WWF Monday Night RAW (May 13, 1996)

Original Airdate: May 13, 1996 (taped April 29)  

From Sioux City, Iowa; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler

Zip v Ahmed Johnson: Those tag belts look absolutely massive on the Bodydonnas. Sunny tries to flirt with Johnson before the match, but Ahmed shoos her away by noting that his mother taught him to "take out the trash, not bring it in." Ouch. I mean, fair enough. But still, ouch. Zip grabs a headlock at the bell, but Ahmed easily powers out, so Zip goes to a hammerlock, but Johnson powers out of that as well. Ahmed starts throwing clotheslines, so Sunny starts shaking it in his face again, allowing Skip to switch off with Zip. The referee looking him directly in the face but not noticing that it's a different guy is a new low for officiating. Skip manages to pound Ahmed down, which makes you wonder why Sunny didn't simply sign Skip to the match to begin with, since he's clearly better at handling the big Johnson than Zip is. Ahmed escapes from a reverse chinlock with an electric chair, and he backdrops Skip over the top, allowing Zip to switch back. Unfortunately, NOW the referee does notice, and makes them switch back. I guess he was paying about as much attention to Bodydonna bookings as everyone else in 1996. So Skip comes back in, but Ahmed hits him with a spinebuster, then finishes with the Pearl River Plunge at 3:05. Not much to this one, with the added bonus of making the tag champions look like complete jobbers to boot. I mean, last week they're having competitive matches with Tekno Team 2000, and this week they're jobbing in an effective Handicap match, and we're supposed to take them seriously as the top team in the world? ¼*

Warrior University promo. Oh man, where do you start with this stuff? He notes that the school has the 'WWF seal of approval,' which I'm sure the Federation's lawyers appreciated later

Vader v Duke Droese: Jim Cornette sits in with the commentary team, since apparently Droese is such a threat that Jim doesn't even feel the need to manage. Vader tees off on him in the corner to start, but Duke kicks him hard in the gut as they criss cross, and he manages a clothesline. Another one sends them both over the top, but Vader reverses a whip into the steps out there, and he hits a clothesline of his own as they head back in. Vader adds a splash, and he goes to work in the corner again, then drops Droese with a short-clothesline. He goes to a chinlock next, which is like, what? Why is Vader chinlocking this clown? Just hit the Vaderbomb already. The tag champs were jobbing to one man in under three minutes, but Duke the Dumpster gets to go back-and-forth with Vader? Droese uses a stunner to escape, and he starts making a comeback, using clotheslines and a dropkick. Headbutt to the groin leads to a flying splash, but Vader dodges, and a slam sets up the Vaderbomb at 6:37. This was much longer than it needed to be. ½*

Vince brings Undertaker and Paul Bearer (along with their golden casket) out to talk Goldust, but before Undertaker can tell us just how he plans to contend with Goldust's 'bizarreness' here comes the Intercontinental champion himself. Goldust notes that he likes Undertaker because Undertaker is so 'dark, clammy, and stiff.' Also, his scent is driving Goldust crazy. Undertaker doesn't particularly react to any of this, but when Goldust tries to hold hands with him, that's crossing a line, and Undertaker attacks - only for Mankind to run out and put the Dead Man in the Mandible Claw! With Undertaker down and paralyzed, Goldust decides to mount and fondle him, getting as far as teasing a blowjob before 'Taker suddenly sits up - sending Goldust running for the hills

Justin Bradshaw v Aldo Montoya: Aldo sticks and moves at the bell, but gets caught, and matslammed. Aldo fires back with a dropkick, but Bradshaw catches him as he tries a bodypress, and delivers a bodyslam - as Uncle Zebekiah sings his praises on commentary. Bradshaw with a gutwrench powerbomb and another bodyslam to set up a senton splash, and he traps Montoya in a bearhug. Suplex-slam sets up an elbowdrop, but the crowd isn't reacting to anything out of him. Avalanche misses, allowing Aldo to make a comeback, but the crowd sits on their hands for that as well. Montoya manages a missile dropkick, but Bradshaw fights him off with a big boot, and polishes him off with a lariat at 3:47. This felt like it went on forever. ¼*

We get highlights of a WWF show in Kuwait, culminating with Shawn Michaels flirting with some girls on the beach, before Davey Boy Smith jumps him from behind, and quite nearly drowns him in the water. I wonder if they booked this because they knew Bulldog had experience working on sand in flip-flops?

Shawn Michaels v Hunter Hearst Helmsley: Shawn's WWF Title is not up for grabs here, and this marks the historic first televised meeting between these two. Feeling out process to start, with Helmsley dominating. Criss cross leads to a reversal sequence dominated by Michaels, and he hits a hiptoss before clotheslining Hunter over the top. Shawn follows him out, causing Lawler to quickly stand guard of Helmsley's valet, but Shawn flirts with her anyway. Probably not the best behavior for him right now, all things considered. Shawn works a headlock on the way back in, but misses a stinger splash, and ends up getting dumped to the floor. Helmsley adds a baseball slide as Mr. Perfect shows up to observe in the aisle, and HHH manages to drop Michaels across the guardrail out there as well. Back in, HHH drops a knee for two, and a high knee is worth two. He grounds Michaels in a chinlock, but Shawn escapes to the apron, so HHH tries to side suplex him back in, only for Shawn to topple him for two. Michaels with a backslide for two, so HHH cuts him off with a clothesline, and pounds him down in the corner. Cross corner whip leads to a swinging neckbreaker for two, and he puts Shawn in a chinlock, wearing him down into a pinning predicament for a few two counts. Michaels fights free, but HHH reverses a cross corner whip to set up the Pedigree, only for Shawn to counter with a catapult into the corner. Michaels starts mounting a comeback, and delivers a flying elbowdrop for two. Backdrop, but HHH counters with a powerbomb, only for Michaels to counter with a rana into a cradle - reversed by Helmsley for two. Pedigree, but Shawn counters with a backdrop, and he hits the Superkick at 15:56. Good action here, with Shawn doing his usual brilliant selling, and HHH hanging with the big dog here. ** ¾

Backstage, Jim Ross catches up with Davey Boy Smith, who notes that he won't wait for In Your House. If Shawn Michaels is anywhere in his vicinity before then, he's going after him. Um, he does realize that the guy is only a few feet away, celebrating in the ring right now, doesn't he?

BUExperience: Another fairly weak episode, though the main event was good, and the Michaels/Bulldog angle continues to be a lot better than I remember it being.

Monday Night Wars Rating Chart

	5/13/96
Show	RAW	Nitro
Rating	3.5	2.3
Total Wins	16	14
Win Streak	6
Better Show (as of 5/6)	8	20