AWA Battle of Breakfast Cereal (May 1989)

Original Airdate: May 1, 1989

From Minneapolis, Minnesota; Your Host is Larry Nelson. The concept here is that Kellogg’s themed wrestlers take on (and defeat) General Mills themed wrestlers, and it was created specifically for a Kellogg’s marketing conference, as something to entertain the attendees and boost morale. It was never meant to be seen by the general public, but I guess no one signed an NDA

In an odd bit, the ring announcer does all the introductions for the whole evening now, with the wrestlers coming out, standing in the ring with their opponent, and then shuffling back to the dressing room. That’s really weird. Also, despite the fact that this entire show was designed around them, but just in case the Kellogg’s employees were hitting the sauce a little too hard before the show, the two entrances are helpfully labeled ‘Bad Guys’ and ‘Good Guys’ so they know who to cheer and who to boo

Scott Richards (some Kellogg’s sales exec) comes out to rile up the troops, giving a motivational speech about how they’re going to shove it up General Mills’ ass tonight. And then he stomps boxes of General Mills cereal to really drive his point home, between quoting Peter Finch in Network a bunch of times. This was something else

Nutri Rockne v Total The Terrible: Rockne is Tommy Jammer, and Total is Mike Enos. Larry Nelson is super descriptive here, which makes sense, since the majority of the intended audience probably don’t know a thing about pro-wrestling. Total slams him around in the early going, but Rockne gets an armdrag, and delivers a bodyslam of his own. Dropkick leaves Total begging off, but Rockne stays on him with a corner whip to set up a backdrop on the rebound. Rockne unloads in the corner, and hiptosses him out, then delivers a clothesline for two. Running powerslam gets two, and a legdrop is worth two. Pair of dropkicks set up a splash, and Total is totally done at 3:03. Super basic, but that’s the name of the game tonight. I should note that the ring announcer announces the time as over eight minutes, which is some truly insane puffing. And why even bother, it’s a group of sales reps who are treating it like a joke. *

Tim Mosby (a Kellogg’s VP) also quotes Network several times, and declares literal war on General Mills, before outlining his battle plan. But he’s British, so everything he says sounds like it has real gravatas. Even if he is talking about a literal breakfast cereal war. All that’s missing is him declaring that they’ll defend every square inch of their corn puffs. Apparently Fruit Loops is going to be their A-bomb

Mr. Oat-Portunity v Hondo Haymaker: ‘Hondo Haymaker’ sounds like something out of a Tarantino script. Mr. Oat is Derrick Dukes and Hondo is Wayne Bloom. In a funny bit, Haymaker tries clearing the mat of the massive amount of cereal littering it by removing literally two flakes, and then giving up. I guess they were two really slippery flakes in question. Haymaker dominates with some holds to start, but Oat keeps slipping away, frustrating Hondo. Haymaker finally gets a standing side-headlock locked on, and he manages to take Oat to the mat in the hold, grinding it on. Oat escapes and delivers a hiptoss, then grabs a quick armbar, and throws a bodypress for two. Haymaker stomps him down to cut off the comeback, as the announcer notes that two minutes remain in the time limit, again drastically exaggerating the elapsed time. Haymaker with a flying axehandle, but Oat no-sells, and makes a comeback. Oat with a superkick and a flying shoulderblock at 4:39. These poor guys looked like they felt super limited after the two guys in the opener used all the most basic spots in their match. ½*

Dr. K v The General: The Doc is Wahoo McDaniel and the General is Col. DeBeers. Nice little promotion for the Colonel there. I normally don’t like when fans throw anything at the wrestlers, but seeing guys getting pelted with Corn Pops is an exception. Dr. K works a wristlock to start, but General counters to a standing headlock. Dr. K starts to escape, so General slugs him down, and puts the boots to him. Dr. K fights back with chops, allowing him a turnbuckle smash, and General is begging off. Dr. K keeps coming with chops until General falls out of the ring, but he beats the count. Dr. K whips him into the ropes for a knife-edge chop, and a turnbuckle smash leads to a snapmare. Dr. K slaps on a chinlock, but General fights to a vertical base, and wins a slugfest. The referee gets bumped as they criss cross, allowing General to grab a weapon out of a box of cereal, and he pops Dr. K with it. Boy, they really didn’t do any QA on those prizes back in the 80s, did they? Bodyslam sets up a dive, but Greg Gagne and Tom Zenk (representing Kellogg’s) shove him off the top, allowing Dr. K to cover, and the dazed referee counts the pin at 6:09. This was pretty terrible. ¼*

Mike Simpson comes out for another motivational speech, and he wants to demote General Mills to Private Mills. Somehow he gets through his whole thing without quoting an Paddy Chayefsky characters

The Sales and Marketing Team v The Mills Brothers: S&M are Greg Gagne and Tom Zenk, and Pat Tanaka and Paul Diamond play the Mills Brothers, which makes sense, because anyone involved in this is either a sadist or a masochist. Zenk and Tanaka start, and Tom cranks on a side-headlock out of the initial lockup. Tanaka forces a criss cross, but Tom wins with hiptosses and armdrags, and an inverted atomic drop follows. Tag to Greg, but Gagne misses a dropkick, allowing the tag to Paul. Diamond dumps Greg to the outside for General to attack, but Greg gets hold of some quality Kellogg’s brand cereal, and it’s like a Popeye cartoon. He comes in fired up, but Paul cuts him off with a front-facelock. I really hope General Mills didn’t get a hold of this tape back in the day. Kellogg’s is giving away their weakness here! What if the GM boys can learn a front-facelock?! What then?! What then?! The heels cut the ring in half on Gagne, until he manages a bodypress on Tanaka for two, and there’s the tag to Zenk - Roseanne Barr the door! The S&M team dominate, and Zenk polishes Tanaka off with a flying bodypress at 6:00. ½*

BUExperience: 1989. WCW was putting on some of the best matches in history. The WWF was in the midst of one of the biggest, most profitable angles in history. And the AWA was... doing this.

 

Look, obviously this was not a serious wrestling show, nor was it meant to be. But it was certainly something unique, and hey, it had a hot crowd. It’s definitely worth checking out for the sheer novelty.