WWE Super ShowDown (February 2020)

 

Original Airdate: February 27, 2020

From Riyadh, Riyadh Province, Saudi Arabia; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and Corey Graves

Opening Tuwaiq Trophy Gauntlet Match: Andrade v AJ Styles v Bobby Lashley v Erick Rowan v R-Truth v Undertaker: A bunch of people in the crowd are wearing medical masks and gloves, so you know they're here to party. We get Lashley and R-Truth to start, with (a very covered up) Lana making a quick cameo before disappearing to the back. Weird cultural differences bit during the entrances, as the camera catches a kid in the crowd cheering, until his father notices the camera on them, and angrily shoos them away. Or maybe it's less a cultural difference than it is that the dude is just as sick and tired of stupid audience reaction shots as I am. Lashley destroys him in the early going, and hits a hanging vertical suplex for two. Chinlock, so R-Truth counters to a sleeper, but Lashley quickly powers out. R-Truth tries sticking and moving, but he bounces off of Bobby during that endeavor. Dominator, but R-Truth manages a slam to counter, and uses a five knuckle shuffle (complete with Cena theatrics). Okay. Charge in the corner ends badly, however, and Lashley uses a reverse STO to set up a spear - only to miss, allowing R-Truth a cradle at 5:36. Lashley flips the fuck out over getting pinned though, and he wrecks R-Truth on the way out, leaving him for dead. Well, maybe if he'd tried that, you know, during the match. The officials are totally useless here too, just kind of watching, and not really even making an effort to intervene. WWE United States Champion Andrade is next in, and he takes his sweet ass time getting to the ring, despite having easy pickings in a battered Truth. Shit like that is why I just can't take today's product seriously. And then he finally gets in there... and works an armbar. When that, shockingly, doesn't work, Andrade puts the boots to him in the corner, and uses a running kneesmash for two. I'm not sure who this looks worse on, Andrade or Lashley. Hammerlock-DDT looks to finish, but Truth has had so much armbar recovery time that he's able to block. Andrade tries another running kneesmash, but Truth ducks this time, and Andrade takes a bump over the top. He beats the count in just in time for a Truth comeback, but he manages a big boot - only to have Truth fall on top of him for the pin at 13:28. Well that was one of the stupidest finishes I've ever seen. Rowan is next, and he's ready with a bodyslam and an elbowdrop right away. Wow, if this was 1981, that would be a stretcher job right there. Charge misses, sending Rowan over the top, and Truth dives after him with a plancha. He tries to take Rowan back in, but Erick fights him off with a dropkick out there, and Truth eats steps. Those aren't that nutritious, and probably not the best for the immune system. And luckily we have a referee who gives a shit about public health, because he disqualifies Rowan over it at 17:45. And then afterwards, Rowan kicks the shit out of Truth on the way out, too. I get what they're going for here, but no one gives a shit about R-Truth. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news on that one. This is like the Savio Vega reboot no one asked for. Styles is next in, and once again, this dude's hair was BUILT for open air stadiums. AJ, clearly learning nothing from the last twenty minutes we've all had to endure to get here, toys with Truth instead of putting it away. Though, at least we get treated to Styles mocking Truth's dance moves in the process, which is pretty funny. Calf Crusher finishes Savio at 23:30. Rey Mysterio is supposed to be the final entrant, but he gets beat up by Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson before he can come out, and so we get Undertaker as last minute surprise replacement instead. I guess he was just in the neighborhood. Chokeslam, and done at 32:26. Seriously, a single chokeslam? This felt like the agents were having a contest to see who could pack the most horrible finishes into thirty minutes, or something. ½*

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: The New Day v Miz and John Morrison: Big E starts with Miz, and he powers his pale ass around. Seriously, he's looking like 1994 Bob Backlund out there. Or, well, any year Bob Backlund, really. Tag to Morrison, but Big E is ready with a belly-to-belly suplex, and the champs work him over with tandem moves. A well timed bit of cheating allows the challengers to turn the tide on Big E, and they cut the ring in half on him. Some dude in the crowd has a sign that reads 'if Goldberg wins, we riot.' Which, frankly, could constitute a legitimate threat considering where we are and Goldberg's religion. Kofi gets the tag and comes flying in on Morrison with some stuff, but fails to put it away. Morrison manages a whiplash and a shining wizard for two, but Kofi fights back with an SOS for two. Tag to Big E for a powerbomb/flying kneesmash combo for two, so Miz chucks Kofi into the barricade on the floor, and that allows Morrison to make a tag. Miz with a DDT on Big E for two, and he fires off some yes-kicks. Neckbreaker/springboard double stomp combo sets up a splitlegged corkscrew moonsault from Morrison, but Big E dodges, and in comes a recovered Kofi for a Big Ending/DDT combo. Miz breaks up the resulting pin attempt, so Kofi chases, but ends up knocking himself out. That allows Miz to hit Big E with the Skull Crushing Finale for two, but a charge in the corner misses, and Kofi tags back in. He tries some cradles on Miz, but eats a chairshot from Morrison in the process, and Miz schoolboys at 12:53. I didn't really get into it, but they were doing some cool combos and stuff throughout, and it wasn't trash or anything. * ½

Humberto Carrillo v Angel Garza: This feels like a first hour Nitro match from 1997. They go to a couple of stalemates to start, until Carrillo manages a flying headbutt, which is just wickedly cool, and should probably be a much bigger spot for him than how they're using it. Carrillo dumps him to the outside for a headbutt tope, and that gets him two on the way back inside. Corner whip sets up a corner clothesline, and a seated dropkick is worth two. Garza manages to dodge him in the corner to turn the tide, and he takes Carrillo to the mat for a camel clutch. Well, that one's pretty fitting. Carrillo dumps him to the outside on the escape, and he's able to follow up with a chincrusher when Garza rushes back inside. Carrillo with a springboard enzuigiri and a standing moonsault for two, but Garza nails him with a dropkick when Carrillo dives off the top. Double-underhook DDT, but Carrillo counters with a superkick, so Garza returns fire with one of his own. Carrillo with a half-hearted Canadian destroyer (he was selling fatigue, and it didn't look right), so Garza tries a flash pin via a small package, but he only gets two. Carrillo responds with a quick superkick, but Garza dodges a flying moonsault, and they trade nearfalls off of cradles. Carrillo tries a sunset flip, but Garza reverses that cradle for the pin at 9:04. Some cool moves, but it felt like they just couldn't get onto the same page, and it was a mess. * ¾

WWE RAW Tag Team Title Match: Seth Rollins and Murphy v The Street Profits: I guess now that Murphy has finally found a buddy, he doesn't need the other one anymore. Wow, they're going with a full stadium pyro display for the STREET PROFITS?! Just how big of a budget do they have for these shows? Murphy and Angelo Dawkins start, with Murphy stupidly showing disrespect by chucking his shirt at the challenger, and getting killed. Montez Ford tags in with a missile dropkick, and then a regular version gets him two. Rollins runs a distraction, however, allowing Murphy to knock Ford off of the apron, and into the announce table. Nice bump there. Inside, the champs unload on Ford, and it looks like Coronavirus supplies were low even back in late February, as Seth's only got one glove to work with here. But hopefully he still has some toilet paper. You'd think with the amount these guys are on the road, they probably don't have much time to shop. This match feels like it's been going on forever already, and we're not even five minutes into it yet. Rollins with a falcon arrow for two, and a bucklebomb sets up an enzuigiri from Murphy for two - Dawkins making the save. That allows Ford a moment to recover, and he dodges a tandem move to make the hot tag - Roseanne Barr the door! I'm surprised Seth isn't more over here since he looks so much like Mansoor, and stadiums are big. Ford with a sliced bread on Seth for two, and a reversal sequence ends in him hitting an enzuigiri. Ford goes up for a crazy flying frogsplash, but Murphy breaks the cover at two to save the title. That thing got some insane height. The Profits hit stereo DDTs, but the champs roll to the outside before a cover can be made, so Ford dives after them - only to get caught, and slammed into the barricade! Dawkins rushes out to flapjack Rollins on the floor, but he takes too long getting Murphy into the ring, and ends up eating a curb stomp in the process at 10:38. Took a little while to get the hook in, but pretty entertaining once it did. **

Dolph Ziggler v Mansoor: Dolph's gear is somehow getting worse and worse by the month. Ziggler works a headlock to start, but Mansoor wants to run the ropes, so Dolph... shakes his dick at him? Not sure what that was all about, but point made, I assume. Mansoor takes him down for a standing moonsault for two, so Dolph goes to the eyes, and throws a dropkick for two. Elbowdrop gets two, so Dolph grabs a chinlock/bodyscissors combo. This match is going nowhere, and feels like a total house show effort thus far. Ziggler continues working him over in dull fashion, and he uses a neckbreaker for two. Inverted powerslam is worth two, but Mansoor starts making a comeback. He goes up, but Dolph knocks him off, and hits a Zig Zag for two. Superkick, but Mansoor ducks, triggering a sloppy reversal sequence that ends in Ziggler cradling for two. Mansoor returns fire with a sloppy DDT out of the corner, and an equally sloppy flying moonsault puts it away at 9:16. This was really boring, and Mansoor looked way out of his depth here. ¾*

WWE Title Match: Brock Lesnar v Ricochet: Ricochet tries charging, but gets absolutely mauled right away, and it's Suplex City time. F5 ends it at 1:29. That was brisk, even by Lesnar's standards. This had the potential to be a lot of fun, so of course it was just the usual Brock squash job instead. DUD

Cage Match: Roman Reigns v King Corbin: Corbin attacks while Reigns stupidly stands with his back turned, and Roman eats cage. Well, that might have iron in it, which I've heard may be good for the immune system. So, really, Corbin is an unsung good dude. Corbin makes an escape attempt, but Reigns is on his tail, and they fight at the top. Reigns hits a flying clothesline for two, and he unloads in the corner for an extended period to flop Corbin. Superman Punch, but Corbin blocks, and ends up hitting the Deep Six for two. Powerbomb gets two, so Corbin unloads mounted punches to knock Reigns silly, and he goes for the door. I love how when it comes to cage or ladder matches, these guys all suddenly start moving at half speed. Reigns stops him, so Corbin hits a chokeslam for two, and they're selling like they've been out there for forty minutes at, like, the seven minute mark. Corbin wraps a chain around his fist to try his own version of the Superman, but Reigns reverses for two. Corbin still makes it up first to try a climb, but Reigns follows for a slugfest at the top of the cage. Roman dominates, and nearly escapes, but Corbin manages to hold the vest to pull him back inside. That leads to another slugfest, this time at the top rope, and Corbin wins that one. Escape, but Reigns rips at the leg to crotch him across the top rope, and he adds a pair of Supermans to knock him off. Roman grabs the chain to wrap his fist for another Superman, and that one knocks Corbin out for the pin at 12:50. Another one that was really boring and felt endless, despite being relatively short. ¾*

WWE Smackdown Women's Title Match: Bayley v Naomi: Naomi's outfit makes her look more like a mom picking her kid up from summer camp in the mid-90s than a professional wrestler in 2020. Bayley works a headlock to start, but Naomi forces a criss cross, and hits a jumping backelbow. Naomi with a splitlegged splash for two - which is a visually interesting spot, though from a kayfabe perspective is ridiculous, since there's almost no contact made. But whatever, like I said before, this isn't the mid-90s, and impact and realism aren't really what the promotion is about anymore. Naomi with a legdrop for two, so Bayley tries hiding in the ropes, but Naomi takes her down with a headscissors. Bayley bails, so Naomi dives after her with a plancha, but an attempt at a kick on the way back in gets blocked, and Naomi takes a spill to the floor. Bayley sends her into the barricade out there, and inside that's worth two. Bayley with a bootchoke in the corner, and she works a chinlock, but Naomi escapes, so the champ throws a clothesline for two. Bayley with a snap suplex for two, and it's back to the chinlock. Naomi's hair seems to be more of a danger to choking her than anything Bayley's doing with that chinlock, which is pretty funny. Naomi fights her off in the corner to kick off a comeback, and she hits a sloppy springboard flying bodypress for two. That looked horrible, and outright amateurish. Sunset cradle gets two, so Naomi tries a submission, but Bayley is in the ropes. Enzuigiri, but Bayley ducks, and hits the Bayley-to-Belly for two. Remember when finishers finished? Good times. Saito suplex connects, but Naomi blocks a second one, and these sequences are just looking terrible here. It's like they're each working a different match. Bayley goes up, but Naomi knocks her down, only to miss the splitlegged moonsault. That allows Bayley to wedge Naomi's ankle in her oversized t-shirt, and that's enough to hogtie her for a knockout strike at 11:30. * ¼

Main Event: WWE Universal Title Match: Bray Wyatt v Goldberg: Stare down to start, but Wyatt forgets to take his jacket off, exposing him to a spear when he does. That gets two, so Bray goes right to the Mandible Claw, but Goldberg pretty easily escapes. Spear connects, but Bray gets two. Second one, same result. Third one gets a two count, so Bray goes to the Claw again - which feels like the worst decision in the age of coronavirus. But then Goldberg just escapes, and hits a poor executed Jackhammer to take home the title at 2:59. What a disappointing ending to Wyatt's title reign, and really felt like a waste after all the build they spent on him, but it was all about to be rendered moot a few weeks later regardless. DUD

BUExperience: What a total waste of 3.5 hours this was.

DUD