WWE No Way Out (February 2006)

Original Airdate: February 19, 2006

From Baltimore, Maryland; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz

Opening WWE Cruiserweight Title Nine-Way Match: Gregory Helms v Kid Kash v Brian Kendrick v Psicosis v Super Crazy v Nunzio v Funaki v Paul London v Scotty 2 Hotty: First fall wins it, and there are no tags necessary. Helms (the champion) hides out on the floor as the other eight pair off, all slugging it out in the corners like a battle royal. Cole wastes no time in making me cringe, noting that you can 'only find the grace of these cruiserweights in one place: Friday night Smackdown!' in the shilliest voice that ever shilled. I'm paraphrasing, since the sheer amount of insincerity is grating to my ears. So, much like the similar match back at the Royal Rumble the month before, this is just a bunch of guys (even more guys than at the Rumble match!) throwing random stuff, with very little rhyme of reason. It's both hard to follow and there's very little to follow all at the same time, which is unique, I suppose. Kinda crazy that Scotty 2 Hotty was still kicking around at this point, and still with that same gimmick. And he's last another year, too! Funaki too, for that matter! Maybe this is a Boris Zhukov type situation, where they're flying so far below Vince's radar that he doesn't even realize he's still employing them? It would answer a lot. Anyway, the finish comes when Kash hits the Dead Level on Psicosis, but Helms sneaks the pin off of it at 9:42. Not my style. ½*

John Bradshaw Layfield v Bobby Lashley: Funny sign in the crowd reads 'Jelly Belly Layfield.' Jelly Belly tries jumping him, but that doesn't go well, and Lashley beats him in the corner. Backdrop and an elbowdrop literally leave Bobby blown up and scrambling for a follow-up, and he grasps with another backdrop. To the outside, Bradshaw tries using Jillian Hall as a distraction to turn the tide, but gets overhead suplexed when that fails. Inside, that gets Lashley two, and a sloppy hanging vertical suplex (too much jelly...) winds Bobby so badly that Bradshaw is able to dump him to the outside for a big boot. He rams him into the steps out there before rolling him in for a flying elbowdrop that gets two, and a pair of swinging neckbreakers setup a series of four elbowdrops for two. Give it to Jelly Belly, he is bringing the cardio tonight. Sleeper wears Bobby down for two, but a flying shoulderblock is countered with a powerslam! Lashley starts making his comeback, and man, even Lex Luger used to vary it up a bit. Lashley literally hits the same damn suplex four times in a row. He goes to finish, but Finlay attacks him before he can, allowing Bradshaw to hit the Clothesline from Wall Street at 10:58 - ending Lashley's undefeated streak in the most mundane manner possible. Bradshaw carried him to a decent match here though, which may be the first time I've ever written that sentence. *

MNM v Matt Hardy and Tatanka: MNM are actually already the WWE Tag Team Champions here, and if Hardy and Tatanka can beat them, they'll give them a shot at a later date. Tatanka acts as a mystery partner for Hardy here - the 'mystery' apparently being 'what the fuck is Matt Hardy thinking?!?' Joey Mercury starts with Hardy, and a distraction allows Joey to jump him. Hardy outsmarts him in the corner to turn the tide, however, and he holds Joey on the mat in a wristlock. Tag to Tatanka, and he's working an armbar like it's 1993 all over again! Johnny Nitro manages to tag in, but runs into a tandem-backdrop, and the faces clean house. Hardy gets overzealous trying to get this back in, and clobbered as a result, allowing MNM to begin cutting the ring in half on him. He fights them off to tag Tatanka, and he's a teepee of fire, but runs into a cheap shot from Melina. MNM cut the ring in half on their new victim, as I hum Tatanka's 90s theme music, which somehow makes him more watchable. Seriously, try it. Or, well, maybe don't. I can't in good consciousness recommend watching Tatanka matches. Tag back to Hardy, and he's a crackhouse of fire to ignite a four-way brawl - Tatanka finishing Mercury with the Trail's End at 10:26. Nothing special, but not hot garbage, or anything. ¾*

WWE United States Title Match: Booker T v Chris Benoit: Jesus, how many times did these two wrestle each other? And people think they run the same pairings endlessly TODAY! Booker offers to forfeit the title before the match, then jumps Benoit from behind. That's a... unique... strategy. But, I guess it works since they know each other well enough at this point that it makes sense that Booker would know that prideful Benoit would never accept such an offer. Benoit fights back with chops, and hits a snap suplex followed by a side suplex for two. Baseball slides knocks the champion to the outside, and Chris whips him into the steps out there, but runs into a superkick on the way back in for two. Booker grounds his challenger with an overhead wristlock, then shifts to a full-nelson when feisty Benoit tries to escape. Chris elbows his way out and drops Booker with a German suplex to buy time, but it's not quite enough to wear the champion down for the Crippler Crossface, and Booker spinkicks him for two. Sleeper, but Benoit side suplexes his way out, so Booker cuts him off again with a stungun. A pair of vertical suplexes get two, but the axekick misses, and Chris unloads some chops to mount his comeback. Three-alarm rolling vertical suplex gets two, so Booker throws a spinheel kick to cutoff the comeback again. However this time Benoit is able to recover faster, and he superplexes Booker for two to avoid a missile dropkick. Booker manages to catch him coming out of the ropes with a well executed spinebuster, but an effort to finish him off with the Hangover misses (haven't seen that spot from him in a while!), and Chris is able to execute the three-alarm rolling German suplex. He heads up to finish, but Sharmell distracts him, and Booker knocks him down for the axekick for two. Sunset cradle gets two, but Benoit counters to the sharpshooter upon kicking out, then abruptly shifts to the Crossface to finish at 18:11. Got really good towards the end, but nothing special overall. **

#1 Contender's Match: Rey Mysterio v Randy Orton: Randy has no problem overpowering Mysterio in the early going, and even less of a problem acting like a condescending douche bag while doing so. He plays that role so well, he's either a brilliant actor, or actually a douche bag. And given that I've seen 12 Rounds 2, I think it's safe to say he's not going to be in the running for an Oscar anytime soon. Rey fights back with a wheelbarrow bulldog for two, but a springboard bodypress misses, and Randy chokes him down in the corner. Orton's looking really washed out tonight. Randy cross corner whips him for two, and stops to mock Eddie Guerrero in the process, so Mysterio kicks him in the head. Well, that's one way to make a man show respect. Headscissors sends Orton to the outside, and Rey tries leaping off the apron with a flying rana, but Randy catches him, and swings him right into the post. Nice! Back in, Randy works the arm he injured with the post shot, but Rey gets uppity, so Orton gives him a nasty neckbreaker rack drop for two. Pop-up powerbomb, but Rey counters with a rana, so Randy gets pissed, and tries breaking his injured arm using the steps on the outside. Back in, that gets two. Orton keeps after the arm, but Rey manages to block an overhead backbreaker, and send Randy to the floor again. That just serves to piss him off more, but this time Rey manages to block the retribution with a drop-toehold into the middle turnbuckle. That sets up a flying moonsault, but Randy counters with an electric chair off the top, so Mysterio counters back with a sunsetbomb for two! Mysterio with a spinheel kick to setup a springboard seated senton and an inverted somersault necksnap for two. Springboard moonsault, but Randy counters to a front-powerslam, so Rey counters with a tornado DDT for two - aggravating his arm in the process. Rey keeps fighting with flying bodypress, but Orton knocks him out of the sky with a dropkick - only to have the RKO thwarted when Mysterio issues a dropkick of his own. 619, but Randy counters into a schoolboy - scoring the pin while using the ropes for leverage at 17:28. Orton can be a lot of fun when he's properly motivated. ***

Main Event: World Heavyweight Title Match: Kurt Angle v The Undertaker: This match basically has to be four-stars or better to save this show from the DUD pile at this point. And Undertaker's super aggressive guyliner already knocks it down at least half-a-star. Undertaker dominates in the early going, and wastes no time in going to work on Angle's arm. I didn't notice him earlier, but there's a dude in the crowd who's so terrifyingly fat that I think he may still be sitting in his seat over there in Baltimore because there's no way in hell he didn't get stuck. Heck, I'm a pretty lean guy, and even I'm uncomfortable in arena seats. Ropewalk forearm and a reverse STO get two. Snake-eyes sets up a big boot, but Kurt ducks into a release German suplex for two. Angle knocks him out of the ring, but ends up getting sent into the post out there, and Undertaker adds a guillotine legdrop for two. Chokeslam, but Angle starts wildly kicking at his ankle to block, and he clips it to avoid a clothesline. Kurt goes to work on the ankle with a ring post figure four, and he slaps on the Anklelock on the outside as a counter to a kick from the challenger. He nearly gets counted out in the process, but he's the champion, so fuck if he cares. The referee nearly has an aneurism, so Kurt releases, rolls in to break the count, then rolls back out and slaps it right back on! Heh. Inside, Angle keeps working the ankle, but Undertaker counters a leglock into a triangle choke, and Kurt is forced to use the ropes to escape. He bails, but Undertaker in on his tail, and abuses him on the outside. He goes for the announce table, but Kurt manages to counter: Olympic Slamming his challenger through it instead! He nearly gets a countout victory out of it, but then decides he wants to finish him, and pays the price when Undertaker reverses a whip into the steps! 'Taker with the guyliner and the frazzled hair looks as I'd imagine a gay lion does. Undertaker heads up on the way back in, but Kurt is ready with a pop-up superplex for two! Undertaker cuts off the comeback with a big boot for two (while making sure to sell the ankle in doing so), but Kurt counters a chokeslam into the Anklelock in rather epic fashion. That was some smooth shit from the champion there. Undertaker counters with the triangle choke, but Kurt counters back to the Anklelock - at dead center ring. Undertaker manages to break out and hit the chokeslam for two, but the ankle gives out in the process. Check out the selling from Undertaker tonight! Last Ride, but Kurt counters with a sunset flip into another Anklelock! Angle's counters are fucking gorgeous! Undertaker fights out again, so Kurt drops him with an Olympic Slam, but it only gets two. Undertaker rallies with the Tombstone, but Angle reverses. Undertaker reverses back, so Kurt counters into the Anklelock again! Undertaker manages to kick him in the head enough times to escape, so Kurt drops him with another Olympic Slam - only to get caught in the triangle choke when he goes to cover! Undertaker has it locked on at center ring, and Kurt nearly passes out - only to muster the strength to somersault cradle Undertaker while in the hold to retain at 29:37. Not quite a show saving classic, but very good (and better than it had any right to be, frankly), with tons of psychology and plenty going on. It saved this show from the DUD pile, if nothing else. *** ½

BUExperience: The last three matches are strong enough that this show isn't a total waste of space, but it's certainly not going to make anyone's top ten (or twenty, or thirty) anytime soon.

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