WWE Fastlane (March 2017)

Original Airdate: March 5, 2017

From Milwaukee, Wisconsin; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and Corey Graves

Opening Match: Sami Zayn v Samoa Joe: They measure each other for a bit to start, until Joe starts throwing kicks, and he takes Sami down in a kneebar. Zayn gets the ropes and takes Joe down with a headscissors, allowing him to get some licks in over in the corner. Unfortunately for him, Joe quickly turns the tables on that, and an avalanche/enzuigiri combo puts Sami on his ass. He tries a Mexican surfboard, but Sami counters into a lateral press for two, so Joe swipes at him with more kicks. Joe grabs a bow-and-arrow, but Zayn escapes, and manages a clothesline before Joe can kick him again. Blue thunder bomb follows for two, as the announcers act all shocked that he managed to kick out, as if Zayn ever beats anyone with it anyway. Joe shrugs him off with an inverted atomic drop into a big boot and a senton splash for two, and a snap powerslam is worth two. Sami suckers him into an inside cradle for two, but Joe throws an enzuigiri before Zayn can follow-up, and adds a uranage before applying the Coquina Clutch at 9:46. This never really came together, as they just didn't click, and it was little more than an extended squash anyway. * ½

WWE RAW Tag Team Title Match: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson v Enzo & Cass: Anderson starts off with Big Cass, and gets pounded down, so Gallows runs in, but the challengers clean house, and Cass presses Enzo Amore onto them on the outside. The dust settles on Anderson and Amore, but Enzo quickly runs into trouble in the heel corner, and gets pounded down. The match quickly settles into the heat segment as the champs cut the ring in half on Amore, as I spot a hilarious sign in the crowd: "When it Reigns it Bores." Enzo dodges them long enough to get the hot tag to Cass, and he throws fallaway slams like they're going out of style! Bada Boom Shakalaka looks to finish Karl, but Gallows saves, and Roseanne Barr the door, we've got a kettle on! Unfortunately for Enzo, he runs into a boot from Anderson, and we're done at 8:42. Very paint-by-numbers stuff for the most part. * ¼

Sasha Banks v Nia Jax: They should do a mixed tag at WrestleMania with Snoop/Sasha v Rock/Nia. Jax has her way with her to start, beating Banks with ease for an extended period. Sasha keeps bumping around for her, until Nia tries a torture rack, and Banks is able to counter with a guillotine choke! Jax tries to power out, so Sasha shifts to a sleeper, then down into the Bank Statement! Nia tries a Samoan drop to escape, but Sasha blocks, so Jax reroutes with a spinebuster, then adds a legdrop. She grabs Sasha by the hair and shakes her like a ragdoll, but Banks escapes into a bridging rollup for the pin at 8:22. Another boring outing tonight. ½*

Jinder Mahal v Cesaro: Wow, Mahal's only thirty years old? Fucker looks forty five! Jinder takes control by hammering the back, but Cesaro throws a forearm out of the ropes for two, and adds a double-stomp. Gutwrench suplex gets two, and a modified backbreaker is worth two. He tries a superplex, but ends up getting crotched, and Jinder comes at him with a corner dropkick to turn the tide. He adds a short-clothesline for two, and a high knee sets up a seated dropkick for two. He may look forty five, but his execution is crisp. Cesaro manages to reverse a vertical suplex to kick off a comeback effort, and many uppercuts follow. Flying bodypress gets two, but Jinder blocks the giant swing - only to get randomly distracted by Rusev, and eat an uppercut at 8:13. Hated that finish, especially since Rusev didn't factor into the match even one bit before it. *

Rusev v Big Show: Show big boots him down right away, and unloads in the corner until Rusev bails. He stalls out there, so Show chases, and knocks him into the barricade before taking the action back inside. Show continues to work him over, and an inverted DDT is worth two. New look Rusev looks more South American than Bulgarian. He finally manages to fight Show off by clipping the knee, and Rusev works a leglock. Show kind of ignores it and hits a sidewalk slam for two, but Rusev blocks the Chokeslam, and clips the leg again to setup a series of three kneeling superkicks for two. Accolade looks to finish, but Show blocks, and hits a series of three Chokeslams before adding a knockout punch at 8:40. Man, the top matches are all going to have to be blow away great in order to save this thing. ¾*

WWE Cruiserweight Title Match: Neville v Jack Gallagher: At least this should break two-stars. Feeling out process to start, with Jack frustrating and generally annoying Neville at every turn. The champ bails after eating a dropkick during a criss cross, but Jack makes the mistake of following, and eats barricade. Neville with a flying dropkick for two on the way back in, and he absolutely MURDERS Gallagher with a well executed snap suplex. That was pretty awesome. Chinlock, but Jack escapes with a pair of dropkicks to knock Neville to the outside, and he dives after him with a corkscrew tope. Back in, Jack creams him with a nice side superplex for two, but runs into a hotshot, and Neville adds a facebuster. German suplex, but Jack counters with a schoolboy for two, so Neville punishes him with a release German suplex to setup 2^nd rope phoenix splash for two! Poor Jack's super white skin is just being torn apart by the mat here, and it look terrible. Jack tries fighting back with a pair of headbutts for two, but a corner dropkick misses, and Neville is able to throw a superkick. Superplex, but Jack blocks - only to have his own superplex attempt blocked, and Neville to hit the Red Arrow at 12:04. Good match, but the division just isn't connecting. I really wish they'd move the entire division to NXT, since the brand could really use some bodies on the roster, and the Cruiserweights would be a lot more at home with that crowd. *** ¼

Roman Reigns v Braun Strowman: This match immediately continues tonight’s trend of guys whipping each other around the ring by their beards as Strowman abuses Reigns to start. Roman fights back with some rights and manages to send Strowman over the top with a clothesline, and he springboards off the steps with a punch. Back in, Roman unloads a ten-punch, but Strowman powers out, and hits an avalanche to setup a hiptoss. Braun works a nervehold, so Roman tries powering out into a Samoan drop, but Strowman reverses, and adds a splash for two. He works a chinlock next, but Reigns pulls on the beard to escape, so Strowman delivers a reverse chokeslam for two. He dumps Reigns to the outside for a trip through an announce table, but Roman blocks by sending him into the post. Drive-By, so Strowman blocks by sending Reigns into the post himself - only to miss a corner charge on the way back inside. Roman manages the Samoan drop for two, but Braun sidesteps the Superman Punch, and hits a yokosuka cutter for two. Big boot in the corner misses, however, and Strowman bumps over the top. Reigns follows out for the Drive-By, but Strowman counters the Spear by front-powerslamming him through the announce table! Nice subtle bit in the background there, as the announcer dives over the barricade into the crowd to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. Back in, Reigns manages to bust out the Spear, but it only gets two. It takes two Superman's to put Strowman down, but Reigns hits a proverbial brick wall as he tries another Spear, and Braun goes up with a flying splash - only to miss! That allows Reigns the Spear, and we're done at 17:13. Not an all time classic, but a good back-and-forth power match. ** ¾

WWE RAW Women's Title Match: Bayley v Charlotte Flair: Charlotte dominates a feeling out process to start, but Bayley manages to knock her to the outside with a clothesline, and she dives off the apron at her with a flying headscissors. Back in for a flying bodypress for two, but Charlotte blocks the Bayley-to-Belly and bails. Alliteration, motherfuckers! She posts Bayley out there when she follows, then takes the champ in for some abuse via mounted punches. Charlotte continues the punishment with her headscissor facebusters, but a series of chops infuriates Bayley, and Charlotte needs a kneeling neckbreaker to fight her off. Dragon sleeper is applied, but Bayley starts fighting, so the challenger shifts to an inverted DDT for two. That sets up a flying moonsault and a somersault senton splash for two (unfortunately Flair failed to execute it with the grace she sometimes does), and more chops follow. Bayley starts mounting her comeback after barreling out of the corner with a clothesline, and an ugly side suplex is worth two. Bayley with a rana off the top to setup a flying elbowdrop for two, but Charlotte manages to dump her to the outside before the champ can finish her off. Flair with the Natural Selection for two, but she's so shocked at the kickout that Bayley manages a crucifix cradle for two, and she blocks the Figure Eight. They spill to the outside again, where Charlotte slams her off the apron, so Sasha Banks runs out - allowing the champ to hit the Bayley-to-Belly on the floor! Back in, she goes for the kill, but Charlotte is ready with an inside cradle for two - only for Sasha to get involved again, and the Bayley-to-Belly to finish at 16:55. I knew they were building to Bayley ending Charlotte's pay per view streak, but why waste that on this nothing show when WrestleMania is less than a month away? It's not like Charlotte's contract is running out, and she's going to show up on Nitro, or something. Not to mention that she couldn't even get the job done by herself? She's a babyface! Couldn't they have at least booked Dana to interfere constantly, with Sasha having to even the score? Because, as it is, it's like Charlotte had her beat, and got robbed! * ¾

Main Event: WWE Universal Title Match: Kevin Owens v Goldberg: Barely a match, as Owens stalls on the floor to prevent the opening bell from sounding, before finally getting in, hearing Chris Jericho's music to get distracted, and eating the Spear/Jackhammer at 0:22. Yep, that's it. After a six month title reign, we get three minutes of stalling and a twenty second match. –¼*

BUExperience: Could anyone like this show?

DUD