WWF Superstars (January 9, 1993)

Original Airdate: January 9, 1993 (taped December 14, 1992)

 

From Green Bay, Wisconsin; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Jerry Lawler

 

Last week on Wrestling Challenge, Reverend Slick tried to save Kamala from his handlers by informing him that he is, indeed, a man. Took a peek under the loincloth, did he? Well, at least he finally found the prototype for Ahmed Johnson's 'you're going down' chants from 1997

 

Kamala v Todd Becker: Kamala hasn't taken Slick's calls to heart, as he still has his handlers with him here. I get the idea behind the babyface turn as a character, but he's so uninteresting, that who could ever get behind this guy, even as a lower midcarder? Kamala with the splash at 1:38. Afterwards, Harvey Wippleman and Kimchee start berating Kamala (despite his performance being no different than literally every other Kamala squash), until Slick runs out to try and intervene. That earns him a beating from Kimchee, but Kamala doesn't appreciate that, and we've got a babyface turn on our hands, folks! At least Kamala could get it over as a character, even if he was absolutely unwatchable in the ring. DUD

 

Gene Okerlund is in the control center to talk about what a jerk that Razor Ramon was to Owen Hart on Mania over the weekend. A total jerkface, make no mistake

 

Razor Ramon doesn't regret slapping Bret's little brother around. He was banging cocktail waitresses two at a time!

 

WWF Champion Bret Hart is gonna thump Razor for picking on his little brother

 

The Steiner Brothers v Rock Werner and Butch Banks: Though the Steiner's had already worked a match on Wrestling Challenge that aired the previous weekend, this was taped before, and marks their actual WWF debut. Lawler, of course, wastes no time making jokes about Rick. And the Brothers waste no time doing what they do best: brutalizing jobbers. I like the Steiner's as much as the next guy, but even in kayfabe they were kinda dicks. Like, why are they forcing the poor beaten man to tag just so they can beat up the other guy? What kind of sportsmanship or example is that to teach the kids? I am both shocked AND appalled! Frankensteiner finishes at 3:13. It's nice to see the jobber crushing void left by the exodus of the Legion of Doom has been filled, though. And they picked up feuding with the Beverly Brothers, for good measure. ½*

 

Doink the Clown is hanging around again, and Raymond Rougeau is trying to get him to do an interview on the record

 

The WWF held a press conference to hype their Somalia relief efforts (Headlock on Hunger), and why the fuck is Papa Shango there? Like, I get that it's a charity thing, but was literally everyone else on the roster too busy?

 

Ted DiBiase is ready to buy his way to WrestleMania. Because that worked so well for him before? But then, what do I know, he did end up headlining that show in the end

 

Randy Savage is taking the David Berkowitz approach to his Royal Rumble training

 

Bobby Heenan is talking up his hired gun to deal with Mr. Perfect, and apparently he's like ice cream. Cold? Sweet? Fattening? Covered in chocolate? Lex Luger is not most of those things

 

Lance Cassidy v George Petrovsky: Vince wonders if Cassidy might win the Rumble, which is pretty funny considering he didn't even get a spot in the match, even with the thin roster. I haven't seen this jobber before, and he's a big 'un. Kind of like a fatter WALTER. Cassidy sells a lot for him too, since I guess maybe he thinks he's still in WCW. Cassidy with a well executed bulldog at 2:52. That was a heck of a bulldog. ¼*

 

Ray Rougeau brings Doink out for an interview, and he's named for the first time here. So Ray reviews all of Doink's recent pranks, and Ray is quite upset that Doink is not entertaining the kids, and instead making them cry. Well, maybe the kids should go online and become smarks, because this guy is entertaining as hell

 

Undertaker v Scott Zappa: Vince wonders if Undertaker is afraid of Papa Shango's voodoo, which is especially odd since they showed them together at the Somalia charity press conference earlier, with both guys in street clothes, and not beefing at all. Couldn't they have at least turned it into an angle? Like, have Papa curse those starving children, and then have Undertaker come in for the save, or something. Do I have to think of EVERYTHING? Undertaker actually uses a saito suplex this week, and he delivers a particularly energetic Tombstone at 2:10. ¼*

 

Okerlund is in the studio with the Royal Rumble Report, announcing that WWF Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels will be defending against Marty Jannetty. Shawn has switched to a light blue leather version of the belt here, starting his run of colorful straps for the first time since the Ultimate Warrior days. I'm kind of surprised that this never inspired rumors that Warrior was booked to win the title before leaving the promotion, or something. I'm also surprised Shawn never did a red strap version during this period, or 1995. That would have looked great

 

Bam Bam Bigelow v Red Tyler: Lawler has all kinds of insults for Sensational Sherri this week, which brings Macho to her defense. You'd think, of all people, he'd know better than to stand up for her. Big Boss Man split screens in, and apparently Bam Bam thinks he's big and ugly. Well, if that's how Bam Bam feels about himself, who is Boss Man to argue? Mind your business, Boss Man! Bigelow with the flying headbutt drop at 2:25. Did that move ever get a cool name? Because it needed one. DUD

 

Tito Santana likes his chances in the Rumble match. His name was on the short list!

 

The Headshrinkers are heading to the Rumble as well. If they can stop eating each other's boogers, that is

 

Undertaker is still all excited about the 29 fresh graves he's prepared for the Rumble

 

The Beverly Brothers are ready for the Steiner Brothers. Ready to job. "We're the #1 tag team here" ... really? You're not the champions, you've never been the champions... are you just hoping the Steiner's haven't bothered to do any research on their way in, or something?

 

BUExperience: A lot of guys seemed to be feeling their oats this week.