:38. Well, if you were wondering what an evil-Doink/Steamboat match would've looked like, there you have it. Mystery solved. * (Original rating: *)

Brutus Beefcake v David Sammartino: The announcers make a big deal over how 'different' and 'flashy' Beefcake's tights are, though they wouldn't even draw a second glance today. And they're nothing compared to the San Francisco treat he became by 1990. They trade off on the mat for a bit, with David in control, until Brutus bails to catch a breather. Back in, Sammartino grounds him in a front-facelock, and Beefcake is unable to counter, so he forces it into the ropes. Sammartino goes for an armbar next, so Brutus rakes the eyes to setup a bodyslam, but David hangs onto the hold through it, and drops a knee across the arm. Both guys stop to take advice from their managers, and apparently Johnny Valiant is a better coach than Bruno Sammartino, because Beefcake immediately clamps on a mat-based side-headlock. Criss cross goes Beefcake's way with a hiptoss, but Sammartino manages a drop-toehold, and he cranks on a modified anklelock. He tries a spinning-toehold next, but Brutus rakes the eyes to escape, and backdrops him to setup a pair of forearmdrops. Bodyslam leads to more dozens more forearms, but a cross corner whip is reversed, and David backdrops him on the rebound. Slugfest goes Sammartino's way with a vertical suplex for two, but they spill to the outside, where Valiant takes a cheap shot. That draws the ire of Bruno, and we have a brawl between everyone for a double disqualification at 11:44. Longest match of the night, save for the main event, but really dull. David was shit in the ring, and Beefcake wasn't near good enough to carry him yet at this point. ¾* (Original rating: *)

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Greg Valentine v Junkyard Dog: Valentine is the second guy on the card who also worked the first Starrcade. Dog is unimpressed, however, and goes right after him with a standing wristlock, then slugs him down when he tries an escape. Dog with a series of headbutts, but gets suckered into a test-of-strength, and Valentine wallops him. Greg starts going after the leg, but Dog blocks the Figure Four, and wins the resulting slugfest. He goes for the kill, so Jimmy Hart hops up onto the apron, and the distracted Dog gets cradled (with two feet on the ropes) at 6:55. That ending always bothered me, but in those days it was all about house show business, and (as odd as that seems now) WrestleMania was more about building rematches they could sell for months at live events, as opposed to the big blow off show that all the booking builds towards. And, indeed, Tito Santana (who Valentine’s real issue was with), comes down to protest the cheating, and the referee restarts the match - counting Valentine out in the process. Real dog of a match. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

WWF Tag Team Title Match: The US Express v Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik: Mike Rotundo starts with the Sheik, and wins a criss cross with a hiptoss, followed by a dropkick. Bodyslam leads to a mat-based side-headlock from the champion, and he tags Barry Windham in to nail Sheik with a flying elbowsmash. Barry grabs his own headlock, but Sheik muscles him into the corner - only to hit Volkoff with a dropkick as they try a double-team. The referee counts that as a tag, and Barry slaps on another headlock, but quickly tags out. Mike backelbows him down to setup an elbowdrop for two, and the Express take turns going to work on some Russian arm. Rotundo ends up taking a cheap shot, however, and the challengers cut the ring in half. Mike manages to reverse a vertical suplex from Sheik, but Volkoff cuts off the tag, and drops the champion across the top rope. Volkoff keeps working him over, but Mike manages to escape an abdominal stretch from the Sheik (no one knows the mechanics of an abdominal stretch like Mike Rotundo, after all), and he gets the tag. Windham is a stable of fire to ignite a four-way brawl, and the Express control, but Sheik bashes Barry with Freddie Blassie's cane, and Volkoff gets the pin to win the belts at 6:56. I never really cared for this one in the past, but I actually got into it a lot more this time around, and it was tremendously fun, and much more modern than the Intercontinental Title bout. ** ¼ (Original rating: *)

Career v $15,000 Bodyslam Challenge Match: Andre the Giant v Big John Studd: First one to bodyslam the other wins. Studd attacks at the bell, and pummels him with forearms in the corner, but Andre shakes him off with a headbutt, so Studd bails. Back in, Andre unloads in the corner, and grabs a bearhug that goes on for what feels like forever. Seriously, it's a six minute match, and three of those minutes are this bearhug. Studd escapes, so Andre grabs a standing side-headlock instead, which goes nowhere. Headbutts stagger Studd, and Andre adds a bunch of kicks, then executes the bodyslam out of nowhere at 5:53. I always hated this match as a kid, and while I can appreciate what they were going for from an angle standpoint now, a shit match is a shit match is a shit match. -* (Original rating: -*)

WWF Women's Title Match: Leilani Kai v Wendi Richter: They fight over the initial lockup, and Richter powers her down for a hammerlock on the mat. Kai rips at the hair to escape, and grabs a wristlock, but Wendi slugs free, so Kai snapmares her over for a blatant choke. Richter counters with a bodyscissors, but Kai powers out, so Richter cradles her for two. That whole sequence was sloppy, and looked horribly amateurish. Kai with another snapmare, but she misses a charge into the corner, so Fabulous Moolah attacks her from the floor. That cues Cyndi Lauper for the save, but the damage is done, and Kai nails Richter with a big boot. She goes for the kill, but Richter rolls through a flying bodypress to win the title at 6:14. The match was garbage, but as a payoff to the Rock 'n' Wrestling stuff that set it up, it was great. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

Main Event: Hulk Hogan and Mr. T v Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff: Billy Martin acts as the guest ring announcer (remember when those were a thing?), Liberace is the guest timekeeper (those too), Muhammad Ali is the special guest enforcer, and Pat Patterson acts as the referee. Piper was also at the first Starrcade, as was Bob Orton (in the heel corner). Hogan starts with Orndorff, but wants Piper instead. The heels actually oblige, but now Mr. T is chomping at the bit, and demands a tag. Hulk obliges, so Piper slaps Mr. T across the face. Mr. T responds in kind, so Roddy takes him down in a waistlock, but Mr. T escapes! Mr. T scoops him up for an airplane spin, but Piper freaks out and attacks - triggering a four-way brawl. Orton tries to get involved as well, but Ali hops into the ring to stop him, and damned if he isn't really swinging! The heels decide to walk out, but Hulk begs Patterson not to count them out, and he and T blitz them upon their return. The dust settles on Hogan and Piper, and Hulk delivers an atomic drop, then chokes away. The wide angle here is really annoying, but I guess they wanted Mr. T in the shot the whole time, or something. Hulk and T take turns beating on Piper, and Hogan puts him on the floor with a big boot, but gets clobbered by Orndorff, and the heels cut the ring in half. They destroy him, but Orndorff misses a flying elbowdrop, and Hulk gets the tag! Mr. T is a backlot of fire, but quickly gets overwhelmed against the two experienced grapplers, and taken down. Piper holds a front-facelock, but T manages to use his raw power to fall into a tag back to a recharged Hogan. A brawl breaks out, and Orton interferes - only to end up clobbering Paul with his cast covered arm for Hulk to pin at 13:33. The match wasn't anything particularly special, but it was energetic, well booked, and a veritable who's who of 80s celebrity. If I was buying this show in 1985, I would have absolutely felt that I'd gotten my monies worth out of this. * ¾ (Original rating: * ½)

BUExperience: While every wrestling fan should check this one out once simply to see where the juggernaut that is WrestleMania got started, if you’re like me, and you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve seen this show over the years, your desire to watch it again is probably long gone. The wrestling isn’t great (and even downright boring if you’re not accustomed to the style), but the show is still worth a look simply for historical significance, if nothing else.

****