WWF Royal Rumble 1989 (Version II)

Original Airdate: January 15, 1989

From Houston, Texas; Your Hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura

Opening 2/3 Falls Six-Man Tag Team Match: Jim Duggan and The Hart Foundation v Dino Bravo and The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers: Jim Neidhart starts with Bravo, and we get a power stalemate, of course. Anvil's gut is fucking EPIC at this point. I mean, not 1994 levels, but still epic. If they ever did a list of Wrestling's Best Guts, you know he'd have to be close to the top. Like, not simply 'fat,' like Yokozuna or King Kong Bundy, but specifically the gut. Okay, now let's move on, because this is starting to feel like a scene from Pulp Fiction. Neidhart controls and passes out to Duggan, but Dino wants no part of it, and tags Raymond Rougeau in. Duggan grabs him with a front-powerslam and a kneedrop before passing out to Bret Hart, and the Hitman wins a criss cross with an inside cradle for two. Sunset flip gets two, and a bodypress is worth two - Raymond wisely bailing to Jacques Rougeau before Bret finishes him off. Bret criss crosses with Jacques instead, and dominates with a hangman's clothesline, so Ray runs in, but Neidhart saves. Cue Bravo, but Duggan saves, and the faces gang up for a triple battering ram in the corner. Fun spot! Bret goes to finish Jacques off, but a cheap shot from Raymond stop the effort, and Bravo Sidewalk Slams him to setup La Bombe de Rougeau at 4:22. Even today, that's still a wicked cool spot. Kinda surprised no team uses it. Ray gutwrench suplexes Bret for two, and Jacques jumping backelbows him for two - as the heels work to cut the ring in half on the battered Hitman. Bret taking a shellacking is great stuff - he really is one of the more underrated tag wrestlers of the era. They work him over, but a monkeyflip attempt from Jacques gets countered with an inverted atomic drop, and he gets the tag to Duggan! Hacksaw's a lumberyard for fire, and Ray eats a pinfall at 11:46 to tie the score! Duggan is sweating at a pretty alarming rate, given that he's been on the apron for the bulk of his match. I guess that 2x4 is heavier than it looks. He keeps blitzing Raymond, but ends up in the wrong corner, and the heels triple-team him. They go to work, but Bravo fails to cut the ring in half properly, and Bret gets the tag! Backbreaker sets up the 2^nd rope elbowdrop, but Ray shoves him off the ropes. That gives Bravo control, so Duggan evens the score by whacking Dino with the 2x4 for Hart to pin at 15:42. Really fun match, making excellent use of quick tags, and featuring some neat tandem stuff from both teams. This, by the way, is the perfect use of Dino Bravo. Let him pop in, do a few power moves, pop back out. And he doesn't even drag the match down, as his power stuff adds to the heat segment, but he doesn't overstay his welcome like he might ('Might?' Who am I kidding? 'Would') in a regular match. Duggan too, for that matter. *** (Original rating: ***)

WWF Women's Title Match: Rockin' Robin v Judy Martin: Before the bell, Sensational Sherri shows up, challenging the winner. Given how small the 'division' was, I wouldn't call it a long shot, Sherri. Martin attacks before the bell, and hammers the champion down. Robin has to be the worst Women's Champion in history. Some were worse in the ring, but had the benefit of being attractive. Some were more talented in the ring, but were butt-ugly. Robin fails on both counts. Like, seriously, even a virgin teenage boy wouldn't be able to get it up for her. They trade cradles for a bit, and Judy clotheslines her for two. This match is making me long for Brie Bella. At least when she fails, it's at higher level stuff. These two are botching fucking inside cradles. Anyway, after an eternity, Robin catches her with a 2^nd rope bodypress to retain at 6:24. According to Wikipedia, the match time was sixteen twenty four. No guys, it just FELT like it was. DUD (Original rating: *)

King of Wrestling Match: Haku v Harley Race: Haku took over Race's King of Wrestling gimmick when Harley went down with a legit injury, and now that he's back, he's coming for the crown. Bobby Heenan manages both men, and because he's the Brain, he agrees to leave with only the winner. Who couldn't love Bobby Heenan? Race tips over the jobber chariot before the match, and takes Haku in with a vertical suplex for two. Chop knocks Haku to the floor, and Race is right on him, but gets reversed into the post, and Haku pounds him down. Race manages an inverted atomic drop on the way back in, and a pair of elbowdrops get two. Haku returns fire with chops, and a cross corner whip sends Harley over the top to the floor. Back in, they try trading headbutts, but that ends in a stalemate. Yeah, that was kinda awesome. Harley takes him down with a clothesline to setup a Piledriver, but Haku kicks out at two. Criss cross ends with a double knockout spot, and Haku vertical suplexes him for two - only to miss an elbowdrop. That allows Race a vertical suplex of his own for two, as Monsoon notes that a 'hush' has fallen over the crowd. Yeah, well, fuck them, because this is pretty entertaining. They spill to the outside, and Race tries a Piledriver out there, but Haku counters with a backdrop. He rams Harley's back into the apron a few times, but Race regroups, and executes the Piledriver on the outside anyway! Haku beats the count back in, so Harley delivers a swinging neckbreaker for two. Pair of short-clotheslines setup a kneedrop for two, but Haku wins a slugfest and bodyslams him. 2^nd rope flying headbutt, but Harley rolls out of the way, and tries his own 2^nd rope headbutt - Haku rolling out of the way! Race keeps coming with a knee, but a clothesline misses, and Haku lays him out with a superkick for the pin at 9:03. This was all over the pace, but still managed to be a lot of fun, with both guys working hard - even a slower, post-surgery Race. ** (Original rating: * ¼)

Main Event: Royal Rumble Match: Two minute intervals here. They establish the 'everyman for himself' concept right away, as #1 is Ax and #2 is Smash. Demolition pound on each other for the duration of the interval, until #3 entry Andre the Giant joins us, and the tag champions wisely decide to work together against the Giant. And, all things considered, they're STILL outnumbered! They actually work Andre the Giant over (!), and #4 draw Mr. Perfect adds to that party. Andre manages to swat Smash out of the match, and gets good and pissed at the remaining two - Perfect getting to do some fun overselling for the Giant. And, man, if there was ever a guy to oversell for! #5 is Ronnie Garvin, and the three unlikely allies gang up on Andre. #6 is Greg Valentine, as Andre tosses Garvin out. Haha, bye-bye Miss Atlanta Lively! Guessing jobbing to Dusty every night wasn't looking so bad right then. #7 is Jake Roberts, and the crowd goes wild as he goes right for Andre (of course). Giant chokes him out, and even Valentine trying to save isn't enough to get Andre's vice grip off of Jake's throat. Ron Bass gets #8, as Andre tosses Jake out with ease. Done with him, he turns his attention to the meddling Valentine, as #9 entry Shawn Michaels... enters. Perfect dumps Ax, but Shawn skins-the-cat to avoid the same fate, and gets into an oversell contest with Perfect. Andre continues to choke the life out of any and everyone as #10 entry Bushwhacker Butch enters, but here comes Jake with his python - frightening Andre to badly that he eliminates himself! That was a nice, creative way to get rid of Andre, while advancing the angle, and staying true to the character. It was also booked at the perfect point of the match, as things were settling down, and it needed something to pop the crowd. #11 is Honky Tonk Man, and he joins Bass and Perfect in hammering Butch. There is something UP with those overhead 'Royal Rumble' banners tonight. Like, someone failed to properly secure them, or something, and they're flying all around the arena every time the A/C blows. It's pretty funny, actually, and the low angle shots during some of the elimination attempts accentuate the issue. #12 is Tito Santana, as Michaels and Perfect continue to oversell everything. That's exactly the kind of selling you want to see in a Rumble too, because you need over the top dramatics to keep the punch-kick stuff engaging. #13 is Bad News Brown, which is just the perfect number for the character. Butch and Tito toss Honky out as Bad News chokes Michaels in the corner, and #14 draw Marty Jannetty joins the party! Well, he'd know a thing or two about 'partying,' after all. He comes to Shawn's aid, of course, and the Rockers tandem-dropkick Bass out. #15 is WWF Champion Randy Savage, and he goes right for Bad News! The crowd goes nuts as he blitzes Brown, but Valentine saves, and he hammers Savage in the corner. Tito helps Randy fight out long enough to 2^nd rope axehandle Valentine, and Macho goes back after Bad News. #16 is Arn Anderson, and he goes right for Shawn Michaels, since they had a house show feud at that point. Savage shows some heelish nature by helping Arn, and they toss Michaels out together. Arn actually tries going to the top as he shifts his attention to Marty, but gets crotched, as #17 draw Tully Blanchard comes in. He helps Arn against Marty - the Brain Busters working Jannetty over with tandem stuff before dramatically dumping him. #18 is Hulk Hogan, and it's goodbye for Perfect! He bashes the Busters' heads together (too bad we never got what would have likely been an awesome Mega Powers/Brain Busters match, but I guess the timing was off with the whole Twin Towers feud, and breakup) on his way over to Bad News, as Tito gets eliminated. #19 is Bushwhacker Luke, as the Mega Powers and Bad News actually team up to toss Butch. Having Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, and Bad News Brown have to work together to eliminate you has to be the high point of Butch's career. Like, I'm seriously a little surprised they didn't mention it during his Hall of Fame induction. Luke tries to avenge him by going after Hulk, but you can guess how that goes. Hogan works over both Brain Busters as #20 draw Koko B. Ware runs in. He's wearing yellow and red, but Hulk apparently takes it as an affront, because he dumps him out in short order. And don't even bother grabbing an icepack either, birdman! Hulk clotheslines both Busters out in stereo, as #21 draw Warlord joins, but he runs right into a clothesline from Hulk - only two seconds into his turn. Man, someone is having some serious insecurity issues tonight. It was a cool visual, though. Hulk turns to see the only two other people left are Bad News and Macho, and with Randy battling him on the ropes, Hulk rushes over, and tips both guys out! Damn! Cold hearted! I mean, I know it's supposed to be 'everyman for himself,' but that's just a dick move. Savage understandably freaks out, and comes in, pointing his finger in the Hulkster's face! They tease a brawl, so Elizabeth runs in, and watching them both tell their sides to 'mommy' is pretty funny, actually. Hulk continues to be a big dick, as Savage actually apologizes for flipping out, extends his hand... and Hogan acts like he's not sure. What a fucking asshole! Like, seriously, I don't think he could have written him to be a bigger jerk if they were trying! Luckily, #22 is Big Boss Man, which likely prevents the crowd from completely turning on Hogan. Hulk blitzes him, but gets avalanched in the corner, and Boss Man piledrives him. Bodyslam sets up a splash, but Hogan rolls out of the way, as Akeem enters at #23. Hulk fights off both Towers, but gets overwhelmed, and tossed after taking a tandem-avalanche. Hulk's tantrum continues, however, as he comes back and eliminates Boss Man anyway. You know what though, it's not even his fault. The crowd encourages this type of behavior! Looking back, I don't know how I ever cheered for this guy! I feel like I have some serious soul searching to do here. They brawl all the way to the dressing rooms, as Brutus Beefcake enters at #24. He gets worked over by Akeem, until #25 draw Red Rooster enters. He helps a Barber out, and they team up on Akeem, but can't dump the tub. #26 is The Barbarian, and he slugs it out with Beefcake. Not a whole lot going on here, post-Mega Powers/Twin Towers, and the surrounding drama. #27 is Big John Studd, and he gets right into a battle of the behemoths with Akeem. Watching him casually swat Rooster out of the way so he can get at Akeem was pretty hilarious. #28 is Hercules, as Rooster keeps trying to help Studd with Akeem - and keeps getting swatted away. Some guys just can't take a hint. The hurt look on his face each time is brilliant, though. He finally leaves Studd to it and goes after Hercules instead, as #29 draw Rick Martel joins the fray. He also wants to go for Akeem, but Studd swats him away. That leads to a battle of the two dejected losers, as Rooster and Martel go at it, while Studd continues to wear down the African Dream in the corner. Given that the object of the match is to toss guys over the top, his extended strategy of choking Akeem down may not be the most sound one. Maybe he thought it was a Diva Battle Royal? I mean, Hogan was an entrant, so I can understand the confusion. #30 is Ted DiBiase to round out the field, and he goes right for Hercules. DiBiase apparently originally had Akeem's spot, but he bought #30 from manager Slick - which Slick agreed to because it also put the Towers in back-to-back positions. See, now that's good writing! Not just 'he sold it to him because money.' Money, yeah, but also because it made strategic sense to him. Yes, he'd be taking a lesser spot, but it's still in the final ten, and by coming out back-to-back with Boss Man, they have a legit shot of working together, and staying in until the end. Beefcake tries a Sleeper on Hercules, but that allows DiBiase and Barbarian to rush over and dump them both out. Meanwhile, Studd is STILL choking poor Akeem down in the corner. Give it up, man! Barbarian running powerslams Martel to setup a flying headbutt, but a charge misses, and Rick dropkicks him out. That leaves: Akeem, Studd, Martel, and DiBiase as the final four. Not really a great field, star power-wise, but not terrible either. Especially when considering that these early Rumble's weren't over WrestleMania title shots, so the winners were a lot less predictable. And speaking of 'predictable,' Martel is first out, courtesy of Akeem. He and DiBiase gang up on Studd - or, more accurately, DiBiase tells Akeem what to do, and Akeem does it. Well, gotta get your monies worth, I suppose. It backfires when Studd pulls DiBiase into the path of an avalanche, however, and Akeem's gone. Ted tries begging off, but Studd won't hear it, so DiBiase tries an eyerake instead. He was trying to be reasonable! Self defense, self defense! Studd shrugs that off, however, and Ted bumps his ass off for the big man, until John finally tosses him at 63:16. Studd was in line for a big push here, though it never really worked out as such. As a Rumble, it's far from the best one ever, but I liked it a lot more this time around, and (unlike the '88 version) this one had a lot more focus on the now-familiar thirty man field and 'everyman for himself' concept. The match suffered some once Hogan went out, but it's still solid, historically significant, and extremely well booked. *** ¼ (Original rating: ** ½)

BUExperience: As many times as I’ve seen this show, it seems like every time I see it again, I find myself being completely surprised as to how much I like it – and then I tend to immediately forget that I do. I guess it’s kind of a forgettable show (no title matches, not one of the more significant winners), but it still makes for a good viewing experience.

So, basically, in about ten years you can safely expect a Version III of this show, where I’m all, like, ‘oh wow, this was a lot better than I remember it being!’.

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