WWF RAW is WAR (April 14, 1997)

Original Airdate: April 14, 1997 (taped April 7 & 9)

From Muncie, Indiana & Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jim Cornette (Muncie); Jim Ross and Honky Tonk Man (Johannesburg)

The Godwinns v The Legion of Doom: From Muncie. Big brawl to start, with the dust settling on Phineas Godwinn and Hawk. Hawk promptly no-sells a bunch of stuff, as Vince calls LOD the 'Road Warriors.' I know they acknowledged both names, but usually Vince was all in on the 'Legion of Doom' branding, so it just sounds weird coming from him. Tags all around, and Animal barrels into Henry Godwinn with a jumping shoulderblock during a criss cross. Henry backs off to regroup, and manages to get control of Animal, and Phineas tags in to hit a chincrusher, as Vince 'Road Warriors' us again. Phineas fails to cut the ring in half, allowing a tag to Hawk, and Vince is positively giddy at Phineas's country charm. This is the most excited I've seen him since Shawn Michaels chased him around with a belt on last week's show. Phineas tries a suplex, but Hawk reverses, and adds a fistdrop. Tag to Henry, and it sound like Cornette is getting on Vince's nerves already. Such an odd combination. Cornette works well with Ross, but he and Vince are not a good match. Hawk misses a charge in the corner to allow the Godwinns to take over, and they cut the ring in half, working the arm. Phineas collides with him in the corner to allow the tag to Animal, and Roseanne Barr the door. That draws WWF Tag Team Champions Davey Boy Smith and Owen Hart out, and Animal ends up getting nailed with one of the tag title belts to allow Henry the pin at 7:09. This felt like they were sleepwalking through it here. DUD

Hunter Hearst Helmsley v Jesse James: From Johannesburg. Boy, they sure had a penchant for repurposing shitty house shows into episodes of RAW in 1997, didn't they? Feeling out process to start, until HHH snags control, and uses a swinging neckbreaker for two. Suplex sets up a kneedrop for two, so HHH goes to a chinlock. He works that for a while, until Jesse fights to a vertical base to force a criss cross, but HHH wins that with a high knee for two. Back to el chinlock, but Jesse fights free, and starts no-selling some stuff via the power of dance. Corner charge hits boot, however, allowing HHH to go to the top for a dive, but James blocks with a clothesline. That looked terrible, with HHH just kind of landing next to him. Jesse makes the comeback, which means we at least get to see Helmsley sell a bunch, which is his strong suit at this stage. Honky gets offended at Jesse making the comeback, however, and trips him up on the ropes - allowing Hunter the Pedigree at 12:48. This was painfully dull. Afterwards, Jesse calls Honky out, but Honky tells him to wait for In Your House this Sunday, where Honky will finally unveil his protégé. ¼*

Earlier today, WWF Intercontinental Champion Rocky Maivia enjoyed some traditional African dancing. I can't watch stuff like this anymore without thinking of Get Him to the Greek

Rocky Maivia v Savio Vega: From Johannesburg, where Rocky's WWF Intercontinental gold is not on the line. Feeling out process to start, as Ahmed Johnson split screens in to say... something. Don't look at me, even the poor closed captioning can't make sense of most of it. Rocky with a belly-to-belly suplex for two, and he wins a criss cross with a backelbow, before armdragging Savio down for an armbar. Charge in the corner goes badly when Savio blocks with a lazy spinkick, and Vega uses a snapmare to put Rocky down for a choke. On to a nervehold, but Rocky fights free and uses a sunset flip for two, before Vega cuts him off with another nervehold. That draws Faarooq out to make sure the Nation of Domination (already at ringside) are doing their job correctly, though sadly not to tell Savio to lay off the fucking resthold already, as I'd hoped he was there to do. So without admonishment from Faarooq, Savio keeps working the nervehold unabated, as Maivia sells with a look that says 'great blowjob, sweetie' more than 'agonizing pain.' Faarooq keeps yelling 'kill him,' which is pretty extreme, really. This nervehold is just dragging on and on like Yokozuna at WrestleMania X, or something. Did they knew this was being taped for TV? Sadly, Rocky's done enjoying his blowjob, and has fallen asleep afterwards at this point. He wakes up long enough to finally start making a comeback, but Vega cuts him off with a rollup for two. 2^nd rope bodypress gets two, but Maivia fights him off with a catapult into the corner. Monkeyflip, but Savio blocks. He uses a corner whip, but misses the charge in, and Rocky capitalizes with a side suplex for two. Maivia finally makes the comeback for real, and a bridging fisherman’s suplex gets him two. Uranage (still not called the 'Rock Bottom') for two, and a DDT sets up a flying bodypress, but he doesn't stay on him for the cover. Shoulderbreaker, but Savio shoves him into the corner to block, and uses a rollup for the pin at 15:12. Another long, boring, house show level 'effort.' Afterwards, the Nation come in to add a beating, but Ahmed runs in to make the save. –¼*

Back in the US, Vince brings Steve Austin out for an in-ring interview, and I'm pretty sure Austin just promised to rape Bret Hart, as well as apparently bragging about raping President Gorilla Monsoon. Well, that's an... interesting... direction 

Goldust v Sultan: From Johannesburg. Goldust looks like he's doing an homage to KISS tonight. Or Michael Cera in Superbad. Or both! Goldust unloads in the corner early, and Sultan bails to regroup. The crowd is much more into Goldust here than the US audiences were at this point, that's for sure. Sultan pulls him to the outside and whips him into the steps, and a nasty piledriver gets him two on the way back in. He went all in on that one. Chinlock, but Goldust fights free, and uses a bulldog for two. And then Hunter Hearst Helmsley runs in on Goldust for the DQ at 4:03. HHH, Sultan, and Chyna do a beat down afterwards, but sadly no one runs in to make the save. ¼*

Bret Hart can't be bothered with South Africa, but he makes a stop in Kuwait to talk shit about America in a medley of promos. The promos are strong, but the production is straight out of ECW 

The Headbangers v Vader and Mankind: From Muncie. Mosh starts with Vader, and gets pushed around. Vader unloads in the corner, but wastes time gloating, and Mosh goes low. Thrasher comes in to help with a double team, and they use a tandem suplex on the big man. Thrasher tries a front-facelock, but Vader belly-to-belly suplexes his way out of it, only to miss an elbowdrop. That allows Thrasher to pound him some, and Mosh comes in to assist, but Mankind takes offense, and Roseanne Barr the door. Mankind brawls on the outside with both Bangers, so Vader comes over to tackle everyone, and Mosh ends up back inside with Mankind. Mankind lands the double-arm DDT in there, and Vader tags in with an avalanche. Vader adds a vertical suplex to set up a splash, but Mosh is on a different page, and out of position. Amazingly, Vader doesn't potato the shit out of him in response. Instead, he just passes back to Mankind for a running kneesmash in the corner. Clothesline sends Mosh over the top, so Thrasher runs in to attack to buy his partner time. That allows Mosh to load up his mouth with something, and he spits it into Mankind's eyes for the DQ at 5:33. Wow, way to put Mankind over strong on the go-home show for his PPV world title match. Afterwards, blinded Mankind accidentally puts Vader in the Mandible Claw, as they keep pushing this dissention angle that went nowhere. That was a big theme in 1997, wasn't it? At least the Bulldog/Owen stuff led to the Hart Foundation. DUD

WWF Champion Undertaker - who hasn't been seen since Mankind threw a fireball in his face a few weeks ago - sends an ominous voicemail in South Africa. Hope he had a good long distance plan 

RAW Magazine has a spread on Sable this month. Get it? Spread? Hahahaha

Speaking of T&A, all the ladies of the WWF tried to give Todd Pettengill an erection at the Slammy Awards 

The Commandant is in Johannesburg to hype up the Truth Commission. Apparently they will prove the domination of their nation over the USA. So... they are a nation of domination, you could say? Also, weird place to have him cut this as a heel promo, given that he's a South African himself

Ahmed Johnson v Crush: From Johannesburg. Ahmed looks like he's got no patience left in him here. Ross is fucking hyped about this match, though. He's very excited about the poundage! Criss cross ends in a double knockout right away, which is a weird spot to open a match on. Crush bails to regroup with Faarooq, but Ahmed chases, and uses a bicycle kick to send Crush over the top after taking him in. Crush dumps him to the outside in response, where the Nation is ready and waiting to attack. Crush uses a vertical suplex to bring him back in for a trio of legdrops, as Ross has the audacity to call the WWF the 'worldwide leader in sports entertainment' during one of the worst episodes of TV in its history to that point. Crush with a backbreaker for two, and he works a headvice, but Ahmed escapes, and uses an axekick. Bodyslam sets up an elbowdrop - though the execution is so poor that Ahmed just kind of lands on his with his ass. Though, considering the size of that man's ass, that may be even more deadly, honestly. Crush with a piledriver for two, and he tries a sleeper, but Ahmed starts to fight free, so Crush chokes him down with his belt instead. Heart Punch time, but Ahmed counters with a spinheel kick. Crush responds by throwing a knee, but Johnson counters with a schoolboy for the pin at 9:49. Another really dull match in a series of them. Afterwards, Faarooq challenges Ahmed to a Gauntlet match, and if he wins the Nation will disband. That feels like such a WCW angle. Except that instead of the nWo, it's the Nation. And no one cares about the Nation. DUD

BUExperience: Yeah, so, this was really, really bad. Like, wow bad. And, on top of that, the Network version of the episode had severe sound issues (with commentary missing from large portions of the show) which made things even worse. Though, honestly, not even 1987 Gorilla and Jesse could make this show watchable. This was somehow even worse than that repurposed house show RAW from Toronto in February. Just woof.

 

Monday Night Wars Rating Chart

	4/14/97
Show	RAW	Nitro
Rating	2.2	3.5
Total Wins	17	58
Win Streak		41
Better Show (as of 4/7)	29	43