WWF Superstars (March 20, 1993)

 Original Airdate: March 20, 1993 (taped February 15)

From Long Beach, California; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Jerry Lawler

We start with a video package about Hulk Hogan’s impending return, set to Real American. And, hey, that’s an awesome theme, so no complaints from me

Money Inc v Alan Reid and Robert Thompson: Money Inc's WWF Tag Team title is not on the line. “They have the gold around their waists,” notes Vince as the camera does a close up of IRS holding the belt on his shoulder. Well, at least he didn’t say ‘belt.’ I’d hate for him to have to give himself an earful. Ted DiBiase with a Million Dollar Dream at 2:15. ¼*

Kamala v Jim Gorman: Man, they were going all in with Kamala around this period, weren't they? Why didn’t they ever run Kamala v Giant Gonzalez. I mean, thank God they didn’t, but Ugandan Giant against… regular… giant… how did Vince resist? Kamala and Reverend Slick split screen in so Kamala can let us know that he’s a man. Has he even been Bar Mitzvah’d? Splash finishes at 1:43 - a third of which was Kamala trying to figure out how to make a pin. DUD

Raymond Rougeau (sporting a pretty badass baby blue necktie/pocket square) brings Lex Luger out to talk about WrestleMania, but Luger would rather pose. Well, whatever makes him happy. You do you, Lex. Mr. Perfect is less impressed, however, and shows up on the video wall to cut the posing off, which Vince apparently thinks is the funniest thing imaginable, based on his insane reaction. Like, he just showed up to talk, it’s not especially funny. Or even ‘at all’ funny, if we’re being real. So then Perfect comes out to talk face-to-face, and boy, Vince’s face is gonna hurt in the morning from all the smiling he must surely be doing. Luger responds by giving him a close up view of his posing, but Perfect laughs him off, since, honestly, Luger is acting like kind of a joke. I mean, Perfect interrupts his time, insults him, then turns his back, and all Lex can muster is some half hearted posing? That was never going to get him over as a top heel in the WWF

Shawn Michaels v Joey Maggs: Shawn's WWF Intercontinental title is not on the line for this one. That blue leather version of the belt has to be the worst of all the colorized versions, followed closely by the gold one from 1996. I always wished they did a red version, that would have really popped. Some kid in the crowd is holding up a Michaels action figure while enthusiastically booing him, which seems like a weird form of protest. Kind of like all those people in the 60s who bought Beatles records just so they could make the statement of burning them. Shawn puts it away at 2:03. DUD

Undertaker and Paul Bearer note that sometimes death is the price of courage. Did we even try negotiating, though?

The Headshrinkers are ready to shrink the Steiner Brothers. Well, obviously that curse went in completely the opposite direction

Bob Backlund v Larry Ludden: I know it wasn’t even an idea for him yet, but if this whole out of touch 70s wrestler character was always meant as a slow burn for the eventual Mr. Backlund character, it would be considered one of the biggest strokes of genius they ever had. And, honestly, even as it was, it is. They really lucked into it. Backlund with a cradle at 2:28. Bob was still a solid worker, but this character was never going to work in 1993. ¼*

WWF Fan Club ad. There’s audio cassettes

Giant Gonzalez is so tall that… he might have some sort of glandular problem. He should probably get that looked into instead of chasing Undertaker around day and night

Gene Okerlund is in the studio with the WrestleMania IX Report. Interestingly, Gene promises that Gorilla Monsoon will be calling the action at the show, though he ended up being replaced by Jim Ross. Not that I think that they should have been hyping Ross for the show, but just makes me wonder if he was even coming in yet at this point

Crush is walking around the beaches of Hawaii with a pineapple. Oh… I see… I see…

Doink the Clown v Larry Sampson: Weird colors on Doink’s gear this week. Stump puller finishes Sampson at 1:37, and somehow nearly all of his makeup has melted off already, like he had just worked a thirty minute match, or something. What, was it IRS under the green wig this week? DUD

Kamala is ready for Bam Bam Bigelow at WrestleMania. Meanwhile, Bam Bam seems to think his flame tattoos will somehow act as a defense or some kind. Pretty sure it doesn’t work that way, but I’m not, like, a scientist, or anything, so I won’t argue

Tatanka is ready to fulfill his destiny at WrestleMania. His destiny is winning title matches by countout? Kind of a weird destiny, but whatever, bro

WrestleMania IX ad

BUExperience: Not everything was a hit, but the show was focused, and an easy watch.