WWF Shotgun Saturday Night (January 18, 1997)

Original Airdate: January 18, 1997

From San Antonio, Texas; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jim Ross

Hunter Hearst Helmsley v Rocky Maivia: HHH's WWF Intercontinental title is not on the line. Sunny is dancing around in the crowd, so it’s going to be an uphill battle for these poor guys in terms of holding their attention. Todd Pettengill catches up with HHH on the way to the ring, and wow, does he look odd with facial hair. It’s not even a bad look, exactly, it’s just so far removed from babyface Mania Pettengill, and it’s jarring. Rocky dominates early, armdragging his way to control with armbars. HHH manages a snapmare, but misses an elbowdrop, and Maivia bodyslams him. Armdrag back into an armbar, and man, this crowd is rowdy. It’s like an ECW crowd, but where people actually get laid. Jake Roberts randomly shows up, and clears the ring with his snake, and I honestly forgot that he was even still with the promotion at this point. Also, why is he dressed like he’s on his way from a day of selling used Buicks? Jake clears off to go do commentary, and HHH manages to get Maivia in a chinlock as they get going again. Hunter throws a knee to keep Rocky down, and wow, Jake really sounds like Steve Austin on commentary. Rocky with a bodypress for two, but he telegraphs a backdrop, and eats a kneeling facebuster for two, as Jake notes that both of these young guys are great. Meanwhile, Ross notes that Roberts will set a record tomorrow by making his sixth Royal Rumble match appearance, which goes to show just how much the business has changed. I think everyone on the roster has at least six Rumble appearances these days. HHH works another chinlock, but Rocky fights him off with fists, so Hunter goes to the eyes. Irish whip, but Maivia reverses, and he delivers a powerslam, as Marlena makes her way to ringside. Rocky makes a comeback, and a dropkick sends Helmsley over the top. Rocky chases after him, but ends up eating the steps out there. HHH notices Marlena, and takes the distraction bait, allowing Maivia the countout win at 11:22. This was fine in a very basic sort of way, but a little bit too much going on with Jake, Marlena, and Goldust all getting involved. * ¼ 

Apparently this nightclub is also a casino, and Honky Tonk Man is dealing blackjack

Bob Backlund, apparently not having received the memo that they’re not in New York this week, is throwing a tantrum in the middle of Times Square. Considering what a bland, straight edge kind of guy he was for so many years, this must have been incredibly jarring for him. Or, maybe he was just always like that, and the Opie thing was the act all along

Mini Mankind and Histeria v Mascarita Sagrada Jr and Venum: I guess I get booking this for the San Antonio crowd, but don’t expect me to care. And it really is a good fit, and not just because they’re more familiar with the style, but they’re a young crowd drinking in a bar, and all the crazy dives are exactly what they’re going to pop for. It’s not the right venue for nuanced storytelling. Thankfully, Steve Austin joins us for commentary, to keep it interesting. Histeria scores the pinfall at 5:37. ¾*

George and Adam have shown up at the Alamodome a day early, already in their seats, and ready for action

Todd Pettengill brings Terry Funk out to hype up the Rumble match, and he spots Austin at the commentary table, and challenges him to get it on right now. Austin looking at him like one might a very small child trying to punch at your leg is a perfect fit. But then Terry starts slapping Steve, and that’s the line - Austin catching him with a punch before officials swarm

Faarooq v Jesse James: Faarooq attacks from behind, but gets run into the corner, and Jesse side suplexes him for two. He tries a leapfrog, but Faarooq counters with a spinebuster for two, and the dominator finishes at 1:56. Total squash. DUD

The Starburst Fruit Twists Rewind is Shawn Michaels dumping Davey Boy Smith out of the ring to win the 1995 Rumble match

Goldust v Steve Austin: You may remember these two from… earlier segments. Steve pounds him down for a stomping, but Goldust fights him off, and nails him with a jumping clothesline. Steve fights that off with a mulekick, but Goldust counters a chinlock with a hammerlock, and he works that for a while. To a vertical base, Goldust wins a slugfest, and he’s working this match as full on Dustin Rhodes here. So Goldust runs wild, but Terry Funk runs in to attack Austin for the DQ at 5:06. Not much here. Afterwards, all the workers in the locker room run in to turn it into a big brawl to hype the Rumble one last time. DUD

BUExperience: Well, now I really want to see a proper Austin/Funk feud