WWE Tables, Ladders & Chairs (December 2011)

Original Airdate: December 18, 2011

From Baltimore, Maryland; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler

Opening WWE United States Title Match: Dolph Ziggler v Zack Ryder: Some measuring to start, and Ryder dumps him to the outside to hit with a dive. They fight onto the apron, where Ziggler manages a DDT to get control, and shit, from the wide angles I can barely tell these two apart. If I didn’t made a mental note about what color gear each has on, I probably wouldn’t be able to at all. Ziggler with a lengthy series of elbowdrops for two (displaying impressive stamina), and a backelbow finds the mark. Dolph works a chinlock, and I’m honestly confused as to what Michael Cole’s role is at this point. He’s doing play-by-play, and promoting all the company stuff… but he’s also acting like a heel. I thought that period was over. It’s also really unnerving for a 90s kid to hear Lawler play a babyface announcer. Ziggler with an olympic slam for two, but Ryder fights him off in the corner, and dives off the middle with a dropkick for two. Zack goes on the comeback trail, and a corner big boot nearly puts it away before Vickie Guerrero puts Ziggler’s foot on the rope. The referee ejects her, but too little too late, she managed to save the day there. Ryder with a rollup for two, reversed by Ziggler for two. Rocker dropper, but Zack dodges, and schoolboys for two. Ziggler lands the dropper on the next go, for two, and a dropkick gets him two. Ziggler goes upstairs, but Ryder crotches him, and brings him down with a rana off the top for two. Corner splash, but Dolph dodges, and schoolboys for two. His own corner splash gets blocked, and Ryder lands an inverted rocker dropper to win the title at 10:22. This was fun, and a good way to start the show. ** ¾ 

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne v Primo and Epico: Epico and Evan start, and they trade off with cradles. Bourne gets the better of the exchanges, and Kofi tags in to deliver a dropkick for two. Tag to Primo, but Kofi fights off a double team, and covers Primo for two. Promo tries a monkey flip, but Kofi blocks, and then delivers one of his own for two. Back to Bourne for a headscissor takedown for two, but a springboard bodypress gets caught, and Evan dumped to the outside. That turns the tide, and the challengers work Evan over. Kofi catches a hot tag, however, and he runs wild with Trouble in Paradise at 7:30. This wasn’t bad, but didn’t really get the blood going. ¾*

Tables Match: Randy Orton v Wade Barrett: Slugfest to start, won by Orton with an inverted headlock backbreaker. He goes to grab a table, but Barrett attacks before he can get too far, and they fight over to the entrance stage. Barrett tries pumphandle-slamming him through a table there, but Randy blocks, and they end up back down at ringside. Randy bashes his face into the apron a few times, but an attempt at a DDT gets blocked, and Barrett big boots him on the floor. Barrett tries for a table, but Orton fights him off, and they fight back inside. Barrett tries another big boot, but misses, and they spill out to the apron. Barrett tries a Wasteland off, but Orton blocks, and delivers a rope-hung DDT into the ring. RKO, but Barrett blocks. Wade sets up a table, but his dive off the middle is caught in an RKO, putting Barrett through it at 10:13. This didn’t do anything for me. ¼*

WWE Divas Title Match: Beth Phoenix v Kelly Kelly: Beth taunts her at the bell, so Kelly slaps her, then dodges the resulting charge, the champ taking a spill out of the ring. Kelly is on her with a bulldog on the floor, and a pair of smashes into the apron follow. Inside, Kelly uses a headscissors to send Beth into the corner, but an attempt to follow up ends in Kelly getting press-dropped in the corner. Phoenix pounds her down for two, and a camel clutch follows, as Kelly tears everyone’s eardrums with her form of selling. She’s easy on the eyes, not so much on the ears. Kelly with a small package for two, and a one-handed bulldog allows her to bash Beth’s face into the canvas a bunch of time. Kelly tries a dive off the middle, but gets caught in a slam for two. That allows Phoenix to go up with a flying legdrop, but Kelly dodges, and cradles for two - reversed by Phoenix for two. Kelly tries a rana, but Phoenix counters with a reverse electric facebuster for the pin at 5:12. They were making an effort, there just wasn’t much to this. ½*

Sledgehammer Ladder Match: Triple H v Kevin Nash: Nash looks like American Badass era Undertaker here. Slugfest to start, an extended one. They spill to the outside, where HHH goes for a ladder, but Nash blasts him with a boot before he can get hold of it. Nash nails him with a ladder next, but before he can set up his follow up, Hunter dives off of the announce table with an elbowsmash. They spill into the crowd for a bit, where Nash manages to drop him across the barricade, but HHH reverses him into the post as they get back to ringside. Into the ring, Hunter starts targeting the knee, taking control of the match. Hunter uses a ladder assisted figure four, but it goes nowhere, so he simplifies by just dropping the ladder onto the leg instead. He tries a corner whip into a ladder, but Nash reverses, and Hunter takes a bump over the top. Nash drags him back in, and I’m honestly not sure if he’s selling the leg, or just showing his age. Nash with a sidewalk slam on a ladder, and then a catapult underneath another one. Back to the outside, where Nash tries a powerbomb through the announce table, but HHH backdrops him on the floor to block. Hunter climbs for the sledgehammer, but Nash pulls him off, and delivers a short-clothesline. Nash with a whip into a ladder, followed by a chokeslam. He tries a powerbomb through a table in the ring, but HHH blocks again, and takes a shot at the leg with a ladder. Hunter climbs, but Nash follows, and they slug it out - ending in Kevin taking a bump through a table. I don’t think he ever took a big bump like that in his prime, so points to him for making a real effort. That allows HHH to grab the hammer, and he goes to town on Nash’s knee. Pedigree connects, but no cover, as HHH savors it. Nash tries begging off, but Hunter isn’t having it, and bashes his head with the hammer for the pin at 18:04. Always fun when Triple H wants to jerk off on pay per view. Good that he has an outlet. ¼*

Sheamus v Jack Swagger: Sheamus throws him around to start, and a pair of elbowdrops get him two. Jack tries an abdominal stretch to shake him off, but Sheamus blocks, and unloads with forearms across the chest. To the outside, where Swagger manages to send him into the post to turn things around, and he puts the boots to Sheamus on the floor. Sheamus fights him off with a flying clothesline for two on the way back in. Brogue kick, but Swagger ducks it, and clips the leg a few times to calm Sheamus down. Anklelock looks to put it away, but Sheamus escapes. Jack tries going for the leg again, but Sheamus sidesteps, and delivers the Brogue at 5:55. ¾*

World Heavyweight Title Chairs Match: Mark Henry v Big Show: Show immediately goes to the outside and starts tossing chairs into the ring, but Henry wants none of it, and decides to walk. Show chases after him and unloads with fists on the outside, but Mark hits him with a chair to turn it around. Henry beats on his hand with the chair, but Show manages to catch him with a big knockout punch to win the title at 5:28. This was a really nothing match, without a thing of note going on. Afterwards, Henry beats on Show with a chair to leave him unconscious, so Daniel Bryan shows up to cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase. DUD

World Heavyweight Title Match: Big Show v Daniel Bryan: Daniel covers him while Show is still out, and scores the easy pin at 0:07. I know the ‘rules’ of pro-wrestling change to suit whatever the storyline needs at that particular moment, but honestly, it’s long been established that both competitors need to be vertical and responsive before an opening bell can sound. DUD

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Cody Rhodes v Booker T: Booker blitzes him at the bell, and he delivers a pair of bodyslams. Suplex, but Cody blocks. He tries a rollup, but Booker blocks, and lands a superkick for two. Booker chucks the champion over the top, but Cody fights him off on the way back in, and traps him in a hold. Booker escapes, but telegraphs a backdrop, and gets clobbered for two. Cody grounds him in a full-nelson, but Booker escapes, and makes a proper comeback. A sidewalk slam gets him two, and Booker adds a spinebuster. Axekick, but Cody dodges. Harlem sidekick, but Cody dodges that one too, and lands a kick of his own for two. Cody with a springboard kneesmash, and Booker is done at 7:13. ¾*

Main Event: WWE Title Triple Threat Tables, Ladders, and Chairs Match: CM Punk v Miz v Alberto Del Rio: Both challengers gang up on Punk, and based on some of the stuff we’ve learned about him over the last few months here in 2023, I’m guessing they didn’t need a lot of motivation. They do a number on him for a good five minutes, before Punk fights Del Rio off with a neckbreaker on the floor, before dodging a chair shot from Miz, and then going to town on him with the weapon. Into the ring, Punk tries climbing for the gold, but Del Rio stops him, and manages to handcuff him to the ladder. Punk breaks free and tips him off, but Miz attacks before he can get too far. That ends with Punk trying to superplex Miz, but Del Rio kicks him in the head, and Punk takes a bump through a table on the floor. Del Rio beats Miz senseless with a chair, but an attempt to climb ends in Punk crotching him on the top rope. A slugfest between Punk and Miz goes the champ’s way, so Ricardo Rodriguez runs in to try and climb for the belt on Del Rio’s behalf, but ends up taking a bump through a table on the outside when Punk tips the ladder. Punk and Miz get into a reversal sequence that ends in Punk hammering him in the corner, but a charge misses, and Miz cuffs him to the turnbuckle. Miz climbs, but Del Rio comes up the other side. They fight it out, but Punk breaks free, and hits Miz with the GTS after knocking Alberto off. That allows Punk to climb for the gold at 18:21. Some cool bumps, not much else. *

BUExperience: Hmm... something positive... think of something positive to say... I, uh, didn't hate the opener...?

DUD