WWF Royal Rumble (January 2002)

From Atlanta, Georgia; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler

Opening WWF Tag Team Title Match: Tazz and Spike Dudley v The Dudley Boyz: The Boyz attack as the champs climb in, and quickly take Tazz out on the floor with their side suplex/neckbreaker combo. Spike (who is sporting a neck brace) gets the same treatment inside of the ring, and Bubba Dudley rips the brace off for a new more standard neckbreakers. The Boyz cut the ring in half as Tazz struggles to get up onto the apron, but Spike manages to counters a vertical suplex from Bubba into the Acid Drop - only to have his tag cutoff when D-Von Dudley distracts the referee. The Boyz promptly get back to cutting the ring in half, but they mess up a tandem clothesline, and there's the real tag. Tazz is a big-and-tall store of fire, and the Tazzmission finishes D-Von at a brisk 5:06. I liked how direct this was, with the challengers getting right to the heat segment, and the match not overstaying its welcome. * ¼

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Edge v William Regal: The referee finds brass knux in Regal's tights during the pat down, and Edge attacks with a series of clotheslines as William argues about it. Corner whip sets up a backdrop, and a backslide gets two, but Regal drives a forearm as they pop up, and drops the champ on his head with a release German suplex for two. Double-kneelift gets two, and Regal tries for a double-underhook powerbomb, but Edge counters into a backdrop driver for two - Regal holding on, and countering up into finishing the double-underhook powerbomb for two. Nice sequence there. They fight onto the apron, where Edge reverses a DDT onto it, and inside, that gets the champ a two count. Double-knockout spot leads to an Edge-won slugfest, and he snaps off a spinheel kick to set up a vertical suplex for two. Edge-o-Matic, but Regal counters into another release German - Edge popping up and hitting a dazed lariat for two anyway. DDT, but Regal counters into the Stretch, so Edge grabs the ropes, then reverses. He can't get it properly applied, however, and Regal grabs the ropes, so Edge dropkicks him and schoolboys him for two. Flying spinheel kick sets up a spear, but Regal shoves the referee into the line of fire, and pops Edge with another set of knux for the title at 9:45. Eh. It had a lot of the components of a good match, but never seemed to properly get going. **

WWF Women's Title Match: Trish Stratus v Jazz: Jacqueline acts as the special guest referee, and Trish is sporting a kayfabe broken hand here. Jazz attacks as Trish works to get out of her entrance gear, and backdrops her. Splash gets two, so Trish fires off a sunset flip to trigger a pinfall reversal sequence - won by Jazz with a clothesline and a stungun. Legdrop gets two, and she literally knocks Trish on her ass with a big punch. She goes after the bad hand, but gets into a tiff with Jacqueline, and Stratus schoolgirls her for two. Jazz reverses, but now Jackie doesn't want to count. Jazz tries a side suplex, but Trish counters into a bulldog for two, so Jazz DDTs her for two. Into the corner, but Trish lifts her boot on a charge, and bulldogs her to retain at 3:44. Jazz isn't what anyone might consider 'good,' but she had spunk, and Trish sold all her stuff nicely. ¼*

Street Fight: Vince McMahon v Ric Flair: Flair still looks good here, and not the broken down old man shell of himself he'd look like within just a couple of years. Plus, he still has all of his hair, which makes all the difference, really. They start with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, and Vince throws him across the ring, then flexes at him like Hulk Hogan. Standing side-headlock, and Vince casually hits him with a shoulderblock before mocking the strut - Flair selling everything like he's wrestling Lex Luger in 1988. Ric takes him down in a hammerlock, but McMahon kicks him in the balls to cutoff that comeback, then dumps him into the corner for some elbowsmashes. Chops, but Flair no-sells, and turns the tables, so Vince promptly rakes the eyes, and cross corner whips him to setup a clothesline. Ric fucks up the Flip, but still ends up on the apron, and Vince knocks him out to the floor for a shot with a security sign - drawing blood. Hmm, they've got the aisle on the opposite side here, which is really jarring after so many years of it on the left. Sometimes it really is the little things, though I wish they'd switch it up like that nowadays sometimes, since literally anything to freshen up the current atmosphere would be welcome. Anyway, McMahon unleashes an epic beat down with a series of weapons (trashcan, post, steps), then slams him on the floor right in front of his family. Vince steals a camera from Flair's wife (#2), and takes a selfie before rolling Ric back in for some abuse to the leg. Too bad Facebook and Twitter weren't around yet in 2002, because then Vince could instantly post it to the WWE's feed, and they could spend the rest of the show promoting the hashtag. You know, I'm actually surprised they haven't lifted the spot and done exactly that, actually. Figure four, but Ric reverses, so Vince goes to whack him with a lead pipe instead, but gets blown low. Really though, does the pipe have to be lead? Why put the kids in the audience at risk? That's just negligent. Ric comes back with a flurry of chops on the floor, and he whacks him with a CRT monitor to draw blood from the boss - which then leads to a neat bit where Flair watches a double-feature of the spot on the same monitor he hit Vince with. Cute. He drags Vince over to where the Flair Family is sitting to give his wife a choice shot of him biting at Vince's cut, and then back in, and destroys him with ballshots before slapping on the Figure Four at 14:54. Good stuff, with both guys selling like crazy, and working well together. And while Ric was nowhere near the wrestler he was ten or fifteen years before, he also wasn't yet the broken down old man he'd become, and could still totally go well enough carry something like this with the proper drama it needed to work. ** ¼

WWF Title Match: Chris Jericho v The Rock: Big staredown to start, but Jericho makes the mistake of sticking his hand in Rock's face, and gets killed - Rock dropping him like a Samoan for two. Rock Bottom, but Jericho bails to the floor to avoid it, so Rock chases him, and catches the champ with a spear. Chris fires back with a diving forearm, followed by a cross corner clothesline and a stungun, as he takes control. Into the corner for some chops, and a spinheel kick gets two. Vertical suplex gets two, and he goes for the Walls, but Rock powers out before he can lock it on - only for Chris to baseball slide him to cutoff a comeback. Missile dropkick is worth two, and Chris slaps on a chinlock, then smacks Rock down with a backelbow when he tries escaping. Rock responds by crotching him on the top turnbuckle as the champ goes up for another offensive maneuver, and then superplexing him down. Rock hits a release overhead suplex for two, but gets reversed into the corner, and Jericho bulldogs him to setup a pair of lionsaults for two. Chris argues the count, which allows Rock to recover enough to counter a 2^nd rope dropkick into the sharpshooter. That draws Lance Storm and Christian out, and Rock releases to deal with them - allowing Jericho a uranage for two. Senton splash sets up a People's Elbow, but Rock kips up, and tosses the champ over the top. Uh, not 'til the next match, dude. Rocky follows him out there for a shot into the steps, as I notice that not only is the aisle on the 'wrong' side, but the Spanish and English announce tables are in opposite positions as well. And the timekeeper is on the other side, too. Weird. It's almost like they setup the whole arena as normal, then randomly decided to put the camera on the other side at the last minute. It throws Rock too, apparently, as he puts Chris through the English table with a Rock Bottom, then back in, he gets two off of it. Bottom, but Chris counters into the Walls, so Rock struggles for the ropes to escape. Jericho drags him back to the middle to try again, but Rock cradles him for two to block. Rock with a jumping clothesline, but Jericho ducks, and the referee gets bumped in the process - allowing Chris to bash Rocky's head with the title belt. Another referee runs in to count two, and Rock manages to hit a DDT as Chris argue the count, but the Jericho-biased referee won't count. Rock kills him, of course. Jericho uses the opportunity to sneak attack, but Rock is ready with a spinebuster, and the People's Elbow, but not there's no referee. Rock goes to revive him, but that allows Jericho to blow him low, and ram his challenger into an exposed turnbuckle for a schoolboy - Chris adding two feet on the ropes to retain at 18:46. This was fine, but I'm over the Rock/Jericho series, as the first match was the best, but the subsequent matches haven't added anything to the conversation. ***

Main Event: #1 Contenders Royal Rumble Match: Two minute intervals this year. Rikishi draws #1 and Goldust gets #2. Rikishi slugs away after Goldust annoys him (and, boy, that doesn't take long), but fails to toss him. Goldust teases a bunch of eliminations until Big Bossman joins us as the #3 draw. Bossman was still in the WWF in 2002? Seriously? I have no recollection of him past 2000. A quick check shows that he just came back from an injury that put him out for the bulk of 2001, but apparently he was finished as a wrestler by May of 2002. You really do learn something everyday. #4 is Bradshaw, as I wonder why the roster is so fucking thin the year they bought WCW that we've got fucking Bossman and Rikishi out there. And, I mean, no offense to either guy, but they just weren't relevant anymore - especially Rikishi, still doing a one-note gimmick that stopped playing before Russell Crowe had even won a Best Actor Oscar. Rikishi does manage to toss Bossman, however. So, there's that, at least. #5 is Lance Storm, and he goes after Goldust as Rikishi tries tossing Bradshaw. This Rumble is in desperate need of star power, stat. They trade dance partners as #6 draw Al Snow joins us, and also adds nothing. I'm sorry, is this match taking place on Jakked? Billy Gunn is #7, and at least he kinda sorta used to be a star. He manages to eliminate Bradshaw, in any case. #8 is The Undertaker, and wow man, I never thought I'd be this happy to see early 2000s Undertaker in my life. He cleans house on everyone to have the ring to himself, until Matt Hardy joins him by drawing #9. Yeah, that's not going to go well. He knows it, too, so he brings Lita in with him, and they double-team to a moderate degree of success - by which I mean, Matt gets killed, but not eliminated. #10 is Jeff Hardy (and his stupid cap), and Undertaker gets triple-teamed for a bit. Twist of Fate by Matt sets up a Swanton from Jeff, but they can't get 'Taker out. Poetry in Motion backfires when 'Taker catches Jeff and tosses him, then Last Rides Matt before dumping him as well. #11 is Maven. We don't have to talk about Maven, right? The Hardy's come back in illegally (the refereeing in this match has been terrible thus far), and get tossed a second time, but that allows Maven to sneak up and dropkick Undertaker over the top. Oh man, you remember that opera guy who would show up and sing 'mistaaaaakkkkkkeeee' in dramatic fashion whenever somebody messed up on Scrubs? Yeah, I'm surprised we don't get a cameo from him here. Undertaker destroys Maven and tosses him (Seriously, what's with the officiating here? They're not even TRYING to stop him!), then does a beat down on the floor until #12 draw Scotty 2 Hotty comes out to an empty ring. Undertaker kills him in the aisle, too, then brawls into the crowd with Maven as we with for the buzzer to bring another actual entrant in. You know, for a locker room leader, Undertaker is really setting a terrible example by being such a sore loser here. #13 is Christian, but Scotty is still down on the floor, so the match continues to grind to a halt. Who booked this? No way in hell this was Pat Patterson. Diamond Dallas Page gets #14, and manages to toss Scotty after he hits the Worm on Christian. #15 is Chuck Palumbo, and he trades off with DDP for a while. #16 is The Godfather, as this parade of dated gimmicks continues. Like, seriously, were the bookers doing copious amounts of acid before the show, and constantly flashing back to 2000, or something? Albert draws #17, but gets tossed in under a minute. Saturn draws #18, as Christian and Chuck dump Godfather then turn on each other. Steve Austin gets #19, desperately adding some much needed star power to this thing. Bye bye Christian! Bye bye Chuck! Bye bye Saturn! #20 is Val Venis, and Austin kills him too, but Val manages to hang on until #21 draw Test enters. They work together to try and eliminate Stone Cold, but both end up getting tossed for their efforts, until Triple H makes his big return with #22. Big staredown, of course, and a big slugfest until Hurricane breaks up the fun at #23. Things don't end well for him, as Austin and HHH exchange hilarious glances, then toss him together before getting back to beating the shit out of each other. Faarooq draws #24, and spinebusters Austin nearly out of his damn boots, but takes a Stunner, and gets clotheslined out of HHH. They go back to their private war until #25 draw Mr. Perfect enters - in one of my favorite moments from this period. It was just so good to see Hennig back home again (even if it didn't last), especially in an era when they didn't trot out guys/gimmicks from the old days on every other episode. Interestingly, one of the last times we saw Hennig in the WWF before this, he was also getting involved in an Austin/HHH match - albeit, an opener on a shitty pay per view that probably had fewer buys than there are people in the arena for this show. He manages to hold his own against both guys, until #26 draw Kurt Angle runs in to help weather the storm by going after Triple H. #27 is Big Show, and he immediately Chokeslams Perfect. Austin and HHH try doubling up on him, but get swatted, so Angle tries German suplexing him - only to get press-slammed. Round of headbutts and a Chokeslam for HHH, until Kane breaks up the party at #28. Slugfest with Show ends in Kane blocking a Chokeslam and tossing Show, but getting quickly eliminated by Angle afterwards. Oh well. #29 is Rob Van Dam, and he does his Karate Kid act, but runs into a Pedigree from HHH, then dumped by #30 draw Booker T - who then gets quickly eliminated himself, via Austin. So, that leaves Steve Austin, Triple H, Mr. Perfect, and Kurt Angle as the final four - which is a fine field, even if one of them has no legitimate hope of winning. RVD should have probably gotten that spot, but whatever. Olympic Slam for HHH, and a four-alarm rolling German suplex for Steve, and Kurt tosses Stone Cold shortly thereafter. Perfect goes right after Angle from there, but he's cutoff as Austin returns and kills everyone with a chair, like yet another sore loser. Hey, I think I've solved the mystery... Hogan must have booked this one. Perfect and Angle gang up on HHH, but end up hitting each other by accident, and Perfect hits the Perfect-Plex on Kurt in response! Somersault necksnap follows, but HHH cuts that off, and tosses him. I guess his gratitude for that Intercontinental Title in 1996 had faded by 2002. 'What have you done for me lately,' and all that, I guess. Down to two, and Kurt pulls down the straps as they slug it out. Kurt catches him with a release overhead suplex, then backdrops him out, but Hunter hangs on like Shawn Michaels in 1995, and sneaks up behind a chicken counting Angle for the win at 69:19. It got a lot better once Austin and Triple H joined the party, but man, some of the early portions rivaled 1995 or 1996 for lack of star power. The distribution of stars was also really bad, with almost everyone packed into the last ten slots, and the first two-thirds of the match severely suffering as a result. **

BUExperience: If the Rumble match itself had been a better, I would probably be more enthusiastic about this overall show. But it was quite dull, and while the undercard would have been solid enough to support a strong main event, with a weak Rumble on top, they needed something of a standout match supporting it – which you don’t have here.

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