Original Airdate: December 29, 1997
From Uniondale, New York; Your Host is Jim Ross with Michael Cole and Kevin Kelly (hour one), and with Jerry Lawler (hour two)
Steve Austin v Goldust: Goldust and Luna Vachon join us, and Goldust is dressed as a baby, in honor of New Years. He makes the mistake of offering Steve a pair of skimpy underwear as a peace offering before the match, but he’s such a joke that Steve doesn’t even seem interested in having the match at all. He literally tells Goldust to suck on his pacifier while he cuts a promo about other things, before finally unveiling a surprise for Goldust: a porta-potty. Why did he need to have it lowered from the ceiling like Sting? Couldn’t they just wheel it out? No matter, Austin beats Goldust up, puts him in the outhouse, and tips it over like in Eight Crazy Nights. Sadly, no deer appear. No match, just a (very, very weird) segment. This was definitely not one of Austin’s better adventures
Six-Man Tag Team Match: Savio Vega, Jesus Castillo, and Miguel Perez v Chainz, Skull, and 8-Ball: The announcers show clips of this feud starting all the way back in July, which is just insane. Seriously, we’re half a year in, and literally nothing of note has happened. Big brawl right out of the gate here, and it just kind of goes on that way, with the referee never bothering to establish order. Ending comes as Vega accidentally hits his own man with a kick, and Chaniz covers at 3:20. I get needing to fill out the roster (it was pretty thin at this point), but they need to give these guys something better to do, or keep them on house shows. DUD
WWF European Champion Triple H joins us, ahead of his scheduled title defense against Owen Hart tonight. But, unfortunately, he’s on crutches, and won’t be able to compete. But he will be able to cut a promo on Undertaker on WWF Champion Shawn Michaels’ behalf (since Shawn is sick, and not here tonight). That draws Undertaker out, but instead of the man himself, it’s just a casket, apparently a threat to the absent Michaels. But then, Shawn pops out of the casket (which has been covered in DX themed graffiti), and the announcers are putting this over like it’s some earth shattering moment, though it fell pretty flat. So all this brings Commissioner Slaughter out, and he’s none too pleased that HHH is trying to get out of his title match. But, hey, if he’s injured, he’s injured, what can you do? Guess Shawn will just have to take his place, with his title on the line instead. Not a great segment
Kama Mustafa v Ken Shamrock: Cole puts over Shamrock’s match with D-lo Brown on last week’s show as a ‘great, scientific matchup.’ Credible right from the start, that guy. Ken with a few takedowns to start, measuring Kama. Kama measures back with a few right hands, but Ken takes him back down into a kneebar, and Kama quickly grabs the ropes. Criss cross allows Brown to trip Ken up, however, and Kama drops an elbow. Backbreaker finds the mark, and a cross corner whip rattles the ring. Avalanche, but Shamrock dodges, and delivers a cross corner whip of his own. His own charge goes badly as well, however, and Kama savate kicks him for two. Superkick, but Shamrock dodges, and clotheslines him. Ken with a backelbow and a dropkick for two, so he grounds Kama for some mounted punches. That draws Faarooq and D-lo onto the apron with distractions, but Kama ends up hitting Brown while trying an attack, and Ken anklelocks him at 3:35. Faarooq and D-lo are ready to pounce after the bell, but WWF Intercontinental Champion Rock comes out, holding them back. He cuts a promo on Ken, telling him that his luck is about to run out next weel, because he’ll be facing… the leader of the Nation, Faarooq. The incredulous look on Faarooq’s face at being ordered around by his underling is great stuff. ½*
Vince McMahon offers a pre-taped New Years greeting
Taka Michinoku and George Steele v Jerry Lawler and Brian Christopher: Steele is a mystery partner, in his first WWF match since 1988. It gets a huge pop, but what a weird choice, considering he was from, like, three eras back, and over sixty at this point. The heels attack Taka as George eats turnbuckles, and Brian Northern lights suplexes him. Backdrop follows, and a sitout-powerbomb. Suplex, but Michinoku blocks, and spinheel kicks him. Bodyslam sets up a flying moonsault, but Steele is distracting the referee, so no count. That allows Lawler to save, and Brian bodyslams Michinoku. Jerry decides to try a flying moonsault of his own, but Animal attacks Brian, and the King abandons it. Thank God. The heels continue to cut the ring in half on Michinoku anyway, so George runs in again, and gets disqualified at 2:40. And this would be George’s last WWF match until exactly one year later, and he’d even have a few into 1999 as part of the Oddities. That was, at least, a much better fit for him than this. ¼*
Jesse James v Cactus Jack: I think this is the first instance of ‘oh you didn’t know? Your ass better call somebody.’ That feels like a good one, they should stick with it for a while. Jack brings a barbed wire bat with him, but the New Age Outlaws fight him off with hockey sticks. Inside to officially start the match, and Jack unloads on James in the corner. Jack with a running kneesmash, and he dumps Jesse to the outside for an elbowdrop from the apron. Inside, but Jack clotheslines him right back out, so Billy Gunn tries attacking with the bat. Jack fights him off, but the distraction allows James to blast him with a chair, and somehow that’s not a DQ. Even the announcers are openly wondering about that one. Inside, Jack comes back with a double-arm DDT, but Gunn dives in to make the save, and that’s finally a DQ at 2:12. Afterwards, the Outlaws chase Jack up the ramp, where Chainsaw Charlie busts out of a giant wooden crate that’s been sitting on the stage all night, and he chases the Outlaws away with his weapon. This was barely a proper match, but the post-match angle was good, and that’s what it was all about anyhow. DUD
Kevin Kelly brings Sable out to hype the RAW Magazine swimsuit issue, and she wants to give the audience a little preview, but of course, Marc Mero shows up to put a stop to it. Marc continues to be great here, cutting a fantastic, bitter promo on her. That draws Tom Brandi out to make the save, but Marc kills him with a TKO, as Sable runs away. Good segment, though Kelly was hilariously bad in it
Chainz, Skull, 8-Ball, 2 Cold Scorpio, Scott Taylor, and The Headbangers hit the ring, all upset at getting beat up by Kane in recent weeks. They call Kane out to get a little payback, and Kane arrives to face them down, but before the fight can start, Undertaker shows up. Everyone expects him to fight Kane as well, but instead, Undertaker helps him take the others out, before walking away. This was short and effective, continuing to get over that Undertaker won’t engage Kane, and is trying to watch over him, despite not siding with him. That aspect was one of the best parts of the Hart Brothers feud in 1994, and they’re making good use of it again
Backstage, Michael Cole catches up with WWF Tag Team Champions The New Age Outlaws to talk about their scheduled defense against the Legion of Doom at the Royal Rumble, but they’re a little too preoccupied by the maniac chasing them around with a chainsaw to think about it
Jim Cornette offers another pre-taped rant, this one on the state of wrestling as 1997 comes to a close. Not surprisingly: he doesn’t like it. It stinks! It all stinks! Yes, Mr. Cornette, everything stinks
The Playstation Slam of the Week is Steve Austin giving Santa Claus a stunner
Sunny comes out to dance around, looking out of her mind on whatever. She does literally nothing, and I’m guessing this happened to appease her because she was mad that Sable got a segment earlier
WWF Title Match: Shawn Michaels v Owen Hart: That was a lot of other shit between matches here. Owen debuts his new gear here, which doesn’t feature even a hint of pink. The commentators announce that the WWF is officially in negotiations with Mike Tyson to appear at WrestleMania XIV. Owen attacks during the entrances, with Shawn barely selling for him. Hart with a vertical suplex on the ramp, followed by a facebuster before finally taking it inside - where he immediately backdrops the champion back over the top. Owen drops him across the guardrail out there, and he drags Michaels back in to continue the assault. Chyna trips the challenger up, allowing Michaels to shove him out of the ring, and Hart takes a bump into the rail. Shawn dives with an axehandle from the apron, and a piledriver gets him two on the way back in. DDT gets two, so Shawn tries a sleeper, but Owen fights him off with a side suplex, and delivers a backdrop, before cornering HBK with a ten-punch. Cross corner whip flips Michaels into a clothesline for two, and a spinheel kick is worth two. Belly-to-belly suplex gets two, and a leg-feed enzuigiri sets up the Sharpshooter! Owen gets it on, but Triple H whacks him with his crutch for the DQ at 9:55. This was solid action, no surprise. It’s too bad we never got a proper pay per view match between the two during this run. * ½
BUExperience: I really didn’t like this episode. Other than the main event, the wrestling was terrible across the board, and it felt like the biggest characters (Austin, DX) didn’t really do anything of note. Austin, especially, wasn’t even on the show beyond the stupid opening segment. That said, this drew RAW’s highest head-to-head rating to that point, and while I didn’t really enjoy it, it did a good job of highlighting all the major story points.
Monday Night Wars Rating Chart
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