WCW Starrcade 1991 (Version II)

Original Airdate: December 29, 1991

From Norfolk, Virginia; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone

Opening Lethal Lottery Match: Tracy Smothers and Michael Hayes v Jimmy Garvin and Marcus Alexander Bagwell: Garvin's looking a lot like WWF era Rick Rude tonight. Smothers starts with Bagwell, and they tediously feel each other out. Weird, indy-level camera work here, with the hard camera shooting the ring almost diagonally. I think the two-ring setup threw them, or something. Things finally get moving when Bagwell wins a criss cross with a dropkick and an armdrag, and Garvin tags in. It's weird to think that a match might actually PICK UP with a Freebird coming in, but that's how green Bagwell was at this point. Jimmy wins his own criss cross with a dropkick, and he sends Smothers into the guardrail, and here comes some stalling. Miraculously, it's on Smothers' part, not Garvin. It's like this match is taking place in some alternate bizzaro universe. Hayes and Bagwell go next, and still nothing of note going on here whatsoever. It seems that the armdrag is the only maneuver Bagwell has mastered at this point, because he throws dozens and dozens of them. Things finally get (relatively) interesting with a Hayes/Garvin showdown, but it never goes beyond the feeling out portion before going back to Smothers and Bagwell. This match has been going on for way, way too long, and it's just not going anywhere, or building any momentum. The finish finally comes when Bagwell dodges a flying corkscrew splash from Smothers, and hooks a fisherman's suplex for the pin at 12:33. This was WOW for all the wrong reasons. ¼* (Original rating: *)

Lethal Lottery Match: Rick Rude and Steve Austin v Big Josh and Van Hammer: Now there's a team I can get behind. Austin starts with Hammer, and Van quickly pulls off a bodyslam, so Steve starts throwing closed fists to put him down. Vertical suplex, but Hammer reverses for two, so Austin takes him down with a well executed drop-toehold into a front-facelock - only for Hammer to counter to a hammerlock. Steve escapes via a trio of snapmares before passing to Rick, Rude blasting Hammer with a clothesline. Van Hammer is so shitty in the ring that he has trouble properly taking a fucking knee, so Rude blasts him with a second one to make sure he gets the point. Back to Austin for a short-clothesline and a gutwrench suplex as they cut the ring in half, but Hammer manages to tag while being held in a front-facelock by Rude. Josh comes in with a bodyslam, but Rude no-sells the logroll (since his abs are so strong, see), so Josh starts throwing clotheslines instead, and cleans house. That was a cute sequence, and the crowd ate it up. Back in, Rude tries a hammerlock, but Josh elbows free, and armdrags him over - Rick able to tag Austin while in the hold. Unfortunately for Steve, he charges right into an armdrag into an armbar, and Josh drops him across the top rope before clotheslining him for two. Back to Hammer for a hammerlock (hey!), and that's literally all, as he holds that for a couple of seconds, then passes right back to Josh. Well, that was pointless. Josh tries to roll Steve up, but Rude hits him from the apron to block, and adds a flying axehandle for two. They cut the ring in half on Josh, but some cheating from Paul E. Dangerously backfires, and Hammer gets the hot tag - Roseanne Barr the door! Hammer tries to put Austin away, but gets popped with the Rude Awakening at 12:55. Right guy did the job there. Hammer was his usual useless self, but Austin and Rude were fantastic as a team, and Josh was game to hang with them for his part. The match was kind of all over the place, though. * ¼ (Original rating: DUD)

Lethal Lottery Match: Dustin Rhodes and Richard Morton v Larry Zbyszko and El Gigante: Dustin starts with Larry, and we get the usual stalling from the Z-man. No, not him. He is coming on later, though. Big criss cross ends in Rhodes hitting a knee, and he passes over to Morton. Richard immediately changes his mind as Gigante tags in, however, but Rhodes is game to try his hand. Dropkick does nothing, so Dustin tries a drop-toehold, but can't move him. Gigante bodyslams him and tags back to Larry for a swinging neckbreaker for two, but Rhodes pulls out an inside cradle for two. Bulldog, but Larry blocks, and he passes back to Gigante. They end up getting into a fight, however, and Rhodes dropkicks Larry for the pin at 5:54. Okay then. This wasn't good, but it wasn't as bad as it easily could very easily have been. ¾* (Original rating: ¼*)

Lethal Lottery Match: Jushin Thunder Liger and Bill Kazmaier v Mike Graham and Diamond Dallas Page: Oh man, I hope this is quick. I mean, Liger is fantastic, but Kazmaier is terrible, Page is greener than spinach, and the business had long since passed Graham by. Liger starts with Graham, and they feel each other out. Mike tries, but even with Liger dumbing his stuff down for him, Graham is way out of his league, and can't properly sell it. Tag to Kazmaier for a bunch of basic power stuff, but at least this is in Mike's wheelhouse. Over to Page for a cheap shot after calling for a test-of-strength, but a bodyslam fails, and Bill chucks him across the ring. Dallas tries to toss him over the top, but Bill skins the cat back in, and clotheslines his ass for two. Powerbomb gets two, and a bodyslam sets up a 2^nd rope flying splash, but Page rolls out of the way. He tries a reverse chinlock, but can't even properly apply it, and kinda just gives up. It's beyond impressive how much DDP improved by the end of the decade. Liger comes in with a spinheel kick, so Dallas tags, and Graham has fun trying to hang with Liger again. Jushin with a leg-feed enzuigiri and a slingshot splash for two, but a tag to Bill allows Mike to get some traction by shooting for the leg. Bill fights him off and passes to Liger for a surfboard, but Graham escapes, and applies a Boston crab. Liger counters into a cradle for two, triggering an ugly pinfall reversal sequence. That one was so bad that they had to stop completely, and start over. Liger dumbs it all the way down for Mike by working a simple leglock, but it goes nowhere. But, hey, at least Graham didn't look like a complete fool selling it. Liger throws the koppou kick to setup a kick combo, and a missed charge sends Mike to the floor - Liger diving out after him with a somersault plancha! Graham beats the count, so Liger drops him with a vertical suplex for two, then delivers a backbreaker to setup a 2^nd rope flying moonsault for two! Give Liger credit, he's trying to carry three men here! Page comes in, but Kazmaier cuts him off, and press-slams Liger into Dallas for the pin at 13:09. Who the fuck booked this to go that long? I mean, aside from the BattleBowl finale, this was the longest match of the night! Everyone was trying really hard, but as expected, their limitations got the better of them here. The match came off as really disjointed, never building any proper momentum or heat. Give Liger credit though, he busted his ass trying to pull this one out of his ass. * ¼ (Original rating: *)

Lethal Lottery Match: Lex Luger and Arn Anderson v Terrance Taylor and Tom Zenk: As promised, Z-Man! And you thought I was going to let you down, didn't you? He starts with Arn, and quickly hits a leg-feed enzuigiri for two when Luger saves - drawing Taylor in for a brawl that ends in Lex and Arn on the outside. The dust settles on Luger and Zenk, and Tom actually dominates the world champion. Over to Taylor for a wristlock, but Lex escapes with a press-slam - only to waste time, and eat a jawbreaker. That must have been challenging, broken jaw and all. Taylor adds a somersault necksnap for two, and a swinging neckbreaker is worth two, then onto a hammerlock. Kind of surprised Luger is the one getting knocked around like this, but then his desire to leave the promotion wasn't exactly a secret at this point. He manages to tag Arn as a way of blocking a sunset flip, and Anderson tries a neckbreaker, but Terry counters with a backslide for two. Clothesline gets two and a 2^nd rope pump-splash is worth two. Over to Zenk with a flying bodypress for two, but a sloppy criss cross sees Harley Race trip him up, and Anderson capitalizes with a DDT for two! Over to Luger with a vertical suplex for two, as they cut the ring in half on Zenk, but Arn misses a cross corner charge, then misses a 2^nd rope flying splash for good measure! That's enough for the tag to Taylor, and he comes in hot on both men, but walks into a cheap shot, and takes a piledriver from Luger at 10:25. This was a good little match, well paced, and not coincidentally the first that had proper flow. *** (Original rating: * ¾)

Lethal Lottery Match: Ricky Steamboat and Todd Champion v Cactus Jack and Buddy Lee Parker: Abdullah the Butcher attacking Parker in the dressing rooms after the drawings in anger over not getting to be Jack's partner, and Buddy then spending half the match crawling down to the ring on his hands and knees is still classic. So with Parker down and out, Cactus starts alone with Steamboat and they slug it out - Jack going to the eyes to take control, and hitting a clothesline for two. Another one looks to send Steamboat over the top, but the Dragon skins the cat, and backdrops Jack over the top! Ricky dives out after him with a tope, then back in for a superkick and an enzuigiri before tagging out to Todd. Champion with a 2^nd rope flying axehandle, and a bodyslam sets up a legdrop. Chinlock allows us to check in on Parker, and he's almost there - still crawling. Cactus goes to the eyes and dumps Champion to the outside for a 2^nd rope flying elbowdrop, then back in for a snapmare to setup a chinlock of his own, as Parker reaches ringside. Champion hits a powerslam for two, but a legdrop misses, so Jack tries a flying axehandle - only to land on a gutpunch. He tags Buddy in, but the battered Parker runs right into a powerslam from Steamboat, and a flying bodypress finishes at 7:51. The Steamboat/Cactus portions of this were great, and Champion managed not to drag this down too far. Plus, the angle with Parker was entertaining. ** (Original rating: ¼*)

Lethal Lottery Match: Sting and Abdullah the Butcher v Brian Pillman and Bobby Eaton: Abdullah continues his rampage by beating up partner Sting before the bell, until Pillman saves - with Eaton attacking him in turn! The whole thing turns into a brawl around ringside, and the dust settles on Sting and Bobby to start. Eaton pounds Sting's leg, but gets backdropped over the top onto the ramp, and Sting dives out after him with a tope suicida, then adds a dropkick out there. Unfortunately for Sting, his own partner hits him to turn the tide, and Bobby grabs a chinlock. Abdullah, what a nutter butter, brother. Eaton works Sting over for a bit, and hilariously fails to cut the ring in half since he knows Sting's own partner will abuse him if he gets too close. And he does! Abdullah is single handedly saving this shitty show with his antics over the last two matches. Eaton sends Sting over the top, but gets reversed into the post, as Pillman gets sick of hanging out on the apron, and attacks Abdullah with a flying splash! Back in, Sting delivers a sloppy tombstone, but Butcher comes in again to attack him, so Pillman cuts him off! This is wild! In comes Cactus Jack next, but Sting dodges a cheap shot from him, and nails Bobby with a flying bodypress at 5:50 - with Pillman cheering him on! This was a lot of fun. ** ¼ (Original rating: ¼*)

Lethal Lottery Match: Rick Steiner and Nightstalker v Big Van Vader and Mr. Hughes: Steiner starts with Vader, and they waste no time throwing bombs at each other. More stiff shots here than at a cathouse. It spills to the outside, where Vader manages to ram him into the post, but Rick manages to vertical suplex him in from the apron. Tag to Hughes for a bodyslam to setup an elbowdrop for two, but Rick catches him coming off the ropes with a backdrop for two. Thankfully, Nightstalker has done nothing but sit on the apron like a good little boy this whole time. Rick with a German suplex for two, but a criss cross results in a double knockout spot, and Nightstalker tags in for a flying clothesline. Unfortunately for him, he misses a blind tag to Vader, and gets creamed with a clothesline, then splashed at 5:05. This was hard hitting stuff here. ** (Original rating: *)

Lethal Lottery Match: Scott Steiner and Firebreaker Chip v Johnny B. Badd and Arachnaman: Chip starts with Johnny, and a big criss cross goes Chips way with a pair of Japanese armdrags. Might as well tag out now, because I don't think Chip has anything else to offer. Badd goes to work with his Golden Gloves routine, but Chip throws a sloppy flying bodypress for two, so Badd tags. Arachnaman runs right into an armdrag, however, and Scott tags in to take him down again with a fireman's carry into an armbar. Criss cross goes Scotty's way with a powerslam, and a backdrop follows to setup a clothesline over the top. Tag to Badd on the way back in, and he pops Scott with a jab - shocking Steiner as it takes him off of his feet. Scott responds with a double-leg takedown, and he throws Badd into the turnbuckles, then pumphandle-slams him. Scott is looking testy. Big clothesline sets up a tiger bomb for two, but both men tag out, and Chip goes flying out of the ring after missing a cross corner charge, but still manages a sunset cradle for two. Arachnaman fights back with a chinlock, but misses a dropkick, and Chip gets a Boston crab on. That leads to a pinfall reversal sequence, and a big criss cross allows a blind tag to Scott - Steiner DRILLING poor Arachnaman with a clothesline, then finishing with a well executed overhead suplex at 11:16. Had some mojo, but lots of major flow issues. * ¼ (Original rating: ¼*)

Lethal Lottery Match: Ron Simmons and Thomas Rich v Steve Armstrong and PN News: Ron and Steve start, and Armstrong stalls, so Simmons press-slams his ass. Jumping shoulderblock leads to a tag to Rich for a backdrop, but a pointed elbowdrop misses, and News gets the tag. Surprisingly, Rich/News is not a good match. I know, I was shocked too. Tag to Ron, and News hits an avalanche, but runs into an elbow on a second try, and Simmons bulldogs him for two. Shoulderblock gets two, but he runs into a clothesline, and News throws a sloppy bodypress for two. Rich somehow manages to stall the action even while not tagged into the match, which takes a serious level of talent. You've gotta be almost impressed by that. Ron drills Armstrong with a clothesline for two before passing to Rich to side suplex his ass, and he adds a 2^nd rope flying fistdrop. Tag to News with a jumping clothesline for two, then right back to Armstrong for a stinger splash - only for a second one to miss. Even the announcers are all over him for trying that a second time. The match just drags on until Rich makes a hot tag to Simmons, and he comes in slamming everything that moves - finishing Steve with a spinebuster at 11:44. This was energetic enough, but far too long, and all over the place. ¾* (Original rating: ¾*)

Main Event: BattleBowl 20-Man Battle Royal: Finally. All the winners of the Lethal Lottery matches participate, but in case you fell asleep through some of the earlier matches (and, let's face it, who could blame you), we've got: Jimmy Garvin, Marcus Alexander Bagwell, Dustin Rhodes, Richard Morton, Steve Austin, Rick Rude, Lex Luger, Arn Anderson, Ricky Steamboat, Todd Champion, Big Van Vader, Mr. Hughes, Scott Steiner, Firebreaker Chip, Ron Simmons, Thomas Rich, Sting, Abdullah the Butcher, Bill Kazmaier and Jushin Liger. For those who have never seen one of these before, the concept here is that you have to toss guys from one ring into the next, and then the guys that get tossed into the second ring battle it out in their own battle royal. The last man standing in each ring then meet to determine the winner. Just typical battle royal punch-kick stuff here, with Rich being the first man sent into ring two. Honestly, the best strategy is to get tossed into ring two early. Hang out, stay fresh, and toss all the battered guys who come in. If I were in a BattleBowl, I'd jump into ring two immediately, before anyone even gets a shot in on me. Not much of note going on here, as they're taking their sweet ass time with the eliminations. I get that it's the main event, and they want to deliver, but battle royals aren't exactly the most exciting things in the world to begin with. We do get a fun Morton/Liger mini-match over in ring two that results in both men getting eliminated, and ring one comes down to Sting, Rude, Luger, and Vader. Sting and Rude both go off into ring two, as Vader works Luger over with a splash and a short-clothesline. Part of me thinks the bookers intentionally saddled Luger with the stiff Vader here. Vader keeps pounding him, but misses an avalanche, and gets clotheslined into ring two to give Lex the first ring. Ring two comes down to Steamboat, Austin, Rude, and Sting, and we get a nice little mini-match with the babyfaces teaming up against the Dangerous Alliance. WCWs decision to split the screen into three segments when we're down to only four men in the ring is super annoying, and the kind of mistake the WWF would never have made. Rude ends up accidentally clotheslining Austin out, and Steamboat pulls Rude out while skinning the cat - only for Rude to pull him out from the floor! That gives Sting the win in ring two, but Rick lays him out with the Rude Awakening before departing - leaving Sting in a bad way as Luger comes in. Lex takes full advantage by hitting a clothesline, and he works the Stinger over in dull fashion. They spill to the outside, where Sting is able to turn the tide by sending Luger into the rail a few times, and he fights off an attack from Harley Race as well! Inside, the Stinger Splash misses, but Lex fails to toss him, and eats a one-handed bulldog before getting tossed at 25:08. That's super long for a battle royal, frankly. As far as concept battle royals go, I'd say this falls somewhere between the high end (Royal Rumble) and the low end (Bunkhouse Stampede). * (Original rating: ¼*)

BUExperience: In some ways, this is actually worse than the infamous Great American Bash card from earlier in the year, since that was at least a train wreck of epic proportions, while this is just plain boring. This whole concept should have never made it to pay per view to begin with. I mean, had this been done over the course of multiple episodes during a slow period of weekly television that’s one thing, but three straight hours of it is a hard pill to swallow. So, of course, WCW returned to pay per view with this concept a flabbergasting three more times!

One thing this show made very clear is that tag team wrestling is an art form all its own. Pairing up guys who aren’t used to teaming with each other and throwing them out there to work pay per view level matches quickly illustrated that point, as we got a bunch of poorly flowing and disjointed contests throughout the night.

If people were still using videotapes, I’d urge you to burn every copy of this that you see. But, technology has put a stopper on that one. Certainly don’t burn your television. That would be an overreaction. Maybe just lightly slap your TV if this is playing, though. 

DUD