WWF Hell in a Cell (October 2011)

Original Airdate: October 2, 2011

From New Orleans, Louisiana; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Jim Ross, and Booker T

Opening Match: Christian v Sheamus: Posturing to start, dominated by Sheamus. Christian tries sticking and moving, but gets clobbered and clobbered. Christian tries a 2nd rope bodypress, but gets caught in a fallaway slam, and Sheamus goes upstairs, but Christian shoves him down to the floor to block. Inside, Sheamus keeps showing fire, but the spill took something out of him, and Christian takes control. Christian with a 2nd rope backelbow, and he grabs a sleeper, but Sheamus fights free. Christian keeps control, and he lands a missile dropkick to get a two count. Sheamus keeps coming at him, and manages a pair of clotheslines, so Christian tries a charge, but Sheamus is ready with a front-powerslam for two. Sheamus tries a press-slam, but Christian slips free. He tries for the Killswitch, but Christian blocks, so Christian snaps his neck across the top rope instead. Christian tries a springboard, but gets caught in a uranage backbreaker for two. Powerbomb, but Christian blocks, and delivers a tornado DDT for two. Back to the Killswitch, but Sheamus blocks, and throws a kneelift. He tries going upstairs, but Christian blocks him again, and starts kicking at the leg. Sheamus fights him off and gets to the top for a flying shoulderblock, but Christian dodges the Brogue Kick, and dumps him to the outside. Christian tries a suplex back in, but Sheamus blocks, so Christian tries a baseball slide inside, but Sheamus blocks that as well. That allows Sheamus to try a catapult into the post out there, but Christian blocks, and delivers a spear on the floor. Christian rolls in to try for the countout, but Sheamus beats it inside, so Christian drills him with another spear for two. Christian goes up with a flying headbutt drop, but Sheamus rolls out of the way, and goes for the crucifix powerbomb, but Christian blocks. That triggers a reversal sequence, and Sheamus puts it away with a Brogue Kick at 13:40. Christian was really having a great run during this period. ** ½ 

Sin Cara Azul v Sin Cara Negro: They contest the match under yellow lights here, for whatever reason. Negro takes him down into a Mexican surfboard right away, but Azul quickly escapes, and they do a bunch of reversal sequences to establish how evenly matched they are. Negro gets dumped to the outside, allowing Azul to take control of things with a dive, and he adds a baseball slide. A springboard moonsault press on the floor misses, however, and Negro puts the boots to him out there. Negro with a slingshot somersault senton splash for two on the way back in, and he grounds Azul in a chinlock from there. Corner whip, but Azul blocks, so Negro dumps him to the outside, and hits a dive of his own. Inside, Negro hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two, and he goes back to the chinlock. Azul escapes, so Negro tags him with a jumping forearm, but Azul sends him back to the floor with a headscissors. Azul dives after him with a beautiful flying bodypress, and Azul rolls him in to cover for two. Victory cradle gets another two, and a superkick leads to a rana, but Negro counters with a powerbomb for two. Negro goes up top, but Azul follows, and brings him off with an armdrag. Azul with an enzuigiri to set up a flying somersault senton splash, but Negro dodges. Powerbomb, but Azul counters with a sunset bomb for three at 9:44. This failed to engage the crowd, but wasn’t bad from a pure workrate perspective. *

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne v Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler: Kofi and Jack start, and Kofi does well by sticking and moving. Over to Evan for a dive for two, and back to Kingston for a combo on Ziggler for two. The champs continue to dominate Ziggler with double teams and combos, but Swagger catches a tag, and that ends badly for Evan. The champs work Evan over, but Bourne dodges a corner splash, and gets the tag to Kingston… who promptly ends up in trouble. The challengers cut the ring in half on Kofi, until he manages to hit Jack with a codebreaker, and make the hot tag. Bourne runs wild, and hits Ziggler with a standing moonsault for two, so Jack comes in without a tag, and Roseanne Barr the door! Swagger ties a powerbomb off the middle rope to finish Evan, but Bourne counters with a rana to retain at 11:08. Just kind of paint-by-numbers stuff. ¾*

World Heavyweight Title Hell in a Cell Match: Mark Henry v Randy Orton: Orton pounds him down right away, so Mark bails to the outside, but Randy chases to send Mark into the cage a few times. He tries dragging him back in for a rope-hung DDT, but Mark blocks, and starts going after the challenger’s arm. Orton fights him off, and tries a dive from the apron, but Mark catches him, and pinballs him between the cage and the post a few times. Henry with a running powerslam, but chucking the steps at Orton’s head misses, which just serves to piss the champion off. He keeps abusing Randy on the outside, until Orton manages a DDT on the steps to turn things around. Another DDT brings Mark into the ring, and he lands the RKO for two. Randy looks for the punt to polish this off, but Henry counters with a slam to retain at 15:57. This was extremely dull. ¼*

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Cody Rhodes v John Morrison: Cody unveils a new classic style IC title belt here. That particular belt (made by Joe Marshall) only lasted for a little while (mostly because Cody apparently had it made without the office’s approval), but they did stick with the updated classic Reggie Parks design for about a decade. Cody is working in street clothes here, since this is an impromptu match. Morrison dominates him, but Cody takes control after a trip to the outside, and gets John in a figure four. Morrison makes the ropes, so Cody hits him with a kneedrop, but John fires back with a pele kick. He tries a roundhouse kick from there, but Rhodes ducks, and hooks an Oklahoma roll at 7:19. ½*

WWE Divas Title Match: Kelly Kelly v Beth Phoenix: Kelly goes right after her at the bell, and manages a takedown for mounted punches. Kelly with a flying clothesline for two, but a headscissors takedown gets blocked with a backbreaker. That allows Phoenix an elbowdrop for two, and an Oklahoma stampede leaves the champion in a tree of woe. Beth takes her to the mat in a dragon sleeper, and a backbreaker is held into a submission version. Kelly slugs free, and hooks a cradle for two, but Phoenix quickly cuts her off. Phoenix with a slingshot suplex for two, and man, Beth and Natalya look like twin sisters tonight. Beth ties a powerbomb, but Kelly counters with a rana into a cradle for two, so Phoenix clobbers her with a clothesline to keep control. Straddling ropechoke, but Kelly dodges, and drops her with a neckbreaker. Kelly makes a comeback, and they trade cradles for two. Kelly tries a bulldog, but Phoenix blocks. Phoenix tries for the Glam Slam, but Kelly blocks. Backslide, but Phoenix drops her into the corner to block - only to miss a corner splash there. That allows Kelly a handspring backelbow, and she comes off the top with a bulldog for two. Natalya protests, so Eve Torres goes after her, and they brawl on the outside. Kelly tries a rocker dropper, but Beth blocks, and slaps on a modified bow-and-arrow. Kelly makes the ropes, so Natalya decks her, and Beth capitalizes with the Glam Slam at 8:29. Yawn. ¾*

Main Event: WWE Title Hell in a Cell Triple Threat Match: John Cena v CM Punk v Alberto Del Rio: That header is a mouthful. Posturing to start, until Cena and Punk catch Del Rio in the corner, and they team up on him. Cena hits Del Rio with the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Punk prevents an Attitude Adjustment, and he dumps Del Rio to the outside so he can beat on Cena. He tries a bulldog out of the ring, but John shoves him into the cage to block. That allows Del Rio some recovery time though, and he comes in to slam John onto a chair for two. He tries a superplex, but John blocks, so Punk shoves the champ off the top rope, allowing Punk to capitalize on Del Rio with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Punk with a falcon arrow on Del Rio for two, but Cena hits Punk with an AA for two, when Del Rio saves. Punk hits Cena with the GTS, but Del Rio breaks that up at two as well, and Alberto beats on Punk with a chair on the outside. He goes back in to finish Cena, but John is ready with a small package for two. Del Rio dumps John to the outside to keep control, and Cena takes a trip into the cage. Punk takes Del Rio out on the outside, and he rolls Alberto in to hit with a flying elbowdrop for two. Cena returns and gives Punk a Shuffle, but CM blocks. Punk with a bodyslam on the champion, and he goes up for a dive, but Del Rio shoves him off, sending Punk crashing through a table on the outside. Meanwhile, Cena recovers, and gets Del Rio in an STF. Ricardo Rodriguez breaks into the cell to save, so Cena takes him out, but ends up locked outside of the cage in the process. With Cena out of the match, Del Rio goes to work on Punk, and finishes by bashing him with a steel pipe at 24:07. This was one of those matches that would probably be really fun to be in the crowd for with all the saves and everything, but did nothing for me on TV twelve years after the fact. ¾*

BUExperience: My mother always told me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then you shouldn’t say anything at all. So, I won’t tell you that his show fucking sucked. 

DUD