Chair Shots and Miscarriages of Justice: WWE Extreme Rules 2016 (Version II)

CHAIR SHOTS AND MISCARRIAGES OF JUSTICE

EXTREME RULES 2016 Part 2:  After the Bell

By: Double M

Blah, blah, blah Extreme Rules blah, blah stipulations out the bung-hole blah, blah, blah PG version of ECW blah, blah, blah.  Well we’ve got some interesting possibilities here, let the “lunacy” begin. 

BEST MATCH:  Well of course it was the Intercontinental Championship match, what did you expect Jabronis of course it’ll be the match I called!  Seriously though this was basically about a tie between the Fatal-Four-Way and the main event.  The IC match lived up to the hype.  It had a phenomenal display of skill [yes even The Miz had his moments].  Cesaro a triple power-bomb?  Zayn’s boot to the kisser of Kevin Owens right off the hop??  Triple bowling ball and Upper cut express???  Cesaro with the big time swing that lasted ⅓ of the event????  Fun for the whole family even if Miz backdoored his way to retaining.  Loved the pace, great action throughout, spotlight on everybody that told a great story. 

Reigns and Styles had great build up to a crazy finish.  Wonderful physicality, announce tables in shambles, emotional and chaotic.  If you didn’t see The Usos and The Club getting involved shame on you, but kudos on the Creative staff for not letting that be how the match ended.  The fire and emotion from Styles on those chair shots holy jumpin’.  I haven’t been a fan of Reigns using the spear for the win but that one he laid on Styles was fierce.  Add the cherry on top Seth Rollins return and we’re set for Money in the Bank.

WORST MATCH:  Not sure what is about Nataliya and Charlotte but their matches just haven’t cut the mustard for me.  Plodding, trying too hard to react/ throw blows, The Williams Sisters-like screaming after each shot, Charlotte’s constant ‘wooing’ [I know all part of her persona to get people to hate her].  There just doesn’t seem to be any real chemistry here.  Natty’s lost twice so hopefully someone else will get their shot. 

MOST DISAPPOINTING MOMENT:  Having to listen to JBL and Byron Saxton back-and-forth for 3 hours blah, blah, blah.  Byron says something stupid, JBL rips on Byron, JBL thinking he’s Dennis Miller name dropping first time Intercontinental and United States Champions and what they’d think.  For heaven’s sake and all that is holy somebody get these two off the mic.  They’re both that guy that blabs at the movies and doesn’t think anybody hears them, and that guy who thinks he can run smack at a sporting event but is so drunk off his ass all that comes out is ‘blah uuuuuugghh gaggle blubba blubba [farts then belches] AAAAAAAHHHHHHH’.  Stop trying to be Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby The Brain/ Jesse Ventura/ Mr. Perfect because you’re not.

BEST MOMENT:  The look on Y2J’s face when The Lunatic Fringe dumped the bag of thumb tacks.  I have a confession to make here: I didn’t watch this event in real time so I had assumed when I checked in on things that the bucket was empty.  Yeah not so much.  I haven’t seen a look of terror to that extent since the Republican right realized people were actually voting for The Donald.  Can you imagine what that conversation must have been like? 
WWE Creative:  Chris what’s going on?
Y2J:  Well it’s about the match
WWE Creative:  Great stuff right?!
Y2J:  Yeah except I’m not so sure about the being tossed onto thumb tacks though.
WWE Creative:  Really?  We thought it’d be quite a shock
Y2J:  It was to me.  And I lose!  Why would I ok this, I have a music and wrestling career.
WWE Creative:  Do this and we’ll toss you in the Money in the Bank match.
Y2J:  Deal.

All that over a potted plant and a cancelled in-show-show.

PARTING SHOTS:
-Welcome back Seth Rollins.  Nothing says thanks for your cards and tweets like a big ‘fuck you all!’ on your first promo.
-Shut the fuck up JBL!!
-Hey we made it through a ppv without Steph or Shane restarting the match.
-Is it time to send out a missing person’s report on the Wyatts?

Angry Rating Scale: 3.  Have a nice day!

~Double M