WWE Backlash (September 2016)

Original Airdate: September 11, 2016

From Richmond, Virginia; Your Hosts are Mauro Ranallo, David Otunga, and John Bradshaw Layfield

Opening WWE Smackdown Women's Title Six-Pack Elimination Challenge Match: Nikki Bella v Becky Lynch v Natalya v Naomi v Alexa Bliss v Carmella: Winner is crowned the inaugural champion. Interestingly, the belt being used tonight is a replica belt, like the ones sold at concession stands. Nikki, Carmella, Alexa, and Nattie fight to the outside to give Becky and Naomi the ring, though what they're doing out there is a mystery, since they all completely disappear from view. I'd like to think they're all sitting Indian-style beside the ring, doing each other’s nails. Becky dumps her to the floor, but Carmella cuts off a dive, and brings Lynch off the top with a handstand rana. In comes Nikki, but Alexa cuts her off. Alexa Bliss is a major hottie, but she seems to have lost a certain something on the trip up from Full Sail. Also, she's absolutely terrible in the ring. If they didn't do the brand split, there's no way she'd have gotten called up at this stage. Everyone takes turns switching out and doing various one off spots, the majority of the focus on Nikki and Carmella. I love how, when the referee counts a fall during a women's match, he basically spanks their hair. Gives 'bad hair day' a whole new meaning. I'm patiently waiting for the day when an official misses his mark, and ends up slapping some poor chick full on in the face. Dog pile (bitch pile?) spot on the outside see's Naomi take everyone out with a springboard bodypress, and inside, Alexa tries a laughable ten-punch on Nattie. They're both so short that she was basically punching the top of her head. Luckily, Naomi saves - putting Bliss down with a somersault neckbreaker at 9:40. That leaves her fighting it out with Nattie, leading to a sloppy skin-the-cat spot. That looked just terrible. Luckily, Nattie quickly puts her away with the Sharpshooter at 10:46. She and Carmella threaten to gang up on Bella, but quickly turn on each other, allowing Nikki to put Nattie away with the TKO at 11:50. She has little time to celebrate though, as Carmella immediately schoolgirls her at 12:00. Becky tries to bum rush her, but Carmella slaps her down. Lynch fires back with a trio of exploder suplexes, but runs into a superkick - only for Carmella to get arrogant, and caught in the Dis-Arm-Her at 14:30. Too long for what they brought to the table, but it was energetic, and the right girl went over. *

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinal Match: The Hype Bros v The Usos: The Usos are dressing like little low rent Roman Reigns' here. Makes sense. Can't let the poor Smackdown fans feel left out of all the Roman awesomeness on Monday nights. Mojo Rawley starts, and plays mind games with the Usos, but Zack Ryder gets caught in the wrong corner, and pounded. Brawl on the floor goes the Hype's way, but Ryder again gets caught with a double-team, and this time the Usos manage to cut the ring in half. Zack manages to fight them off long enough to get the tag to Mojo, but I wouldn't exactly classify it as 'hot,' since the crowd doesn't really care. It's so lukewarm that there's not even a kettle on here, and no one need bother barring the door! The Bros do their best, but Ryder ultimately taps to a tequila sunrise at 10:12. Dull stuff here. *

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: The Miz v Dolph Ziggler: Earlier, we had a pair of low rent Roman Reigns', and now a low rent Shawn Michaels! All we need now is a low rent Bret Hart, and this promotion is really going to takeoff! I'm surprised Vince opted to put the two more historically WWE associated titles on the B-show rather than RAW. They slug it out on the mat to start, with Ziggler immediately trying to choke him out on the mat, but Miz getting the ropes, and bailing. Back in, Miz stomps him down, but runs into a pair of dropkicks during a criss cross. Superkick, but Miz ducks, and snaps his throat across the bottom rope with a slingshot. He adds a straddling ropechoke for two, then applies a Mexican surfboard, but Ziggler falls on top for two. Schoolboy gets two, and Dolph tries a DDT, but Miz counters with a slingshot - sending Ziggler over the top! He leaves him there for the count, but when it looks like Dolph is going to beat it in, Miz gets proactive with a baseball slide. Back in, it gets two, and he grounds his challenger with a chinlock. Dolph escapes, so Miz hooks on another surfboard, but it goes nowhere. The announcers note that Ziggler has the chance to become a five-time Intercontinental champion tonight, just showing how devalued the title has become since its glory days. And that's not really an insult against Ziggler, just the general booking of the title. Miz with a series of three cross corner dropkicks, followed by a cross corner clothesline designed to mock Daniel Bryan. Miz with a flying axehandle, but the Skull Crushing Finale gets countered with a victory cradle for two, and Dolph throws a dropkick - leaving both men down. Dolph recovers first with a stinger splash and a neckbreaker, followed by a spinebuster to setup an elbowdrop for two. Sunset flip gets two, but the Fameasser is countered with a slingshot sitout powerbomb for two! Ziggler desperately tries the superkick, but Miz blocks, and starts hammering the knee, so Dolph pops up with the fameasser for two. Zig-Zag, but Miz blocks, so Ziggler reroutes to a sleeper. Miz rams him into the corner to break, but gets caught with a jumping DDT for two as he tries the Finale. Superkick, but Miz counters with a reverse STO, and he shifts to a figure four. Dolph gets the ropes, but Miz keeps after the knee. Another figure four, but Ziggler blocks, and finally manages the superkick - only for Miz to get a foot on the ropes at two! Miz bails and tries running, but Dolph drags him back, so Maryse thinks fast - spraying Ziggler in the eyes with perfume, thus allowing Miz to hit the Finale to retain at 18:20. This was alright, but the story and work were more at the level of a ten minute match, not twenty. ** ¼

No Holds Barred Match: Bray Wyatt v Kane: This was originally scheduled as Wyatt versus Randy Orton, but Orton is injured, and forfeits - Kane the surprise replacement. 'Surprise, you have crabs!' They brawl to the floor right away, and Kane dumps him into the crowd, but Wyatt cracks him with the ring bell as the Big Red Machine preps a table. He grabs a chair next, but Kane blocks, and they head back in. Kane with a big boot that sends Bray right back out, but this time he manages to utilize the chair, and he hits an avalanche on the way back in. Another chairshot gets two, but a uranage onto it gets countered by Kane with a jumping DDT. Kane starts mounting his comeback, but Wyatt blocks the chokeslam, and the 'action' spills to the outside. Bray with a senton splash through an announce table out there, as this piece of shit match just drudges on. Sister Abigail looks to finish, but Kane counters with a chokeslam for two. Another one onto the chair, but Wyatt counters with a uranage onto it instead for two. Oh, just end this already! Cue Randy Orton, and he drops Bray with an RKO, allowing Kane to hit the chokeslam at 10:53. Really punchy-kicky boring stuff here. ¼*

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: The Usos v Rhyno and Heath Slater: This is the tournament final, to crown the inaugural champions. Such unimaginative title names, too. Rhyno steamrolls the Usos to start, but Slater gets caught in a double-team on the outside, and vertical suplexed against the post. It takes some of the 'oomph' out of post spots when they're not cold, unforgiving steel, but now LED screens. I'm waiting for the inevitable day when we have to hear Michael Cole scream something to the effect of 'Oh my God, those monitors have been on for hours! Do you know how warm that is?!' during post related spots. Inside, the Usos cut the ring in half on Slater, but a double-knockout spot allows the tag to Rhyno. He's an enclosure of fire, but the Goar misses, so Heath tags himself back in. It's neckbreakers galore, and Roseanne Barr the door, we've got a kettle on! Second try at the Goar hits, and Slater gets the pin off of it at 9:58. This pay per view needs to fucking end. ¾*

Main Event: WWE World Title Match: Dean Ambrose v AJ Styles: This is going to have to be really, really, REALLY great if it has any chance of saving this awful show. AJ acts like a total prick as he dominates Dean on the mat, and hooks a pair of cradles to get into his head. I'm not so sure that's a place you want to be, AJ. And, indeed, Dean blitzes him, until Styles flat out bails. He suckers Ambrose into a chase, and clobbers him from the high ground on the way back in, but Dean catches him with a sunset flip for two, so AJ quickly retaliates with a well places forearm as he kicks out. He really IS phenomenal! Ambrose fires back with a backdrop that sends Styles bailing again, but he finds a nice counter to the tope - sliding back in as Dean takes the running start, and using the champion's own momentum to drop-toehold him throat-first into the ropes! Nice! Neckbreaker follows, and AJ keeps going for the throat (literally) to cut Dean's oxygen off. He grounds him with a chinlock, but Ambrose escapes, so Styles throws a dropkick for two. Bodyslam sets up a fistdrop for two, and a pair of kneelifts leave Ambrose propped up against the turnbuckles for balance. Stinger splash misses, however, and Dean tries a side superplex that gets screwed up. Looks like AJ was trying to back flip onto his feet there, but ended up undershooting. Dirty Deeds, but Styles blocks - only to have a 2^nd rope clothesline countered with a backbreaker for two. Styles bails to avoid getting into trouble, but Dean is on him with a flying elbowsmash to the outside! Back in, Ambrose hits a sloppy double-underhook facebuster for two, but a vertical suplex gets reversed - Styles suplexing him right into the turnbuckles! That's near the screens! The padding may be quite warm at this point! Phenomenal Forearm, but Dean counters to the Dirty Deeds - Styles countering back by going for the knee. AJ works the leg and gets the Calf Crusher on, but Dean makes the ropes. AJ responds by slapping it on again at center ring, so Ambrose is forced to fight his way out - resorting to bashing Styles' head in to the mat repeatedly until he releases. Not exactly an Olympic counter, but it's effective. Clash, but Dean pulls himself out to the apron to avoid it, so AJ throws an enzuigiri. He follows the champ out on the apron for a powerbomb, but Dean counters with a slingshot into the post! Great spot there! Back in, Ambrose bulldogs him and hooks a magistral cradle for two - selling the knee all the while. AJ fights him off with a few strikes to the leg, and a fireman's neckbreaker is worth two. Clash, but Ambrose counters with a backdrop - only to have a second bulldog countered with a torture rack powerbomb for two. AJ slams him to setup the springboard 450, but it only gets two. That's really a spot that should have been saved as a super finisher, not something guys get to kick out of once a month. Ambrose comes back with a swinging neckbreaker, and a seated dropkick knocks the challenger to the outside. This time Dean is able to follow with a tope, and he throws AJ into the crowd - barely acknowledging the knee any more. Ambrose follows Styles into the crowd with a running dive off the announce tables, but gets caught with the pele kick on the way back in - ignoring it with the rebound clothesline! Deeds, but Styles shoves him into the referee to block, then hits the Clash for the title at 25:01. When he shoved him into the referee, I thought for sure we were getting a screwy finish, but thankfully it was kept 100% clean. Well this WAS really good! Not enough so to save this shitty show, but really good nonetheless. Nice to see a main event level match that isn’t the typical signature move/counter/signature move stuff from bell to bell, though. *** ¾

BUExperience: Don’t bother. Most WWE shows today tend to be solid, if instantly forgettable. This one was just total shit. Even at the much more reasonable two hour and forty minute runtime, it still felt endless, with a parade of dull matches, and little intrigue

DUD