WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Paul Bearer's Hits From the Crypt (1994)

WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Paul Bearer's Hits From the Crypt (1994)

Coliseum Video compilation. The front cover of the tape features Paul... no wait, it actually features Lex Luger holding Jeff Jarrett in the torture rack, while the back cover promises that this is the definitive collection of Paul Bearer’s all time favorite matches

Paul Bearer himself hosts from some creepy, under lit hallway (mostly creepy BECAUSE it's under lit), which is where he and Undertaker go to "chill out," apparently. Paul's shrieking is a lot to take in small doses, so this tape might be a challenge

Lex Luger v Jeff Jarrett: Dark match from a TV taping in Syracuse New York on April 12 1994. Stan Lane details Luger's training routine during the entrances, prompting Gorilla Monsoon to note that he used to look just like Lex when he was younger, but "I couldn't make a dime, so I let myself go to where I am now." They then move on to making jokes about Jerry Jarrett, so you know they're having a good time in the booth tonight. Feeling out process to start, with Lex using his strength to control, as Lane continues making homoerotic remarks about Luger's body. Criss cross sees Lex duck a backelbow and hit a press-slam, so Jarrett hides behind the referee to stall. Lex goes after him, but misses a charge, allowing Jeff to dive off the middle rope with a clothesline. Jarrett starts repeatedly punting him in the ribs, and a snapmare sets up a 2^nd rope fistdrop for two. Backelbow sets up another pair of dives off the middle rope, this time with axehandles. Jeff goes up for a third one, but Lex punches him in the gut to block, only to miss a charge in the corner again. That allows Jarrett a side suplex for two, but Luger reverses a turnbuckle smash, so Jeff rakes the eyes, and slaps on a sleeper. Funny bit as Jarrett works the hold for pin attempts, so Monsoon immediately chimes in that it's not a pinning combination, and therefore Luger is in NO danger of being pinned here. "Unless he falls asleep," notes Lane. Lex powers out of the hold, so Jeff tries a hiptoss, but Luger counters with a backslide for two. Jarrett tries a vertical suplex to keep control, but Luger reverses, and the close-ups reveal that Lex hasn't even bothered to shave or tape up his wrists tonight. I guess he was in full 'fuck it' mode following WrestleMania X. Lex makes a comeback, and the Torture Rack finishes at 13:15. Not really much of a surprise, given that it was literally on the cover of the video! This couldn't be more paint-by-numbers if it were being sold at CVS for $0.99. ¼*

"Did you enjoy that great match," taunts Bearer from his chill spot

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Razor Ramon v Shawn Michaels: Dark match from a TV taping in Springfield Massachusetts on February 2 1994. Sign in the crowd: "We love you Hulk Hogan. Hulkamania wants Hulk Hogan back, so bring back Hulk Hogan." Not a little kid either, but a woman who looks to be in her forties. Shawn stalls to start, posturing and trash talking, then hiding. Razor chases him around the ring, and he catches Shawn in a powerslam for two on the way in. Shoulderblock follows for two, but he telegraphs a backdrop, and Michaels hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. He tries a 2^nd rope sunset flip, but Ramon blocks the cradle, and sends HBK to the outside with a clothesline. Ramon follows to abuse him out there, and he pulls up the mats for a Razor's Edge on the exposed concrete, but Shawn shoves him into the post to block. Michaels adds a bodyslam on the exposed floor, but Ramon beats the count in, so Shawn greets him with a backbreaker, and starts unloading axehandles to the back to work the part. Cross corner whip rattles Ramon, and Shawn comes off the middle rope with another axehandle. He keeps hammering the back before putting Ramon in a chinlock, but the Bad Guy escapes, so Shawn tries a hiptoss, but Razor counters with a backslide for two. Michaels cuts him off with a clothesline, however, and it's back down to the chinlock again. He wears Razor down, but Ramon fights free ahead of a third arm drop, and a criss cross ends in Razor hitting a kneelift. Both guys stagger up, and Shawn tries a cross corner whip, but Ramon reverses, and catches him with a backdrop on the rebound. Both men are left down after that, leading to a slugfest, dominated by Ramon. That triggers some interference from Diesel, allowing Shawn to dive off the apron with a flying axehandle, but Razor sends him into the steps, and we have a double countout at 10:52. They keep brawling after the bell, but Razor isn't satisfied, and challenges Shawn to restart the match. Michaels agrees (why wouldn't he - he's the challenger), and uses Diesel as a distraction so he can sneak up on Ramon with a flying axehandle, but Razor sees it coming, and swats him out of the air! Criss cross ends in Ramon hitting a fallaway slam for two, but Shawn blocks a side superplex, and dives with a flying bodypress - only for Ramon to roll through for two! Shawn manages a superkick for two, but a criss cross results in a triple knockout spot - Ramon, Michaels, and the referee! Shawn is up first, but Razor blocks a charge with a facebuster, and Diesel is being uncharacteristically well behaved here. The Razor's Edge hitting finally prompts the bodyguard into the ring, and he bashes Ramon with the title belt while the referee is still out! That allows Michaels to cover as the official starts coming to, but Marty Jannetty runs in to shove him off at two! Shawn grabs Marty for Diesel to deal with, but it backfires on him, and Razor schoolboys Michaels at 15:45. There was a lot going on here for a nothing dark match. Good stuff, though the extended chinlock in the middle, and the restart hurt it. Even still, you could really see the chemistry between them, and while I wouldn't have guessed that they'd end up pulling off one of the best matches in history the following month based on this, you could definitely see the potential. ***

Bearer then recaps literally everything that just happened, spot for spot, as if we didn't just see it two seconds ago

Bam Bam Bigelow v Mabel: Another TV taping dark match from the same taping in Syracuse New York on April 12 1994. Watching a bunch of white upstate New York kids getting down to Oscar's rap without a hint of irony is pretty fucking fantastic. Bigelow tries a sneak attack, but Mabel fights him off, and grabs an armbar. He hasn't had a chance to get his entrance gear off due to the sneak attack, so we get the unique image of a dude wearing a hoodie working an armbar. He shifts to a short-armscissors, and we're two minutes in, and literally ninety seconds have been nothing but armbar. Bam Bam powers to a vertical base and tries a suplex, but Mabel counters with a DDT, only to miss a splash. That allows Bigelow to throw and enzuigiri to knock Mabel to the outside, as Luna Vachon and Oscar get into it with each other. They're either fixing to fuck or fight, and I'm honestly not sure which. Mabel sells the shit out of that enzuigiri like he's Shawn Michaels (I'm talking for, like, two full minutes), before heading back in to take an armbar from Bam Bam. Now it's Bigelow's turn to hold an extended rest hold, as the announcers entertain themselves by talking about snacks Luna may like to eat. Mabel finally escapes the hold and mounts a comeback, using a spinheel kick for two, and squashing Bam Bam with an avalanche. Bulldog, but Bam Bam blocks for two, only to miss a charge. That allows Mabel a bodyslam, and a clothesline impressively sends them both tumbling over the top, and it's a double countout at 8:36. I was not entertained. ¼*

Bearer continues earning credibility by reminding us that he told us that last match would be great

WWF Tag Team Title Match: The Quebecers v The Headshrinkers: From Monday Night RAW in Burlington Vermont on May 2 1994 (taped April 26). I'm redoing this one instead of copying and pasting from my RAW review. Pierre and Fatu start, and they size each other up a bit. Whole lotta nothing going on here. Over to Jacques and Samu for more of the same, until they criss cross, and Samu blocks a monkeyflip with a headbutt drop. Cover, so Pierre dives in to break the count, but Samu sees him coming, and Pierre lands on his partner! The challengers clean house, so the Quebecers decide to walk out, but the referee rules that if they don't return by the count of ten, they lose not only the match, but the belts as well. That was always a cute gimmick, though I haven't seen it done in ages. It would be neat to see them break that out of the booking bag again, instead of the same tired finishes I see all the time. Back in, the challengers cut the ring in half on Pierre, but Fatu walks into a cheap shot from Jacques during a criss cross to turn the tide. The champs go to work, and you know they mean business, because they even manage to successfully bash Fatu's head into the steps without any no-selling. Hard to believe the Quebecers were only around for less than a year. Still one of my favorite teams from that era. Though not related to this particular performance. Fatu manages to backdrop Pierre over the top during a charge to allow the hot tag to Samu, and Roseanne Barr the door! Samu sends up getting his head caught between the ropes after missing a charge, allowing Jacques to try a piledriver, but the Tower misses. Samu tags, but the referee misses it, so the champs go for the kill again - only to accidentally hit each other in the process! That leads to them turning on each other, and Samu capitalizes with a superkick before tagging to Fatu to finish with the flying splash at 14:21. Some decent moments along the way, but way too long overall. ¾* (Original rating: ¾*)

Earthquake v Adam Bomb: From Monday Night RAW on April 4 1994 (taped March 21) in Poughkeepsie New York. This is a rematch from WrestleMania X, since Earthquake snuck up on Bomb for a quickie win that night. And this one I'm copying and pasting from my original review, because I doubt there's any reason to revisit. Bomb charges right in with a flurry of right hands, but Earthquake reverses him into the ropes, and hits a hiptoss before clotheslining Adam out of the ring. Back in, they do a power-stalemate, and Bomb bails again to regroup on the floor with manager Harvey Wippleman. He comes back in with a slingshot clothesline, and adds an elbowdrop for two. He tries returning the favor by clotheslining Earthquake out of the ring, but he's too fat, and just ends up tied in the ropes for some choking instead. Meanwhile, on the outside, Wippleman taunts ring announcer Howard Finkel - in one of the more random angles from the time period, which is saying something. Bomb with a flying clothesline for two, but a cross corner clothesline misses, and 'Quake hits a belly-to-belly suplex, followed by the Earthquake Splash at 4:21. Thank God for time constraints, because this - while energetic - wouldn't have added anything to WrestleMania. ¼*

Meanwhile, Bearer puts on a one-man version of The Phantom of the Opera

Bret Hart v Kwang: From Monday Night RAW in Utica New York on April 18 1994 (taped April 11). Bret's WWF Title is not on the line here. I think this is actually the first match I ever saw on RAW as a kid. It's the earliest one I remember seeing for sure, anyway. Let's give it a fresh look, since I'm in a '94 Bret mood. Kwang attacks as Bret is getting into the ring after giving away his shades, and quickly uses a spinkick on the champ. Kwang with a turnbuckle smash ahead of unloading in the corner, but a charge misses, and Bret returns the favor. Hart with an armdrag to ground him in an armbar, but Kwang escapes, so Bret uses a rollup for two. Back to the armbar, and is it me, or was Juan Rivera a lot fatter as Kwang than he was as Savio Vega? Or maybe it's just the gear, I'm not sure. Anyway, Kwang dumps him to the outside during a criss cross, and dives off the apron at him, before bashing Bret's face into the apron. He tries a superkick against the post, but Hart sidesteps, so Kwang uses a cross corner spinheel kick for two on the way back in. He grounds the Hitman in a nervehold, but Bret forces a criss cross, and throws a bodypress for two. Kwang quickly cuts him off and abuses him with a ropechoke, as Owen Hart calls in to hype his rematches with Bret on the WrestleMania Revenge house show tour. Meanwhile, Kwang works another nervehold, but Bret fights free, so Kwang tries a spinheel kick, but Hart has it well scouted. Hart with a clothesline for two, and a small package gets two. Backbreaker sets up a 2^nd rope pointed elbowdrop for two, so Kwang tries a jab to the throat, but Hart fights off the follow-up with a Russian legsweep, and the Sharpshooter ends it at 7:50. Nothing crazy, but Bret was just so damn good during this period. ** ¼ (Original rating: *)

Six-Man Tag Team Match: Jeff Jarrett and The Quebecers v Doink the Clown and Men on a Mission: Dark match from a TV taping in Rochester New York on April 13 1994 (the same one where Diesel beat Razor Ramon for the Intercontinental title). Jacques starts with Doink, and a criss cross goes the clown's way with a fistdrop, so Jarrett quickly takes a cheap shot. Jeff tags in to put the boots to Doink, and they spill to the outside for a chase, but that goes nowhere. Over to Pierre and Mo, and a criss cross ends in Pierre hitting a jumping shoulderblock for two. Armbar, but Mo is quick to throw fists to escape, and he drops Pierre with a spinebuster for two. He tags Jeff back in, but Doink wants him himself, so Mo obliges. That leads to the heels immediately triple teaming poor Doink, and they go to work on him. Actually a pretty energetic heat segment too, with quick tags, and Doink bumping around. He finally fights Jacques off, but Pierre cuts off the tag - only to land on Doink's boot while trying a dive off the middle rope. That allows the tag to Mabel, but Jacques is distracting the referee, so it doesn't count! That allows Jacques a piledriver for two, and a backdrop sets up the Tower with Pierre, but Doink dodges! That's finally enough for the hot tag to big Mabel, and he gobbles up all three heels by himself. He isolates Jacques, and the tandem splash with Mo finishes at 9:53. Not bad at all, actually! Instantly forgettable, but fun while it was going on. ** ¼

Bearer shows us his special box, where he and Undertaker apparently get together to watch stage plays. I did not come here wanting to see the strange man’s box, but I saw the strange man’s box anyway

Yokozuna and Crush v Randy Savage and Lex Luger: Dark match at the end of a long TV taping in Springfield Massachusetts on February 2 1994, so don't expect much. The announcers note that Randy Savage does not have the word 'quit' in his vocabulary, so obviously he got a dictionary some time between here and the end of the year. Yokozuna starts with Luger, and they quickly get to slugging it out, which goes Yokozuna's way. Criss cross sees Lex try a flurry of clotheslines, and he grabs a quick wristlock, before passing to Macho. They take turns working Yokozuna's arm, but Lex gets into trouble, and Crush gets the tag. Crush pounds Luger into the corner for a bootchoke, but he misses a stinger splash, and there's the tag back to Savage! Macho comes in hot on nemesis Crush, and a bodyslam sets up the Flying Elbowdrop, so Mr. Fuji goes after him with the flagpole. That successfully gets Savage to chase him on the outside, and of course, it's a trap for the mighty Yokozuna! Back in, Crush goes to work, and the heels settle into cutting the ring in half on the Macho Man. Yokozuna works the inevitable nervehold, but misses an avalanche, leaving Crush to hustle in to cut off the tag to Luger. Crush decides to go to the top rope for a dive, but thinks better of it, and just comes in to hit him with a backbreaker instead. What the fuck was that? And then he goes up anyway for a flying kneedrop, but Randy rolls out of the way, and tags. I guess someone was out of position there. Luger comes in hot, and uses a DDT on Crush for two, but here comes Yokozuna, and Roseanne Barr the door! Crush superkicks Luger as Yokozuna gets sent into the post by Savage on the floor, allowing Macho to steal the salt bucket, and whack Crush as Crush is trying a piledriver! That allows Luger to hook the leg, and that's all she wrote at 9:58. Exactly what you'd expect out of an end of taping dark match. *

Bearer is still in the theater, now applauding at an empty stage

Undertaker v Crush: Dark match from a TV taping in Springfield Massachusetts on November 30 1993. Well, you didn't think we were going to get through the tape without an Undertaker match at some point, did you? Kind of funny that we have multiple matches from this venue, though at two unique tapings. They ran the same houses in the northeast a lot in this era. Crush attacks from behind, but quickly gets dropped with a DDT. Undertaker tries an elbowdrop, but misses, allowing Crush to clothesline him over the top. He goes after him, but the Deadman snaps his throat across the top rope to block, and hits the ropewalk forearm on the way back in. Johnny Polo (on commentary) is quick to note that both Quebecers can do that too, so we shouldn't be too impressed. Undertaker tries a jumping clothesline, but Crush dodges, and a superkick knocks him to the outside. Crush successfully goes after him out there this time, sending Undertaker into the apron, and beating on him with a chair as Fuji distracts the referee. Gorilla is all over that, of course, leading Polo to agree that referee Bill Alfonso is pretty bad - though not as bad as "that Joey Marella guy." Monsoon and Polo were an underrated team. Probably because not only didn't it last very long, but they were paired up during one of the least popular periods in the promotions history. Back in, Crush unloads a series of kicks, and rakes the eyes ahead of a turnbuckle smash, but Undertaker no-sells. He chokes Crush against the turnbuckles, and uses a cross corner whip, but takes too long following in, and Crush hits a backbreaker. Undertaker sits up, so Crush decides to give him an impressive press-slam (with multiple presses, to boot), but Undertaker still sits up. This time he hits the jumping clothesline, so Crush tries a tombstone to put this away, but gets predictably reversed at 7:02. This was fine. Paint-by-numbers, but fine. *

Paul Bearer, still in the middle of his one-man performance piece, signs off

BUExperience: Maybe I’m just a sucker for this period, but I actually enjoyed this one. Yes, Bearer makes a terrible host. And yes, it’s missing some of the fun in-between segments that most Coliseum tapes were known for. But it’s not a bad way to spend two hours.

A good addition to your Coliseum collection