WCW Clash of the Champions XVI (Version II)

Original Airdate: September 5, 1991

From Augusta, Georgia; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone

Opening 15-Man Battle Royal: We've got Tom Zenk, Tommy Rich, Bobby Eaton, El Gigante, Ranger Ross, Tracy Smothers, Oz, PN News, Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker, Steve Austin, Dustin Rhodes, Terrance Taylor, Big Josh, One Man Gang, and Barry Windham. Typical punch-kick battle royal with nothing of note happening until the field narrows down to Oz, Gang, Rhodes, and Gigante. Dustin is first to go (being the bookers offspring doesn't help against fatties, unfortunately), but Gigante avenges him by clotheslining both Oz and Gang out at 9:32. Pretty much only worth fast forwarding through to see Kevin Nash dwarfed - something you certainly don't see every day. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

WCW Hotline promo

WCW Light Heavyweight Title Tournament Semifinal Match: Brian Pillman v Badstreet: Feeling out process to start, with Pillman knocking him around, and Badstreet earning his place in the Freebirds by stalling. Brian takes him down with a headscissors, followed by a victory roll for two, and then down with an armdrag into an armbar. Springboard sunset flip gets two, and a dropkick sends Badstreet out to the apron - Brian trying to vertical suplex him back in, but getting reversed out of the ring! Pillman beats the count, so Badstreet big boots him off the apron into the guardrail, then sends him into the post for good measure. Brian manages a slingshot shoulderblock for two on the way back in, but Badstreet quickly cuts him off with a neckbreaker for two. Bodyslam sets up a trip to the top, but Brian dropkicks him to the floor, then dives with a tope - Pillman taking a nasty bump on the exposed concrete. Surprised he didn't break his pelvis there, ouch! Back in for a missile dropkick, but Badstreet counters with his own dropkick - only to telegraph a backdrop, and eat a facebuster! Pillman with a spinheel kick for two, but he telegraphs a backdrop as well, and Badstreet counters with a DDT for two! Neckbreaker, but Brian counters for a backslide for two - only to have a crucifix countered with a Samoan drop! Man, they're just letting it all hang out here. Badstreet tries a vertical superplex, but Brian blocks, and nails a flying bodypress to advance at 6:52! This was real state of the art stuff for 1991, and while it isn't at that level today, it still absolutely holds up as a good back-and-forth match. *** ¼ (Original rating: ***)

WCW Top Ten. I love how everyone has their specific hometown listed, while El Gigante (at a perplexing number four on the list, by the way) is simply listed as from 'Argentina'

Sting v Johnny B. Badd: Sting is the WCW US Champion, but this is non-title. Gary Michael Cappetta's reaction to Badd is hilarious. Less hilarious: the pre-teen kid in the crowd excitedly chanting 'faggot' at him. Wow. And all the adults are just, like, 'oh, how cute!' Badd wants to mix it up with jabs at the bell, but Sting forces a criss cross, and hits a backdrop. Bodyslam sets up a 2^nd rope pump-splash, but Badd lifts the knees to block. Sting ignores it with another bodyslam to setup a 2^nd rope flying elbowdrop, but Johnny dodges that too, and manages to follow-up with a flying sunset flip for two this time. Sting responds with an inside cradle for two, and his own sunset flip is worth two. They slow things down with a little feeling out process, trading wristlocks until Badd misses a charge, and gets taken down in an armbar. Sting with a vertical suplex, so Badd stalls to break the momentum, and they botch a cross corner whip when Johnny trips over himself. That looked terrible, and the fact that they repeat the spot makes it even worse. The punch line was Sting missing the Stinger Splash, and Badd jabs him down, just as a mysterious refrigerator sized gift box appears in the aisle. This distracts both guys, but Sting works through it with a sloppy inside cradle for the pin at 6:12. Unfortunately for him, his victory celebration is cut short when Cactus Jack pops out of the box, and delivers a massive beat down! The match started off really well, but quickly fell apart, then became background for the angle. It was a good angle, though. ½* (Original rating: ¼*)

WCW Light Heavyweight Title Tournament Semifinal Match: Richard Morton v Mike Graham: Morton still hasn't bothered to change his gear or even trim his hair at this point, showing his level of commitment to the heel turn. Feeling out process to start, with Richard able to take him down for a Boston crab, but Mike escaping into a pinfall reversal sequence that ends with Morton getting shoved to the outside. Back in, another reversal sequence ends in Graham hooking a backslide for two, so Morton stalls. Mike tries a charge, but hits knee, so Richard goes to the middle rope, but Graham German suplexes him off. He tries a figure four, but Morton is immediately in the ropes, so Mike take him down with a fireman's carry into an armbar. Morton uses the hair to counter to an overhead wristlock, but a criss cross ends in Graham taking him down in a toehold. Morton escapes and executes an inverted atomic drop, then adds a bodyslam, but misses an elbowdrop - allowing Mike to hook an Oklahoma roll for two. Mike with his own bodyslam, but Alexandra York distracts the referee, and he misses Graham hooking a rollup - allowing Morton to escape, and schoolboy him with a handful of tights at 7:40. Not horrible, and they seemed to be trying, but this just seemed old and stodgy compared to the thrilling Pillman/Badstreet semi earlier. Not to mention that Ricky Morton is just terrible at working heel. * (Original rating: DUD)

Bill Kazmaier comes out to participate in a 'feats of strength' by bending a steel bar around his neck. Well, September is close to Festivus. Unfortunately, he gets attacked by the Enforcers before even airing his grievances

The Fabulous Freebirds v The Patriots: Ah, WCW Special Forces. Hell, this entire promotion was 'special' in 1991. The Freebirds are the WCW US Tag Champions here, but this is non-title. A large portion of the crowd seems to be taking an extended piss break since the Sting match, with lots of empty seats visible on the camera side, and many people walking around. Michael Hayes starts with Firebreaker Chip, ands gets cocky early on, then powerslammed for his troubles. Chip sends Hayes and Jimmy Garvin to the outside to regroup, and back in the dust settles on Jimmy and Chip hiptosses him to setup an ugly dropkick. Sleeper brings Hayes in (since, if anyone is going to put a crowd to sleep it's HIM, damn it!), but Chip fights him off, and controls Garvin with an armbar. Rollup gets two, and Todd Champion tags in - knocking both Freebirds around. Jumping backelbow gets two on Hayes, and Chip tags back in for a flying double-clothesline - Roseanne Barr the door. The Patriots go for the kill on Garvin, but a cheap shot from Hayes knocks Chip out, and Jimmy pins him at 5:44. Peppy enough, but man the Patriots were terrible. ½* (Original rating: DUD)

WCW Hotline promo

Paul E. Dangerously brings Cactus Jack out for an in-ring interview to throw some logs on the fire of the new Sting feud. As he rants and raves, another gift wrapped box is brought down to ringside, which Cactus assumes to be pal Abdullah the Butcher (who had recently attacked Sting as well), but turns out to be the Stinger himself! He destroys Jack, with Cactus wasting no time in taking big bumps - including a hiptoss off the elevated ramp onto the concrete!

Over at Florida State, Ron Simmons has his football jersey retired

Ron Simmons v Diamond Studd: Studd's own tights misspell his name, using only one 'd,' oddly. If he can't care enough, why should we? Studd jumps Ron before the bell, and hits a scrapbuster for two, then a 2^nd rope flying bulldog. He tries an arrogant cover, but Ron is ready with a sunset cradle for two, and he crotches Studd on the post. Both sides of an atomic drop setup a clothesline, and a spinebuster sets up a 3-point stance at 2:23. Nothing much to this one. Afterwards, Dangerously comes back out to interview Simmons about his issue with Lex Luger, and that brings Harley Race and Mr. Hughes out to retort. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

Terrance Taylor v Van Hammer: This is Hammer's debut. Taylor tries a sneak attack, but Hammer shrugs him off, and delivers a pair of bodyslams, followed by a series of running clotheslines. Forward-suplex knocks Terrance silly, and Hammer adds a quick flying kneedrop for the pin at 1:09. RAM JAM, baby! This was basically just Hammer trying to impersonate the Ultimate Warrior. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

Backstage, Missy Hyatt attempts to interview Lex Luger (or, as she describes him, 'the most beautiful man in the world'), but Ron Simmons crashes the party - literally, by shoulderblocking his way through the door

WCW Television Title Match: Steve Austin v Tom Zenk: Austin with long blonde hair and a ponytail just looks to odd to be now. It's funny too, because when he initially went with the shaved head, it took me a while to get used to, but nowadays I can't wrap my mind around him any other way. Though, it was definitely a good move, because even back here in 1991, his mane is noticeably thinning. Feeling out process to start, which goes on for a long while, with Zenk controlling. Austin finally lashes out with a right hand, but Tom responds with a savate kick, and a backdrop for two - Steve bailing. Austin stalls on the ramp, so Zenk dives after him with a tope suicida, but misses a flying bodypress on the way back in, and Steve stomps him down. Like an action figure, baby! Snapmare sets up a chinlock though, just as this was finally picking the fuck up. Zenk fights out with an inside cradle for two, and he rides Austin with a sleeper, but Steve has the ropes. Lady Blossom uses the opportunity to pass him a foreign object during the break, however, and Steve hits Tom with it during a side suplex for the pin at 9:11. They got more time than anyone else tonight (excluding the Battle Royal), but didn't do much with it. Dull stuff. * (Original rating: DUD)

Ron Simmons goes to a school and talks to kids about not giving up, and then rides on the school bus with them. Man, they're really laying it on thick, aren't they? Even Tony Schiavone looks like he's on the verge of cracking up. If this were the WWF, we'd be seeing Bus Monitor Ron on Wrestling Challenge by the end of the month

Eric Bischoff hosts a contract signing for a WCW World Title showdown between champion Lex Luger and Ron Simmons at Halloween Havoc. A brawl breaks out after Luger insults Simmons by suggesting that Ron would be offered a job as his driver should he lose, however. Well that escalated quickly

Main Event: WCW World Tag Team Title Match: The Enforcers v Rick Steiner and Bill Kazmaier: This is a tournament final. There were a lot of title tournaments during this period, no? Two on this show, plus Sting winning the US Title in a tournament at the end of August. Rick clears the ring before the bell, before settling in on beating up Larry Zbyszko. That brings Arn Anderson back in, so Rick quickly powerslams him, but runs into a double team. He ends up down in an armbar from Zbyszko, and Arn tags in to call some spots on camera. Nice. The Enforcers cut the ring in half on Steiner (wouldn't the guy they injured earlier, and now has taped up ribs have made more sense?), but Bill gets the tag, and comes in in a press-slamming frenzy, but the Enforcers quickly hit him in the taped ribs for the pin at 5:34. Some main event. They're still using the NWA belts, too. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

BUExperience: You know, going through these shows chronologically really gives me a new appreciation for just how bombastically shitty WCW was in 1991. If not for the Pillman/Badstreet match and the Sting/Cactus stuff, and if not for the fact that Clash XII was such a turd of a show with almost no redeeming value at all, this would probably rank as the worst installment yet. This is horrible, but not quite the worst. So, yay?