WWE One Night Stand (June 2008)

Original Airdate: June 1, 2008

From San Diego, California; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler (RAW); Michael Cole and Mick Foley (Smackdown); Mike Adamle and Tazz (ECW)

Opening Falls Count Anywhere Match: Jeff Hardy v Umaga: Hardy tries charging at the bell, but runs into an elbow, and Umaga corner whips his ass. Again, but Jeff counters with the Whisper in the Wind for two, then dives with a 2^nd rope flying bodypress, but Umaga catches him in a swinging scrapbuster for two. He tries a charge of his own, but Jeff ducks him, and Umaga goes out over the top. Hardy dives after him with a plancha for two, but gets thrown into the barricade, then out into the crowd. There's a whole section of reserved seats sitting empty, so Umaga slams a bunch of the chairs onto Jeff, and hits a big boot for two. Minus the boot, of course. That may be one of the few times where Tony Schiavone’s tendency to call the move the 'big foot' is preferable. Umaga tries the Wrecking Ball against a piece of the entrance set, but Hardy dodges, and sprays him in the face with a fire extinguisher. They brawl backstage, where a blinded Umaga misses a swing with a chair, allowing Hardy to pull off an awesome spot where he slides down the handrail of some stairs like some cool middle schooler, right into a flying bodypress for two. The kid in me is marking out over that one. They fight up the steps to the mezzanine area of the arena, where Umaga throws Jeff into a trashcan for two. They end up brawling right out of the loading dock door, where Umaga throws Jeff into a forklift for two. OSHA would be flipping out right now. He rams Hardy into the side of a production truck, and man, whoever was in charge of parking those trucks is clearly OCD. I've never seen that many eighteen wheelers so perfectly lined up. It's a thing of beauty, really. Hardy tries climbing onto one of the trucks, but Umaga is hot on his heels, so Jeff kicks him loose. That leaves Umaga down on an unseen crash pad, and Jeff dives after him with the Swanton at 9:06. This was quite fun, with some innovative stuff. Hardcore matches in small doses are cool. * ½

#1 Contender's Singapore Cane Match: John Morrison v CM Punk v Chavo Guerrero v Big Show v Tommy Dreamer: Winner gets an ECW title shot at Night of Champions. There are canes hanging from poles on each of the four corners here. Everyone tries ganging up on Show, but he fights them all off with ease. He misses an elbowdrop on Dreamer, allowing Morrison to shine his wizard. Tommy adds  DDT to set up a flying frogsplash from Chavo, and everyone grabs a cane to take turns whacking Show with. They send him over the top before all turning on each other, where Punk sends Chavo into the announce table with a catapult. Back in, Punk snap powerslams Guerrero for two, but John and Tommy break up the party with canes, and Dreamer suplexes Morrison. He tries a death valley driver on Punk, but gets countered to the GTS - Tommy able to counter back to a Boston crab. Morrison breaks it up with a cane, but an attempt to superplex Chavo is countered with a gourdbuster, so Punk superplexes Chavo instead, right onto everyone else. Except Show, who is down on the outside with a nasty raspberry. Looks like that one may have been hardway. Show is pissed, and grabs a cane from a trashcan filled with them at ringside (what's the point of the poles then?), teeing off on anything that moves. Dreamer is the last man standing, so Show decides to recreate Tommy's big angle from 1994 with the cane, and this time Dreamer doesn't keep coming like he did then, instead simply getting pinned with one foot across his chest at 8:56. Just a brawl, but entertaining enough. *

First Blood Match: John Cena v John Bradshaw Layfield: They each undo a top turnbuckle pad before the bell, a la Bret and Diesel at Survivor Series '95. Bradshaw wins the initial slugfest, but Cena dodges a big boot, and clotheslines him down for some mounted punches. JBL does his best to cover up, and manages to toss Cena over the top, where Bradshaw follows with an elbowdrop on the floor. Back in, Bradshaw tries a turnbuckle smash into the exposed steel, but Cena manages to block, so Layfield backelbows him instead. Pair of big boots knock Cena out of the ring, and Bradshaw drags him over the aisle (where the barricades are steel mesh) for some grating. No blood, so Bradshaw tries simply punching, but that fires Cena up, and he responds in kind. He controls a slugfest, so Bradshaw throws a kick to the head to shake him off, then grabs a chair - only to miss a shot against the post. He cuts Cena off by whacking him with a microphone, and they head back in, where JBL beats on him with the microphone. You don't see that everyday. Cena gets a second wind and starts mounting a comeback for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Bradshaw holds the ropes to block the FU, and snaps John's throat across the top rope to send both guys to the outside again. Not sure what purpose the FU would really serve anyway. Bradshaw tosses him into the post out there, but still no blood is drawn, so he tries a DDT on the steps, but Cena manages to block. That allows him to grab the microphone to bash JBL with, and he tries grating his face on the steps, but no red stuff. Back in, Cena uses a chair to try and draw blood, but Bradshaw blocks, and sends him into the exposed turnbuckle! No juice, so Bradshaw tries punching, but Cena ducks, and bulldogs him onto the chair. Bradshaw finds a chain, and buys time by bashing Cena in the gut with it, but gets dropped with the FU as he goes in for the kill with the weapon. John staggers up, but Bradshaw bashes him with a big boot before he can follow up, leaving Cena tied in the ropes. That allows Bradshaw to bring a bullwhip in, but before he can use it, Cena knees him in the balls, and chokes him down with the chain until blood pours out of Layfield's big mouth at 14:18. I'm not sure that was quite the way they were hoping that finish would play. I think it was supposed to be Cena wrapping the chain around his mouth to draw blood, but instead he basically choked him with it for all of two seconds before Bradshaw is suddenly pouring blood from his mouth. Maybe he bit down on the capsule too early? This was okay, and nothing more, really. **

I Quit Match: Beth Phoenix v Melina: Beth bullies her into the ropes at the bell, but Melina is feisty, and dives onto her with a guillotine choke. Beth powers to a vertical base, so Melina tries a bodypress, but gets caught in a backbreaker. Another backbreaker is held into a submission, but Melina escapes with a few weak knee strikes, and delivers a facebuster. She adds a sloppy muta-lock (that looks like it's more taxing on her than on Beth), but Phoenix makes the ropes, and they spill out of the ring. Given the execution of the hold, Beth should have just stayed in it until Melina passed out from hanging upside-down for too long. Beth dominates her on the way back in, and gets an overhead backbreaker on, but Melina starts to throw strikes, so Beth turns it into a dominator. Beth with a few matslams, but Melina won't quit, so Phoenix tries a wheelbarrow facebuster, but Melina counters the momentum into the middle turnbuckle. She goes after the arm in the corner, and drops Beth with a single-arm DDT, then down into a fujiwara armbar. Beth starts to power free, so Melina shifts to a cross-armbreaker instead, but Phoenix muscles to a vertical base, and uses a powerbomb to free herself. Wheelbarrow facebuster leads to a rocking chair, and she really wrenches it on to force the submission at 9:07. Man, lucky Melina is flexible. I didn't love this, but it was focused, and got its point across. *

Stretcher Match: Batista v Shawn Michaels: Shawn comes hard at the bell, but Batista throws him off with each try, and clotheslines HBK over the top. He follows out to drop Shawn face-first across the stretcher, but a whip into the steps gets reversed, and Shawn sends him into the post for good measure. Leg-feed enzuigiri leaves Batista loopy, allowing Shawn to charge him with the stretcher a few times, and he manages to get the Animal onto it before Batista fights him off. Batista Bomb on the floor, so Shawn counters with a guillotine choke, and man, the top of Batista's head is wrinkly as fuck. Like one of those ugly cats. He chokes Batista down onto the stretcher and starts pushing, but gets fought off before he can really get going. Shawn stays on him with a whip into the post, but Batista reverses, and he drops Michaels into the apron with a spinebuster - then does it again into the barricade. Ouch! Back in, Batista sends HBK spiraling with a clothesline, and a corner whip sets up a corner clothesline. Running powerslam connects, but Shawn sidesteps a spear, and Batista crashes into the post. That allows Michaels to mount the usual comeback, but Batista counters the Superkick with another clothesline. Shawn's selling has been really top notch throughout here. Batista tries a powerbomb over the top, but Shawn counters with a Superkick, knocking the Animal out of the ring and onto the stretcher. He starts dragging him, but limp Batista's hand is still stiff enough to grip the apron, and he falls off the stretcher as Shawn pulls. Shawn tries getting him back on, but the reprieve has allowed Batista to recover some, and he fights HBK off. Michaels responds by ramming him with the stretcher, sandwiching Batista between it and the ring, and grinding it into his balls. Well, damn. Batista manages to use the stretcher as a seesaw to crack Michaels in the jaw, and they had in, where Batista puts him down with a spear. Batista Bomb follows, and the Animal drags Shawn's limp body out onto the stretcher, when suddenly Chris Jericho shows up to shout words of encouragement at HBK. That only seems to anger Batista though, and he decides to take Shawn in for more punishment instead of rolling him past the finish line. Shawn lamely tries to defend himself with a Superkick, but he's so battered, that it barely grazes Batista's chest. Batista then makes sure to tell Michaels "I don't love you, and I'm NOT sorry" before delivering another Batista Bomb, and rolling Michaels onto the stretcher. He nearly crosses the finish line when Jericho shows up again to block his path, and try to get Michaels back in the game. Shawn falls off the stretcher in the process, but now Batista is even more upset, and decides to drop him across the steps with a spinebuster, and that's enough at 16:55. This was well booked, and intense, even if not an especially great match. ** ¼

WWE Title Last Man Standing Match: Triple H v Randy Orton: It doesn't matter how many times you see it, HHH with that stupid spinner belt just looks plain wrong. Orton dumps him to the outside right away for a whip into the steps, but Hunter reverses. That poor ring has barely seen any action tonight. HHH beats him all the way around ringside before taking things back in, where the Game puts the boots to his challenger in the corner, then throws him through the buckles and into the post a couple of times. HHH with a kneedrop, but Orton reverses a whip into the ropes, and throws a dropkick. Both guys beat the count up, and Randy tries charging, but Hunter sidesteps him, and sends the challenger over the top. HHH follows to smash him into the steps out there, but Randy blocks a Pedigree on an announce table, and delivers an elevated DDT off of it on the floor. HHH beats the count, so Orton pulls up the floor mats for an RKO on the concrete, only for HHH to shove him into the post to block. Back in, Orton manages to grab control with a Garvin stomp, and he adds a kneedrop. Randy brings the steps in while Hunter picks himself up, ready to bash the champ with the moment he beats the count. HHH beats that count too, so Orton brings some cable in, and starts choking away. He holds onto that until Hunter is down and limp, but HHH beats the count again anyway, so Randy tries the RKO - only to get tossed over the top as he tries it! He takes a nasty spill on that one, and legitimately breaks his collarbone in the process, which ended up putting him out of action until November. Instead of just staying down and taking the count, Randy wants to do the finish though, and he takes a shot with a sledgehammer to end it at 13:15. Honestly, 'dude legit breaks his collarbone' is a much more believable finish than 'dude gets hit in the head with a sledgehammer and doesn't die.' They really could have (and should have) left it there. I was bored with this one, and even at thirteen minutes it felt like it went on forever. DUD

Main Event: World Heavyweight Title Tables, Ladders, and Chairs Match: Undertaker v Edge: This is for the vacant title, and if Undertaker loses he's out of the WWE. 'Taker abuses him in the corner to start, and hits the ropewalk forearm, followed by a big boot. That's enough to allow him to head out for a ladder, but Edge nails him with a baseball slide out there before he can come back in. Edge stacks up a pair of tables, but that allows Undertaker to recover, and Edge gets whacked with a ladder before he can do anything with his personal tower of doom. That's so much better than when guys make giant stacks, and then just walk away from them until someone randomly falls through it later, like you see in a lot of other TLC matches. Undertaker stacks another pair of tables beside the first two, but Edge sends him into the steps to disrupt whatever he was going for, and he heads in to climb for the belt. Really, what's even the point of two stacked tables parallel to the first two? How much more damage is that honestly going to do? The return on investment there is way too small to justify the time from a kayfabe perspective. Undertaker manages to yank him down and tries a snake-eyes across a ladder, but Edge shoves him into it. Okay, so now the ladder is still planked across the top turnbuckle from that, but instead of simply using it, Edge decides to go to the outside, drag a second ladder in, and set it up in the exact same position in another corner. Why?! For what reason? Whatever you're planning on doing with it, DO IT WITH THE LADDER THAT'S ALREADY SET UP IN THE EXACT SAME WAY! Why give your opponent valuable recovery time? Shit like that drives me nuts, and is a great example of how this generation of guys never really picked up the basic psychological stuff that the previous generation mastered. And maybe I can understand Edge, but Undertaker was from that generation, so what's his excuse? And they go right into another pet peeve of mine, as now 'Taker wants to climb, and grabs a third ladder, which is clearly too short to reach the belt. Pretty much every ladder match since the turn of the century has required a supersized ladder to actually reach the belt. Never mind that they still waste time putting the short ladders out there to begin with, but shouldn't two experienced, world title caliber wrestlers know that by now? So, Undertaker climbs, and even if he was standing on the very tip, there's no way he's getting that belt. Not that is matters, as Edge tips the ladder over, sending Undertaker crashing into the ladder that's planked in the corner, while Edge bumps into the one planked in the opposite corner. Undertaker uses a snake-eyes across a ladder, then corner big boots the ladder into Edge's face to knock the Rated-R Superstar to the outside. 'Taker follows to abuse him with a chair out there, but Edge uses a chair to block the guillotine legdrop - whacking Undertaker right in the knee with it. Edge clips the leg with the chair as Undertaker picks himself up, and he planks a ladder between the apron and the barricade. Undertaker fights him off before he can do anything with that, so Edge whacks him with a chair instead, then wastes more time moving furniture around, when he's already got the four stacked tables, and the planked ladder all ready to go. He puts Undertaker on a table, then dives off an announce table with a flying splash to put him through it. He heads in with a small ladder to try and climb, but Undertaker tips him over. Why bother? He ain't getting it with that ladder anyway. Just grab some popcorn and watch his skinny ass struggle. Edge with a spear to put Undertaker back down, and he wedges 'Taker's leg in a ladder, then beats on that with a chair. He finally brings a supersized ladder into play, but 'Taker is coming back to life again, so Edge tees off with a chair to make him a little more docile. He goes for the kill shot, but Undertaker punches him in the dick to block, then chokeslams him off of the apron, and through the planked ladder from earlier. Undertaker climbs, but Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder run in to stop him from getting the belt. They beat the Dead Man down, then place him on the bottom bunk of a table bunk bed. They try to put him through it, and ha, the table is sagging under 'Taker's ass, near the breaking point. That's hilarious! No matter, he pops up and chokeslams them each through a table, but now Edge has recovered, and he spears Undertaker off of the apron. More annoying shit, as Edge has a free and clear path to the title, but instead of climbing, first he needs to take time to stack a pair of tables up in the corner. You know, despite the fact that Undertaker is down on the floor, and he has a clear ring. And so he climbs, but lo and behold, here's Undertaker to powerbomb him off the ladder, and through those same two tables he just stacked up. You're not alone, I'm in complete shock too. So now 'Taker climbs, but here comes Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely to stop him. Undertaker fights them off, and then makes another climb, despite the fact that the ladder is very clearly and obviously way off center. And then we find out the super obvious reason why, as Edge tips him over, and the off center ladder allows Undertaker to fall right through the stacked tables on the floor from earlier. They're working so hard here, but all the contrived shit is just killing this for me. And now, Edge finally just climbs up and gets the belt at 23:21, without having to stop and pee first, or whatever other bullshit diversions they can come up with. This was every annoying cliché I hate packed into one match... but it wasn't a bad match. It was a huge waste of hard work though, as the spots felt really forced and obvious. Compare this to the brawl I just covered between Shawn Michaels and Diesel from In Your House, and how organically all the spots and weapons came into play in that one, and watching this just feels so... phony. * ½

BUExperience: Don’t waste your time. There’s some decent stuff, but nothing notably good, and the main event is basically an exercise in insulting the intelligence of the viewer for 25 minutes.

DUD