WWE Royal Rumble (January 2005)

Original Airdate: January 30, 2005

From Fresno, California; Your Hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, and Tazz

Opening Match: Shawn Michaels v Edge: Edge tries jumping him before the bell, but Michaels is ready with a backdrop, and he clotheslines him to the outside so he can finish stripping in peace. Luckily, it's 2005, so that doesn't get out of hand. Edge comes back in hot, but Shawn reverses a series of chops, so Edge puts him down with a swinging neckbreaker, but walks into a Thesz-press, and gets tossed. Shawn is on him with a baseball slide, but Edge dodges, and plants him with an Edge-o-Matic on the floor, then delivers a baseball slide of his own. Back in, Edge punishes the back with a cross corner whip, so Shawn throws a dropkick, but gets countered into a sitout powerbomb for two. Edge slaps on a chinlock, so Shawn slugs free, but gets brought right back down with another Edge-o-Matic. Flying bodypress misses, however, and Shawn Oklahoma rolls him for two, but walks into a big boot before he can turn the tide. Side suplex, but Shawn counters into a bodypress for two, so Edge clobbers him with a clothesline, and goes back to the chinlock. Shawn escapes, and this time manages a pair of inverted atomic drops, and a sunset flip for two. Slingshot gets two, so Edge decides to take a walk to break the momentum, then blasts Michaels with a Spear when he tries to follow. 90s Shawn would have seen that shit coming. He beats the count in, so Edge tries another Spear to finish him off, but it only gets two. Edge literally tears his hair out in frustration, but an attempt to superplex Michaels is blocked, and Shawn delivers a flying elbowdrop. Superkick, but Edge counters into an electric chair for two - in what was a really neat counter sequence. The resulting slugfest goes Shawn's way with a sunset flip, but Edge counters into the Edgecator. Michaels gets to the ropes, so Edge drags him back to re-apply, but Shawn is ready with an inside cradle for two. Edge tries keeping control with a bodyslam, but Shawn counters into a rollup, only for Edge to hook the tights to reverse for the pin at 18:32. This one reminded me of Michaels/Perfect from SummerSlam in 1993, in that it had all the ingredients of a great match, and certainly workers capable of delivering one, but fell flat for whatever reason - likely a lot to do with Edge still finding himself as a heel. And much like that match, this was fine in general, but disappointing in that everyone was expecting a four-star classic here. **

Casket Match: The Undertaker v Heidenreich: If this is over in under ten minutes, I promise I'll give it three-stars just to express my everlasting gratitude. Undertaker grabs a headlock to try and pull Heidenreich towards the casket to start - displaying more psychology in the first thirty seconds than in every other previous Casket Match combined. Even though I hate Undertaker during this period, there's a lot of things that I like much better about his style than when he was completely limited by his gimmick. 'Taker with an armdrag and a half-crab - which again proves psychologically sound, as it forces Heidenreich to pull himself towards the nearest rope, which happens to be the one closest to the casket. Heidenreich bails to the floor before 'Taker can try to finish, and manages to reverse a whip into the casket out there. Back in, 'Taker manages to grab a triangle choke in the corner, but Snitsky runs in to break it up. At least it's only one guy, we don't need another 1994 situation here. They tandem vertical suplex Undertaker, and proceed with a beat down, but Kane pops out of the casket when they go for the kill. Kind of weird that he'd already be in there, like just in case. What if Snitsky didn't interfere? Seems a bit overly cautious and/or optimistic. Anyway, he chases Snitsky away, as Heidenreich whips 'Taker into the steps, then rams him with the casket. He puts Undertaker to sleep with a cobra clutch, and rolls him into the box, but 'Taker blocks the lid. He beats Heidenreich half into the casket, and guillotine legdrops the lid onto his neck, in a visually impressive spot. Chokeslam, but Heidenreich blocks, and executes a scrapbuster. He hooks the leg for a visual pinfall, but there's no count, of course. Dummy. He rolls 'Taker in, but can't close again, and Undertaker fights him off. Jumping DDT damn near breaks Heidenreich's neck (his own fault, he took it wrong), and a sloppy chokeslam follows - again more Heidenreich's fault than 'Taker's. Heidenreich is just the fucking worst. Tombstone, and we're done at 13:19. Not good, by any means, but not as bad as I was expecting, either. This is like the opposite of the opener, in that it wasn't a particularly good match, but it was so much better than expected that it 'felt' good. ¾*

WWE Title Triple Threat Match: John Bradshaw Layfield v Kurt Angle v Big Show: First fall wins. Kurt wisely hides out on the floor at the bell, leaving Bradshaw to take a beating from Show in the early going. He comes in to break up a pin attempt, however, as this isn't elimination style. Show does not appreciate it, and whips him around for a big boot, then vertical suplexes Bradshaw. Double-clothesline puts both short stuffs on the outside, and Show follows to continue to beating - as some dumbass fan desperately tries to get Show to use his replica title belt as a weapon. What is this, ECW? Show tries to Chokeslam JBL off the steps and through the announce table, but Kurt blows him low to save, then cracks Show with a monitor to send him tiiiimmmbeeering over through it himself. Neat sequence. Back in, Kurt catches Bradshaw with a swift armdrag into an armbar, but Bradshaw slugs free, and cross corner clotheslines him. Second try misses, however - allowing Kurt to hit a pair of German suplexes. Olympic Slam is countered into a big boot for two, as Show shows up back on the scene to nail both guys with a clothesline. Bodyslams for both, then a sandwich in the corner, followed by another double-clothesline. Double-Chokeslam looks to finish, but Kurt kicks him low again, and they cut him down with a modified total elimination. Angle adds a German suplex on Bradshaw so he can cover Show, but it only gets two. Olympic Slam on Show, but Bradshaw knocks Angle to the floor, and takes the cover for himself for two. Clothesline from Wall Street is countered into the Chokeslam, however, but Bradshaw gets his foot onto the ropes at two. Bradshaw bails, but Show is good and pissed now - following to drive him through a piece of the guardrail with a tackle. Kurt uses the break to grab a chair, and he suckers Show into running into it, but ends up taking a flapjack for two - when Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns save. Show fights them off, but while he's occupied doing that, Orlando Jordan helps a barely conscious Bradshaw back in, and he manages to pin the still loopy Angle to retain at 12:04. Another match that was better than I expected, with a fast pace, engaging sequences, and which didn't overstay its welcome. ** ¼

World Heavyweight Title Match: Triple H v Randy Orton: HHH shoves the title belt in this face, so Orton slaps the taste out of his fat mouth, and hooks a backslide for two. Cross corner whip sets up a backdrop, but Hunter manages to block the RKO, and bail to the floor to try and break the momentum. Randy drags him back in with a well executed dropkick for two, and a stungun in the corner sets up another RKO, but HHH drops him over the top to block again. Nice sequence there, with Orton's attempt at the move, and the bump to the floor all done in one fluid motion. Hunter follows with a whip into the steps out there, as I notice a surprising number of empty seats right at eye line with the hard camera. You don't see that often, as they're usually really good about making sure those particular seats have butts in them. It's especially weird when considering that the building is about 75% full, so it's not like they're short on butts. Hunter starts going after the knee as they head back in, as I learn the sad news that Dusty Rhodes has passed away at age 69. That's a sad one. Rest in peace up on the big muthaship in the sky, Dust. Fittingly, the very next thing I see is HHH going for a figure four, but getting countered with an inside cradle for two. Hunter gets it on anyway on the second try, but Orton fights, and reverses - HHH grabbing the ropes to quickly escape. HHH keeps after the knee, but runs into an inverted headlock backbreaker, and Randy controls a slugfest. Swinging neckbreaker is worth two, and a standard neckbreaker gets two. Powerslam for two, as Orton is now moving at full speed, and completely ignoring the knee. Ten-punch, so Hunter counters with an inverted atomic drop, but an attempt to go to the top gets him slammed back down, and Randy hits a flying bodypress for two. Would it kill him to at least limp a little? Backdrop, but HHH counters with a kneeling facebuster, and tries the Pedigree, but Orton counters with a slingshot. RKO, but Hunter blocks again, and blasts him with a high knee on the rebound for two. Pedigree, but Randy counters again - this time with a short-clothesline for two. DDT, but Hunter holds the ropes to block - though an unfortunately angle for the replay clearly exposes the spot. That's the second time tonight a replay has made an initially cool looking spot look stupid - the first being the falling tree spot in the Triple Threat. I know they love them some replays, but you'd think they'd know to skip them if it takes away from the match! They spill to the floor, where Hunter finds a sledgehammer, but Orton posts him to block a shot, and grabs the hammer for himself - only for HHH to level him with a lariat to stop the effort, and drive home a Pedigree at 21:27. Pretty dull match until the last third, which could have been forgiven had all of the knee work actually went somewhere - which it didn't. Hell, had Orton even bothered to do a bit of token selling of it, it would have went a long way, but it was completely forgotten after the figure four spot, and that was that. *

Main Event: #1 Contender's Royal Rumble Match: 90 second intervals this year. Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit start off, pushing and pulling their way to a stalemate during the initial lockup. Benoit snaps off an armdrag, so Eddie wrenches over into an armbar, and shifts into a front-facelock as Chris tries to escapes. Chris keeps fighting, so Guerrero snapmares him over into a chinlock, but Benoit throws chops to finally escape, as #3 draw Daniel Puder joins us to ruin the party. He stops to cut a promo on the way to the ring, but that only serves to annoy the vets, and they stop wrestling each other to smack the kid around. They take turns painting his chest red with chops, then tandem snap suplex him. Benoit hits a particularly vicious looking side suplex, and Eddie unloads the three-alarm rolling vertical suplex until #4 draw Hardcore Holly comes in. Unfortunately for Puder, Holly shows no mercy on the rookie either, and joins the chopfest. This is just brutal, and not in a good way, as these vets are taking liberties with the kid. And yeah, he had a bad attitude or whatever, but it's still no excuse, and completely unprofessional behavior. Holly finally puts him out of his misery, but Eddie and Chris toss him out immediately after, as Hurricane enters at #5. He, too, falls prey to a chopping, but Guerrero stupidly turns on Benoit before they finish the job of dumping him. That allows Hurricane to mount a brief comeback, but once Chris and Eddie start working together again, he's done for the night. #6 is Kenzo Suzuki, and he goes right for Benoit, but also gets caught in the tandem buzzsaw of chops. He actually manages to hang on for the entire period, until Edge enters at #7, and starts pinballing Eddie and Chris around with passion. He nearly tosses Guerrero, but Benoit saves, as #8 entry Rey Mysterio makes his way in. He comes in fast and furious with a belly-to-back bulldog on Edge, and a springboard headscissors to eliminate Kenzo, before running into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Guerrero. One for Benoit as well, as Shelton Benjamin draws #9. He goes right for Edge with a jumping backelbow, and backdrops Eddie, as Rey fights to try and headscissor Benoit out. #10 is Booker T, and he's on Edge with a spinkick, as Benoit blasts Guerrero with a knee, and Shelton teases an elimination via Mysterio. Meanwhile, RAW General Manager Eric Bischoff makes his way down to hang around at ringside, as #11 draw Chris Jericho joins in. Good group of workers in there. He peppers everyone with shots, and drops Edge with a side suplex, as Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long hits ringside as well. Bischoff and Long start shouting instructions to their respective roster, as Luther Reigns enters at #12, and the groups separate according to brand - with Eddie, Booker, Reigns, and Rey on one side, and Benoit, Edge, Jericho, and Benjamin on the other like a gang war (or, 'rumble!'). It's about time they ran that spot, after not taking advantage of it the past two years. It gets a great crowd response as they all brawl, and Muhammad Hassan enters at #13. Unfortunately for him, NOBODY likes that guy, and he gets immediately dumped as part of a bipartisan effort. The booking of this Rumble has been excellent thus far, and very engaging. #14 is Orlando Jordan, and he goes right for Reigns, naturally. #15 is Scotty 2 Hotty (in perhaps the first deadwood entry of the match), but he's beat up by Hassan before even reaching the ring. Well, that's one way to deal with deadwood, and it gives Hassan some of his heat back after his wet fart of a performance in the match. #16 is Charlie Haas, who tries to pepper anyone named Chris, but runs into a spinkick from Booker, who quickly follows up by tossing both Reigns and Jordan. Unfortunately for him, he breaks to showboat, and Eddie teams with Rey to eliminate him. The field needed to thin out at bit, and those were the right calls to make. #17 is Rene Dupree, who comes down with an actual fucking French poodle at his side. Maybe he was hoping someone was cynophobic? He runs right into a brief reunion from the World's Greatest Tag Team, but Edge rains on that parade by tossing Benjamin. #18 is Simon Dean, and he's in no rush to get to the ring, as Rey catches Eddie with a rana. Dean keeps hanging out on the floor warming up as Edge eliminates Guerrero, as #19 draw Shawn Michaels makes his way down. Dean finally enters the ring as he does, but Michaels immediately clotheslines him out, then turns his attention to Edge, but gets cutoff by Haas. Shawn manages to backdrop him out, and get his hands on Edge, as #20 draw Kurt Angle enters. He goes right for Benoit with a release German suplex, and gives Jericho one as well. Belly-to-belly for Mysterio, and an Olympic Slam for Edge and Rene. One for Shawn, but Michaels counters into the Superkick to knock Kurt out in under a minute. Well, he made good use of the time, at least. #21 is Jonathan Coachman, who promptly gets destroyed by Benoit, as Jericho tries bodyslamming Rey out. Mark Jindrak is #22, and he goes right for Dupree, but the real action is Kurt Angle running back out, and dumping Michaels, then laying in a beat down on the floor brutal enough to leave Shawn a bloody mess. That was quite a statement. #23 is Viscera, and you have to believe he's here strictly as deadwood for someone to clear. This match actually needs someone to come in and do exactly that, as things have slowed down significantly here, and it's all punch-kick at the moment. #24 draw is Paul London, as Jericho dumps Dupree. #25 is John Cena, and you've got to believe the deadwood is going to go flying momentarily. He attacks any and everyone, but runs into some clubberin' from Viscera. Cena fights him off, and backdrops him out, however - thus fulfilling the big guys role. #26 is Snitsky, and that's the end of Paul London's night - taking a nice bump on the way out. Snitsky shows down with Cena as #27 entry Kane enters, and of course, goes right for Snitsky. He stops to chokeslam literally everyone else in the match for good measure, and tosses Jindrak before getting pump-handle slammed by Snitsky. #28 is Batista, and Snitsky is done in short order. Goodbye Jericho as well. #29 is Christian, and he stupidly goes right after Cena. You'd think someone like Benoit, or Edge, or Mysterio - who've been out there for the bulk of the match - would be the more obvious target. John shrugs him off and tosses Kane in the process, as Ric Flair rounds the field out at #30. He immediately teams with Batista to get rid of Coachman, and they target Christian next - tossing him in short order. Benoit breaks up the party by attacking his former Horsemen pal with chops in the corner, but Batista saves, and dumps the Crippler. They seem to have this wrapped up, until Flair stupidly tries turning on Batista, and gets tossed by Edge in the process - leaving us with Edge, Mysterio, from a sitting position on the mat. God, he's a trooper. I mean, the guys muscles just snapped, and he doesn't even miss a beat, simply sitting there and continuing the angle, without breaking character even for a moment. So, anyway, the match is back on, and Batista immediately goes for the Bomb again, but gets countered into the FU, then back into a spinebuster before tossing Cena to win for real at 53:54. Excellent Rumble! It fell apart a bit towards the end, but they were working with a strong field, and the match was extremely well booked, with good workers like Benoit, Guerrero, Edge, and Mysterio there to carry the bulk of it, and designed with lulls at all the right times. 2004 gets more love, but this was actually a better Rumble – with the added bonus of it not having become stained in the years since by the real life actions of the winner. One of the best ever, and perhaps only marred by the goofy finish. ****

BUExperience: The Rumble match itself is excellent, and among the best ever. And while the rest of the card doesn’t feature any standout matches, it is solid throughout, and certainly watchable.

***