WWE Crown Jewel (October 2019)

 

Original Airdate: October 31, 2019

From Riyadh, Riyadh Province, Saudi Arabia; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and Corey Graves

Opening WWE Title Match: Brock Lesnar v Cain Velasquez: They square off for a while to start, with Velasquez trying to keep Lesnar at bay with strikes, but Brock managing to railroad him into the corner. Velasquez manages to fight his way out of there, but Brock keeps grabbing him to avoid any strikes. Cain manages to get out of the corner again, and this time lands a strike to take Lesnar down for the first time. Velasquez immediately dives onto him to capitalize, but Brock is ready with a kimura, and Cain taps at 2:06. Well, that was... something. I guess. Stupid me, I was actually looking forward to this one since apparently I never learn. DUD

WWE Tag Team World Cup Tag Team Turmoil Match: Lucha House Party v Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode v Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins v Heavy Machinery v The New Day v Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel v The Revival v Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson v The Viking Raiders: Lince Dorado starts with Dolph, and he uses his speed to run circles around Ziggler to start. Dolph fires back with a dropkick before Dorado can building too much momentum, however, and it's over to Roode. Dorado fights him off with a jawbreaker, and a handspring stunner allows the tag to Gran Metalik for some fun tandem moves. Dorado gets in trouble in the heel corner, however, and Ziggler tags in to hit the rocker dropper for two. The heels cut the ring in half on Dorado, but Lince manages to fight off a superplex attempt from Dolph, and he hits a flying bodypress. Hot tag to Gran, and he comes in like Jackie Chan on a crack binge, and Roseanne Barr the door. Not that Jackie Chan would ever touch that nasty crack. But imagine if he did. Gran tries a schoolboy on Roode for two, but an attempt at a handspring backfires when Ziggler superkicks him mid-move, and Roode hits the Glorious DDT at 5:44. Ryder and Hawkins are next in, and they immediately dump Ziggler so they can work over Roode, but Dolph saves him from getting pinned, and Ryder eats a superkick into a spinebuster at 6:54. Well, I hope that was worth the plane ride, guys. Heavy Machinery are next in, and seriously, Otis looks like the poster boy for heart disease, or something. I'm less worried about Shane McMahon dying in the ring than I am of it happening to him. And that's really bad. Tucker beats on Ziggler, but misses a charge in the corner, and Roode tags in. The crowd is so invested in this one that most of the front row has literally turned their backs on the ring, by the way. I don't really blame them. Ziggler and Roode work Tucker over, but Otis gets the tag, and he's channeling Chris Farley in that Chippendale's sketch, so there's no stopping him now. Tandem splash finishes Roode at 13:25. New Day are up next, and Big E immediately goes for the Big Ending on Tucker, but fails. That leads to a neat power showdown between the two, with Big E showing some incredible strength and flexibility here during some comedy spots. Both guys collide during a criss cross for a double knockout, leading to tags all around, and Kofi Kingston dives in at Otis, but can't take the big man off of his feet. Otis slams him and adds an avalanche to set up Caterpillar for two. He tries a catapult into Tucker, but Kofi turns it into a DDT, and gets rid of Otis with Trouble in Paradise. That's enough to tag Big E back in, but a suplex gets reversed by Tucker for two. Tucker tries a springboard, but misses, and it's Midnight Hour time at 17:32. They're doing a good job of keeping this moving along, but this has been very unengaging thus far, with the story of the match not really connecting. Or even particularly clear. Like, yeah, we get that they want to win. That's obvious. But the match is just a sequence of moves without any real storytelling going on. Curtis Axel comes in next, and dodges a corner charge from Big E. He pounds Big E down, then passes to Bo Dallas - kneedrop on Big E getting two. Dallas works a chinlock, but that goes nowhere, and Big E hits Axel with the Big Ending at 19:34. The Revival (the WWE Smackdown Tag Team Champions) are next in, the dust settling on Kofi and Scott Dawson. Dawson pounds him in the corner, and tags out to Dash Wilder for some tandem abuse in the corner. They cut the ring in half on Kofi, but can't put him away with combo after combo. Finally, Big E just charges in and knocks Dash out of the ring, allowing Kofi to counter Dawson into a small package at 24:59. That was a Bret Hart finish right there. Unfortunately for New Day, Revival are sore losers, and wreck them on the way out. That allows Gallows and Anderson to go for the Magic Killer right away, but Kofi has enough presence of mind to fight them off. Unfortunately, Big E gets suckered into a cheap shot on the floor before a tag can be made, and the Killer kills Kofi at 26:59. Viking Raiders (WWE RAW Tag Team Champions) are the last in, and it's a big brawl with all four guys right away. Dust settles on Gallows and Erik, with Erik running wild, but running into a knee in the corner, and taking a cheap shot from Anderson to cap it off. Erik ends up getting working over, as we settle right into the heat segment. I get that the match as a whole has been going on for thirty minutes, but these four are all fresh, so it feels really weird how compressed they make the segments. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Whatever gets us through it faster. Erik makes the hot tag to Ivar, and Roseanne Barr the door. Viking Raiders dominate, but Erik gets suckered into a double team, and a tandem neckbreaker gets two. Magic Killer, but Ivar saves before they can execute it. That allows Erik to try a suplex on Gallows, but then he just eats the Killer anyway at 32:00, since fuck him, amirite? This was completely inessential, and felt like just going through the motions over a silly prize. Which, to be fair, is exactly what it was. * ½

Cesaro v Mansoor: You know, if they ever lose Seth Rollins, they could swap Mansoor in, and no one would notice. Feeling out process to start, with Mansoor dominating. I'm not sure what Cesaro's new look is, but I'm not digging it. Mansoor knocks him to the outside with a dropkick, and he adds a baseball slide before trying a tope - but Cesaro is ready with an uppercut to block. He chucks Mansoor into the barricade out there, and hits a flying axehandle for two on the way back in. Chinlock, but Mansoor fights free - only to have an attempt to climb the ropes backfire on him with Cesaro sweeps the leg for two. Uppercut gets Cesaro another two, so he goes back to the chinlock to wear him down, but Mansoor starts escaping again, so Cesaro shifts to a sleeper. That'll learn him. Mansoor reverses, so Cesaro uses a side suplex to escape, and hooks the leg for two. Cesaro goes up with another flying axehandle, but Mansoor is ready with a dropkick this time, and he mounts a comeback. Headscissors sends Cesaro to the outside, and this time Mansoor is able to stick the landing on his dive. Back in, Mansoor with a flying bodypress for two, and a tornado DDT is worth two. Cesaro shoves him into the referee and hooks a quick schoolboy for two, but Mansoor kicks him in the brain, and uses a slingshot neckbreaker for two. Upstairs, but Cesaro sweeps the leg again, and uses a gutwrench superplex for two. Neutralizer, but Mansoor counters with a cradle for two, so Cesaro fires back with a pop-up uppercut for two. He slaps on a crippler crossface to finish him off, but Mansoor rolls it back into a cradle for two, and nails him with a superkick for two when Cesaro pops up. Mansoor goes back up, but here's Cesaro to sweep the leg again before a dive can happen, and it's time for another superplex, but Mansoor counters with a sunset bomb on the way down. That's enough to give him a clear path to the top rope, and a flying moonsault finishes Cesaro at 12:40. Nothing special, but totally watchable, and did a good job of getting the in-ring story across, as well as engaging the crowd. ** ¼

Braun Strowman v Tyson Fury: They size each other up a bit to start, with Braun stupidly trying to engage in boxing, but it goes nowhere anyway. Strowman tries to wrestle him, but Fury actually holds his own through an armbar, but an attempt to throw a shoulderblock at the massive Strowman backfires. Braun hammers him into the corner, and Fury's selling seems to be made up of him smirking from ear to ear, so it needs work. Strowman misses a corner charge and takes a spill to the outside, and Fury follows him with a big boot on the floor before taking things back inside. Braun tries the front-powerslam, but Fury slips free, and throws another big boot for two. Wow, Fury looks horribly awkward here, and Strowman looks equally unsure of his movements in their with him. And I get that he's not a wrestler and shouldn't be judged as such, but this is a professional wrestling match, so excuse me if I rate it like one. Strowman with a slam, so Tyson bails to try and regroup, but Braun chases with the running shoulderblock on the floor. Braun rolls him in, but Fury throws a big knockout right as Strowman follows, and Braun gets his big ass counted out at 8:02. Yeah, this sucked. If these were two pros, I'd dive into negative stars for this, but I'll be nice. DUD

WWE United States Title Match: AJ Styles v Humberto Carrillo: This is officially over the US Title, but I'd like to think there's a side bet going on over the rights to the ring gear. Carrillo won a 20-man battle royal on the pre-game show to earn this shot. AJ's hair is just perfectly suited to these open-air stadium shows. Styles blitzes him at the bell, but Carrillo sticks and moves at him, until AJ catches his ass in a fireman's neckbreaker to take the pep out of his step. Styles works a chinlock, but Carrillo fights free, so AJ uses a legsweep-backbreaker for two. Back to the chinlock, but Carrillo escapes, and hits a handspring backelbow. He tries a springboard next, but Styles side steps for two, and drills him with a brainbuster for two. Chinlock, but Carrillo fights to a vertical base, and we've got a slugfest! Carrillo wins it with a chincrusher, and a neat (if contrived) handspring overhead armdrag follows. Standing moonsault gets two, so Styles tries a catapult into the corner, but Carrillo lands on the ropes, and rebounds with a flying bodypress for two. He tries a slingshot, but AJ catches him in a fireman's neckbreaker - only for Carrillo to counter with an enzuigiri. Styles immediately fires back with a pele kick to leave both men down, and AJ is up first. They spill out to the apron, where Styles tries a brainbuster, but Carrillo fights him off with a big boot (that missed by a mile, but whatever). Springboard dropkick knocks AJ to the floor so Carrillo can dive after him, and he rolls the champion in to cover for two. Carrillo takes him up for a rana off the top, but Styles counters with a sunset bomb - triggering a pinfall reversal sequence. AJ throws a series of strikes for two, but Carrillo slips to the apron to block the Clash. He tries another springboard, but AJ dodges, and Carrillo hurts his knee on the landing. Calf Crusher looks to finish, but Carrillo has the ropes to save his title hopes. He throws a leg-feed enzuigiri, then a regular one to set up a flying moonsault, but AJ dodges again. Phenomenal Forearm retains at 12:35. The Calf Crusher for the submission after the bad landing would have been a much better finish, honestly. Why do they always feel like they have to stick another few spots in past the natural conclusion? I liked it better when that kind of thing used to be saved only for big BIG matches, now it's like in every one. Same for the stupid shocked looks when people kick out of anything, or trading signature moves. This was fine, but I'm not sure I dig Carrillo's overly acrobatic style. * ¾

Natalya v Lacey Evans: This is historically significant as the first women's match in Saudi Arabia, which WWE will helpfully remind you of about ten thousand times. Per minute. Both women are dressed VERY conservatively, of course. I'm actually surprised the pants aren't baggier, though. Feeling out process to start, as both smile tons, unable to contain their excitement. Maybe Natalya trained Tyson Fury? She has Tyson experience, after all. They keep trading super basic stuff, until Natalya tries for the Sharpshooter, but Evans blocks. Natalya dumps her to the outside, but gets dropped on the apron as she tries to follow, and Lacey hits a slingshot baseball slide for tow on the way back inside. Evans works a cobra clutch, but Natalya looks like she’s waiting on a cone at Ben & Jerry's more than getting over pain of any sort. Unless ice cream is painful for you, in which case, I really don't know what to tell you. Natalya escapes, so Evans uses a swinging neckbreaker on her, but Natalya lifts her knees to block the follow-up splash. Natalya with a slingshot slam and a seated dropkick to set up the Sharpshooter, but Lacey blocks again. Evans with a schoolgirl for two, and a suplex sets up a flying moonsault for two. Vertical suplex sets up another flying moonsault, but she takes too long getting up there this time, and Natalya pulls the carpet out from under her. Sharpshooter finishes at 7:22. Super, super basic stuff here. ½*

Ten-Man Tag Team Match: Roman Reigns, Rusev, Ricochet, Shorty G, and Ali v Randy Orton, Shinsuke Nakamura, Baron Corbin, Bobby Lashley, and Drew McIntyre: This is Hulk Hogan's team versus Ric Flair's team to settle the old grudge. Well, if you want to get those two guys on the show for name value, that's the best way to do it, I suppose. Shorty starts with Nakamura, and takes it to the mat right away to prevent any strikes. He tries for an anklelock, but Nakamura manages to block, so Shorty uses a two-alarm rolling belly-to-belly suplex for two instead. Unfortunately for him, Nakamura is ready with a strike as they pop up, and Corbin tags in. He unloads, but Shorty sticks and moves long enough to tag Ali - who does more of the same. Sitout-facebuster gets two, so Baron tags out to Lashley, but Rusev wants to deal with him himself. Ali obliges, but Bobby's not into it, and let's Drew fight this battle for him. He's a lover, not a fighter. Rusev takes his frustrations out on Drew with fists, and a spinheel kick gets him two. Tag back to Ali to work Drew's wrist, but he gets swatted off like a pesky fly, and Corbin tags back in. Ali tries going upstairs to deal with that, but Baron gives him a hard shove, and Ali takes a bump into the barricade. That's enough to kick off the heat segment, and the heels work Ali over. He escapes Drew's grasp long enough to tag Ricochet in - who is full-on hold my beering even Rey Mysterio's gaudiest outfits tonight. He flies around for all of a minute before getting pounded down by the heels, however, and welcome to heat segment #2. Rusev is doing a great job of selling his rage as Lashley here. Not quite Randy-Savage-on-Crush levels, but still done with what feels like genuine feeling. Also great: the look of utter disgust Roman shoots Corbin at one point. Ricochet manages to hit Orton with a leg lariat to allow a hot tag to Roman, and Roseanne Barr the door! Orton tries to derail him with an RKO, but Reigns counters with the Superman. His team saves him from getting pinned, triggering a sequence where everyone trades signature spots, and we finally get the Rusev/Lashley showdown. Everyone ends up on the outside for a dog pile sequence off of a dive from Reigns, and he goes for the kill on Orton, but Randy is ready with the RKO for two. Punt, but Shorty grabs his ankle to stop it, and we get a cool sequence where Team Hogan take everyone out with dives. That allows Roman to spear Orton to put it all away at 19:39. This was perfectly adequate, though totally unspectacular in every way, and too longwinded for its own good. * ¾

Main Event: WWE Universal Title Falls Count Anywhere Match: Seth Rollins v Bray Wyatt: They haven't gotten over themselves with that stupid red light yet, I see. Nice for all those people in the cheap seats, I'm sure. Wyatt punches him in the throat at the bell, and goes right to work in immediately plodding fashion. Maybe they figure if they reboot all the shitty, sometimes supernatural plodding early/mid 90s heels now, it'll in turn eventually lead to rebooting the Attitude Era? Maybe we just don't have the foresight for these things that Vince McMahon does. Did you ever once think about that?! Anyway, this bullshit spills into the crowd next, where not much of anything happens, then back to ringside, so Seth can start stacking up tables. Rollins unloads on his challenger with a chair, but an attempt to smash his head in with a sledgehammer is blocked with the Mandible Claw. Seriously, how can anyone further than, maybe, the first couple of rows make out what is going on here? I can barely see. Seth ends up sprawled out on an announce table for Bray to dive at with a senton splash, but Rollins rolls out of the way, and Wyatt goes through it instead. Seth quickly hooks the leg, but it only gets two. I love how he's selling total shock there. Like, the month before you were beating this guy with chairs and hammers and he was still kicking out, but a missed senton is shocking to you? I hate to sound like some old fart who keeps talking about how much better stuff was back in the day... but they used to do such a better job with the logical shit back in the day, yeah. Or, you know, today... but in other promotions. Seth goes up to try a flying frogsplash on the floor, but Bray pops up, and shoves him off the top, and through the pair of tables the champ stacked up earlier. Wyatt pulls up the floor mats next, and the red lighting is so terrible that even the announcers are now openly guessing. Wyatt tries the Sister Abigail on the exposed floor, but Rollins counters with an enzuigiri, and starts beating on him with the steps. That sets up a curb stomp on the exposed floor for two, so Seth knocks him back into the crowd, and dives off the barricade at him with a chair. I think. Again, the stupid red lighting is making this quite impossible. Rollins tries a follow-up, but Bray is ready with a Sister Abigail out on some sort of platform in the crowd for two. Back to ringside, Bray beats him up the ramp towards the stage, and Seth is looking more and more like a scared child by the moment. No wonder ratings are in the toilet. If I'm a lapsed fan who remembers Steve Austin and the Rock, and I flip past RAW to see what looks like a little kid with the belt, you really think that's gonna suck me in? Anyway, this scared little boy king starts drilling Wyatt with curb stomps on the stage, and all I want for Christmas is for this stupid match to end. One stomp after another, until they lose all meaning, and then a trio of superkicks to knock Wyatt off of the stage into some electrical equipment that promptly explodes. Yeah, I don't know who handles that for them, but I don't think that shit was to code. No matter, Wyatt no sells it anyway, and uses the Claw to set up a Sister on the floor for the pin at 21:24. This was pretty bad. I think. I couldn't really see much of it, to be honest. ¼*

BUExperience: The novelty of these shows has long worn off, especially as this one didn’t feature any notable old time stars grabbing a payday, or anything particularly exiting or notable. Even the two circus appeal matches were total letdowns. This was just another show, and not a good one.

DUD