Heroes of Wrestling (October 1999)

In 1999, pro-wrestling was the hottest it had been since the peak of the Golden Age of the 1980s – if not more. To capitalize on the success, a series of ‘legends reunion’ pay per views (an idea even WCW had scrapped by 1996) were promoted, the first of which was to be Heroes of Wrestling.

Unfortunately for promoter Bill Stone, the show itself ended up becoming a legendary train wreck – panned by many in the industry and fans alike as the ‘worst pay per view of all time.’ Not that it looked like a classic on paper (the event did so few buys that they weren’t financially able to make it to the next show), but the shitstorm that transpired would have probably kept them from trying again, even if it were profitable. 

From St. Bay Louis, Mississippi – in the ballroom of a casino. The atmosphere/production values are right out of the ECW Arena, though the gritty look is out of place with this crowd/card.

Your Hosts are Randy Rosenbloom and Dutch Mantel – the heavily advertised Gordon Solie (because his involvement legitimized the show to many old school fans) not appearing.


Opening Match: The Samoan Swat Team v Marty Jannetty and Tommy Rogers: Jannetty is billed is 'Rooker' Marty Jannetty, in one of many 'it looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws - it's not' moments throughout the show. Samoan Savage starts with Marty, and they do the old house show 'take turns working the crowd' bit to establish heel/face lines. Savage gets him into the corner, but Marty starts throwing armdrags, and a four-way brawl quickly breaks out - the Samoans getting cleared out. The dust settles back on Savage/Jannetty, and another armdrag leaves Samoan Savage in an armbar. Tag to Rogers, but the faces accidentally knock Savage into his home corner, and he tags Samu. He offers a handshake, but gets denied with a shot to the nuts. Well, can't say that wasn't a direct response. Jannetty hooks him in a chinlock to let his nuts recover, but a cheap shot turns the tide, and the Samoan's cut the ring in half. Samu with a Vaderbomb, but Marty dodges, and makes the tag to Rogers. He's a house of arson, but Savage catches him with a modified cutter for the pin at 10:00. This was a house show opener if I've ever seen one. DUD

George Steele v Greg Valentine: The 'angle' to set this up (on a legends card, really?) is that Steele stole Sensational Sherri from Valentine - though, really, Greg should buy him a steak dinner for that. The angle also featured Steele in a leisure suit and wearing shades while painting the town with Sherri - though he's back in 'Animal' mode by bell time. Valentine tries to plead his case to Sherri, so Steele bites him, then turns his attention to the turnbuckle pad - but the referee steps in, since the promotion can't afford to replace it. Meanwhile, Valentine jumps him, and pulls his shirt over his head - which Steele can't figure out how to escape from, much like most three year olds. Sherri turns on him while he's blinded, but he manages to get it off, and clock Valentine with a pair of knux - which he passes back to Sherri, since he was 'blind' when she turned on him. Of course, she passes it right over to Valentine to unload with, but he doesn't even bother to properly hide it in his tights afterwards - the knux sticking out of the back like he's got a turd hanging. Sherri whacks Steele with a chair to hammer home the heel turn, and Valentine covers him for the pin at 6:37. I wasn't expecting much - especially given that Steele was long retired - but this was ridiculously bad. -*

2 Cold Scorpio v Julio Fantastico: Captain Lou Albano joins the commentators, in a desperate attempt to cover for Rosenbloom - who can't even call basic move names correctly. Weird choice for this type of show, as neither guy was considered a legend, and at the same time, both weren't exactly 'up and coming young stars' to showcase. Scorpio tries to dance him into submission, but Fantastico throws a sloppy dropkick, and they trade hammerlocks instead. Fantastico decides a dance-off might be nice after all, but this time Scorpio responds with a dropkick, and dumps Julio to the outside. He follows with a plancha, but back inside, Fantastico catches him with a springboard dropkick, and a plancha of his own. Blind charge allows Scorpio to backdrop him into the crowd, and they take the full tour before heading back in for Fantastico to mule kick him. Side suplex for two, and an elbowdrop gets two as Fantastico goes for the kill. Dropkick, but he loses a slugfest, and Scorpio hits a slingshot splash for two. To the top, but Fantastico meets him up there, and bulldogs him off for two. Criss cross sees Scorpio hit a sloppy spinkick, and a 2^nd rope somersault legdrop sets up a flying corkscrew somersault legdrop (which doesn't even make contact with Fantastico) for the pin at 9:37. Really disjointed spotfest - Scorpio's usual sloppiness out in full force. DUD

The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff v The Bushwhackers: Big 'USA' chant to motivate the New Zealand born Bushwhackers. The heels jump them during their entrance shtick, and go right to work. Volkoff gets the official start with Butch, and starts kissing the top of his head, which they decide is 'biting.' Into the ropes, Volkoff leaves him right next to partner Luke, but the 'Whackers don't think to tag ('it just never occurred to me...'), and a four-way brawl breaks out - the 'Whackers cleaning house. After enough regrouping, everybody heads back in... to stand around and work the crowd. The heels finally get sick of it (hey, so am I), and decide to bail, but then turn around and head back before the count. In, Volkoff unloads on Luke - though they have to quickly switch to the hard camera to mask how loosely he's working. Volkoff with a pair of backbreakers (none of which actually make any realistic contact), and Sheik tags to finish with the Camel Clutch - but he's so broken down, he can't even properly apply it (it's basically a half-vertical Camel Clutch). Butch breaks it up, and gets the tag, and he's an outhouse of fire - and positions Volkoff in the corner by literally grabbing a handful of saggy man tit, and dragging. Everyone brawls, and the Bushwhackers get the pin at 8:42. This was sad. Not as in 'bad match sad' (though, it was that, too), but as in 'watching these poor old men have to do this to make a few bucks' sad. Dave Meltzer has cited this as one of the worst matches of all time, and while I wouldn't go quite that far (old guys working the highlight reel doesn't quite cut it, especially when kept under ten minutes), it was one of the worst worked matches I've seen, openly exposing the business from bell to bell. -**

Stan Lane v Tully Blanchard: This was set up when Lane locked Blanchard in the trunk of a car earlier in the day - another dumb, pointless angle for a legends show. Blanchard is good and pissed about it, too - charging in for revenge, and chasing Lane around the ring. Of course, that ends with Stan nailing him on the way in, and hitting a savate kick. Blanchard's anger is too strong to savate kick away, however, and they spill to the floor - where Lane posts him. Inside, Stan with a swinging neckbreaker for two, and he hooks a Cobra Clutch on the mat - only to have his eyes raked. Lane keeps hammering, as the camera crew spends time trying to find literally any even slightly attractive females in attendance to put on camera, cutting to shots of them looking bored between each move - to the point where it becomes distracting. Lane with a Russian legsweep, but Tully tugs the tights to dump him, and throws him into the rail. Tully decides to hook a figure four on the floor, but Lane goes to the eyes again to break - only to get caught in a sleeper on the way back in. Lane breaks, and hits a side suplex for the pin, though Tully gets the shoulder up first, and pins him in his own hold at 7:04. Well paced, and better ring work than some of these other old timers - but certainly not what anyone could consider 'good.' DUD

Abdullah the Butcher v One Man Gang: Gang jumps him on the way in, and immediately starts 'hitting' him with his chain, triggering the obligatory Butcher bladejob. To the floor, Gang whacks him with a chair, and softly brushes his head into the post - possibly an attempt to sooth the wound against the nice cool steel. Inside, more shots with the chair and chain, as Abdullah works his most reliable bit: bleed like a stuck pig. He finally fires back at Gang (while taking time to stop, and lick up his own blood), and busts out a fork to help Gang join him in the blade club. To the floor again, they continue to slug it out - until the referee counts them both out at 7:34. Nasty gore fest for the sake of having a gore fest (the blood didn't add to the match the way, say, Shawn Michaels' bladejob in the first Hell in a Cell match did), and really slow, dull stuff, to boot. -½*

Bob Orton v Jimmy Snuka: This was set up when Orton cheated at cards earlier in the day. Snuka powers him into the corner for a couple of shots, and hits a sloppy 2^nd rope bodypress for two. Orton comes back with a clothesline, and tries one over the top - but they botch it, and Snuka ends up going out under the bottom rope before getting suplexed back in. Bodyslam, and a backdrop get two, so Orton goes to an armbar - as Dutch Mantel starts trying to save the show some face, with an explanation of how 'these guys aren't in their twenties anymore.' The armbar eats up a good four minutes before Orton switches to a hammerlock for a while. Meanwhile, Captain Lou Albano (in Snuka's corner) gets bored at ringside, and stops off to sign some autographs. Orton decides to speed things up with a couple of closed fists, but takes a headbutt off of a backdrop attempt before getting crotched on the ropes. Double knockout ends with them both on the top rope, and Snuka countering a superplex (injuring Orton's 'bad arm' on the way), and finishing with a flying bodypress at 11:46 - after another dose of mistiming for Orton to get into position. This wasn't actually that much different than how this would have went down fifteen years earlier, really - though much sloppier. -½*

Main Event: Jake Roberts v Jim Neidhart: Jake is so badly intoxicated, I'm surprised they let him go out there (well, not really - he was heavily advertised, and maybe the most 'over' guy on the card) because he was in absolutely no condition to perform. This became glaringly apparent during the pre-match interview, where Jake couldn't string so much as a sentence together, and had trouble staying on his feet. Jake stumbles to ringside, but then stumbles back to the dressing room, returning moments later - though this time shirtless, and in sweatpants he's stylishly tucked into his tattered snakeskin boots. This is like a bad Sandman entrance. He isn't ready to go yet, though, first stopping to greet the fans - which consists of finding some chick in the front row (with a look of sinister glee on his face) and forcing her to rub him down. Neidhart (no choirboy himself, but aware that this is a bad, bad situation) bails to the floor, and looks to be seriously considering calling it a night. They finally tie-up, and Jake tries an armdrag - but is so drunk, he literally has to use Neidhart for stability, hooks arms, and sort of falls to the mat in a heap - with Neidhart doing a roll as if Roberts pulled him over. And, yeah, pretty much every armdrag is exactly that, but this was the most business exposing one I have ever seen. Neidhart forces him into an armbar, but Jake refuses to sell, and forces Neidhart into the corner for a forearm smash. Jim bails, as Jake's snake starts slithering out of its bag - Roberts apparently forgetting to properly secure it between doing shots backstage. He notices, but instead of tying it off, he pulls it out of the bag completely, sticks it between his legs, and starts hitting on that same woman in the front row - jerking the snake off. He slumps to the mat (it's sleepy time…), as King Kong Bundy (scheduled to face Yokozuna in the other half of the billed double main event) heads out to try to stop this train wreck from getting any more out of hand. He distracts Roberts long enough for them to get the snake away from him, and Jim to hook a chinlock. Neidhart tries to work out a finish, and lets off to miss a blind charge, but Jake's too busy giving Bundy the finger to finish things. Neidhart grabs him in a front-facelock, and Bundy joins in the beating until Yokozuna joins us, and it turns into an impromptu tag match at 9:30. I'll save my thoughts and rating for the end.

Main Event: Jake Roberts and Yokozuna v Jim Neidhart and King Kong Bundy: Yoko (near the end of his life, and looking well over seven hundred pounds), faces off with Bundy and Neidhart, as Jake rolls to the outside to sleep it off - still giving Bundy the finger from flat on his back on the floor. They take turns stomping Roberts on the floor, and Bundy tries to roll him in - but Jake can't even get that quite right - looking to be moments from passing out. They finally (quite literally) drag his ass in to cut the ring in half - the highlight of which is Jake losing his boots. He manages the tag to Yoko, and he's a house of arson, but gets caught up in the corner with Neidhart, and Bundy splashes Roberts for the pin at 7:00 - never even making contact with Yokozuna, the guy they sold the show on him facing. Afterwards, Roberts and Yokozuna take their frustrations out on Bundy's manager - but when Jake decides it's time to show us his other snake, they abruptly cut to black, and the show goes off air. Now this is a good candidate for 'worst match, ever.' Really disgusting performance from Roberts - especially in a house packed with lots of young children, many excited to see him. Between this and Beyond the Mat releasing a couple of weeks later, guy was really having a rough month. -***** for the whole mess - not only the lowest rating possible, but the lowest I have ever given.

BUExperience: Randy the Ram would be so disappointed. Understandably, many have labeled this the ‘worst pay per view of all time.’ While I agree that it is absolutely terrible – I wouldn’t quite say that. When you boil it down, it was basically an indie-show gone bad – and there are lots and lots of indie shows gone bad out there. If one of the big two (or even ECW) produced this then, yes, absolutely – worst ever. But for what it was, I wouldn’t go as far as foisting that title upon it. Off the top of my head, cards like WCW Uncensored 1995 or BattleBowl 1993 are as bad – and those were produced with the full power of the Turner empire behind them, along with a roster of active workers.

Still, definitely the worst card I’ve ever seen – so bad in fact, that Hurricane Katrina literally came along to destroy the building it was held in, in a misguided attempt to properly eradicate it from history. DUD