WWF Saturday Night's Main Event III (Version II)

Original Airdate: November 2, 1985

From Hershey, Pennsylvania; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura

Backstage, Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund show off their Halloween costumes as Bobby bobs for pumpkins, then smashes them together to illustrate what King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd are going to do to Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant tonight

Hogan wants to retort, but Andre would rather go drinking. No, really. Actually, can we stay with that? That might be more interesting than anything they could possibly deliver on this show tonight. I mean, can you imagine flipping over to NBC and seeing a giant put away 300 beers? It would make the Main Event rating look like a 2015 RAW!

Jesse Ventura is with Roddy Piper (dressed as Superman) to discuss his treatment of the hillbilly wedding on the previous SNME, so Piper offers them an invite to Piper's Pit tonight for some family planning - Rowdy Roddy style!

Gene Okerlund is with Terry Funk, who promises to house train the Junkyard Dog tonight - all while slobbering chewing tobacco everywhere like Stan Hansen having a stroke. We also take a look back at Funk kicking the shit out of the ring attendant over the summer, for messing with his cowboy hat. Sounds valid

Junkyard Dog v Terry Funk: This was setup when Funk beat JYD with his branding iron back in August. Dog jumps him before the bell, and goes to work with right hands. He stops to take out Jimmy Hart, and when Funk attempts a cheap shot, Dog crotches him on the top rope, and bounces him there. Back in, Terry manages a bodyslam, but misses an elbowdrop, and Dog delivers a bodyslam of his own, then ups the ante by slamming Terry out of the ring onto the exposed floor! That's a pretty crazy bump, especially for the pre-floor mat era. Today, ringside is so padded up, it's probably safer to take that bump than it was to get slammed INSIDE of the ring in 1985. Back in, Dog with a third slam, but Hart trips him up during a criss cross. Dog goes after him on the floor, and Funk tries another sneak attack, but the Dog is ready again - backdropping him on the exposed floor! Back in, Terry is finally able to put him down with a series of jabs for two, and he grabs a sleeper, but JYD gets the ropes, then reverses. Hart hops onto the apron to protest, so Dog goes after him again, but this time Terry is able to capitalize by whacking him with the megaphone for the pin at 5:16. Not a classic, but good TV, with Funk bumping all over the place like a madman, and a cheap finish to further the angle for the house show blowoffs. * ¼ (Original rating: ¼*)

Backstage, Okerlund hosts the Halloween pie eating contest, with all the superstars dressed in costumes. The contest pits Captain Lou Albano (dressed as Caesar) for the babyfaces against King Kong Bundy (dressed as Abe Lincoln) for the heels, and surprisingly, Bundy doesn't even cheat! The hell? So much goodness here, though, like Sheik and Volkoff dressed as Batman and Robin, or Miss Elizabeth as Jane (with Randy Savage as Tarzan, of course). Liz is so distracting in that outfit, that I don't even notice who wins the contest

Roddy Piper and Bob Orton host Piper's Pit, with guests Hillbilly Jim, Uncle Elmer, Cousin Junior. Piper is in rare form as he quizzes Elmer about what the wedding night was like, but naturally goes too far, and immediately starts passing the blame off onto Jesse Ventura when fists are about to fly Ha! Ventura leaves the commentary booth to address the issue himself, but narrowly avoids getting his ass kicked. His French beret is not so lucky, unfortunately

Okerlund is back at the pumpkin bobbing tub, and this time he's pitting Heenan against Cousin Junior. Again, 24 year old Miss Elizabeth in a revealing outfit wins everything here. No wonder Randy Savage used to get so crazy jealous. Would you really want a locker room full of guys who tend to use their own fecal matter in pranks around THAT?

Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant v Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy: Vince already declares this one of the greatest tag team matches of all time. That seems a bit preemptive. Hogan starts with Bundy, and takes him down with a high knee for two, but a bodyslam attempt goes nowhere. He still manages to cross corner clothesline him, and tags out. Andre comes in to choke Bundy with his own tights, and then back to Hulk for a 2^nd rope axehandle. It's not a good situation when Hogan is in the Bret Hart role of a team. Tag to Studd, but Hulk hits an atomic drop on him, and Andre comes in with some chops. A four-way brawl breaks out, and the faces clean house until the referee restores order back to Andre/Studd. The faces take turns working him over, until Bundy comes in with a cheap shot to leave Andre tied in the ropes. Bundy capitalizes by splashing Hulk, and the referee disqualifies the heels at 8:00. Certainly not the 'greatest tag match of all time' it was hyped up to be, but fine for what it was, and gave the crowd what they wanted in terms of star power. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

Randy Savage is ready to challenge for the Intercontinental Title tonight, and Liz promises to help him in 'anyway that he needs.' I'm sure we can think of a couple

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Tito Santana v Randy Savage: Savage puffs his chest out, but Tito manages to get him into the ropes during the initial lockup, so Randy picks on someone smaller - threatening the fans. Savage manages to take the champ down for a kneedrop, but a hiptoss is reversed. Savage with a 2^nd rope axehandle for two, and he grabs a chinlock that goes on for way too long. That's fine if it's, like, an eighteen minute match, but when you've only got four minutes to get in and out, and a quarter of that is wasted on a chinlock, that's not making the best use of the time allotted. Tito escapes, so Randy bodyslams him, but misses the flying axehandle, and Santana delivers a kneelift. Tito with a bodyslam of his own, but Randy manages to bail to the floor before Santana can follow-up, and a chase out there ends in a double countout at 4:08. Too short to really go anywhere, but this era was never about four-star TV matches anyway. ½* (Original rating: DUD)

Backstage, Mr. Fuji prepares for the upcoming Kung Fu Challenge by rubbing his temples really hard. Well, that's one strategy. Meanwhile, Ricky Steamboat goes the more conventional route, by breaking a ton of boards. The lumberyard was probably busy that day! You know, because of all the new construction housing that was going on in Pennsylvania at the time

The Halloween Party continues, as Vince goes on location to Roddy Piper's mansion for some trick or treat pre-gaming. Piper is in fine, coked up form here, preparing all sorts of doctored 'treats' for the kids, like bricks wrapped as candy bars, or candy apples made of bowling balls. 'If they bother me once, they don't bother me twice!' Then, the main event, as the kids show up (including what I believe is a young Stephanie McMahon), and Roddy tries to foist these 'treats' on them. 'Why are they so big, Mr. Piper?' 'Oh, well, because I'm just such a wonderful human being!' I've seen this skit a million times, and it never gets old

Back to the Kung Fu training, Fuji has moved on to breaking shit as well. Better that than any of his 'pranks'

Kung Fu Challenge: Ricky Steamboat v Mr. Fuji: Okerlund declares this 'one of the most important matches of (Steamboat's) career' during the pre-match hype up. There's hyperbole, and then there's just outright lying. This is basically just a standard match, but they've billed it as a 'Kung Fu Challenge,' presumably because of racism. Both guys do their best Bruce Lee impersonations at the bell, and Steamboat takes him down with an enzuigiri. Fuji goes low and adds a falling headbutt, then levels Steamboat with a chop. Trading kicks with the Dragon proves to be a mistake, however, so Fuji goes low again. Well, win if you can, lose if you must, and all that. Vertical suplex, but Ricky reverses, and finishes him with a missile dropkick at 3:16. Afterwards, Don Muraco sprays Steamboat with some mist, and he and Fuji deliver a beat down. This was just an angle. DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Back at the Halloween Party, Gene decides to get up close and personal with Elizabeth during the Pumpkin Pass. I'd like to pretend that Randy Savage was distracted by a tasty cupcake or something during the filming of that, and imagine he actually might have been, or else Gene's obituary would have probably read 'drowned in a tub of chocolate'

BUExperience: The Halloween Party stuff is classic 80s cheese, and is lots of fun, but I dunno... for some reason this one just falls flat with me. It’s not bad, and I can see where others might enjoy it more than I did, though.