ECW Super Summer Sizzler Spectacular (June 1993)

Original Airdate: June 19, 1993

 

From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Your Host is Jay Sulli

 

Opening ECW Television Title Match: Jimmy Snuka v JT Smith: Paul E. Dangerously sits in on commentary for this. Lots of stalling from Snuka to start. Smith grabs a headlock, as Sulli tries to steer the conversation to Snuka's footwear. Give Dangerously credit, he can spin bullshit about anything, as if Jimmy's choice for wearing/not wearing boots is actually anything. Smith with a bodyslam, so Snuka bails to the outside to break the momentum, and it's more stalling. Back in, Smith hooks a small package for two, so Jimmy hides in the ropes to stall him out again. Criss cross allows Smith a bodypress for two, so Snuka takes a shot at the gut, and hits a kneebreaker. That allows Jimmy to clip the leg to get full control, as Paul spins more bullshit. He's like a motor mouth Jesse Ventura out there tonight. Snuka with a piledriver, and a backbreaker sets up the Superfly Splash at 5:56. I appreciated the psychology at play here, but the match was really boring. ½*

 

First Blood Match: Tony Stetson v Larry Winters: The most boring tag team in the world EXPLODES! Dangerously is still on commentary here. Tony attacks before the bell, and pounds Larry with chops in the corner. "He's trying to make his opponent bleed," notes Sulli. With chops? He's not Chris Benoit. Tony with a pair of savate kicks to the gut, and a bodyslam sets up a flying legdrop. Not sure how literally any of that would draw blood, but I'm not the Jay Sulli in the room, so I'll back off. Tony exposes one of the top turnbuckles, but Larry reverses him into it, and makes a comeback. Winters with a flying axehandle, and he unloads on Tony with mounted punches, but Tony reverses on him. Tony with a jumping clothesline, and he whips Winters into the exposed buckle, but a trip to the top rope ends in him getting slammed off. That allows Winters to start stomping him in the face, and a punch sends Tony to the outside. Winters dives after him with an axehandle from the apron, as the commentators note that this feud has raged on for 'far too long.' A couple of weeks? Actually, yeah, they're right. Winters keeps hammering, until Rockin' Rebel shows up to distract him, and Tony nails Winters with a chain to draw blood at 5:35. This was fine. *

 

Catfight Humiliation Match: Miss Peaches v Tigra: The idea here is that you have to strip your opponent to win, and Paul E. is still on commentary. And the eight year olds in the crowd are really fucking excited about it, for some reason. They roll around on the mat to start, with Tigra getting the advantage, as Paul makes cracks about Sulli's sexuality. "Paul, can you give us a bit about the history between these two?" "They don't like each other. That's it." Booking! Tigra gets Peaches' top off, but Peaches blocks a go at the shorts, and gets Tigra's top off. Tigra bails, as the announcers note that both women have to figure out a way to keep their clothes on. Tigra goes back to the dressing room, but gets blocked by another woman (a debuting, unnamed Angel), and then Peaches just rips her shorts off at 3:30. Afterwards, Rockin' Rebel and Tony Stetson run out to attack, and they tear Angel's top off, exposing her breasts. And, again, the eight year olds in the crowd are losing their shit, probably just trying to look cool to the adults. And then something decidedly not cool, as some asshole fan slaps Angel on the ass as she's walking up the aisle. DUD

 

ECW Television Title Match: Jimmy Snuka v Tommy Cairo: Terry Funk joins Jay for commentary here. Was Stevie Wonderful busy taking a shit, or something? Stalling from Snuka to start, until Cairo sends him to the outside with a spinheel kick for... more stalling. The announcers talk about how unfair it is that Paul is allowed to bring a cell phone with him to ringside, which sounds especially hilarious in 2021. Inside, Tommy lands a nice dropkick during a criss cross, and a vertical suplex follows. Tommy's actually trying to work through Jimmy's indolence here. Cairo with a backdrop, and a cross corner whip allows him to follow in with an elbow. Cairo with a bodyslam, and Jimmy is able to bail to the outside to regroup. Cairo suplexes him back in for two, so Paul trips him up during a criss cross, and Snuka hooks a leveraged pin at 6:07. Cairo was working hard here. * ½

 

Philadelphia Street Fight: Sandman v Rockin' Rebel: Funk is still sitting in with Sulli here. Sandman charges in to kick start the match, pulling Rebel's shirt over his head to blind him, and delivering a DDT. Sandman chokes him with the shirt, and tosses him over the top to try and hang him, then delivers a bodyslam on the floor. Unfortunately, looks like we're limited to only the hard camera for this, and them taking the action to the outside on the far side doesn't help. Back in, Sandman uses a cross corner whip, but a charge hits boot, and Rebel dives with a 2^nd rope bulldog. Rebel adds a swinging neckbreaker and a sidewalk slam, and he grabs a chair, but a swing misses. That allows Sandman to get hold of the weapon, and his kiss don't miss. Since this is a Street Fight, they're both dressed in street clothes, and thus this version of Sandman actually looks like the character we'd come to know later, as opposed to a dude in a wet suit. Inside, Sandman hits a bodyslam and a springboard flying clothesline, but Tony Stetson runs in. Sandman fights him off with a DDT, and hits Rebel with an ugly flying sidekick, but there's no referee. Some other woman comes in (an unnamed Tammy Lynn Sytch), and she blinds Sandman with some hairspray, allowing Rebel a schoolboy at 5:13. This was total junk. DUD

 

Dick Murdoch v Dark Patriot II: Murdoch sure had a habit of popping up in the weirdest places during the mid-90s, didn't he? Funk is still on commentary. Patriot attacks from behind while Dick is going after Dangerously, and he works him over in dull fashion. Dick fights back and knocks him to the outside, as Patriot hits him with an apple (as in, the fruit), and Dick actually sells it like death. Murdoch randomly starts making a comeback, and he delivers an elbowdrop for two. Cross corner whip follows, so Patriot tries grabbing a headlock, but it leads to a slugfest. Dick gets the better of it, but Patriot still dumps him to the outside, and dives with a forearm from the apron. He tries a bodyslam on the way back in, but Dick rolls through with a cradle at 5:38. This was straight up terrible. -*

 

Six-Man Tag Team Match: Sir Jonathan Hotbody, Sir Richard Michaels, and Hunter Q. Robbins III v Super Destroyer #1, Salvatore Bellomo, and Stevie Wonderful: Joey Styles joins Sulli in the booth for this one, in what I believe is his debut. This is a weird one, as the Destroyers were built as the babyfaces on TV, but now suddenly they're teaming up with heel color commentator Wonderful? And that's not even to mention the weirdness with the angle where the Destroyers beat up Bellomo, but now he's teaming with them here. Also, where's Chris Candido? We take forever to get going here, finally settling on Michaels and Destroyer to start... with some stalling. They finally get started by trading wristlocks, as the fans hold up some decidedly not PC signs. Michaels gets control and works a cross-armbreaker, but Destroyer gets into his home corner, and tags Bellomo in. Sal with a couple of takedowns, and he tries to force the tag to Hunter, but Robbins dives off of the apron in fear. Sal takes Michaels into his home corner for a triple team, as Stevie chases Robbins around. Bellomo puts Michaels in a chinlock, as I try to piece together how the hell Stevie made a face turn, but the announcers are giving me nothing here. Destroyer with a running powerslam for two, and this is kind of a weird dynamic, with the babyfaces cutting the ring in half here. Destroyer with a sloppy inverted DDT, but Bellomo loses control after getting tagged in, and he's railroaded into the heel corner. That allows the heels to finally start working Bellomo over, and of course Robbins is game to come in for cheap shots when the time is right. Bellomo fights all three off for the hot tag to Destroyer, and Roseanne Barr the door! Bellomo with the Pizza Splash on Michaels at 9:53. Robbins couldn't eat the fall? Really? This felt like it went on forever. ¼*

 

Main Event: Texas Chain Match: Terry Funk v Eddie Gilbert: Tod Gordon is out for commentary on this one. Gilbert stalls forever before finally letting the referee tie his wrist to the chain, and then he bails to the outside once the match starts. They don't seem to be clear on the rules here, as at one point they talk about this ending when one man quits, at another they're talking about touching four corners, so who knows. Gilbert tries to distance himself, and fires off a cheap shot, then dumps Terry over the top. That backfires when Funk uses the chain to pull him out with him, and Eddie runs away again. Gilbert manages a bodyslam, and he nails Terry with the chain, but gets cut off after touching two corners. That allows Funk a bodyslam of his own, and he unloads with the chain until Eddie bails. Funk drags him back in to choke with the chain, and he puts Gilbert in a hangman's neckbreaker, but only makes three corners. They spill to the outside, where Eddie sends him into the timekeeper's table, and Funk is busted open. Well, you knew that was coming. Gilbert goes for the corners, but gets cut off at three, and Funk is doing the full on drunk sell. Funk comes back by using the chain, and they brawl up the aisle, where Funk beats him with the chain near the entrance. We're still stuck with strictly the hard camera, unfortunately. Back inside, and now Eddie is good and busted open as well. Terry with an atomic drop, and he gets three corners before Gilbert kicks him in the balls. That allows Gilbert three corners, but Funk comes roaring back to life ahead of the fourth. He makes a comeback, and hits four corners, but Dangerously is distracting the referee, and he misses it! That allows Gilbert to grab a chair, and he piledrives Funk on it to knock him out - dragging Terry to all four at 17:12. This was pretty low key considering the lengthy blood feud that set it up, and the players involved. Like, yeah, there was double blood, and weapons and all that, but it didn't feel especially heated. Afterwards, Gordon comes in to fire the referee over it, and he's revealed to be Gilbert's brother, in a Vince Russo like twist. ¾*

 

BUExperience: This was a pretty weak super card, but as a low rent NWA affiliated indy from the 90s, it's about what you'd expect. I would not recommend this to anyone outside of, ahem, hardcores.

 

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