WWE Hell in a Cell (October 2020)

Original Airdate: October 25, 2020

From Orlando, Florida; Your Hosts are Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, and Samoa Joe (RAW); Michael Cole and Corey Graves (Smackdown)

Opening WWE Universal Title I Quit Hell in a Cell Match: Roman Reigns v Jey Uso: Reigns takes control quickly, and hits a vertical suplex between pacing around the ring like a caged animal. Roman takes him into the corner for some abuse, but Uso starts coming back with an enzuigiri, and a right hands knocks the champion to the outside. Jey dives after him with a tope, and he rolls Reigns back in just so he can clothesline the champ back over the top, then dive at with another tope. Jey chucks him into the cage a few times before taking things back inside, where Reigns shoots out of the corner with a spear before Uso can keep on him. Reigns goes for a chair to finish him off, so Jey uses a baseball slide to knock it away from him, but that just serves to piss the Big Dog off. He wrecks Jey with another spear, and he stops to give Jey a chance to quit now instead of getting destroyed. Uso refuses, so Reigns goes for another spear, but Uso blocks. Uso adds a superkick to set up a flying splash, as the announcers get really annoying with their repeated explanations of how I Quit matches work. It's really pretty self explanatory, guys. I saw my first one at age ten, and had no problem wrapping my mind around it. Uso with another flying splash, but Reigns won't quit. Which is the only way to end the match, by the way. Keep that in mind. Uso brings a strap in to try and beat his cousin into submission, but the third shot revs Reigns up for another spear to put Uso down. He won't quit, however, so Reigns returns the favor with the strap, and Uso continues to do a great job of selling. His selling has been top notch throughout. Instead of quitting Uso turns it into a slugfest, and uses a superkick to knock Roman silly. Reigns rebounds with the Superman Punch, but Uso ducks, and uses the strap to choke the champion down. Roman nearly passes out, but manages to stay conscious enough to avoid getting the bell called on him, mostly because Jey is stupid enough to let off the choke before he hears a bell. See, Magnum would have never made that kind of mistake. Reigns is right, Jey doesn't have that killer instinct. Jey grabs a chair, but Reigns cuts him off with the Superman, and slaps on a guillotine. Jey won't quit, and the production here is great, allowing us to hear every word they're saying to each other, as well as the referee's pleas. Roman offers him a way out again, but Jey won't take it, so Reigns flat out tells the official to 'shut his mouth' because Jey's 'gonna learn today.' Great intensity from Roman. Reigns drags his cousin over to the post for a Drive-By, and Reigns is doing a great job of getting over his conflicted emotions over the brutality he's being forced to unleash here. Another Drive-By still can't get a submission, so Roman decides to sandwich Jey's head between the steps and post for a third one. Uso is out, so the official looks to stop the match, but Roman kills him. He won't let Jey off without hearing the words. It's about respect. Reigns taking out the referee draws a whole bunch of other officials out to try and save Jey, but Reigns chases them all off. This will end on their terms only. Reigns takes the steps and pins Uso down on the mat with them so he can try and reason with him, but poor Jey is barely conscious. Reigns doesn't care, and decides to bash Jey's brains in with the steps, but Jimmy Uso runs in to cover his brother over. Jimmy pleads for Jey's life, and Reigns is in tears as Jimmy reminds him where they come from. Reigns accepts Jimmy's hand... but then quickly pulls him into a guillotine! Reigns chokes him down, and Jey, too battered to save his brother, quits to spare him Roman's brutality at 29:07. And then afterwards, the Wild Samoans come out to officially crown Roman their tribal chief, as the Usos look on in disbelief. This was a war, but felt like a little too much length, intensity, and psychology to open a show with. It's kind of a distant relative of Randy Savage/Ultimate Warrior at WrestleMania, and might be the most cinematic non-cinematic wrestling match I've seen. It was a bit too slow for my taste, but it was more about the storytelling than the workrate, which was what this required anyway. Very effective, and both men played their parts brilliantly. Loved it, though more for the angle than the actual wrestling. *** ¾

 

Jeff Hardy v Elias: Jeff takes him down with a snapmare for a somersault necksnap for two following some quick back-and-forth, and Hardy works a hammerlock from there. Elias reverses, and a snapmare of his own sets up a chinlock, but Jeff counters back to the hammerlock. Elias dumps him to the outside to escape, but Jeff gets control back, and throws a baseball slide out there - only to miss a springboard off of the steps. Inside, Elias wins a slugfest, pounding Jeff into the corner. Irish whip sets up a clothesline for two, so Elias works a chinlock. Jeff escapes with a leg-feed corkscrew kick, and starts to make a comeback, but Elias blocks the Twist of Fate. Sitout powerbomb gets Elias two, so Hardy goes up with the Whisper in the Wind for two. Twist sets up the Swanton Bomb, and it's kind of funny watching Jeff still rip the shirt off to a sea of screaming... monitors. It's like he's a cam girl. Elias bails before Jeff can dive, however, and he grabs his guitar - only for Hardy to take it away and use it for the DQ at 7:49. To call this 'paint-by-numbers' would probably be an insult to paint and numbers. ½*

 

Money in the Bank Contract Match: Otis v Miz: Miz tries charging, but Otis quickly pounds him into the corner, and biels him across the ring. Bodyslam gets Otis two, so Miz tries a chincrusher, but Otis promptly no-sells. Sunset cradle, but Otis stands on his chest to block, and hits a sitdown splash. To the outside, Otis uses a clothesline on the floor, and feeds Miz some announce table. John Morrison lends a hand with a distraction on the way back in, however, allowing Miz a DDT for two. Miz with a flying axehandle for two, so he tries a sleeper, but Otis manages to shake him off before fading. Miz responds with a big boot, but Otis no-sells the yes kicks, and starts jiggling his way to a comeback. Flapjack and an avalanche set up the Caterpillar Elbow, but Morrison pulls Miz out before it can happen. Otis drags him back in, but the distraction is enough to allow Miz to throw another big boot. He looks for the follow-up, but gets fought off, so Morrison comes at him with the briefcase, but gets busted by the referee before he can use it. The official ejects John, and that distraction allows Otis a schoolboy for two. Clothesline gets two, but before he can finish Miz off, Tucker turns on him with the briefcase! Miz does a great job of getting his shock over here. And he scores the pin off of it at 7:29. This felt rushed, but also like it didn't need to be a second longer at the same time. *

 

WWE Smackdown Women's Title Hell in a Cell Match: Bayley v Sasha Banks: Bayley tries to use a chair before the Cell finishes lowering, but Sasha dropkicks it away from her, and it ends up outside of the structure. Yeah, but, not like we don't know there are a dozen more under the ring anyway. Banks unloads in the corner, and goes for the Statement early, but Bayley bites her way out of it, and bails. Sasha goes after her with a baseball slide, but Bayley sidesteps, and Boss eats cage. Bayley grabs a kendo stick, but Sasha dodges her, and tosses it out through the cage. But, of course, there's another one waiting under the ring anyway. Bayley grabs another, but Sasha takes it away from her again, though this time just chucks it away instead of out of the cage. Yeah, it's like fighting the tide, I get it. Banks finds a table, and uses it to ram the champ into the cage a few times, then dives at her with a kneesmash. Good visual there. Sasha with a flying kneesmash for two on the way back in, but a chair shot misses, and Bayley schoolgirls for two. Bayley dumps her over the top and follows with a chair, but misses, and Banks uses a springboard kneesmash to buy time. A reversal sequence ends in Banks using a headscissors to send Bayley into the cage, and a running dropkick knocks her into the steps. Bayley corpsing is a weird sell job. Sasha wedges a pair of kendo sticks between the steps and the cage to try and suplex Bayley through, but the champ counters by drop-toeholding her instead. I feel like this particular gimmick match really needs a live audience to make it work. The opener worked because it was about the story, but watching them brutalize each other in front of a bunch of TV screens feels off. Inside, Bayley uses a neckbreaker, but an attempt to take it back outside backfires when Banks powerbombs her into the cage. That gets Banks two on the way back in, so she grabs a chair again, but Bayley fights her off. Bayley wedges a chair in the corner to whip her challenger into, but that backfires as well, only for Banks to miss another running kneesmash. That allows Bayley a sunsetbomb into the wedged chair for two, and a flying elbowdrop is worth two. Bayley looks for the follow-up, but Banks is ready with the Statement, only for Bayley to quickly make the ropes. Bayley unloads with a kendo stick, but then wastes a ton of time trying to set up some kendo stick contraption with duct tape, and Sasha is able to blind her with a fire extinguisher. Bayley responds by pulling the chair she lost earlier in through the bars, but Sasha knocks the symbolic weapon away from her, and wrecks her on the outside for a while. Inside, Banks continues to unload, this time beating the hell out of the champion with a kendo stick. Flying frogsplash, but Bayley covers herself over with a chair to block, and uses a facebuster on the floor for two. Bayley wastes another ton of time planking a ladder across two chairs in the ring, then puts Banks on it, before adding insult to injury by spray painting her. Bayley comes off the middle rope with her symbolic chair, but Sasha rolls out of the way, and Bayley lands on the ladder plank. Well, I'd think so. It's only been, I dunno, an hour between offensive moves. Banks with a belly-to-belly suplex on the ladder for two, but Bayley fights off the follow-up, and hits the Bayley-to-Belly for two. Bayley unloads with the symbolic chair, but a Bayley-to-Belly with the chair is countered to the Statement at 26:30. This was okay, but felt really, really long, and spent too much time on spot set ups. The opener got it right... it's not about creativity, just hurt the other guy/gal. **

 

WWE United States Title Match: Bobby Lashley v Slapjack: This is my first exposure to Slapjack and the Retribution stable. I should really start skimming the weekly shows again, but pressing FF was be a lot of work sometimes. Lashley destroys the dude right away, and gives him a hanging vertical suplex. Into the corner for a pounding, but Slapjack escapes the front-suplex, and throws a dropkick that barely connects. Slapjack with a cannonball in the corner for two, and he goes for a cobra clutch, but Bobby chucks him off. Slapjack responds with a swinging DDT for two, but a trip to the top ends badly when Bobby slams him off. Lashley with a pair of clotheslines and an overhead suplex, before finishing with a full-nelson at 3:52. Oh, I get it, so he's a jobber. ¼*

 

Main Event: WWE Title Hell in a Cell Match: Drew McIntyre v Randy Orton: Randy dresses as ring crew and tries a sneak attack during the entrances, but McIntyre fights him off, and takes the challenger on a beating tour of ringside before taking it inside to officially start the match. McIntyre just beats the piss out of him for an extended period - inside the ring, outside the ring, around the ring. Finally, after, like, ten minutes of Drew just hitting him without pause, Orton dodges the Claymore Kick, and whacks the champ with a chair. Randy chokes him down with the chair for two, and a catapult underneath the bottom rope leaves Drew down on the outside. Orton works him over in slow, dull fashion, as we near the fifteen minute mark, and really nothing of note has happened yet. Drew randomly gets fired up and starts making a comeback, but Orton escapes a fireman's carry, and bails. McIntyre follows to suplex Orton through a table, but Randy manages to blow him low on the way back inside, and the rope-hung DDT gets the challenger two. Orton finds some bolt cutters to cut the lock off of the cell door, which seems like a weird strategy when you're in total control of the match and the only way to win it is to beat the guy in the ring. McIntyre follows to send Randy into the barricade a few times, and, hey, why do they even have barricades right now? The fans are literally phoning it in! Are they worried that asshole that jumped Bret Hart at the Hall of Fame ceremony is lurking, or something? Maybe Enzo Amore? Orton manages to take control again, but instead of taking the guy in so he can win the match, Randy instead decides to climb to the top of the cell. Why? None of this makes any sense within kayfabe. This whole gimmick match feels like little more than a means to an end at this point. McIntyre follows him to the top, and, well, at least something interesting might finally happen here. We're over twenty minutes into the damn match, one can hope. McIntyre pounds him, so Orton goes low with a steel pipe, and this is falling especially flat without a live crowd. Like, half the appeal here is hearing the audience get nervous as the guys fight high above the world. Both guys decide to climb down, and they act like it's a sprint to the bottom, as if they're in an escape rules cage match, or something. Anyway, McIntyre takes the obligatory bump off the cage and through the announce table, in a spot I never would have ever thought would become a cliché when I first saw it back in 1997, but here we are. McIntyre is coughing up blood, which the 2D crowd responds to be half-heartedly giving Orton some thumbs downs. Shake your first harder, boy! Another thing that makes no sense: why is McIntyre crawling back towards the cage? You're the champion! HE needs to beat YOU. Make his ass drag you! Okay, so we're back in the ring now, and it's RKO time, but McIntyre counters with a backslide for two. Claymore connects, but it knocks Orton to the outside, so no cover. McIntyre muscles him back in for another Claymore, but Randy ducks this one, and hits the RKO to win the title at 30:33 (32:51 total). This was not 'the shit,' it was just 'shit.' It felt like it was going for that same kind of slow intensity as the opener, but they didn't really have the proper storytelling to get there, so instead you're left with a slow match under the guise of being 'methodical.' Not to mention insanely long. And can this please, please be the end of this feud already? ¼*

 

BUExperience: Out of 106 minutes of bell-to-bell time, 87 of those minutes are dedicated to the three Cell matches. Of those, the opener is definitely something to see, the rest, uh, not so much. And this still managed to be the best WWE pay per view since WrestleMania, mostly on the strength of that opener. That's not exactly an enthusiastic review, but we take what we can these days.

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