WWF RAW is WAR (May 5, 1997)

Original Airdate: May 5, 1997

From Green Bay, Wisconsin; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler

The Hart Foundation hit the ring to kick things off, and Bret Hart takes a moment to individually thank each member of the group for their achievements last week. And thanks to the fans all around the world... expect for the fans in America, who can stick it. Bret's been on fire in this role, but he felt kind of off tonight, and this was a pretty boring segment. Loved the sight of Owen Hart getting to carry around four title belts (and two Slammys), though

Backstage, Shawn Michaels paces around

Also backstage, the Hart Foundation wheel Bret around, looking for Shawn

Ahmed Johnson v Rockabilly: Ahmed attacks before the bell, and uses a big clothesline to put Rockabilly down. Ahmed's working in sweat pants tonight, which is a welcome change for wedgie-man. Johnson pounds Rockabilly down in the corner, but gets his throat snapped across the top rope, as Faarooq split screens in to cut a promo on Ahmed. Rockabilly works Johnson in dull fashion, and a sleeper looks to finish, but Rockabilly lets off in favor of more dancing. He grabs the guitar, but Johnson blocks, and breaks it over Rockabilly's head for the DQ at 3:59. Really boring. Rockabilly's only been around for a couple of weeks, and he's already hit negative stars on TV several times. – ¼*

Backstage, the Hart Foundation continue to search for Shawn, but just find a bunch of jobbers instead. Poor Bob Holly

Ken Shamrock used to be a angry, violent young man. But now he hangs out with small children, and all is good

Goldust v Vader: Speaking of Shamrock, he's out to do guest commentary on this one, and we get the unique treat of hearing the announcers hype up a UFC PPV. Also, apparently the WWF Title has been stolen from the Undertaker's locker room. Oh shit, we're gonna play Blue's Clues, aren't we? Ken hangs out with little kids, I'll bet he'll be really good at it. Vader bullies Goldust around for a while, until Goldust gets riled up, and ten-punches him in the corner. Sunset flip, but Vader sit-down splashes him to block, and then bails to the outside to get in Shamrock's face. Nothing comes of it, and Vader goes back in to unload on Goldust in the corner while mocking Shamrock. Vader with a short-clothesline to set up a splash, and he works a chinlock. Cross corner whip sets up a corner splash, but Goldust catches him in a bodyslam to block. Vader totally telegraphed that one, and it looked silly. Goldust with fists of fury, but Vader cuts him off in the corner, and uses a slam to set up the Vaderbomb at 7:22. Wow, they made Goldust look like a total jobber this week. Afterwards, Vader goes after Shamrock again, and this time Mankind runs in to back him up, but Goldust helps chase the heels off. ¾*

Jim Ross recently sat down with Dustin and Terri Runnels, the real people behind Goldust and Marlena. 'Dustin was the son of a wrestler, who in turn was the son of a plumber,' is pretty funny. So, Dustin's got daddy issues, sick of people asking about his dad instead of him, and so he became Goldust to reinvent himself. This wasn't a bad segment, but I hate these kayfabe breaking 'they're just playing characters' things on the show. It's one thing to do it on a separate show (like on the Network these days), but as part of the actual show (and immediately following a Goldust match, no less) is tacky. This had Vince Russo's fingerprints all over it

Backstage, the Hart Foundation have stalked Shawn to a men's room, and jump him as he comes out... but turns out it's just some other long haired yuppie scum

WWF Reality Check ad. This week, it's the story of a kid who was really nerdy, but became inspired by Shawn Michaels' stripping, and now he's really popular. Yeah, I think whoever wrote this skit needs the reality check

Gauntlet Match: Crush v Three Guys: Yeah, sorry, they don't announce names, and not even cagematch.net has any clue. But the idea here is that Faarooq wants to test Crush by making him fight several guys in a row. So the first guy charges in, but gets immediately killed with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and a press-gutbuster finishes at 0:28. The second guy comes out and pathetically tries to get the crowd behind him, as Vince mocks him. He tries a flying bodypress, but Crush catches him in a sloppy belly-to-belly suplex, then gives him another one. Well, at least that second one was well executed. Heart Punch finishes at 2:03. Okay, third guy is a masked man in a hoodie, and he grabs Crush in a tigerbomb right away, pinning him at 2:27. And, of course, he's revealed to be Ahmed Johnson. This wasn't really a match, just an angle. And not an especially good one, but it was something to advance the feud, at least. DUD

The Hart Foundation are outside, searching for Shawn underneath various production trucks. And with gusto!

Vince brings Shawn Michaels out for an in-ring interview, so apparently he's done hiding under trucks. He's also annoyed that Steve Austin didn't appreciate his chair swinging help a few weeks ago, and he's downright upset that people aren't treating the fans with respect. Also, the Clique is all powerful. Vince's smiling is out of control here, especially as he asks when Shawn will 'put on the tights again.' King of the Ring, apparently, though he'd be back sooner. So, for those keeping track, Shawn is happy to suck up to the fans and all about defending the USA, so it's less DX and more Hulkamania at this point. So all this draws Bret to the TitanTron, and he continues to flub lines like he did during the opening segment. He's way off tonight. Anyway, he doesn't want to wait until King of the Ring to see Shawn wrestle, and sends the Foundation out to deal with him right now, but the Legion of Doom (in weird gear) make the save. Thankfully that gear didn't last

Backstage, Shawn storms around with a chair, searching for the Foundation. 90% of this show has been guys searching for other guys

The Legion of Doom v Doug Furnas and Philip LaFon: Hawk starts with LaFon, and Philip uses chops to take it into the corner, but Hawk turns the tables, and adds a hiptoss. Clothesline puts LaFon down, and he begs off. Tags all around, and Animal uses a corner whip, but Furnas rebounds with a clothesline, then adds a dropkick. Animal returns fire with a jumping shoulderblock, as we split screen to Shawn storming into the Foundation's dressing room backstage, but getting cut off by officials before anything happens. Animal works a chinlock, but Doug escapes, and dumps him over the top with a backdrop. LaFon attacks on the outside, and back in, Furnas hooks the leg for two. LaFon uses a spinheel kick, and a tandem suplex gets two... and also shoot hurts the referee. Whoops. LaFon tries another suplex, but Animal uses an inverted atomic drop to block, so Furnas tags in with a dropkick. "An exciting move," says Lawler. It's a fucking dropkick, dude. Tandem suplex, but this time Animal reverses, and he makes the hot tag - Roseanne Barr the door. Hawk with a chokeslam on LaFon, as Davey Boy Smith and Owen Hart make their way to ringside. As Bulldog distracts Animal, Owen gets a cheap shot in on Hawk, and LaFon pins him at 6:53. This was really basic. ¾*

Backstage, the Harts are still fighting with Shawn, but this time Steve Austin shows up to make the save

WWF Champion Undertaker shows up, sans title belt. Apparently it's still missing. I told you we should have fucking played Blue's Clues. No matter the mystery, that motherfucker solved it in under thirty minutes. We could have had the title back, AND snack time by now

WWF Reality Check. It's the one from last week with the kid who goes from being a straight-A student to impersonating Stone Cold. This one is much better

Sunny is out to model the Austin 3:16 t-shirt, wearing it like a very short dress. Sold. Funny background moment, as some dude is (understandably) transfixed, with his girlfriend giving him some serious side eye

Davey Boy Smith v Steve Austin: Davey's WWF European title is not on the line. Austin attacks before the bell, dragging Bulldog in, and taking it into the corner. Bulldog tries a cross corner whip to get out of trouble, but Steve rebounds out with a clothesline, and a stomp to the gut gets two. Vertical suplex is worth two, so Austin takes it to the mat for a chinlock. Bulldog starts to escape, so Austin switches to a hammerlock into a cradle for two. Boy, the neck injury forcing him to change up his style was actually a major improvement for the character. Criss cross ends in Bulldog punting him down low to take control, which he does via chinlock. Do they realize this isn't the post-taping dark match? Austin escapes, so Bulldog throws a knee, and delivers a hanging vertical suplex. Back to the chinlock, but Austin slugs free, and manages a shoulderblock. Thesz-press sets up mounted punches, and Steve wants to finish with an insulting sharpshooter, but Davey blocks. Back to the chinlock, as the announcers hype up live events. Pick your moments, guys. Steve side suplexes his way free, but Bulldog blocks a 2^nd rope axehandle to keep control, and a corner whip sets up the Running Powerslam, but Steve blocks. Austin makes his comeback, and hits the Stunner out of nowhere at 11:42. This was surprisingly dull, and it killed the crowd. The Foundation run in on Austin as soon as the bell sounds, and they've got the WWF Title with them, beating Steve with it. That draws the LOD out to make another save, which in turn brings Furnas and LaFon out to help the Harts... while also brawling with them. Okay. So all this summons Shawn Michaels out, and he's at least consistent about who he hates. That's welcome. So we have a big brawl in front of a surprisingly dead crowd, until the lights die, and Undertaker arrives to crack heads in the name of reclaiming his property. So the babyfaces clean house, and Austin somehow ends up holding the title belt, which gets Undertaker in his face, and they do a pretty decent brawl to close the show. Much better than the match, and the other brawl. The match was really boring, but at least they used the post-match to hard sell the pay per view. ½*

BUExperience: A pretty weak episode, as they featured the same few guys over and over and over again all night, to the point where I got sick of seeing some of my favorite wrestlers. That’s never a good thing.  

 

Monday Night Wars Rating Chart

	5/5/97
Show	RAW	Nitro
Rating	2.8	3.2
Total Wins	17	61
Win Streak		44
Better Show (as of 4/28)	30	45