WWE Hell in a Cell (October 2019)

 

Original Airdate: October 6, 2019

From Sacramento, California; Your Hosts are Vic Joseph, Jerry Lawler, and Dio Maddin (RAW); Michael Cole and Corey Graves (Smackdown)

Opening WWE RAW Women's Title Hell in a Cell Match: Becky Lynch v Sasha Banks: Sasha attacks while the cell is lowering, and they spill out to the aisle before it manages to shut. Banks suplexes the champion on the ramp out there, and then tosses her into the barricade and cell, but Becky kicks the door in her face as they head into the cage to officially start the match. Lynch beats on her with a chain in there, and then grates Sasha's face across the mesh before using the chain to padlock the cell shut. She looks for weapons underneath the ring, but that allows Sasha plenty of recovery time, and she attacks the champion with a chair. Now SHE stops to rearrange furniture, allowing Becky to recover, and return the favor with the chair to take control again. I really dislike the psychology of these modern gimmick matches, where half of the match is people moving/setting weapons. Into the ring, Banks manages a series of cradles, but can't get past two, so she dropkicks a chair into Becky's face instead. Still only gets two, so Sasha tries beating her with said chair, but Becky dodges, and hits a suplex. Banks bails, so Becky starts drilling her with a series of baseball slides, each sending the challenger crashing into the cage, and then pinballing back for another turn. Banks fights her off and sends her into a ladder with a kneesmash off of the apron for two, so she jams Becky's arm into the cell door to wrench on for a bit. Inside, Sasha works the arm, and a kneesmash off the middle rope gets two. She grabs a chair, but Becky counters a swing with a schoolgirl for two, and a dropkick sends Banks into the side of the cell! Becky follows for a suplex into cell, and a drop-toehold into a chair sets up a bulldog onto it for two. Naturally, this draws the stunned reaction shot, since it wouldn't be a 2019 WWE match without one. Becky goes upstairs, but Banks crotches her on the top to prevent a dive. She grabs a chair, but Becky leaps with a flying dropkick to blast it back into her face for two. Banks bails, and winds up holding a kendo stick when Becky goes after her on the outside, using it to pound the champion down. She then wastes time wedging the stick in the mesh to smash Becky's face into, but gets reversed. Why even waste time on that? Just beat her with the stick! That would do more damage anyway! That strategy doesn't even make sense within kayfabe. Lynch ends up improving on Banks' kendo wedge project by placing a chair on top of it, and she seats Sasha on it to set her up for a dropkick into the cage. That was a pretty cool spot, albeit contrived, and totally unrealistic. Inside, Lynch hits a flying legdrop for two, but takes too long moving furniture around again, and Banks recovers with a matslam. Sasha dives off the middle with a kneesmash to put Becky through a table, and these people doing the crazy reactions out in the crowd are totally doing that just to get on camera, right? I mean, there's no way anyone would be THAT shocked by anything going on here. Banks grabs another kendo stick to choke Becky out with, but Lynch slips out of the ring, and grabs the stick to beat Banks off with. She tries chucking Sasha into a chair, but gets reversed, and Banks' wig is not holding up well here. That's not a good look. Banks starts piling chairs in the ring now, and she beats on Becky with one of them to set up a dive off the middle, but Lynch blocks with a chair shot of her own. What was even the point of the chair pile, then? Like, she just hit her with a single chair, and then climbed the ropes for a dive that wouldn't be aided in any way by having a bunch of chairs in the ring. Stuff like that drives me nuts. No matter anyway, as Lynch superplexes her off, and Dis-Arms-Her at 21:21 (23:34 total, including the pre-match brawl). They were working hard and taking noteworthy bumps throughout here, but I didn't care for the match as the booking was so illogical that it felt like it was openly insulting my intelligence. * ½

Tornado Match: Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns v Erick Rowan and Luke Harper: Big brawl to start, duh. Bryan gets taken out quickly, allowing the heels to gang up on Reigns, but he fights them off, and dumps them to the outside for Bryan to dive at with a tope. Reigns follows with a Superman Punch off of the stairs at Rowan, and he takes him inside for a Samoan drop, but Rowan fights him off with a dropkick. Splash, but Reigns dodges, and he lands the Samoan for two on the second try. Spear, but Harper slides in with a superkick to save his buddy, and Rowan drops an elbow for two. The heels unload on Reigns in the corner, and Rowan takes him to the outside for a bodypress on the floor. They beat on Roman with the steps to make sure he's out of it before switching back to Bryan for his fair share of abuse. Rowan with a spinkick for two, and they go for a combo, but Reigns returns for the save before they can execute it. Well, you can't always get what you want. They get rid of Reigns again so they can get back to beating on Bryan, but he starts sticking and moving to buy time until Roman recovers again, and this time he's able to get some traction. He and Bryan take turns unloading on Harper in the corner, and Roman hits the Drive-By on Rowan. Harper responds by trying a tope on Roman, but ends up smacking his face right into the announce table on the landing, and everyone is down on the outside. The heels recover first, and they start tearing up ringside (floor mats, LED apron mats, announce tables, barricades). They use the plunder for a bit before going for the kill on Bryan with a powerbomb through a table, but Daniel counters Harper with a headscissors takedown, and Reigns pops up to spear Rowan through the table instead! That was a nicely timed spot. Inside, Bryan hits Harper with a trio of cross corner dropkicks, and he takes him up for a rana off the top, but Harper counters with a sitout powerbomb on the way down! It only gets two, so Harper starts tossing him around with suplexes like a raging Steiner Brother, but Bryan lands on his feet to avoid one, and Reigns pops in with the spear for the pin at 16:45. I thought this was pretty boring, with the heels mostly just beating on either Bryan or Reigns for extended periods. *

Randy Orton v Ali: Orton goes after the wrist to start, but Ali manages to stick and move to shake him off. He goes up, but Orton sweeps the leg before he can dive, and Ali takes a bump to the floor. Randy follows to drop him front-first across an announce table, and then he adds a side suplex onto it as well for good measure. Ali beats the count, so Orton takes him back to the outside for another trip to the table, but Ali back flips onto his feet to block, and rattles Orton with a dropkick. He tries a follow-up, but Orton launches him into the post to block, and he slaps on a bodyscissors as they head back into the ring. Ali starts slugging at the knee to force a break, so Orton switches to a chinlock instead, but Ali keeps fighting. He manages to escape, and a dropkick is enough to send Randy to the outside to set up a tope. Ali dives into him against the barricade next, and a kick to the face leaves Randy dazed as they head back inside. Ali with a sitout facebuster for two (complete with superfluous Rob Van Dam style theatrics), but an Irish whip gets reversed, and Orton snaps off a powerslam for two. Ali throws a leg-feed spinheel kick to hold his ground, but a flying 450 misses. Ali manages to land on his feet, and a reversal sequence ends in him planting Orton with a DDT, but another try at the 450 misses - Ali not lucky enough to land on his feet this time. The miss allows Orton the rope-hung DDT, but Ali manages to block the RKO, and he hooks a crucifix cradle for two. Another sitout facebuster, but this time Orton counters the theatrical roll with the RKO for the pin at 12:10. Serves him right for that needless flippy shit. Ali seemed game to play here, but Orton just wanted to do what he always does, and so the match never really kicked into gear. Good finish, though. **

WWE Women's Tag Team Title Match: Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross v Asuka and Kairi Sane: Cross starts with Sane, and Kairi quickly suckers her into a handshake, and then attacks. Over to Asuka with a shining wizard for two, but Cross fights off a double team in the corner, and tags out to Alexa. Bliss with the kneedrop/standing moonsault combo for two, and she tags Nikki back in for some old fashioned double teaming in the home corner. I'm having a really hard time understanding the face/heel dynamics here. Like, both teams have been portrayed as babyfaces on TV, but both are acting like heels here. The action spills to the outside, where the challengers manage to chuck Alexa into the barricade, and they work her over as they head back inside. There's some weird issue going on with a spotlight here since the last match, and it's pretty distracting. Asuka tries to put Bliss away with an anklelock, but she manages to escape, and make the hot tag to Nikki - Roseanne Barr the door. Bulldog and a flying bodypress on Sane get two, but a reversal sequence goes badly when Kairi hits a whiplash. Sane goes up for the flying elbowdrop, but Cross lifts her knees to block, and hits her elevated swinging neckbreaker for two when Asuka saves. Or, well, in theory. She missed her cue, so the referee just stopped counting anyway. Asuka unloads with strikes, but Nikki catches the leg on a big one, and throws a clothesline. She signals Alexa in, but Bliss is caught up fighting Sane on the outside, and Asuka is able to spray mist in Nikki's eyes for the pin at 10:21. This was fine for what it was, if totally unremarkable. * ¼

Six-Man Tag Team Match: AJ Styles, Luke Gallows, and Karl Anderson v Braun Strowman and The Viking Raiders: Karl and Ivar start, with Anderson trying to hold a headlock, but Ivar just not having it. Ivar and basic physics. Ivar gets him down for an armbar, so Karl fights into the corner to pass to Luke, but Ivar fights both guys off, and tags Erik. He comes in hot on Gallows, but an attempt a tope get thwarted by AJ with a knee from the apron that leaves poor Erik crumpled up on the apron like a discarded condom. Gallows capitalizes with a fallaway slam as the heels take control, cutting the ring in half on Erik. He manages to get a tag off to Braun, however, and Strowman comes in hot on all three heels - Roseanne Barr the door. Styles tries to stick and move, but gets caught in powerslam position, with Gallows and Anderson saving him just in time. Then they start just stomping the shit out of Braun until the referee disqualifies them at 8:10. Really basic and completely unengaging, with a weak finish on top of things. ¾*

Baron Corbin v Chad Gable: Corbin refuses to take his crown off at the bell, so Gable blitzes him with a koppu kick, and he unloads with mounted punches. Anklelock looks to put it away, but Corbin shakes him off, so Chad goes back to mounting punches. Sleeper, but Corbin shakes him off again, and chucks him under the bottom rope and into the post. That finally calms Gable down, so Corbin heads after him for another shot into the post, and they head back inside. Corbin with a cross corner whip for two (sold with Hart-like enthusiasm by Gable), so Chad tries a springboard, but Corbin knocks him off the ropes to the outside to block. Gable beats the count, so Corbin grounds him in a crossface, but Chad fights free. Corbin responds with a lariat for two, and he takes Chad up for a superplex, but Gable fights him off. Gable dives with a flying dropkick, but Baron blocks a suplex, so Chad tries a 2^nd rope bodypress - only to get caught in a spinebuster. Corbin tries a powerbomb, but Gable counters with a rana, and he starts unloading a flurry of fists on him. Rollup into a German suplex gets two, so Gable starts throwing a series of koppu kicks - the third of which Corbin catches in a powerbomb for two. Corbin tries to follow up, but Gable sweeps the leg, and starts bashing it into the post. Sunset flip gets Chad two, but he walks right into the Deep Six from there for two. Corbin starts pounding, but Gable sticks and moves again. He manages a superkick to the groin to set up a somersault neckbreaker, followed by a flying moonsault for two. Anklelock, but Corbin makes the ropes, and hits a chokeslam on the apron when Gable tries going after him. Corbin grabs his scepter to try and finish the job, but the referee gets in his way, allowing Gable to schoolboy at 12:40. I liked this better than anything else on this show thus far. It wasn't big fancy spots, just solid in-ring storytelling, and great selling from Gable throughout. Another terrible finish, though. Like, seriously, the referee wasn't even bumped! What logical reason would Corbin have for grabbing a weapon inside of the ring? ** ¼

WWE Smackdown Women's Title Match: Bayley v Charlotte Flair: Charlotte tries a big boot right away, but Bayley easily dodges it, so Flair uses a neckbreaker on her instead. Corner whip sets up a chop from the challenger, so Bayley tries a springboard bodypress, but Flair dodges. She slaps on an elevated crab, but Bayley makes the ropes, and she rakes the eyes as Charlotte releases the hold. Bayley tackles her with mounted punches for one, and she tries doing Nakamura's theatrics while going to work in the corner, but it backfires on her. Flair with chops to set up a suplex, but Bayley sweeps the legs during a criss cross, and pulls Flair to the outside. Bayley bashes Flair's leg into the LED apron a few times, and it's back inside for the champ to work the part. It's worth noting that Charlotte selling consists of her screaming in pain, but still easily kicking out at one during every pin attempt. Bayley tries a figure four, but Flair counters with a schoolgirl for two, and she manages to blast the champ with a big boot. That allows Charlotte to return the favor by bashing the leg into the post a few times, and now SHE works the part. Natural Selection gets two when Bayley is in the ropes, so Flair goes back after the leg, and tries a flying moonsault, but hits knees. I love how she keeps working the leg to set up stuff that in no way targets the leg. They spill to the outside, where Charlotte manages a fallaway slam on the floor (no one does that spot anymore, and now we've seen it in two different matches tonight), and more legwork follows. Probably to set up a piledriver, or something. Figure Four, but Bayley blocks. Big boot, but Bayley counters with a schoolgirl - only to get busted using the ropes for leverage! That allows Flair to slap on the Figure Eight, and we have a new champion at 10:13. This was fine, but not dandy, and certainly not sweet cotton candy. * ½

Main Event: WWE Universal Title Hell in a Cell Match: Seth Rollins v Bray Wyatt: They leave the red lights on for the duration of the match, since I guess if you're gonna redo Kane, you've got to include all the same missteps too for authenticity. Seth is all fiery at the bell, though he looks more like a small child throwing a tantrum than the world champion. Sorry, Universal champion. How stupid of me. Bray easily fights the little ankle biter off, so Seth grabs a kendo stick, but Bray no-sells some shots with it. This character would be so much more effective if we didn't know it was same old Windham Rotunda under the mask. To the outside, Wyatt chucks Seth into the cage a few times, and I legitimately feel bad for this audience. These poor people spent good money to come and see this show, and between the dumb red cage and dumb red lights, I doubt they can see a thing. And this is the main event, which is supposedly what sold their ticket. I mean, even with HD cameras shooting close-ups inside of the cage I can barely tell what's happening. Seth manages to fight him off long enough to throw a pair of topes, and Wyatt eats steps. Another tope, but Wyatt catches him with a Sister Abigail on the floor this time, then stops to hiss at the crowd. I think. Again, really hard to see what's happening. Inside, Seth manages a superkick to set up a flying frogsplash through a table, but Bray basically no-sells that as well. Curb stomp gets no-sold, and Wyatt hits another Sister for two. Does he have any actual sisters? Maybe one of them could come in and we'd have three of IRS' kids running around. Better yet, maybe they can bring Ted DiBiase Jr back as an Undertaker rip-off character to feud with Bray. Let's make that money, guys! Money Inc money! Carmella could even be involved, somehow. Plus it even ties in with DiBiase Sr's own history with Undertaker. Let's hope, for AEW's sake, that no one in charge of booking reads this review. If they do, I would like to personally apologize to the good folks at AEW in advance. Your weekly show has been entertaining. I'm sorry my DiBiase-Undertaker/IRS-Kane idea killed your company. That's my bad. Though, it is fitting. Let's not forget that when original DiBiase introduced original Undertaker in 1990, he went on to beat original Cody Rhodes in his very first match. I'd also like to apologize to WWE for not paying enough attention to this match, which has just gotten real, with Bray finding a giant cartoonish mallet underneath the ring that he's probably gonna squash that damn Road Runner with. Unfortunately for Wyatt, Seth dodges. Rollins tries a pair of springboards, but Bray keeps just ignoring him, so Rollins uses a the curb stomps again. Bunch of 'em. Not that Bray cares much. Pedigree gets no-sold, so Seth tries ANOTHER curb stomp, but it only gets one. More curb stomping follows, as this thing is getting really silly. Like, again, this would all work better if we weren't already familiar with the guy underneath the mask as someone we've seen get jobbed out a bunch of times in the past. And even then it would be a stretch, but they've sold crazier loads than that over the years. Seth grabs a chair and bashes a downed Wyatt in the skull with it for two, triggering a full-on panic from the champion. He grabs a ladder to bash Bray's brains in, but that also only gets two. This is turning into some endgame WCW level shit right now. Like, I'm waiting for Sting to show up with a Rottweiler at any moment here. Unsure of what to do next, Seth starts piling weapons onto Bray's head, and uses a toolbox to bash away with. He finds a sledgehammer next, and that somehow is where the referee decides the line is, and he starts yelling at Seth until ROLLINS CRYS. No, really. And then Seth hits Bray with the hammer and the referee calls for the DQ over it at 17:03. Well, we've had a bunch of bad finishes tonight, and this was certainly a main event level bad finish to end things on. The match was a total car wreck, but much like the old saying about car wrecks, it was hard to look away from. It certainly wasn't a wrestling match, though. –¾*

BUExperience: If you have to ask what this gets, then you definitely haven’t seen it.

DUD