WWE WrestleMania 32 (April 2016)

Original Airdate: April 3, 2016

From Dallas, Texas; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and John Bradshaw Layfield

Opening WWE Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Kevin Owens v Dolph Ziggler v Stardust v The Miz v Sin Cara v Sami Zayn v Zack Ryder: Funny spot to start, as everyone goes running to the outside for ladders except for Kevin Owens, who just stands in the ring and holds the high ground. He manages to hold everyone off, but Zayn breaks through, and wins a slugfest. Ziggler smacks him with a ladder before he can do anything else, however, and Miz makes an ill-advised attempt at climbing a half unfolded ladder, and falls on his ass. Well, he deserved that one. Owens backdrops Zayn onto a ladder, but Ryder jumps him before he can climb, and scales it himself. Ziggler meets him at the top for a slugfest, but Stardust tips them both over and climbs - only to have the same thing happen to him courtesy of Sin Cara. That leaves a bunch of bodies on the floor, and Zayn busts out a near somersault plancha where he dives THROUGH the ladder onto everybody, then one ups himself with a spear on Owens where he dives through the turnbuckles on the floor! Nuts! Cara stops him from climbing, however, and we get another expertly choreographed spot when Miz tips Sin off the ladder - Cara landing on the top rope as a springboard onto the guys recovering from Sami's last dive! Nuts: The Sequel! Ziggler superkicks Miz and Cara, but Owens tips him off the ladder, and they do a double-knockout spot when both guys throw simultaneous superkicks. That allows Stardust to bring a custom polka-dotted ladder into the ring, but Miz knocks it away with a Skull Crushing Finale - only to get fisherman bustered by Owens. Why bother putting all those ladders that are clearly too short to reach the belt out there to begin with, let alone have a custom made one that's too short? Owens flying frogsplashes Zayn and Pop-Up Powerbombs Miz, but Zack prevents a climb, and hits Miz with an Elbro Drop off of a ladder. Those giant HD screens above the ring are really fucking cool. I know the concept isn't at all new, but compare those to the barely visible ones at WrestleMania III, for example. Everybody trades signature moves, and Cara climbs, but Owens tips him over - giving us another cool spot, as Sin turns his fall into a flying splash onto Stardust out on the floor! Wild and crazy, kids! Kevin and Sami slug it out atop a ladder, and Sami ends up overhead suplexing him onto another ladder. He climbs, but Miz tips him over, and makes his own climb. He has it won, but takes too long reveling in it - allowing Ryder to shove him off the ladder, and claim the Intercontinental Title for himself at 15:29. For all of a night, anyway. What a great way to open this show! Sure it was a total spotfest, and sure running Owens/Zayn as a singles match would have been better from a pure wrestling perspective, but this was fun, crazy, exciting, and total non-stop action from bell to bell. ****

Chris Jericho v AJ Styles: Styles (who is dressed like 1992 Shawn Michaels tonight) seems overwhelmed at the sheer size of the crowd, and I can't blame him. Jericho shoulderblocks him down, but takes too long gloating, and AJ surprises him with a kip-up rana to send Chris to the outside. Back in, AJ returns the favor with a shoulderblock of his own, so Jericho tries backdropping him over the top, but Styles lands on the apron. Chris responds with a springboard dropkick, but AJ has it scouted, and slingshoots back in, and hits Chris with his own springboard dropkick to put Jericho on the floor again. AJ dives out after him with a plancha, but Chris counters by dropkicking him out of the air - nicely bookending that sequence. Jericho with a neckbreaker across the middle rope on the way back in, and a flying backelbow is worth two. Chris with a hanging vertical suplex for two, and he works a chinlock, but AJ quickly escapes, so Jericho reroutes with a dragon sleeper. AJ slugs his way out, and hits a seated diving double-ax, followed by a well executed dropkick. Chris wins a reversal sequence with a victory cradle into the Walls, but AJ gets the ropes. He tries the Phenomenon for two, and it looks like he still hasn't quite worked out the timing bugs of doing that spot in a WWE sized ring. He dodges a bulldog from Jericho and hits an inverted stinger splash to setup a forward-falling superplex, and an Oklahoma roll follows for two. Pele kick, but Jericho counters into the Walls, so AJ punches his way into countering for the Calf Crusher - Jericho countering with a cradle for two. He tries a rana, but Styles blocks, and a (rather sloppy) reversal sequence ends in AJ missing the Phenomenal Forearm - getting caught in the Codebreaker for two. Chris decides to finish him with his own Styles Clash move, but gets countered with a wheelbarrow facebuster for two. Another reversal sequence ends in AJ hitting the Clash, but it only gets two. That leaves both guys staggered for a slugfest, and Jericho gets the best of it with a Lionsault - only to hit the knees. AJ looks to finish with the Superman, but it only gets two. Brainbuster sets up another Forearm, but again Chris is able to counter with the Codebreaker - this time for the pin at 17:17. You could say that finish was repetitive, but I read it more as the frustrated Styles desperately trying to put Jericho away, and failing to avoid falling into the same trap as earlier in the process. Good match, but not an all-time classic, or anything. ***

Six-Man Tag Team Match: The New Day v The League of Nations: New Day's entrance out of a gigantic box of BootyO's was phenomenal. Kofi Kingston starts with Sheamus, and wins a quick criss cross with a jumping forearm to knock whitey into the Day corner for some triple teaming. The crowd is just having a ball getting behind New Day here. Xavier Woods falls prey to a bodyslam, however, and the League go to work cutting the ring in half on him. Alberto Del Rio is literally dressed exactly like the New Day guys tonight, which is a pretty major oversight on behalf of the wardrobe department. Woods manages to backdrop him over the top to dodge a charge, but Sheamus cuts off the tag. Woods fights him off anyway with a tornado DDT, and gets the hot tag to Kingston. He's a disco inferno to ignite a brawl, and Roseanne bar the door! Big E takes out the League on the floor, but Kofi and Xavier fail to put Sheamus away in time, and Woods runs into the Brogue Kick at 10:09. And then, the real party starts, as the League gloat over their win, thus drawing Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley, and Steve Austin out to save the day. Not that they have any pre-existing issue with the guys, but you know, they've got to get them on the card somewhere. So the three retired guys manhandle all four League of Nations guys with ease. And, yeah, it was fun to see Austin, Foley, and Michaels do their thing (and the crowd loved it), but it sure doesn't do the League of Nations any favors. And what does it say about the current product when three guys who have been retired for a combined thirty five years are more over and a bigger highlight of a five hour show than anyone currently on the roster? So now, with that out of the way, the New Day want to dance with the legends. Shawn and Mick are into it but, of course, Steve not so much. We do get the hilarious visual of Austin getting funky for a moment, but changing his mind, and handing out Stunners. * ¼

Street Fight: Brock Lesnar v Dean Ambrose: We're already ninety minutes into this show as this gets started, and there's still some three and a half to go! Dean tries to go toe-to-toe with the Beast at the bell. It doesn't end well for him. Brock takes him to Suplex City, so Ambrose finds a kendo stick, but it barely registers as an annoyance to Lesnar. More suplexing, and Dean's Roddy Piper like 'give me more, tough guy' selling of it is fantastic. As is Brock's ever arrogant smirks as he dismantles him with ease. And Paul Heyman's as well, while we're at it. Dean keeps coming, Brock keeps suplexing, until Lesnar gets cocky, and Dean punches him in the balls. Makes sense, cock does go with balls, after all. That allows him to beat Brock with the kendo stick to put Lesnar on the floor, and Ambrose goes after him with a tope. He finds a fucking CHAINSAW underneath the ring, but Brock release overhead suplexes him on the floor before he gets the chance to use it. Ambrose manages to hit him with a laptop instead, but Lesnar pop-up overhead superplexes him on the way back in to avoid a flying chairshot. Geez. Dean blasts him with a fire extinguisher to blind Brock for a beating with a chair, and a flying elbowdrop with the chair gets two. This stadium is just insane! Every time I look up and think my eyes have reached the top of the place, the camera pans, and it just keeps going and going. Brock goes for the F5, but Dean counters with a tornado DDT for two. He grabs a barbwire 2x4 to finish the job, but Brock German suplexes him to avoid it, and finishes with an F5 onto a chair at 13:08. Managed to be both fun and disappointing at the same time. **

WWE Women's Title Triple Threat Match: Charlotte v Sasha Banks v Becky Lynch: First fall wins. The Diva's Title is officially no more, and this is for the new Women's Title - creating a new lineage unrelated to the Diva's Title or the previous version of the WWE Women's Title. That's kind of a weird decision from a branding standpoint, given that they're in the middle of a much publicized 'Diva's Revolution' and have a show on E! literally called 'Total Divas.' Sasha gets played down by newly minted WWE Hall of Famer Snoop Dogg, which is probably the first time in history that a guy did more to earn his spot the night after his induction than anything he did before it. Like, this appearance was literally fifty percent of his WWE career! All three ladies trade cradles right away, until Charlotte ends the fun by big booting Becky out of the ring. Banks catches her with a ropewalk rana, but gets dumped into the turnbuckles, leading to another three-way cradle situation that ends with Charlotte on the floor. Becky takes Sasha down with a pair of armdrags into an armbar, but Charlotte comes back in, so Becky superkicks her in the baby maker to setup an inverted DDT for two. Charlotte responds with a crucifix rack drop for two, and she starts going after the leg, but Becky blocks the Figure Eight. Charlotte rolls her up instead for two, and counter the Dis-arm-her with a schoolgirl for two. Becky goes for it again, but this time Banks saves, and Charlotte attacks as Lynch works to toss Sasha out. Figure Eight applied, but Banks dives in with a flying splash onto Charlotte for two. The camera angle on that was brilliant - not telegraphing the spot in the least, so it looked like Sasha literally came out of nowhere. Becky responds by release German suplexing her, and a pump-handle uranage on Charlotte gets two. She goes for the Dis-arm-her on Sasha, but Banks blocks, then dives out of the ring onto Charlotte with a somersault tope. That was a weird spot, where Sasha basically did a tope, then decided to add a somersault in after the initial impact was already made. It looked weird, but not necessarily in a bad way. Dog pile sequence (bitch pile?) ends in Charlotte hitting both ladies with a flying moonsault press on the outside, and then she drags them both in for a double-inverted somersault necksnap. That gets a pair of two counts on each, so she tries an electric chair on Sasha - only to have Becky missile dropkick her off! Dis-arm-her on Charlotte, but Sasha saves - putting Becky into the Bank Statement! She nearly has it won, but Charlotte slaps the Figure Eight onto Banks while she's still got Becky in the Statement! That all leads to a three-way slugfest, and Becky fisherwoman superplexes Charlotte, but Sasha counters a side suplex into the Statement - only to have Charlotte break it up, and put Becky in the Figure Eight while papa Ric holds Sasha back at 16:06. Well, that practically erased any memory of the days when the Women's Title match was slotted for under four minutes right before the main event to give the crowd a chance to cool down between big matches, didn't it? Best main roster women's match since the days of Alundra Blayze and Bull Nakano powerbombing the shit out of each other. *** ½

Hell in a Cell Match: The Undertaker v Shane McMahon: If Shane wins he gains control of RAW, and Undertaker can never again wrestle at WrestleMania. I'm sure those giant HD screens were really coming in handy for this one, because I can't even imagine what this match would look like from the cheap seats with the cell distorting things. Shane tries some fancy feet to keep away from 'Taker to start, but gets pounded down anyway. Undertaker with a snake-eyes and a guillotine legdrop, and the Last Ride gets two. He brings the steps into the ring, and man, Undertaker's face is so deeply red at this point that he looks more like Brother Love than himself. Nothing against the guy, but it might be time to hang 'em up before he goes the way of Moondog Spot. He had the perfect out after Brock ended the streak two years ago, too. Shane tries holding him off with a triangle choke, but Undertaker escapes, and chokeslams McMahon onto the steps for two. Shane fires back by DDTing Undertaker onto those same steps for two, and an elbowdrop follows for two. Undertaker shrugs him off with Hells Gate, but Shane counters with the sharpshooter - his execution closer to the Rock's side of the spectrum than Bret Hart's. Undertaker escapes, so Shane finds a trash can and delivers his flying seated dropkick from coast to coast for two. They were setting that up as a huge flashbulb popping spot (ala WrestleMania X-7), but the crowd didn't really play along, and kinda sat on their hands for it. Shane finds some bolt cutters and starts cutting his way out of the cell, but Undertaker spears him through, and they brawl into the crowd. Things are moving so slowly that I literally have time to go take a piss, and don't miss anything. Undertaker tries a Tombstone through the announce table, but Shane counters with a sleeper, so Undertaker turns the tables (literally) by dropping his weight and putting McMahon through it. Shane fights him off by bashing him with a toolbox a couple of times, and McMahon climbs to the top of the cell. He takes forever setting up a flying elbowdrop through the announce table - only for Undertaker to roll out of the way! Well, no shit! I'd have been legitimately concerned about him if he HADN'T moved, given that he had a solid five minutes to do so. It's a crazy motherfucking bump, and Shane is a madman, but again, the crowd didn't really react as I think they were hoping for there. McMahon is understandably dead, but he won't quit, so Undertaker drags him back into the cell, and finishes with the Tombstone at 30:07. Yes, THIRTY minutes! Slow, boring, plodding, heatless, overlong - take your pick, this one was full of problems. What a disappointment this whole thing was - the feud, the match, everything. ¾*

20-Man Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Yep, because what a show that's already three hours and twenty minutes deep really needs is a battle royal! We've got: Fandango, Damien Sandow, Kane, Big Show, Viktor, Diamond Dallas Page, Konnor, Tatanka, Jack Swagger, R-Truth, Goldust, Curtis Axel, Adam Rose, Heath Slater, Tyler Breeze, Mark Henry, Bo Dallas, Darren Young, Baron Corbin, and Shaquille O'Neal. Yes, Shaq. Also, yes, Tatanka. And DDP. Shaq gets right into a stare down with Show, but when Kane tries to get involved, then tandem-chokeslam him. Everyone gangs up on them, but Show and Shaq easily shrug them off. That leads to a hilarious bit where Fandango dances while they stare down, and Shaq's facial expressions throughout that bit alone pretty much secure his Hall of Fame spot in Orlando next year. He and Show choke each other for a bit, until everyone bum rushes them again for a double elimination. Okay, so with the two giants out of the way, it's down to the usual battle royal punch-kick stuff. Kane and Henry toss the Social Outcasts, but Young sneaks up on Mark, and we're down to Kane, Corbin, Dallas, and Young. Kane quickly dispatches of Dallas and Young, but Corbin sneaks up on him for the win at 9:43. The Show/Shaq stuff was actually very entertaining, while the rest was standard battle royal fare. ¼*

The Rock v Erick Rowan: This is an impromptu match, as Rock comes out (complete with the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders) to announce the official attendance (a worked 101,763), when the Wyatt Family interrupts, and we get this 'match' that sees Rocky hit the Rock Bottom for the pin at 0:06. Now, back to that attendance figure, reports are that the WWE inflated the numbers (surprise surprise), but there was still a legitimate 97,769 in the building according to Dave Meltzer. That figure alone trumps WrestleMania III's 93,173 (which is a figure many have disputed as inflated anyway), as well as easily qualifies as the biggest crowd in WWE history by a good margin. It's the most impressive crowd I've ever seen, and even more impressive is how hot of a ticket this was considering how little fan interest there is for the promotion at the moment. Just shows how much things have changed, and how much of a draw the event is on its own, regardless of the card. Anyway, after Rock scores the quickie pin, the other Wyatt's decide to jump him, but John Cena returns to make the save. This would have been a fairly entertaining segment under normal circumstances, but we're now running so long that we've crossed the four hour mark for this show, and it's really hard to be entertaining after four hours. Though, if anyone can do it, it's Rocky. DUD

Main Event: WWE World Heavyweight Title Match: Triple H v Roman Reigns: Super cool entrance for HHH tonight. Clearly someone was a fan of the new Mad Max. Gotta dig Stephanie's monologue, where she talks about how they own everyone in the building while calling them all 'blind sheep.' And, hey, she's kinda right given that they somehow managed to sell 97,000 tickets at a time when the product is ice cold. The crowd turns on Reigns right away, prompting a hilarious text from my friend Matt when he was live watching the show wondering whether or not they did a double turn when he wasn't looking. HHH wins the initial lockup and hiptosses Roman over the top to the floor, then back in he works a wristlock. Reigns slugs free and gives HHH a taste of his own medicine with a crotch chop, but that just gets him pounded down by the Game. This match is dying rather quickly, as it's just punch-kick stuff thus far, and has in no way engaged the audience. Roman with the Drive-By for two, so HHH kicks him in the balls to cutoff the effort, and he works the part with an inverted atomic drop for two. I guess that's what folks used to mean when they'd talk about 'dick heels.' It's penis psychology, people! Spinebuster gets two, and HHH tosses him to the outside for a series of smashes into the announce table. Reigns returns the favor, so Hunter gives him a sloppy swinging neckbreaker on the floor. It took me a while to put my finger on it, but HHH looks a lot like CM Punk tonight. I'd like to think that's just a coincidence, and it likely is, but a small part of me can't help believing it's a subtle but deliberate shot at the guy who never got to realize his dream of headlining a WrestleMania. Hunter with a flying high knee on the way back in for two, but another one gets blocked, and Reigns puts him down with a big boot. Roman with a corner clothesline, and he drops HHH like a Samoan for two. Superman Punch looks to finish, but HHH bails to the floor to avoid it, so Reigns follows him out to hit it on the floor instead. HHH reverses him into the steps, however, then tosses him into the announce table again for good measure, but Roman pops back up and Spears him through the barricade. Reigns tries the Superman on the way back in, but Hunter counters with a fujiwara armbar. Roman manages to escape via a sitout powerbomb for two, but he can't capitalize, and Hunter grounds him with a cross armbreaker. Reigns muscles his way through another sitout powerbomb to break again, but this time can't even muster the strength to cover, let alone follow-up. Maybe he needs one of his patented mid-match naps? He tries the Spear, but gets countered to the Pedigree - countering back by backdropping the champion over the top. Roman Spears him on the way back in, but Stephanie pulls the referee out at two. She begs him to disqualify HHH over it, so Roman takes her out with a Spear - finally engaging the crowd. Though, less so because they care about Reigns and more so because you never see anyone put their hands on Stephanie, and so it comes off as shocking. That allows HHH to attack with the Pedigree, however, but it only gets two. Hunter with a kneeling facebuster, but Reigns pops right back up with the Superman. Spear, but HHH counters with a high knee for two. Hunter grabs his sledgehammer, but Roman fights him off with two Superman's, then Spears him for the title at 27:05. I'm not really sure what they were going for with this one, but that can't possibly have been it. Despite running nearly a full half hour, this felt like it never really got going, and failed to connect with the fans (in attendance or at home) in any meaningful way. Overall it isn't a bad match in the general sense, but it is very disappointing for the main event of a pay per view, an fails as a WrestleMania main event, let alone in front of the biggest crowd in history. The crowd reaction when Reigns got the pin said it all here. * ½

BUExperience: A fairly solid show for the most part that suffers from the extreme runtime (clocking in at just under a mind numbing five hours) as well as some perplexing booking decisions, before ultimately collapsing under the weight of two poorly executed main events. Had the two top matches delivered, all the other flaws could be overlooked, and we’d likely be having an entirely different conversation.

While it’s a far (far) from perfect show, it’s not a totally useless one, either. The spectacle and the mammoth crowd (even without the usual numbers inflation, it’s still the largest crowd in WWE history) alone are worth checking out, and there are certainly some strong undercard matches. A flawed WrestleMania, which doesn’t have a whole lot of rewatchability, and which I predict history will not be kind to in the long run

**