WWE Hell in a Cell (September 2018)

Original Airdate: September 16, 2018

From San Antonio, Texas; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Renee Young (RAW), Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton (Smackdown) with Corey Graves sitting in with both teams

Opening Hell in a Cell Match: Jeff Hardy v Randy Orton: So... the cell is red now. I don't hate it, but talk about a change that absolutely no one was asking for. Orton dominates him at the bell, and quickly sends him crashing into the cell from the apron. Randy hops out to ram Jeff into the cell again, but Hardy reverses, and sends Orton into the post and apron a few times for good measure. Jeff pulls a table out from underneath the ring, but Orton clotheslines him before he can do anything with it, and they do a phony looking spot where Randy stands around holding the table for an hour until Jeff can get around to baseball sliding it into him. I'm cool with the red cell, but that kind of stuff I absolutely hate. Jeff finds a ladder next, but Orton knocks it away from him with a chair, as this thing is escalating quickly. Like, we're three minutes in, and they've already brought three kinds of weapons into play. Orton tries an RKO on a chair, but Jeff shoves him into the cell to block, and springboards off the chair with a leg lariat against the steel. Inside, Jeff hits a leg-feed corkscrew kick for two, but a trip to the top rope ends badly when Randy vertical superplexes him down for two. Hardy fires back with the Whisper in the Wind for two, buying him time to grab another ladder, which he stands up upside-down out on the floor. He tries to suplex Randy onto the inverted ladder, but Orton counters by dropping him front-first across it. Just when you think you've seen every possible ladder spot in the world, they go and hit you with something unique like that. Jeff always was an innovator and bump machine, and it's actually kind of amazing that he's still as active as he is after such a long career. Orton grabs a chair and starts unloading, then makes a Jeff sandwich using a ladder, stomping on him a few times for two. Chinlock, but Jeff fights free, and hits an inverted atomic drop to set up a legdrop to the groin, followed by a seated dropkick for two. Orton fires back with a powerslam for two, then decides to go out to grab a screwdriver so he can get serious. He decides to go after Jeff's hoop earlobe with it, and does some nasty stuff that I really didn't need a close-up of on a Sunday morning. Jeff is crazy. Hardy fights him off and returns fire with a chair for two, and man, Orton really stretched his earlobe into a disgusting knot there. Jeff goes up, but Randy knocks him off before he can dive, and hits the rope-hung DDT. RKO, but Jeff counters to the Twist of Fate, and he covers Orton over with a chair ahead of the Swanton Bomb for two! Orton's bleeding all over the place at this point - from his back, his leg, all hardway. Hardy sets up two ladders side-by-side (one taller than the other), then positions a table beside that, and puts Randy on the table following another Twist. Jeff climbs to the top of the taller ladder, but instead of diving, he decides to reach up and grab the top of the cell to try a dive off that, but Orton moves, and Jeff goes through a table. That allows Randy to hook the leg, and Jeff is done at 24:52. These two have a certain chemistry, and there were some unique and interesting spots here, but it dragged a lot at twenty five minutes long. ** ½

WWE Smackdown Women's Title Match: Charlotte Flair v Becky Lynch: Lots of time between bells here, like a good fifteen minutes. Thank God the Network is great at letting you fast forward without too many issues. Becky takes her right down in a front-facelock, but Charlotte reverses, and they trade off on the mat for a bit. Charlotte tries the Figure Four at the end of an exchange, but Becky very nearly counters to the Dis-Arm-Her (worst finisher name ever) before Flair is able to fight her off. They end up going at it in the corner, but Flair misses a charge, and gets dumped to the outside. Lynch dives off the apron at her, and quickly rolls the champ in to cover for two. Becky goes back to the arm, but a corner whip sees Flair flip to the apron, and dive in with a slingshot schoolgirl for two. Lynch grounds her in an overhead wristlock, then into a bridging hammerlock, and it's a testament to how well conditioned they are that they're barely even sweating six minutes into an intense back-and-forth match. Lynch tries the exploder suplex, but Charlotte blocks, so Becky clotheslines her down for two. Legdrop hits, elbowdrop hits, seated senton splash misses. That allows Flair a kneedrop, so Becky snaps the champ's arm across the top rope before Flair can continue. Becky drops her arm-first across the apron for two, but Flair blocks the Dis-Arm-Her with a schoolgirl for two, and manages a side suplex. Lynch fires back with uppercuts, but Flair hooks a backslide for two, and starts throwing chops. Nice job selling the arm all the while from Charlotte. Lynch tries cutting back in the corner, but Flair bashes her with a big boot to keep things going. Flying moonsault, but Becky dodges, and she hooks a cross-armbreaker. Flair powers to a vertical base in the hold and powerbombs her down for two, leading to a staggered slugfest at center ring. Becky gets the better of it, and drops Flair with an inverted hammerlock-DDT for two, but a flying dropkick misses, and Charlotte slaps on a Boston crab. That's such a weird move to bring back. I mean, nothing wrong with it, but I remember thinking it was too basic even back in the early 90s. Lynch makes the ropes, and bashes Flair's arm into the post to set up the Dis-Arm-Her, but Charlotte is in the ropes. Becky milks the five count, and Charlotte charges with a spear upon being let out - only for Lynch to roll through it for the pin at 13:50! This was good the whole way through, and felt very focused. *** ½

WWE RAW Tag Team Title Match: Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre v Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose: Ziggler and Rollins start, since we haven't seen enough of that combination lately. They feel each other out some, until Dolph gets cocky, and beat up in the babyface corner. The challengers double team him, but Ziggler manages to dodge the curb stomp from Seth, and he bails to the outside to regroup. He passes to Drew on his way back in, but Seth doesn't back down to the big man, and charges. Drew quickly bounces him around though, so Dean tags in, and gets him down for an Oklahoma roll for two. That draws Dolph back in, but Seth cuts him off, though the distraction allows Drew to smack Dean down. The champs go to work on Ambrose, but Dean catches Ziggler with a hotshot, and passes back to Rollins. Seth comes in hot with a sling blade and an enzuigiri, sending Ziggler to the outside. He looks to dive, but Drew trips him up, allowing Ziggler to pop back in with the jumping DDT for two. The heels go back to work cutting the ring in half on Rollins, but he manages to hit Drew with the 2^nd rope flying somersault neckbreaker, and there's the tag to Ambrose. Dean comes in hot, but fails to hook Drew in the Dirty Deeds, and settles for a somersault cradle for two instead. Neckbreaker gets two, but he gets distracted trying to Deeds Dolph on the apron, and Drew blasts him. Dean reverses him into the post and passes to Seth though, and the challengers both dive with topes onto both champions. Seth takes Dolph in for a falcon arrow for two, but the curb stomp misses. That allows Ziggler to try the rocker dropper, but Seth counters with the bucklebomb, so Drew rushes in. That allows Ziggler a rollup for two, reversed by Rollins for two. Zig Zag gets two, but Drew eats a superkick for two after tagging in, allowing Seth a flying frogsplash on Drew for two. The challengers work together to hoist Drew up for a tandem superplex, but Ziggler saves, and dumps Seth to the outside, while Drew nails Dean with a flying clothesline. The champs go for the kill, but Ambrose blocks the combo, and Seth's back to superplex Ziggler into the falcon arrow - only for Drew to nail him with a big boot as he's shifting between moves, and Ziggler falls on top at 22:56. Loved the finish, but Scott Keith gave this five-stars? This? I guess if my scale went up to nine-stars (or whatever he's up to nowadays) then perhaps this would be a five. Even then, I'm not sure. Dolph looks like he's having a ball getting to live out his Shawn/Diesel fantasies though, so good for him. ** ¼

WWE Title Match: AJ Styles v Samoa Joe: AJ charges him at the bell, but Joe quickly fights him off, and starts unloading. AJ pops off a dropkick to send his challenger to the outside, where Styles is ready with a high knee, and a baseball slide. Plancha, but Joe knocks him out of the air with a kick, and blasts him with a big boot on the floor before tossing the champion into the steps. Back in, all that only gets a one count, and AJ even starts slugging at him on top of that, so Joe sweeps the leg to put Styles down in the corner for a bootchoke. Joe with an avalanche and an enzuigiri to send AJ to the outside for a tope, and he rolls him back in to hook the leg for two. Headvice, but AJ escapes, so Joe barrels into him, then goes to a crossface. Styles gets the ropes, so Joe takes him upstairs for a superplex, but AJ slips free, and drops Joe across the top turnbuckle on his way down. I don't know about you guys, but I'm finding this to be really boring thus far. AJ with a seated forearm smash for two, and a springboard inverted DDT gets two. Springboard moonsault hits the knees, allowing Joe a powerbomb for two, and he shifts it into a crab as AJ kicks out. He then shifts that into an STF, then into a crippler crossface, but AJ makes the ropes anyway. Avalanche, but AJ sidesteps, and rackbombs him for two. Springboard 450 splash gets two, but Joe counters the Clash with a catapult into the corner, and a clothesline gets the challenger two. Man, he really let him have it with that one, and AJ is bleeding from the mouth as a result. Muscle buster, but AJ slips free, only to have the Calf Crusher countered with a leg-feed enzuigiri for two. AJ with the pele kick, but the Phenomenal Forearm gets countered with the Coquina Clutch - only for Styles to roll back into a cradle at 19:01. I did not connect with this material at all. And apparently there's some controversy with the finish, as Joe is claiming that AJ was tapping during the three count, so we'll probably get another underwhelming match between them next month. Lucky us. * ½

Mixed Tag Team Match: Miz and Maryse v Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella: Maryse and Brie start, but Maryse quickly passes to her husband to frustrate Bella. She then distracts Bryan to allow Miz to get control, and Miz unloads with a ten-punch in the corner. Corner whip, but Bryan back flips to avoid hitting the buckles, and he unloads a ten-punch of his own. He goes for the Yes Lock, but Miz hits the deck, and bails before Bryan can get it on. Daniel responds by tagging his wife in, but Maryse immediately passes back to Miz to infuriate Bella again. Brie trying to get the crowd on her side and failing is pretty funny, though. Miz with a pair of corner dropkicks, followed by a corner clothesline to set up something off the top rope, but Bryan blocks, and brings him down with a rana. Yes Lock is applied, but Maryse dives in to break it up, resulting in Brie chasing after her around ringside. That allows Miz to sneak up with the Skull Crushing Finale, but Daniel counters with a victory cradle for two, and hits his own corner dropkick. Another, but Miz dodges, and poor Daniel goes CRASHING into the buckles. That allows Miz to work a chinlock, but Bryan starts escaping, so Miz goes to the inverted DDT/neckbreaker combo for two. Into the corner for a series of kicks (as Brie swipes at him from the apron like an angry cat), but a superplex gets blocked with a few headbutts, and Daniel dives with a flying splash - only for Miz to roll out of the way! Tag to Brie, but Miz won't let Maryse in, so Brie beats him up instead! Little fists of fury! She baseball slides after Maryse as Daniel hits Miz with a flying high knee, and Roseanne Barr the door! Brie with a 2^nd rope missile dropkick for two, and the yes couple unload Yes Kicks in stereo, but the heels each manage to avoid the finale. They decide to walk, but the faces go after them, and Brie looks to finish with a rollup, but Maryse reverses at 12:50. Pretty entertaining, though hardly a great match. **

WWE RAW Women's Title Match: Ronda Rousey v Alexa Bliss: Ronda takes her right down in a headlock, but Bliss holds her own, and manages a cradle for two. Waistlock, but Ronda quickly escapes, and hooks a bridging cradle for two. Didn't quite nail the execution on that one, but I appreciate that she's trying new stuff all the time. Alexa makes the stupid mistake of trying to slug at the champion, and poor Bliss is almost in tears after getting dominated. Alexa's entourage tries distracting the champion, but Rousey fights off the attack, and tosses Bliss across the ring. She goes in for the kill, but Mickie James and Alicia Fox (who looks like the lovechild of Liberace and Lady Gaga tonight) pull her out before any holds can be applied. Rousey drags her back in, so the heels try another distraction, and Bliss charges - only to miss, and take a spill out into her girls. Ronda goes to drag her in again, but this time Bliss grabs hold of the champ's hair, and uses the ponytail to snap her neck across the top rope. That allows Alexa to gain control, and I'd like to officially ask the team at the Network to create a slo-mo feature so we can watch Alexa's ass bounce in those shorts properly. Bliss with her gymnastics kneedrops for two, and she ties Rousey up on the mat for a bit. Upstairs, but Ronda follows for a superplex, only for her ribs to act up, and prevent it. That allows Alexa to hook her in a tree of woe, and the challenger plants a dropkick for two. Mat-based abdominal stretch, but Ronda powers out, so Bliss quickly throws a dropkick to keep control, then stretches Rousey against the post to further aggravate the ribs. Mickie and Alicia help, but here comes Natalya to save, and we have a double knockout spot following both women trying a bodypress. Alexa is up first, but Ronda hooks her in a small package for two, and a backslide follows for two, so Bliss strikes at the ribs. That leads to a funny bit where Alexa moves Ronda's mouth for her to 'submit,' and then a not-so-funny bit where Rousey comes to life and destroys her. It's all fun and games until someone gets hiptossed. She cranks the arm, and Bliss is done at 12:03. Pretty fun match, with Bliss and her entourage trying all sorts of tricks to stack the deck, and Ronda doing a great job of selling the ribs throughout. ** ½

Main Event: WWE Universal Title Hell in a Cell Match: Roman Reigns v Braun Strowman: Cell veteran Mick Foley acts as the special guest referee for this, and he looks like he just came off the set of a 70s sitcom with that hair. Or maybe he's just a really big Julia Garner fan. Braun tries to steal the belt before the bell, earning him a smack in the face from Roman. They spill to the outside quickly, where Braun rams Reigns into stuff while loudly calling spots. Roman manages to knock the steps away from him and hit the Drive-By, but a dive off said steps backfires when Strowman catches him in a chokeslam on the apron. Braun grabs a chair, so Reigns blocks him with a kendo stick, but that just serves to piss the monster off. Back in, Reigns gets hold of the chair to get some traction, and he manages a DDT onto the chair for two. Superman Punch rattles Braun, but he won't go down. Same for a second, so Reigns tries a third, but gets caught in a chokeslam for two. Braun tries a pop-up, but Reigns hits him with another Superman on the way down for two, so Strowman beats him with the steps for two. Running powerslam gets two, so Braun tries it again through a table, but Reigns fights him off with a pair of Superman's, and he spears his challenger through a table for two. That draws Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre out to try and weasel their way into the cell, but they're cut off by Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose. As Reigns and Strowman play dead in the ring for an extended period, those four brawl it out at ringside, before ending up on top of the cell, where Dean goes to town on the heels with a kendo stick. Everyone ends up down at the top of the cell, as Roman and Braun continue selling in the ring, basically leaving us with a main event of six guys napping. Still better than Nakamura matches though. Seth and Dolph come back to life and fight down the side of the cell, resulting in both taking a spill through announce tables - with Rollins nearly killing a poor cameraman on the way down. Made for a great visual, though. Roman and Braun are still down as Brock Lesnar shows up, kicking the door of the cell down, as Paul Heyman pepper sprays Foley to keep him out of things. Brock beats them both with pieces of that table that knocked them out for the last ten minutes, and both get F5s until a new referee runs in and declares a no-contest at 23:51. Um, why? Let one roll over and pin the other, and call a winner. This was pretty terrible booking, as they worked an okay (ish) match before suddenly both falling asleep, and then things went into crazy overbooking mode. And that's fine if the crazy overbooking is entertaining, but in this case it generally wasn't, and then we got a ridiculous finish on top of things. Thumbs way down on this as a main event. *

BUExperience: A four hour dump would be more satisfying than this show was. Drink your Ex Lax, and do that instead.  

DUD