Chair Shots and Miscarriages of Justice: WWE SummerSlam 2016

CHAIR SHOTS AND MISCARRIAGES OF JUSTICE

WWE SUMMERSLAM 2016

BY: DOUBLE M

Mayhem continues with WWE’s version of the mid-summer classic as history is made as Smackdown Live superstars and RAW superstars fight for in their own brands.... again.  However RAW does have a shiny new red belt appropriately [cough] named…… [pause for dramatic effect]...... The Universal Championship [echo, echo, echo].  So tighten up your speedos and bikinis campers let the beatings begin.

BEST MATCH:  No it’s not Charlotte getting her revenge on The Boss reclaiming her Women’s title.  No it’s not Cena and Styles having at each other like they did at Money in the Bank [thankfully without The Club getting involved].  Balor finishing off his historic run to the Universal Title?  Eh-eh.  It is a match that wasn’t on the card.  A match that rivals Hogan and Andre.  Any brawl between Stone Cold and Bret Hart.  The Rock and Triple H could have only dreamed of making history the way these two did in the most historic arena Madison Square Garden.  I’m talking about Chicken Miz and Colonel Sanders Ziggler.  The battle for supremacy of the chicken market.  The ferocity of Chicken Miz’ opening shot by slapping Col. Ziggler, the speed of Col. Ziggler off the ropes with the big elbow, and the Sweet Chin Clucker super kick that would’ve made HBK proud.  The crowd was electric, the family was horrified and confused, the advertising made the millions…. Aaaaaaaaand millions of fans in the WWE Universe want fried chicken from a certain southern state that I can’t say due to not having an advertising budget.  

WORST MATCH:  The Club vs. The New Day.  At some point I knew the New Day was going to wind up in this section, however it makes it no less disappointing now that the day has come.  The feud with The Club had the makings of something good.  Aaaaaaaannnnnnnd then the creative team had them take out Big E, gave Anderson and Gallows their “PhD” from Whatsamatta U, and in an attempt to add value to the match enter Jon Stewart.  Stewart’s stumbling and rambling works wonders when it comes to politics, but on this night just no.  No.  No.  No.  No.  No.  Stop, get out of the ring, dear god The Club is going to bust his cahonas oh thank goodness Big E is back to save the day.  Try again at Backlash folks.  Make sure everybody brings the aggression and the attitude that made The Club stand out when they came to WWE.

MOST DISAPPOINTING MOMENT:  Wrestling is an exciting spectacle with crazy characters, over the top commentary [yes JBL even you HEY!  Don’t get excited you’re still incredibly annoying].  However as we all know it’s dangerous and people really get hurt.  Sasha Banks clearly messed up her back after an awkward landing from what appears to be a botched maneuver by Charlotte.  Finn Balor busted his shoulder, and what later turned out to be more, after being launched into the barricade by Seth Rollins [who already has Sting and John Cena to his injury credit].  Randy Orton had his head bashed in thanks to Brock Lesnar’s elbows that left Orton out in a small pool of his own blood.   As Bret Hart put it, make it look real without actually killing anybody.  To have the last 2 matches end because of injury is unfortunate and bad work from the creative staff.  Orton and Lesnar aren’t on the same show, and there shouldn’t be a need for round 2 after it.  Roman Reigns’ assault on Rusev added to the storyline, it made sense, it “motivates” Rusev to retaliate and adds to the hate.  The Beast busting Orton’s head open to the point match had to be stopped with nobody coming to Orton’s add [sorry Shane nice try] is no way to a main event.

BEST MOMENT:  WWE has had a few of it’s superstars dance with the devil.  Most notably The Undertaker, Kane, Bray Wyatt and Mideon.  After tonight, well technically RAW the week before but work with me people, The Demon King is added to the list.  When I saw Balor qualify for the title shot I have to admit, while his in ring performance was impressive, I thought he was a bit over the top on the dramatics.  Little did I know what was waiting at Summerslam.  Emerging out of the fog, ominous music in the blackness with an incredible paint job came Finn Balor’s PPV alter-ego The Demon King.  Balor looked, and acted, like a caged demon released from hell, lurking in the corner during introductions, bell rings and off The Demon went on Rollins.  Awesome.

PARTING SHOTS:

-Ziggler is trying to be HBK with basically his entire moveset, is Rusev now doing HHH with spitting water?  Ziggler and Rusev the new BFF OF THE WWE??

-I wonder who raids whose ring attire closet Carmella on Enzo or vice-versa.

-Seriously though best match Cena/ Styles and thank God The Club didn’t interfere.  Great drama, that sequence where they countered each other’s counter was incredible.

-J(ericho) and Silent Owens is an interesting team.  The combination of their two finishers is a great tag-team finisher, and their obsession with each other is…… well never mind.  I wonder if they’ll have matching scarves.  Snoochi-boochies!!

-Props to the mobile big men Brock Lesner and Apollo Crews.  Lesner it’s basically expected from [bust still always crazy to see a Howitzer like him move], but Crews stepped up.  Hopefully there’s a round 2 and Miz actually shows up.

-Then again if I was with Maryse I suppose I’d be short on energy for anything else too.

-I wasn’t too crazy about the Dean Ambrose/ Dolph Ziggler match, they tried, but still was flat.  There is light on the horizon though as perhaps this could bring heal Ziggler out to play, which could make the feud more fun.  Mean time Ambrose mocking Ziggler’s obsession with being HBK was a riot.

-Mick say it ain’t so!!!  A suit????  Really??????

Angry Rating Scale:  Overall this was flat event.  Most of the matches lacked spark, and the crowd was clearly exhausted after the Cena/ Styles match which didn’t help the later matches.  Back-to-back matches ending because of injury didn’t help with that much.  8.

~Double M