WWE The Great American Bash (July 2006)

Original Airdate: July 23, 2006

From Indianapolis, Indiana; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield

Opening WWE Tag Team Title Match: Paul London and Brian Kendrick v The Pitbulls: The champs look like a Techno Team 2000 tribute act tonight. London starts with Kid Kash, and they feel each other out. Over to Kendrick with a flying bodypress for two, and he works a wristlock, but Kash headbutts free, and tags Jamie Noble in. The champs quickly take control with quick tags, and they do a Rockers impression as they clean house. Well, at least that's a less embarrassing team to copy. Unfortunately, Brian runs into a double team while trying something off the top, and the Pitbulls cut the ring in half on him. Noble misses a straddling ropechoke to allow the tag to London, but he gets overwhelmed in a double team, and hit with a nasty dropkick while trying a skin-the-cat spot. Brutal! The challengers cut the ring in half on him, but Paul manages to fight off a double team, and get the tag to Brian - Roseanne Barr the door. Finish comes as Kendrick hits Kash with a flying sunset flip, aided by London with a dropkick at 13:30. A little long, but a fine opener, with a good finish. ** ¼

WWE United States Title Match: Finlay v William Regal: This is scheduled as Finlay defending against Bobby Lashley, but since he can't compete, General Manager Theodore Long subs in Finlay's pal Regal instead. They're not eager to fight, but Finlay strikes first with a schoolboy for two, and they spill to the outside on a lockup battle, then hold it all the way back inside again. Don't think I've ever seen that before, and for good reason. Regal takes him down in a toehold, but Finlay powers out, so William dumps him over the top, and follows out for an uppercut. That summons the Little Bastard out from underneath the ring to abuse Regal with the whappin' stick, and Finlay is able to hit a short-clothesline for two. Slugfest goes Finlay's way with another schoolboy for two, but a charge in the corner ends badly, and Regal hits a butterfly suplex for two. Unfortunately, the Bastard rears his ugly head again, and Finlay is able to take over. Finlay with a seated senton splash before grounding his challenger in a chinlock, but Regal escapes, and puts the boots to him. Regal with an uppercut and a dropkick for two, and an exploder suplex sets up a kneedrop for two. Regal stupidly takes it to the outside again, however, and ends up getting crotched on the ring apron somehow (don't think I've ever seen that before, either), losing his boot along the way. Back in, the Bastard passes Finlay said boot, and he bashes Regal with it to retain at 13:51. I didn't care for this one, as it veered between a wrestling battle and a comedy match too wildly for my tastes. This was like a liberal arts degree undergrad. It couldn't decide what it wanted to be, and ended up being nothing. ¾*

Gregory Helms v Matt Hardy: Helms is the WWE Cruiserweight Champion here, but this is non-title. Matt is dressed like a cross between a Hardy Boy and a Dudley Boy here. Feeling out process to start, until Matt dumps him to the outside, and follows with a plancha that gets a one count on the way back in. Hardy adds a schoolboy for two, so Helms snaps his throat across the top rope, and hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. A standard neckbreaker also gets two, so Gregory grounds him in a front-facelock. Hardy escapes with a stunner, but runs into a clothesline before he can follow-up, and Helms works a cobra clutch. Matt escapes that as well, so Helms tries a 2^nd rope flying axehandle, but runs into a gut-punch and a Russian legsweep for two. Side Effect, but Helms counters into a cradle for two, then gives Matt a swinging neckbreaker off the top rope! It takes him a while to crawl over for the cover, however, and by then it's only worth a measly two count. Gregory is none too pleased about that, and pounds Matt down before walking into a Side Effect for two. Bulldog gets two, and a reversal sequence ends in Helms hitting another neckbreaker for two. Shining wizard gets two, so Helms tries a superplex, but Hardy counters with a flying moonsault press for two. Crowds always love that spot - guys should use it more. Matt with a 2^nd rope flying elbowsmash for two, but a ten-punch is countered with a hotshot, and Gregory quickly schoolboys him at 11:55. ** ¾

Punjabi Prison Match: Big Show v Undertaker: Show is ECW Champion here, but this is non-title, as he's actually another Teddy Long last minute replacement for Great Khali. The idea here is that there are two cage structures surrounding the ring (both made of bamboo), one like a standard cage, and one like a topless Hell in a Cell. The object is to escape both structures to win. Unfortunately for everyone in the arena, the sheer amount of bars makes it almost impossible to see what's going on inside of the ring. But then, all things considered, that might be something of a blessing in disguise. Show attacks right away, and beats Undertaker down in the corner, and I have no idea how anyone in the arena has an chance of making out what's going on here unless they watch on the big screen. Show works him over in slow, dull fashion, but he misses a charge, and Undertaker clips the knee to take him down. Undertaker then proceeds to work Show over in slightly less slow (but equally dull) fashion, but he fails to escape the first cage, and Show chokes him out with a strap of bamboo on the top rope. Back down to the mat, Show hits a clothesline and an elbowdrop, as the plod fest continues. Chokeslam, but Undertaker counters with what might have been a DDT, but it was hard to make out since the geniuses shot it from the hard camera angle. Doesn't matter anyway, as Show quickly takes over using a bamboo strap to whip Undertaker with, all in slow motion. This match is so boring that I don't even feel like making fun of it. Feels like it would be cruel to. Show finally goes for an escape (again in suuuupppeeerr sllloooowww mooootttiiooonn), but Undertaker kicks him in the balls to block, so Show Chokeslams him. Show uses an exposed turnbuckle to draw blood, but no one cares. By 'no one,' I mean me. And all other humans watching this match. And probably some animals as well. That probably didn't need any extra explanation, but if I'm not typing, I'll probably fall asleep and miss the exciting conclusion. And good thing I didn't stop typing, as we get the first high spot of the match, as Undertaker delivers a vertical superplex, then escapes the interior cage. He starts climbing the exterior cage, but Show escapes the interior one as well, and follows him out to stop it. Show puts him through a table out there, then puts him back into the interior cell, just as the referee padlocks the door shut. And, per the match rules, since all four doors to the interior cell have been opened once, they cannot go over again. That builds suspense as Show starts climbing the exterior structure, and Undertaker is forced to climb out of the interior structure to stop him. Which is great in theory, but Show's super slow climbing sort of kill the suspense. Undertaker manages to swing in on a vine to knock Show off the exterior cell, and he puts him through a table with a rocker dropper to bust Show open as well. Undertaker then climbs up onto the interior structure to hit a flying bodypress, but the force ends up sending both men crashing through the exterior cell - Undertaker landing first for the win at 21:28. This was a total mess in every sense. You'd think this would easily fall into the 'so bad it's good' category, but it even managed to fuck that up, and it's just plain bad. -***

Bra and Panties Match: Michelle McCool v Ashley Massaro v Jillian Hall v Kristal Marshall: Do you really need play by play for this? This one loses a shirt, that one lose a skirt, Ashley wins at 5:18. And a good time was had by all. DUD

Batista v Mr. Kennedy: Batista attacks during the entrances, and whips Kennedy around until he bails. Batista follows for a smash into the barricade, then into the steps before bringing things back inside - Kennedy already a bloody mess mere moments into this one. Batista bootchokes him ahead of hitting a corner clothesline, so Kennedy bails a second time. He tries to psyche Batista out from the floor, but eats a spear for his efforts, so he goes to the eyes to get some traction. That's enough to turn the tide, and Kennedy puts the boots to him on the way back in. Short-clothesline and some mounted punches daze Batista, and they spill to the outside for a whip into the barricade. In, Kennedy works an overhead wristlock, but Batista powers free, and hammers him in the corner. He sends Kennedy shoulder-first into the post a few times before bootchoking him, but he fails to break at the five count, and the referee actually disqualifies him over it at 8:38, like it's a house show in 1989, or something. *

Main Event: World Heavyweight Title Match: Rey Mysterio v King Booker: Booker uses his size advantage to push the champ around in the early going, but Rey sticks and moves his way to a snapmare to setup a legdrop for two. Booker responds with a crisp bodyslam and an even crisper clothesline, however, and he grounds the champ in an armbar. Rey escapes with a nicely executed snapmare to setup a seated dropkick for two, and a headscissors puts Booker in the corner. Rey sends him to the outside for a flying seated senton, and he rolls his challenger in for a springboard splash for two. Springboard moonsault press follows, but Booker dodges, and superkicks him for two. He adds a pair of short-clotheslines for two, then a savate kick for two, before grounding Mysterio in an overhead wristlock. The overuse of replays is really annoying here. Like, clotheslines don't need replays, guys. Booker trolls him with a three-alarm rolling vertical suplex for two, and I'm getting a real quality Sherri vibe from Sharmell tonight. Rey dodges the axe kick to setup the 619, but Booker ducks, so Mysterio reroutes with a roundhouse kick for two. Dropkick sets up the 619 again, but this time Sharmell trips him up to prevent it, and the referee bounces her. Rey tries the wheelbarrow bulldog, but Booker nicely counters into a side suplex for two - only to miss a 2^nd rope move, and take a dropkick to the knee from the champion. A sloppy rana follows, and a springboard twisting bodypress gets two. Tornado DDT is worth two, but Booker blocks a headscissors by launching Rey into the referee. Mysterio manages to keep control anyway with a springboard seated senton to setup the 619, and a flying frogsplash hits, but there's no referee to count. Smell it coming? As Rey tries to revive him, he runs into the Book End, and Booker grabs a chair to finish him off. He ends up getting it dropkicked back into his own face, but before Rey can finish him off, Chavo Guerrero shows up and turns of the champ with the chair! A confused Booker covers, and the dazed referee counts a dramatic three at 16:48. Match of the night, but unfortunately not enough to save this show. *** ¼   

BUExperience: Does anything about this sound like something you’d like to viddy with your eyeballs?

DUD