Wednesday, March 27, 2013

WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Wrestling’s Bloopers, Bleeps, and Bodyslams (1985)



WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Wrestling’s Bloopers, Bleeps, and Bodyslams (1985)

This is notable for being the WWF’s first ever Coliseum Video release, and is a compilation hosted by Gorilla Monsoon. The cover of the tape features Lou Albano whacking one of the Samoan’s with a chair, and promises the best of the ‘worlds most entertaining sport.’


The Spectrum: Some brief clips are shown of a big ten-man tag team match from Philadelphia, with Andre the Giant (and his afro) cleaning house.

Love Advice, with Freddie Blassie: This is from the WWF's Tuesday Night Titans (a short lived, but well remembered variety-style show in the mid-80s), and Vince McMahon sits with Freddie to ask him 'written in' advice questions. Blassie answers in his usual sensitive manner.

The Rug: We get brief clips of Mike Sharpe squashing Steve Grey - in the process causing him to lose him toupee.

Hit the Bricks: Clips of Tiger Chung Lee breaking - or at least, trying to break - bricks with karate chops on WWF TV, while Vince McMahon cracks up trying to keep a straight face.

You Be the Captain: Clips of Lou Albano's appearances on TNT with Vince.

Posedown: Clips from TNT of Paul Orndorff and Tony Atlas having a posedown (in a nightclub set, and dressed like they're auditioning next to Chris Farley as a Chippendales dancer), which ends in a brawl. 

Ride 'Em... Cowboy?: Also from TNT, Vince McMahon interviews the Iron Sheik... and his camel. Vince is humbled by the size of the camel.

Keep it Classy: Freddie Blassie segment on TNT, with his 'famous performing chicken,' which all leads to Kamala trying to eat it. Haha, 'cause black people like chicken. Totally.

Midget Match: Dana Carpenter v Haiti Kid: Just brief clips of the usual midget comedy match - the end not shown.

Do the Hustler: From TNT, Ivan Putski shows an enthusiastic Vince McMahon how to polka.

Just Do It: From TNT, Hulk Hogan introduces Vince McMahon to steroids protein shakes. 'Enough of these will turn those garden snakes you have there into pythons, brother.'

From One Lover to Another: Captain Lou Albano follows Freddie Blassie's example, and offers love advice to the viewers. It involves tips regarding rubbing alcohol.

Hell's Kitchen: The Wild Samoans cook Vince McMahon a feast on the TNT show. Also includes clips of Rocky Johnson (The Rock's father) and Tony Atlas defeating them for the WWF Tag Titles in November 1983.

When the Moon Hits Your Eye: Salvatore Bellomo cooks Vince a pizza on TNT. It must have sucked, too, 'cause he was jobbed out not long after.

Road Trip: From TNT, Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch shit-kick in Texas, and play with dogs on the streets of New York. Also, they get a Kosher hotdog, which considering the rumors about Murdoch, may explain why he starts spitting everywhere. Though, he does forcefully shove the whole thing into Adrian's mouth, so...

Live Life Luscious: Johnny Valiant offers his take on matters of the heart.

Something Fishy: In one of the more famous TNT segments, Andre the Giant (dressed like John C. Reilly's stunt double for Boogie Nights) messes with Vince and Lord Alfred Hayes, then sings - with a full reggae band backing him up. The amount of drugs needed to make this segment could have probably filled a U-Haul.

Piper's Pit: Roddy Piper has Lou Albano and Cyndi Lauper on the show, which ends in Cyndi flipping a table, and going after Piper.

Meat Love: From TNT, Butcher Vachon's wedding reception. This was an insanely long segment (approx. fifteen minutes, and shown in full), which of course, ends in a food fight. Again, I'm not sure how they managed to wrestle in Madison Square Garden, considering the whole thing must have been bursting at the seams with cocaine throughout 1984.

BUExperience: No actual wrestling (just a collection of skits, mostly from Tuesday Night Titans), but holy shit. Like, holy shit holy shit. Today we can look at this and enjoy it ironically in a ‘haha, goofy 80s’ sort of way, but it seems almost unbelievable that they would release this as a commercial tape, and actually sell enough to start a series. The whole thing looks like it was edited by The Dharma Initiative (though, again, that’s part of the charm), and I’d say it’s a good addition to your Coliseum Collection – especially considering it was the first one ever.

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